Antidote

He shouted as he quickly stormed away from the stables.My eyes stung. I bit my lower lip, holding back tears, and pushed myself to stand up, using my knees for support. A young groom who was holding the reins of a horse glanced at me as he tried to lead the horse back into the stable. Even his gaze made me feel ashamed and condemned, so I quickly straightened my disheveled sleeves and clothes before hurrying away.Sleet had been falling on and off all day.I swept the courtyard again and again.The cold wind turned the backs of my hands red. My fingertips blistered and stung.People looked at me with pity in their eyes.My side throbbed where Lister had kicked me. My ankle hurt too.The sleet I had just swept off the tiles started to settle back down with a soft crunch. Without thinking, I swept it away again.It wasn’t until after sunset that a servant called me inside. Her eyes were full of sympathy. It was understandable. The face reflected in the glass window was utterly miserable. Both of my cheeks and hands were bright red from the cold, and my lips were chapped from the biting wind.I returned to Lister’s quarters.He was having his meal in the dining room.The air in the dining room was so warm it felt almost hot. My frozen cheeks started to tingle.The table was lavishly set. I could see two rabbit hind legs topped with foie gras. There was also a rack of lamb glazed with lard on a large silver platter. Fried quail, steamed sweetfish, thinly sliced and cooked potatoes with cheese, and bread filled with dried fruit were among the dishes.Lister frowned when he saw me. He gestured for me to come closer. I approached him, trying to hide my expression.Lister’s gaze lingered persistently on my chapped lips. After a moment, he shook his head and started eating. Pour more wine, bring that plate over here, this one’s too cold, so bring me another, cut that bread there, he ordered me around as he ate.I quietly did as he said. After a day of hard work, my stomach churned. The smell of food made it worse. As I approached to refill Lister’s empty glass, my unruly stomach lost its patience and growled softly as it cramped.Lister glanced up at me, having heard it. My face flushed bright red. His lips curled into a sneer.“Even a slave gets hungry?”He mocked. I lowered my gaze, trying to appear unaffected.“Even a slave gets hungry.”I retorted, then quickly moved closer to refill his empty glass. But as I tilted the bottle, Lister’s eyebrows twitched again.“Enough.”He spoke in a voice that struggled to suppress his emotions.His finger pointed to the chair next to him.“Sit. You eat too.”I couldn’t hide my expression any longer at those words. My lips twisted, so I quickly lowered my head to hide it.When I didn’t respond, Lister urged me again.“Sit down. You’re hungry, aren’t you? Even a slave gets hungry, right?”I bit my lip hard.“No, I’m not hungry.”“I said sit down!”His voice grew harsh.Stubbornly, I stood my ground.“This is just…”Lister muttered under his breath. He suddenly stood up, and the chair’s legs scraped roughly against the floor. His hand gripped me forcefully.“What do you think you’re… No, never mind. Damn it! Can’t you just…!”The moment his hand touched me, the anger I had been suppressing erupted.“No! No! I told you I don’t want to eat with you!”I roughly pushed his arm away and stepped back.“Leave me alone! No matter what I eat in front of you, it’ll feel like chewing on rocks, so just leave me al—”I didn’t finish my sentence.A flash of light exploded in front of my eyes.“Ah…!”I groaned as my knees buckled.He had slapped me again.Lister, standing before me, was seething with anger.It didn’t end there. He grabbed my arm again, and this time, he slapped me on the other cheek. My head snapped to the side, and the impact made my skull feel like it was rattling inside. I couldn’t hold my head up and let it droop sideways. My lip split, and blood trickled down. Then he slapped me a third time. This time, my nose stung, and a stream of blood flowed down.Lister’s face, as hard as stone, trembled with uncontrollable rage.“Oh, really?”He gripped my forearms tightly with both hands and brought his face close to mine.“You can’t even stand to look at me?”“…Yes.”I glared back at him, refusing to back down.My face was swollen and bloody from the repeated slaps, but I didn’t want to show any weakness.With his face so close, I could see my reflection in his irises. My face was a swollen mess, but my eyes shone like lightning.After a moment, Lister abruptly released my arm and shoved me away. I staggered back, almost losing my balance. His lips curled into a crooked smile.