Antidote

As he looked at my unevenly cut and jagged nails, he clicked his tongue in disapproval. I quietly watched him as he tidied up my nails and then absentmindedly remarked,“I heard the nobles of York grow their nails long. They gild them and adorn them with jewels.”At that, Jiyod paused and looked up at me. A playful glimmer danced in his gray eyes, and the corners of his eyes, curled sweetly, added to the charm.“You’ve told me that before… a long time ago,” he said.“I did?”Instead of answering, he kissed the tip of my finger with a soft smacking sound.He put the small scissors back into their silver case and stood up.Then he extended his hand to me. I hesitated but eventually took it. He easily pulled me up and led me to the opposite balcony.There was a large chaise long enough for two people to comfortably stretch their legs. The backrest was padded with soft velvet. On the long table in front of it, several silver trays with lids were placed. There were also bottles of wine and glasses.“I figured you hadn’t eaten yet, so I had some food prepared. I told the cook that if he didn’t want to die, he’d better stay in the kitchen and cook, so just let me know if you want anything.”As he spoke, he lifted the lids. The aroma of food wafted out, and my hungry stomach began to ache. Despite myself, my eyes drifted toward the dishes.The first thing I noticed was a clear soup with a few pieces of clam meat floating in it. There were shrimp drizzled with lemon and wine, salted and dried oysters, onion bread, fried cod heads with potatoes, smoked mullet roe, and pies topped with butter and cream, all placed haphazardly without any regard for order.“Hmph. I suppose the cook must have a death wish,” Jiyod commented as he seated me on the chair.“I’ve told him repeatedly that the high lords of Karlac eat their meals in proper order, but being the commoner that he is, I guess he didn’t pay attention.”“It’s fine,” I replied with a faint smile, placing my hand on his arm. He grinned and sat down right next to me, our hips touching.He reached out for the wine bottle. The cork was already removed, and the scent of grapes filled the air. Bubbles rose inside the bottle. He poured the wine into a glass and handed it to me.His arm wrapped around my waist, and his hand began to gently stroke my side. I didn’t mind it too much, so I let it be.“It’s harder to see you than it is to see the Duke of Karlac himself. Has that brat from Glenburg imprisoned you or something?”I glanced at him sideways at his words.“It’s just…,” I trailed off.“I’m a slave, so I can’t just roam around freely.”“Who dares treat you like a slave?”I had no answer to that, so I kept my mouth shut.Seeing the bruise on my face, he must have guessed how I was being treated.Jiyod fell silent for a moment. Shadows gathered under his straight eyes, making it hard to read his expression. I wanted to peer into his mind. What was he thinking? What did he think when he looked at me? Pity? Or was he savoring the sight of a once-lover now reduced to a wretched state, with his love turning cold? Was he feeling disillusioned by a madman who didn’t remember anything about him? A suffocating anxiety pressed down on my lungs. I felt like I was truly losing my mind due to the emotional turmoil.Just then, Jiyod reached out and pulled the plate of bread closer. He nonchalantly tore the bread into small pieces and put them into the soup bowl. Then he pulled the dish of oysters closer and placed it in front of me.“Eat more. You look thinner every time I see you.”Then he abruptly stood up and strode over to the window. He pulled the curtains open with a strong tug.The glass window revealed the outside. Thin snowflakes were falling.The garden, shrouded in darkness, was quiet. A few laurel trees shook their bare branches.Jiyod returned to me. With a smiling face, he leaned close to my ear and whispered,“When winter is over, I’m going to dig up all those laurel trees and plant grapevines instead, the ones you like. Then maybe you’ll come to see me a little more often than you do now.”I looked at him in response. My heart was beating in a wildly irregular rhythm.“That’s strange…,” I said.“What is?”He asked, bringing the wine glass to his lips.“Until you mentioned it, I had forgotten that I liked grapevines. And shrimp, and dried oysters, and even that I liked musk…”He began to laugh with the glass still at his lips.“It’s alright. I remember everything you like.”“And what about you? What do you like?” I asked.He smiled softly at my question.His fingers traced my temple.“Everything I like, I learned from you,” he whispered. His warm lips brushed lightly against my cheek. His breath carried the gentle scent of grapes.