Antidote

I stared intently at Jiyod’s lips.

I had been waiting for an opportunity since earlier.

There was a small bit of dry skin on his upper lip, slightly to the left of the center. I noticed it yesterday. It kept bothering me whenever our lips met.

Jiyod looked at me for a moment, then pulled me onto his lap with one arm. I quietly straddled him, legs spread. Our lips drew closer. It was a good opportunity. I had brought a small pouch tied to my belt, inside which was a little glass jar of honey that I had discreetly borrowed from Lister’s dinner table.

I was waiting for the right moment to apply it to Jiyod’s lips as naturally and casually as possible.

As I continued to stare at the bit of dry skin on his upper lip, Jiyod pulled me closer by the waist. Our lower bodies were nearly touching.

“Why? Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

I shook my head in response to his question.

Suddenly, Jiyod lowered his head and pressed his lips against mine. There was a soft smacking sound as he quickly pulled away. His long, upturned eyes crinkled into a smile. The lamplight reflected off his gray eyes, gently flickering.

“Is it really that hard to just ask for a kiss?”

He asked in a voice that suggested he was trying to suppress a laugh.

“That’s not it.”

I frowned as I retorted. But then Jiyod pressed his lips against my frown.

“Not it, huh? But you’ve been staring at my lips since earlier.”

“It really isn’t. I just…”

In the end, I couldn’t hold back and let my hand drift down toward my belt. My fingertips brushed against the pouch, which was securely tied with a string. I pried it open with my fingers, but at that moment, Jiyod grabbed my wrist.

I looked up. Our eyes met. A lazy smile spread across his face.

He slowly lifted one corner of his mouth.

“If you want to undo the belt, that’s not the way to go about it.”

With that, he guided my hand to the buckle of his belt.

It took me a moment to understand what he meant. My face gradually heated up.

“I told you that’s not what this is about…”

My voice trailed off, barely audible.

A low chuckle escaped from him.

“Then what is it? Straddling me like this, fumbling with my belt—if that’s not your intention, then what is?”

“I’m telling you, it’s not.”

I quickly moved my free hand to pull the glass jar from the pouch. Jiyod’s gaze shifted to the jar.

“Honey?”

I nodded, and his smile deepened, likely sweeter than the honey in the jar. His lips brushed against my cheek, and one hand gently covered the back of my hand that was holding the jar.

“Why did you bring this? What were you planning to do? Hmm? Tell me, Slan.”

The low, soft tone of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. I flinched and pulled back, but Jiyod quickly snatched the jar from my hand.

“What did you bring this for? What were you planning to do with it?”

His lips brushed against my upper lip.

Heat spread to my ears, the warmth trailing down the nape of my neck and into my shoulders. I tried to push his forehead away, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he chuckled softly and nibbled gently on my cheek.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but using honey might be a bit much. It would hurt—a lot. And the cleanup would be a nightmare… If you’re set on honey, how about something similar? I have some milky oil from York. It’s expensive—just one drop costs a fortune. I have no idea what the perverts in York do with it, but if you slather it on, I guarantee it won’t hurt at all. How about it? We can save the honey for spreading on bread, and between your legs, we can use something else…”

“What are you talking about!”

I covered my face with both hands and yelled. My cheeks burned. I hastily snatched the glass jar back from his hand.

“I brought this to put on your lips!”

Jiyod’s expression turned somewhat disbelieving. He leaned back slightly.

“On my lips?”

I nodded and hurriedly opened the jar. My hands trembled slightly, still unsettled by his earlier ridiculous, lewd remarks, causing me to fumble several times. Finally, I managed to pop open the cork, and a sweet scent wafted out. I dipped my finger into the honey and then promptly smeared it on Jiyod’s upper lip.

Jiyod’s brows furrowed slightly. He caught my wrist and sucked my fingers into his mouth.

“Stop that.”

“Why are you putting this on?”

“Your lips…”

I pulled my fingers out of his mouth, a wet sound following. My face flushed again.

“Your lips were chapped. It was bothering me.”

“Oh.”

Jiyod’s eyes widened slightly before returning to their normal size. He narrowed his eyes and stared at me for a long moment. His hand touched the underside of my chin, stroking it like one would pet a cat.