“Right. Of course. With your pride, how could you possibly pretend to be a slave in front of me? Just kneeling before someone who used to be your subordinate must be making you burn with anger, almost killing you.”I bit my lip hard.The past…Two years ago, before I lost my title and status due to my madness.I hated and despised Lister for bringing up the past. As I glared at him fiercely, Lister chuckled. After laughing for a while, he suddenly roared like thunder.“If that’s the case, you should’ve just died in the Tower of Helga! You shouldn’t have clung to life so pitifully!”He shoved my shoulder forcefully.My body staggered backward.“You should’ve hanged yourself or jumped, just like your mother!”“Ah…”A groan escaped my lips at his words.My mother… the poor woman who couldn’t bear the guilt of her only son’s crimes and threw herself from the tower.Tears began to flow.I didn’t want to show any tears in front of Lister, even if a knife were at my throat, but I couldn’t hold back anymore.A tear rolled down my cheek, and my eyes filled with more tears.“So pitiful…”Lister wiped away the tear from my cheek with his thumb.His lips curled into a smirk.“But what can you do? It’s already too late.”With that, he spun around.The sound of his heavy, violent footsteps echoed as he left the dining room. A fierce shout followed.“Don’t give him a single bean until he begs on his knees! If he hates everything about Glenburg so much, he must hate the food too!”***In the end, it was a battle of pride.Since no one ordered me to do anything, I spent two days locked in my room. Lister didn’t summon me either. Hunger was nothing compared to the comfort of not having to see his face.Except for fetching water from the well in the early morning, I didn’t eat anything. As I passed by the kitchen, the cooks who accidentally made eye contact with me gave me pitying looks. I had grown used to receiving sympathy from the servants.I spent all day lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.Then, at sunset, I suddenly remembered the view of Eastern Karlac from the highest point of the Red Gate Tower. The ancient capital of Karlac, standing like a mirage amidst the red sand clouds.I abruptly sat up in bed. I threw on a coat and dragged myself outside. I encountered a few servants, but none of them stopped me.It was already dark outside. The sunset was just a faint red shadow lingering at the western edge of the castle walls. Thin layers of snow covered the darkened corners of the buildings.I turned toward the Red Gate but paused. Would the steward even allow me up to the tower? The last time I went up, it was only because Jiyod was with me…I changed my direction.I found myself heading toward the empty courtyard.What am I hoping for? I questioned myself. What are you expecting, Slan?Even if everything Jiyod said was true, it was all in the past. Everything I once had no longer belonged to me. I could possess nothing. I should possess nothing…Yet, even those thoughts couldn’t stop my steps.I was drawn, as if in a trance, to the empty courtyard.A thin layer of sleet covered the dried-up fountain.Dim moonlight flickered between the columns of the corridor.I walked to the fountain and sat on its edge. The cold air seeped through the loosened collar of my coat, sending a shiver down my spine. I tightened the collar with my hands. Every breath I exhaled frosted in the air.I gazed up at the sky for a few minutes.The slow wind pushed the clouds, revealing and hiding the moon intermittently. The moonlight cast shadows on the corridor columns and then vanished, repeating the cycle. I deliberately puffed out my breath into the air. After a sigh, I stood up.That’s when it happened.A dark shadow loomed large at the far end of the corridor.I wasn’t surprised.It was a very familiar shadow.I stood by the fountain, waiting for the shadow to approach me.The shadow grew, stretching toward me like a monstrous beast until it stopped right in front of my feet.I looked up at him silently. Only the sound of his low breathing reached me.After a moment, Jiyod suddenly reached out and grabbed my chin.“Ah!”With a short groan, I was pulled slightly forward by the grip on my chin. He turned my face slightly to the side. His burning gaze scanned my face. His thumb pressed against my lower lip.“Who did this to you?”He asked in a low voice.My lips trembled as I averted my gaze.“Who did this, Slan?”He asked again, a short sigh escaping his lips.“No, there’s no need to ask.”“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt….”“Madam Lisbeth promised me something two years ago… but it seems she didn’t keep her word.”He cut me off bluntly. Then, suddenly, he bent down in front of me, slid his arms under my knees, and lifted me up. I gasped in surprise.