“So whatever you like, I like too. Musk, lingonberries, olive oil, that spice whose name I don’t know, and even those absurdly expensive logs that can buy thirty hams per piece.”He paused briefly, then, as if he couldn’t hold back, kissed me hard on the lips with a loud smack before pulling away. He drew away from me and then pulled another plate closer.He picked up a plump shrimp and popped it into my mouth. I instinctively accepted it. The shrimp tasted sweet. He grinned and said,“What would a lowborn slave-born bastard like me know about anything?”I frowned.“Don’t talk like that.”At my words, a sweet expression flickered in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss me again. Since I still had the taste of shrimp in my mouth, I pushed his cheek away.“Why?” he grumbled in displeasure.“After I eat…”“And after you eat, will you let me? How far?”How far?The implication of his question made my face flush and cool repeatedly.“You’ll stay the night, right? You wouldn’t be so heartless as to abandon me and leave, would you? If you want, I won’t even touch you, not a single fingertip…”Then, his brow furrowed.“Well, maybe a fingertip…”His lips twitched.“No, maybe a kiss would be okay… What do you think? It seems like we should reach an agreement on this…”I tore off a piece of pie and brought it to my mouth, replying in a small voice,“I have to go back.”“What?!” Jiyod’s voice grew louder, and his hand rested on my thigh.“You came all this way just to go back? Did I say something ridiculous? If that’s the case, I swear I won’t move a single finger. I’ll just hold you while we sleep. But you’ll at least let me kiss your cheek, won’t you?”“It’s not that. Someone might come looking for me…”“Who in their right mind would come looking for you in the middle of the night…?”Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. His hand swiftly grabbed my chin, turning my face toward him. He stared directly into my eyes.“Who would come looking for you in the middle of the night?”His voice was sweet, as if he were testing me.“Why would they need you at night? Don’t tell me that brat from Glenburg is making you warm his bed or something ridiculous like that?”His voice was soft, but his eyes were sharp.I pressed my lips together tightly.“That’s not it. Lister…”As I mentioned Lister’s name, Jiyod’s brow furrowed, and his jaw tightened. I cautiously continued,“…it’s really not like that. Slaves aren’t allowed to spend the night outside without their master’s permission.”“Hah.”With a quiet sigh, his expression softened. His firm hand released my chin, only for his lips to approach my cheek.“Don’t worry,” he whispered tenderly, playing with my earlobe.“This won’t last much longer.”It was the same thing Lisbet used to say to me. But unlike the cynical despair I felt whenever Lisbet spoke, there was an inexplicable trust in his words. I tried to steady myself, not wanting to fall into an overly positive mood. After all, isn’t hope the cruelest trap of all?Suddenly, he started to grumble.“Do you enjoy tormenting me? For the past two years, I’ve been thinking of you like a madman on the battlefield… Yet your attitude is colder than the glaciers of Port Town…”He let out a short, suppressed groan and suddenly pulled me into his lap, my legs straddling his thighs. I yelped in surprise at the sudden embrace, and his fingers caressed my lips, slipping inside my mouth. His rough finger brushed against my tongue, where remnants of food still lingered.“Tell me, Slan. Am I the only one who’s been losing my mind every night, dreaming of your lips? Have you never felt the same?”Then he pressed his lips to mine.“Oh, right. Your medicine… your madness… Even if your mind doesn’t fully remember me…”His hand began to explore my back. As it traced down my spine, his hand suddenly slipped under the hem of my shirt.A startled gasp escaped me, and Jiyod seized the moment to slide his tongue between my lips.“Your body feels different, though…” he murmured as he caressed the area below my shoulder blades.The muscles inside my thighs, spread across his lap, tensed. I squirmed in discomfort, but the pleasure that had ignited my skin suddenly extinguished when his hand brushed against my side. The rough fingers traced over bruised skin, and pain flared up. The sweet thrill that had clouded my mind was chased away by the sharp sting.My body flinched, and my diaphragm convulsed. Jiyod immediately noticed my reaction.His hand froze, and his brow furrowed.Without warning, he lifted my shirt.