“So you brought honey?”

He looked at me as he slowly licked his upper lip. It was a slow motion. Somehow, I couldn’t bear to keep watching, so I lowered my head. But his hand under my chin lifted my face again. Our gazes met once more.

Jiyod, who had been gazing at me for a long time, suddenly grinned and approached me, pressing his lips against mine. There was a soft sound, and a sweet taste tickled the tip of my tongue.

“Don’t do that, I just applied it…”

“But there’s still plenty left.”

“Only a little… hmm…”

Just as I opened my mouth to protest, he closed the gap and overlapped his lips with mine. His hand grabbed the back of my head, and his tongue entered my mouth. That thick tongue skillfully caressed my tongue, spreading honey over it. It was so sweet that it made my head spin. The sweetness lingered on the tip of my tongue, while the kiss itself was rough.

“Open your mouth.”

When I did as he instructed, he told me to stick out my tongue this time. I closed my eyes and extended my tongue ever so slightly. He began to suck on it, so hard that it hurt. Tears welled up. But along with the pain, as he started stroking my back, my hips began to twitch slightly.

After a while, he released my tongue. When I slowly opened my eyes, he smiled and teased my lips with his finger.

“Since you’ve licked all the honey off, apply some more for me.”

“Because of you…”

I glared at him with resentment, but he just smiled at me softly and tenderly. In the end, I was the one who gave in. I dipped my finger into the glass jar again.

We repeated the process several times, applying honey and then kissing, until there was only a thin layer of honey left at the bottom of the jar, no matter how much I dipped my finger.

Tears welled up and filled my eyes. My breath was caught in my throat. Heat pooled below my navel, making my knees tremble and my hips quiver.

“Stop it now.”

As I whispered that and turned my head to avoid his lips, he persistently followed. His sticky lips, covered with honey, touched the corner of my mouth. His hand softly stroked my side. His strong arm suddenly pulled me close, pressing our lower bodies together. It was hot. A sigh escaped my lips. I could distinctly feel his arousal against his rock-hard thigh beneath me. And I too… Feeling embarrassed, I tried to pull my hips back, but he growled and grabbed one of my buttocks firmly.

“Ouch!”

Involuntarily, a scream escaped my lips, and my body jerked up. My body twisted, and the inside of my spread thighs grew tense.

Jiyod’s lips bit the rim of my ear.

“Spend the night here.”

He lured me in a low voice.

“Let’s just lie down together. Then you can leave at dawn, and no one will know. Hmm? Say yes, Slan.”

His firm fingers gently tickled the small of my back.

“If you’re too shy to say it, just nod your head. Just once…”

I almost nodded as he said. If someone hadn’t started knocking loudly on the door to the inner chamber, I surely would have. Or if it had been a second later.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, the brass door handle pounded against the door.

Jiyod’s hand gripping my buttocks tightened forcefully, and when I cried out, he let go.

“Hah.”

He let out a short, rough breath. His lips fumbled across my cheek and reached the end of my eyebrow.

Thump, thump, thump, thump-thump-thump, thump-thump-thump-thump-thump, the knocking on the door became more rapid.

Finally, Jiyod’s lips pulled away from me. His mouth twitched slightly. He took a deep breath and then let it out. Then he gently laid me down.

“Wait here. I’ll go kill that bastard and be right back.”

His voice was sweet.

He stood up from the chair. Then he bent down and licked my forehead for a long time. His hot tongue lingered between my eyebrows. Thump, thump, thump-thump, the door handle’s frantic pounding sounded distant, as if it were coming from far away. Like someone drunk, I reached out and fumbled for Jiyod’s thick neck.

“Ah…”

Jiyod let out a short groan. He snatched my wrist and then overlapped our lips again. The kiss wasn’t long. The door seemed like it was going to break…

“How should I kill that guy? I’ll do as you say… Should I tie each of his limbs to four horses?”

He whispered sweetly.

I barely managed to turn my head away from him. The question hadn’t even fully registered in my mind, and even if it had, I wouldn’t have been able to answer.

His lips stuck to my cheek again and then pulled away. This time, he finally left the front of the sofa. His footsteps were quick and rough.