“Put me down! Put me down, Sir Jiyod… what if someone sees….”He quickly removed his cloak and draped it over me. Darkness instantly enveloped my vision. I clutched at the fabric of his chest, breathing rapidly.His body swayed as if he were walking quickly. I pressed myself against his firm chest, resting my forehead against his collarbone, and exhaled softly.The sound of his heavy footsteps, the metal embellishments on his leather belt clinking, and the rustling of the cloak against my hair all blended together, echoing in my ears.Where is he taking me…?I could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath my palm.His body was warm. A faint scent, like musk, softly emanated from him. The fragrance seemed to come from both the part of his chest where my forehead rested and from inside the cloak that covered me. It made my body feel languid. I swallowed a groan and closed my eyes.We seemed to have walked for quite some time—perhaps around fifteen minutes.A dim light filtered through the thick cloak covering me.The sound of footsteps changed from the tone of hard tiles to the soft thud of marble, and then to the muffled sound of thick carpet. I was gently laid down somewhere soft.Jiyod removed the cloak from me. A dim crimson light faintly illuminated the room. Somewhere, there was the scent of burning rose hips.I looked around.It appeared to be a private room. I was seated on a long, upholstered couch, cushioned with velvet. A fire was burning in the fireplace on one side, the source of the scent. The room was filled with warmth.“Where is this…?”“This is my quarters.”Jiyod answered. His fingers touched the crown of my head and softly massaged my scalp. His hand slowly moved down to caress my cheek. Only then did I realize how disheveled I must look. I didn’t want him to see me like this, so I lowered my head.But it was already far too late. Jiyod stood in front of me, his lips pressed together in a firm line, simply looking down at me. After a moment, he suddenly turned away.“Ismion!”He called out loudly.“Bring Ismion here!”Soon, I heard quick footsteps approaching from the hallway outside.Thud, thud, the brass door handle was struck.“Come in.”Jiyod replied in a calm voice, and the door opened.“Why are you summoning people at this late hour….”A young voice grumbled but then abruptly stopped.I looked toward the doorway.A wizard who appeared to be around thirty-five years old stood there. He was the youngest wizard I had ever met. He wore a long black robe, the sleeves badly wrinkled, and held a glass lamp in one hand. His face was slightly flushed, as if he had rushed over. With his black hair, black eyes, and black robe, he almost looked like a shadow.“…Lord Slan?”He called my name, his voice filled with disbelief.I awkwardly lowered my head because, while he knew my name, I couldn’t recognize him at all….The sound of quick footsteps entered the room. Thud, the door closed.“Why is Lord Slan here?”The question wasn’t directed at me. Jiyod answered instead.“Why is it strange for him to be here? He’s where he belongs.”“Where he belongs? You shouldn’t say things like that. Wasn’t Glenburg supposed to take him in? Does Madam Lisbeth know about this?”“Don’t ask pointless questions.”“…….”The wizard fell silent. The space between his black eyebrows narrowed. His stern gaze turned from Jiyod to me.Jiyod ignored his stare and gently stroked my cheek again. A dull pain spread from the bruised spot on my cheekbone.“Do something about this.”Jiyod muttered. His voice was quiet and sounded somewhat deflated.The wizard, whom Jiyod had called Ismion, approached me.“Ha….”The wizard clicked his tongue softly. His cold expression twisted, and a certain light appeared in his black eyes. He knelt down in front of me.“So this is why Sir Jiyod brought you here.”He spoke in a cynical tone, glancing at Jiyod. Feeling embarrassed, I bit my lip and lowered my head. But the wizard’s hand reached out to me without hesitation, examining my face closely.“It’s just bruises.”His hand withdrew from me.The wizard stood up again.“I’ll get some medicine. As for your lips… they need to be disinfected. Even though it’s winter, we don’t want to risk an infection.”He left the room.During the brief time it took for the wizard to return, Jiyod simply looked down at me without saying a word. My mind was in turmoil. The arrival of a wizard who seemed to know me so well only added to the confusion swirling inside my head.When the wizard returned, he was carrying a large bag in one hand. He knelt in front of me again and opened the bag, revealing an array of glass bottles and metal tools.Using a clean silver tweezer, he soaked a small cloth in alcohol and dabbed it on my split lip. A sharp sting shot through my nerves. Then, the wizard applied a sticky ointment in a thin layer on my face.