“Ah!”This time, the gasp came from shock, not pain.Jiyod stared at the bruises on my side.The spot where Lister had kicked me two days ago had turned a dark purplish-blue, with spots of blood pooling under the skin. It was a relief that at least my ribs hadn’t been broken…He gently set me down and stood up.“I’ll call Ismion again.”His face was expressionless, like a statue. His lips were tightly sealed, making it hard to believe they had been passionately exploring mine just moments ago.Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed his arm. Jiyod looked back at me.“…No, it’s fine.”“It’s not fine.”I shook my head.“I can just apply the medicine the wizard gave earlier. I just…”My face flushed, and my breathing became heavy.“I want to stay with you a little longer.”The words came out naturally, but I couldn’t hide how my face burned as if it were on fire. I lowered my gaze.After a moment, Jiyod gently moved the arm I had grasped and instead took my hand. His hand traced between my fingers. His fingers were rough and firm, and they suppressed the pain in my side, reigniting warmth in my body.His large frame settled close beside me again. His lips approached, and he whispered as they touched mine.“What exactly has Glenburg been doing to you?”Suddenly, I remembered what he had said earlier in the dark corridor.‘Madam Lisbeth promised me something two years ago….’What could that promise have been?I pushed the curiosity aside.“I’m fine. It’s just… Lisbeth isn’t here right now…”Since Lisbeth had gone to Mowick Sinan for treatment, Lister’s behavior had been escalating. His shout, telling me I should’ve died in Helga’s Tower, echoed in my mind.Jiyod remained silent for a long time.In the end, I found myself applying the medicine to my bruised side in front of the food. I held up my shirt, exposing bare skin, and my body trembled whenever his fingers touched the bruised area. Whether it was solely due to the pain or the warmth of his fingers on my bare skin, I couldn’t tell.Finally, it was well past midnight when I left his quarters. Jiyod insisted on escorting me, but I refused, knowing that dragging around a man as large as a mountain would only attract attention.I crossed the empty corridors and courtyard, returning to the imposing Glenburg mansion, which loomed in the darkness.The courtyard between the main building and the north wing was shrouded in silence and darkness. As I pushed open the small side door leading into the wing, a crimson light suddenly spilled out. Puzzled, I lifted my head.“Where have you been sneaking around like a rat at this hour?”The voice froze me in place.My chest tightened, and a sharp breath escaped my throat. My shoulders tensed, and the back of my neck stiffened.Lister stood before me, legs spread apart and arms crossed, blocking the hallway. Behind him, I could see a few knights and servants with stiff expressions.“After searching every corner of the mansion, it seems you went outside, didn’t you?”Lister’s voice was eerily calm. His face, shrouded in backlight, was dark and unreadable. The crimson light from the lamp held by a servant cast a bright red glow around the edges of his black hair. I swallowed hard.“Where have you been, Slan?”He strode toward me. The distance between us closed in an instant. I instinctively backed away, but my back quickly met the glass door. The door shook under my weight, and I stumbled. Lister’s hand gripped my shoulder tightly.“Answer me.”His face was now close to mine.Only then could I see his expression. His eyes were bloodshot and red.My mouth went dry.“…You.”I slowly began to speak.“You got mad at me. I was upset too… so I went somewhere alone where no one was around.”“Alone?”“Yes.”“What were you doing alone?”To avoid provoking him, I deliberately turned my head away slowly.“I cried alone.”“…You cried alone?”Lister’s voice lowered. The grip on my shoulder loosened slightly.Even though it was an absurd lie, it seemed to have convinced Lister. He released me and took a half step back. Then, after a moment, he stepped closer again and reached out to me. His hand, which was about to touch my face, hesitated and withdrew.“Alone? You cried?”He asked, sounding bewildered.“If that was the case, you should have said something… No, never mind. Knowing you, you wouldn’t have… Ha!”Muttering to himself, Lister eventually grabbed my arm. It was a cautious gesture, as if he didn’t know how to handle me.“What made you so sad? Why didn’t you say anything? Damn it, did I… Did I make you feel so miserable that you cried?”I said nothing, staring at the floor.“Never mind. We’ll talk later. For now…”He seemed unsure of what to do, gently grasping my chin with his other hand.“Slan. Look at me. You’re not crying now, are you?”