The door banged open.

“In the middle of the night…”

“Sir Jiyod! … right now…”

“The wizard Karlac, …if he’s in his right mind…”

Voices rose and fell. They were unfamiliar voices. The door closed again. This time, it closed silently, very quietly, gently. And those voices were cut off. I collapsed sideways into the chair, covering my face with both hands.

My nape was burning. It was so hot it almost stung.

My back was still trembling. The inside of my thighs, which had been spread wide, was sore, and I could still feel the sensation of his rock-like thigh clinging to my lower body.

It was a relief that someone came before he noticed my excitement.

I tried to calm myself by recalling each of the noble families of Karlac and their crests in my mind. Fortunately, after a while, my efforts paid off. My excitement finally subsided, and my body calmed down.

I got up from the chair.

The room was quiet.

I walked to the door. I pressed my ear against it, but I couldn’t hear anything. It was as if no one was there.

I returned to the chair and sat down, looking around.

The room was furnished like a reception room, but it didn’t seem to be used as one. Personal belongings were scattered everywhere.

On the southern wall, there was a glass window leading to a balcony, but it was currently covered by thick curtains. I walked over to it. The curtains were layered: a thick brown one, a black one inside that, and finally, a thin, translucent white one.

I gently pulled back the three layers of curtains with my fingers and looked outside. In the garden, shrouded in darkness, a few laurel trees were swaying their withered branches.

“I’ll uproot all those laurels and plant vines that you like after winter.”

I recalled what he had said.

After winter…

I murmured the words softly to myself.

Letting the curtains fall back into place, I turned away, and this time, the fireplace caught my eye.

Inside the fireplace, a fire was crackling softly. Above it, a mechanical clock was ticking away. I remembered being taught by someone, long ago, how to tell time from a mechanical clock. Two arrowheads, one short and one long, indicated the time. It was midnight. I idly traced the shiny metal surface of the machine with my fingertips.

Next to the clock was an expensive porcelain vase encrusted with jewels, but a thick layer of dust had settled on it. Usually, oil or honey would be stored in such a vessel, but it seemed it hadn’t been used in a long time.

Behind the chair I had been sitting in, the cloak Jiyod had carelessly thrown off earlier lay crumpled on the floor. I picked it up, shook it out, and hung it on the wall. On that wall hung a sword. It seemed ornamental, but its true purpose was unclear.

On the opposite side of the reception room was a dining area, but it appeared that Jiyod rarely used it. A half-drunk glass of liquor was left on the table in the reception room. The thick, syrupy alcohol was halfway up the ceramic cup.

We were so busy embracing and exchanging kisses as soon as we arrived that I hadn’t noticed such things… I wondered what Jiyod’s servant had been doing, not cleaning up such things in time. This would have been unimaginable at Glenburg Manor.

I concluded that the servant ought to be dismissed and replaced with someone new.

This thought came after thoroughly inspecting every corner of the room.

Dust had settled on every nook and cranny due to improper cleaning. Leaving the glass used by the master like that, and the strange horn decoration on the wall, likely from some beast, which was stained and dirty… Even the thick carpet and marble tiles on the floor had accumulated dust.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should clean it myself. After all, being a slave now, it wouldn’t be strange for me to do the cleaning.

Wouldn’t it be a good excuse to stay here instead of returning to Glenburg Manor? There are dozens of servants and attendants at Glenburg Manor who can serve Lister, so is there really a need for me to stay there? If Jiyod were to personally ask Lister to lend him a servant, even just until spring, and considering people’s reluctance to serve an Ipsen hybrid like Jiyod, if I volunteered…

But then, I lowered my head in sorrow.

Lister would never allow such a thing, though Lisbeth might.

But Lisbeth wouldn’t return from Movik Shinen until after winter and before spring, and by then, Jiyod would have left Karlac.

The brief fantasy of spending the winter in this small building left my heart in disarray.

I returned to the chair and sat down, sinking into the plush velvet that softly enveloped my back. I leaned my elbows on the armrests and rested my forehead on the back of my hand, closing my eyes. The peaceful sound of pine and resin crackling in the fire filled my ears.

I think I might have dozed off.

When I opened my eyes, Jiyod was sitting beside me. He had wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder, gazing at me intently.