“The bruises will fade soon.”He handed me a small, flat bottle.“Apply this before you go to bed.”“…Thank you.”I replied awkwardly. The wizard curled his lips into a smirk.“You’re welcome. It’s good to see you again, by the way. How have you been lately? Have you been taking your medicine? You seem to be doing better than before… Surely, Sir Jiyod didn’t do this, right?”“Ah, no.”I hurriedly shook my head, but Jiyod, standing behind him, kicked the wizard in the rear. The wizard’s eyes flared in anger, and he stomped his foot at Jiyod.“Violent man! You’re nothing but a rude barbarian!”“If you’re done, leave.”Jiyod cut off his outburst without hesitation.The wizard shot him a murderous glare before sharply turning his head away. Jiyod remained unfazed.The wizard, whom Jiyod had called Ismion, began packing the medicine bottles and metal tools into his bag with rough movements. As he organized his bag, he spoke in a cold, harsh voice.“If anyone dares to do something like this again, let me know. I’ll turn them into a toad for you.”I stared at the Karlac wizard’s sigil ring on his finger. Talking about turning someone into a toad… If the other wizards knew, he’d be brought before a tribunal for misconduct. But honestly, it was a tempting offer. How wonderful it would be to turn Lister into a toad!Noticing my thoughts, he curled one side of his mouth upward and gave me a sly wink as if sharing a secret.He stood up, holding his bag.At some point, the smile had vanished from his face, replaced by a cold, distant expression.“Take it easy. It’s still too early.”He left those words for Jiyod and exited the room.Silence settled once again.Jiyod knelt in front of me on one knee, gently toying with the back of my hand. He remained silent for a long time, staring at my chapped fingertips.A shadow of melancholy darkened his stern, statue-like face. I didn’t want to see him like that, so I reached out my free hand to smooth the furrow between his brows. Jiyod lifted his gaze. Our eyes met. Under the dim crimson light, his colorless pupils took on a reddish hue. I moved my fingers to trace the long lines of his eyes.His lips twitched slightly, forming a faint smile.“Touch me more.”He said softly.“Is there nowhere else you want to touch?”There was a hint of mischief in his voice. My face flushed. I tried to pull my hand away, but he caught it and pressed it to his lips. A shiver ran through me from the spot where his lips had touched.“What should I do? Do you need anything else? Why were you waiting for me in that corridor? What can I do for you?”There wasn’t the slightest doubt in his tone that I had been there to see him.When I didn’t respond, his voice softened tenderly.“If you haven’t thought of anything, let me suggest something. First, we’ll fill the bath with hot water and take a long soak. We’ll add lots of rose petals and fragrances until even your toes smell like honey. Then, we’ll put on fresh clothes, return to the bedroom, and lie down together on the couch to have something to eat. By the way, have you eaten? If you haven’t, we can have something light… maybe those shrimp and pickled oysters you like. Let’s see, I hope the cook isn’t drunk again. But don’t worry, if he is, I’ll beat him sober….”He continued in a sweet, enticing tone.“While you bathe, I’ll warm up the bedroom. You like musk, don’t you? Let’s burn some musk along with sandalwood.”His words brought back the memory of the faint musk scent I had smelled on his chest. My face turned red, and Jiyod laughed loudly.“Judging by your reaction, you don’t seem to dislike the idea….”He rubbed his thumb gently between my fingers. My shoulders tensed, and my toes curled.My last bit of reason barely held back from nodding in agreement. A faint doubt crept in—how much of this man’s words should I trust? When I can’t even trust my own memory and reason…But I couldn’t resist the allure of a bath. When was the last time I soaked in a tub?“I do want a bath….”I whispered in a small voice, then quickly added,“Alone.”A fleeting smile crossed Jiyod’s face.“So shy.”He whispered softly. I pouted my lips, and he quickly pressed his lips to my lower lip, almost like a flash of lightning.“Alright. Go ahead. In the meantime, I’ll go beat up that cook while you take your bath. Is there anything you’d like to eat?”“…What you mentioned earlier.”