“No.”I shook my head.But Lister persistently grabbed my chin, forcing me to lift my head. Our eyes met. An indescribable light flickered in his eyes. Not wanting to face it, I turned my gaze away.Lister let out a short sigh or perhaps a groan as he released my chin.“Come here.”He pulled me by the arm.“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s eat something. Damn it… If it was this bad… You should have… Never mind. What do I even expect from you?”I hesitated, then planted my feet firmly to resist.“No. I’m not hungry.”“Not hungry? Don’t be stubborn. I’m really…”He gritted his teeth and sighed.Not wanting to provoke him further, I nodded, even though I truly wasn’t hungry after eating so much with Jiyod earlier. But there was no need to say that now.Lister led me to the dining room in his quarters.The dining room was cold and uninviting. He barked at the servants to light the fireplace. Soon, the hearth was filled with burning logs and charcoal, and warmth began to fill the room.I sat at the table in silence, following Lister’s commands. He sat beside me. His body heat pressing against mine made me uncomfortable, so I kept shifting away, but Lister kept moving closer each time.He stared at me. After a long, silent gaze, he ground his teeth. My shoulders flinched. Noticing this, Lister cursed under his breath.Suddenly, he reached out and touched the bruise on my cheek with his fingertips. An unpleasant shiver ran through me, making the fine hairs on my neck stand on end. Lister’s brow furrowed as if he noticed my reaction.“Were you that upset?”“No.”“Usually, you never back down and always talk back…”I bit my lip and lowered my head at his words.Fortunately, the food arrived soon after. It was mostly light fare—clear soup, a few types of seafood, ham, cheese, and thin bread.“Eat.”Without a word, I sipped the soup.“Eat more.”Lister pulled another dish towards me and pushed it in front of me. I forced myself to cut the ham and put it in my mouth. As I ate a few more items that he offered, a broad smile spread across Lister’s face.“See, it’s better if you just listen to me from the start.”He grumbled, tilting his head to look at me.“Why do you always… Never mind.”He muttered a few more meaningless words. I ignored them and focused on the food.My stomach felt full. I couldn’t eat anymore. Frowning, I put down my spoon.“I don’t want to eat anymore.”“That’s all?”Lister glanced at the plate in front of me.“Eat more.”“No, I can’t….”His eyebrows twitched slightly at my reply. His mouth twitched, but he forced a smile.“Fine, if you don’t want to…”He poured a drink from a bottle and handed it to me.“Drink this. It’ll make you feel better.”It was hot wine with apple and lemon. I stared at the glass for a moment, then, not wanting to upset him, I slowly picked it up. Lister watched intently as I drank it, sip by sip.I finished the drink and set the glass down.Having drunk it quickly, the alcohol hit me, warming my body and turning my face red. At that moment, Lister suddenly reached out and pressed his thumb against my lower lip. Startled, I slapped his hand away.Lister looked at me with an indifferent expression.“There was some wine on your lip.”He said as he wiped his fingers on the tablecloth, leaving a purple stain on the white fabric.“I-I want to go to bed.”My voice trembled.Lister’s behavior was strange. Could he have noticed that I met Jiyod outside? As I hurriedly stood up, Lister suddenly rose to his feet and grabbed my wrist.“Why are you going to bed already?”His voice was tightly controlled.A chill spread from my wrist, making the back of my neck tingle and contract.“I’m going to start sharpening my sword now. Come and help me.”He said.I blinked several times.I didn’t want to.I didn’t want to be alone with him in his bedroom at this hour. An inexplicable discomfort and fear crawled up my spine.“I’m tired. My body hurts…”My voice faintly trembled. I desperately tried to conceal the shaking as I frantically pulled my arm to free my wrist from his grip.“Let go of me. It hurts.”But his hand, which gripped my wrist like a spider’s web, didn’t release easily. Only when my breathing became ragged did he slowly let go. Instantly, I pulled my hand behind my back as if I had been burned.Lister stared at me intently.His green eyes were dark and sunken.I had seen those eyes and that expression for more than twenty years, yet they seemed completely different now. A strange light gleamed on the surface of his irises, and his pupils were deeply shadowed.“…I see.”Lister whispered in a cracked voice.“You must be tired today as well. So… hmm, fine. Come to me tomorrow morning and attend to my breakfast. You can have something to eat too while you’re at it. Understood?”He urged me to respond.“Can’t I eat somewhere else?”“Alright.”I just nodded, and only then did Lister’s hardened expression slightly return to normal.Finally, I managed to escape the dining room.It felt like walking on a floor covered with tar, with something sticky clinging to the soles of my feet with every step. I could feel his persistent gaze drilling into the back of my head until I quickly rounded the corner of the hallway and ran away.By the time I returned to my room, I was gasping for air. I slammed the door shut, breathing heavily.Cold sweat trickled down the back of my neck. My fingertips twitched faintly. I clasped my hands together, and only then did the trembling stop.After exhaling a long breath, I slowly walked to the bed. I took off my outer clothes and shoes before crawling under the covers. I wanted to rinse my mouth, but the thought of stepping outside the room was even less appealing.As I pulled the blanket over my head, a faint musk scent filled the air. I sniffed, and the fragrance slowly seeped deep into my lungs. For some reason, a sense of comfort washed over me, and the stiffness in my limbs began to melt away. At the same time, my cheeks burned. The nausea and fear I had felt earlier were replaced, as if by magic, with memories of Jiyod’s hot lips. His firm chest, his strong arms, and that subtle musk emanating from his skin. It was as if I were back in his embrace.This is ridiculous…I scolded myself inwardly.I can barely remember him. I’m just a miserable slave. A madman who could relapse into insanity and commit terrible atrocities at any moment, yet here I am, craving physical comfort and even… desire!Despite my harsh self-reproach, my brain, as if driven by instinct, recalled the intense and heated memories of that sweet thrill one by one.The breath that tickled my ears. The slippery tongue that tasted the inside of my mouth. The fingers that touched between my ribs. The gentle touch that caressed near my tailbone…“Ah…”A low moan escaped my lips without thinking.My body was hot.I curled up.For the first time in two years, a heat I had never felt before engulfed me.I didn’t know what to do, so I twisted my legs under the blanket.My hand moved down to my waist several times, only to retreat again. It felt as if someone were teasing my skin with a feather or lightly pricking it with a very fine needle.In the end, I bit down on the musky fabric and comforted myself. I tried to resist, but the desire that had surged after two years was so overwhelming that it eroded my already decayed mind, clouding my reason. I gasped like an animal, writhing my hips repeatedly. The blanket grew damp with my sweat and heavy breathing.Amid the tangled and distorted memories in my mind, I barely managed to pull out one fragment. The rough touch that caressed between my shoulder blades. The low, deep voice. The voice that called my name…“Uhn…!”My knee jerked in response. I spread my legs wide and thrashed about. My lips parted, and unswallowed saliva moistened my lower lip.My mind was hazy.My sweat-soaked pants clung uncomfortably to my legs.But I couldn’t move. My toes were still trembling. My breath came out in ragged gasps, punctuated with soft moans.Only after a long while did the wave of pleasure subside. My hands were soaked. My limp member was wet. Without even thinking to clean up, I drifted into a deep, unconscious sleep.In that drowsy sleep, I had a vivid dream.It was a black fortress by a vast lake.Rising behind the fortress walls was a crimson mountain range. The barren peaks stretched endlessly, and the lake’s surface was as clear as quartz.I was standing on a cliff, mounted on a horse. The surroundings were still dark, but the dawn was breaking in the eastern sky, painting it red.When I turned my head, I saw Jiyod beside me, also on horseback. He was clad in armor, and the cold wind blew his green cloak out behind him. His face looked younger than it did now. His eyes sparkled like lightning.“Look over there.”In the dream, I reached out my hand and pointed to the mountain range that snaked below the cliff.I was looking at the endless wealth hidden within those mountains.“If we can just develop those quartz mines, our eastern Karlac will become even more prosperous. Of course, we’ll have to successfully complete the demon extermination campaign here first.”“Is that why you’ve prolonged this war until now?”“Don’t get me wrong. I tried to stop. If it weren’t for the Triumvirate pushing it…”Jiyod laughed at my small grumble.“Don’t worry. It’ll take less than a year… no, less than half a year.”