“I figured as much.”He chuckled and, with a confident expression, kissed me again, this time a little longer. The ointment the wizard had applied made the kiss taste slightly bitter.The bath was prepared quickly. The small bathroom was filled with steam, and the dim light from the glass lamp flickered softly.I undressed completely and stepped into the tub.The tub was deep and wide. The cloudy water rippled around me. I had requested no fragrance, just in case… just in case I returned to the Glenburg estate and someone noticed the scent of roses on me—it would be an embarrassing situation.I briefly thought about Lister. He wouldn’t be looking for me, right? The discomfort made me shudder.But I forced that uneasiness aside. He had left me alone for two days. Perhaps he truly had no intention of forgiving me until I begged in tears. I bit my lip again. No matter how much it might cost me, I would never bow my head to him.And at the same time, I felt a sense of satisfaction at the thought that I was enjoying such a luxurious bath while deceiving him.I glanced at the small cypress shelf beside the tub. It was stocked with various bottles—pink bath salts, honey, a soft cloth for washing, a large towel, camellia oil…I took some bath salts and rubbed them on the back of my hand. The chapped skin stung. Holding my breath, I submerged my head completely under the water and started counting. When the count surpassed sixty, my mind began to blur, as did my madness…I must have been in the bath for quite a while. The sand in the hourglass on the shelf had all fallen to the bottom. The water was already lukewarm. I got up and wrapped myself in the towel.New clothes were laid out, but instead, I chose to put on the old ones I had been wearing. As I did, Jiyod’s neat face and well-groomed hair came to mind. I hesitated for a moment before reaching for the bottle of olive oil on the shelf. I opened it, poured a small amount, and applied it to the ends of my hair, combing through until it was smooth and silky.When I stepped out, the warmth and the strong scent of musk filled the air, even more intense than when I was in the tub.Jiyod was lounging on the couch in front of the fireplace, legs stretched out, tossing pieces of cypress wood into the fire. As I walked toward him, he turned his head to look at me.He sprang up from his seat, quickly closing the distance between us. Before I could react, he grabbed my waist with both hands and lifted me up. I let out a small cry, clinging to his shoulder.He carried me to the couch in front of the fireplace, setting me down. Without hesitation, he knelt down on both knees and grabbed my left ankle, removing the shoe from my foot.“What happened here?”He asked, looking intently at my big toenail.Feeling embarrassed, I turned my head to the side.“I just… bumped into something.”“What did you bump into that made your toenail break like this?”When I didn’t answer, his fingers traced between my toes, making them curl from the ticklish sensation. He stood up and walked to the tall table next to the fireplace. Opening a drawer, he took out a small silver case and returned to me. From the case, he pulled out a small pair of scissors.Jiyod sat back down on the floor without a second thought and grabbed my foot again.“Did you cut them yourself?”“Yeah…”“You can cut your own toenails?”“Of course.”Feeling a bit embarrassed, I pouted. Jiyod let out a short laugh at that. His cheerful laugh made our conversation feel foolish, and the doubts that had been lingering in my mind melted away like snow.With practiced hands, he trimmed my toenails. The sound of the scissors snipping was followed by the clatter of toenails hitting the floor. My nails were neatly and smoothly trimmed. He grabbed my other ankle and repeated the process.“…You’re pretty good at this.”“Well, it’s not the first time I’ve trimmed your toenails.”I looked down at him in response. His head was bowed, focused on trimming my little toenail. He had two whorls on the crown of his golden head. Without thinking, I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. Jiyod glanced up at me before suddenly lifting my ankle and slipping my little toe into his mouth. I couldn’t help but let out a shriek.“St-stop, stop it!”I stammered, trying to pull my foot away, but his grip was firm. My back arched involuntarily as his warm tongue teased between my toes.“Ah…!”My body jerked as I tried to pull my foot away, but his hold on my ankle was strong. My face flushed with embarrassment, and my cheeks burned.“S-stop it…”My voice was weak.Only then did Jiyod release my foot from his mouth. I quickly pulled it up onto the couch, wrapping my hands around my toes as if to protect them.Jiyod laughed as he tossed the trimmed toenails into the fireplace.“You shouldn’t be—”“It’s your foot.”He replied nonchalantly.“And isn’t it weirder to suck on your own toes?”I had no response. I squinted at him, narrowing my eyes in a glare.But he seemed unfazed by my stare, calmly reaching for my wrist.“Give it here. I’ll trim your fingernails too.”