Our eyes met, and I startled, my eyes widening. His lips curled into a languid smile.

“When did you get here?”

“Not long ago.”

He whispered, extending his neck to plant a kiss on the side of my jaw.

“When I came back, you were asleep…”

His voice was soft, as if deeply intoxicated.

“You looked so precious, like you might wear out just by being looked at, so I just watched you for a while, closed my eyes, then watched again…”

“I won’t wear out, so just look.”

He laughed at my reply, a smile that seemed drunk.

“Wear out? You will. That’s why I’m going to keep you hidden and only look at you a little at a time, sparingly…”

Then he fell silent for a long while.

I looked into his eyes. His gray irises were as thin as fine lines, and his pupils gazed at me steadily. I suddenly recalled the dawn I had seen in a dream, and the much younger face of Jiyod.

Without thinking, I reached out and touched his chin. He half-closed his eyes.

“Touch me more.”

He growled contentedly, like a pleased cat.

I slowly stroked under his chin and spoke.

“Tell me about six years ago.”

“Where should I start?”

He pulled me into a tight embrace, lying back on the chair, dragging me onto his chest. Startled, I found myself sprawled over his torso, but he didn’t seem to mind the weight, tightening his arms around my waist even more.

“Anywhere… Start anywhere.”

“Then shall I tell you about the first time you came to that crumbling fortress?”

“Crumbling fortress?”

“The northern quartz fortress. Whoever thought it was a good idea to build a defensive fortress by the lake must have been a fool… Anyway, I spent the first three years there just trying to keep it from falling apart, sweeping, fixing, hammering, you name it.”

I thought of the black walls of a fortress backed by mountain ranges and the transparent lake I had seen in my dream. Could the fortress Jiyod was talking about be the same one I saw in my dream?

“Those idiots on the Council kept buzzing on and on about how we needed to clear out the monsters in the quartz mines to develop them, but when it came to actually doing something… Do they think sending a few knights is enough to take care of a monster? Yes, a monster. We need to talk about that again. You see, in the past few decades, such monsters have become rare—most were killed off or went extinct during previous extermination campaigns. But this one was something different; it crawled through shadows and fed on sand and metal. It was the biggest one I’d ever seen. It must have been at least twenty meters long.”

“Twenty meters?”

“Yes, and I’m not exaggerating or trying to impress you. You can ask Ismion, who was there with me… though that coward would probably claim it was fifty meters! Anyway, such a creature was tearing through the quartz veins, popping out of the shadows unexpectedly—how could the bloated knights of Karlac hope to take it down? They were nothing more than a feast for the monster.”

“Aren’t you a knight of Karlac?”

“Ha! Who recognizes me as a knight of Karlac? Probably just you in all of eastern Karlac.”

He laughed heartily, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in. His chest heaved with laughter, causing my body to move up and down along with it.

“Anyway, I must have written around three hundred letters over three years, begging for proper supplies. But all I got were a bunch of half-dead greenhorns and flour mixed with sand. If they send you to die, the least they can do is make sure you’re not starving—that’s basic wartime courtesy, isn’t it?”

As he rambled on, his hand traced my temple, playing with a few strands of hair that had slipped down. When I looked down at him in silence, he gazed back at me, his eyes filled with affection.

“You were the one who came to me back then, Karlac’s young lord.”

He called me by my old title.

My face flushed.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? What does it matter? Those fools may be laughing at the thought of you being a slave, but don’t worry. I’ll kill every last one of them.”

His words made me startle, my eyes widening in shock, and I quickly covered his mouth with both hands.

“Don’t say things like that.”

He responded by darting his tongue out, licking my palm. I let out a small scream and pulled my hand back, but he caught my wrist and pressed his tongue more firmly against my palm. A shiver ran down my spine, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

“Stop it. Stop, and just keep talking.”

“Hmm. What should I talk about next? How you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on?”

I sighed.

“Not that.”

“What do you mean, ‘not that’? It’s a very important topic.”

My face grew hot, and I pursed my lips, turning my head away. Jiyod mischievously held my fingers to his lips and whispered.

“Are you embarrassed? Do you never look in the mirror? Has that idiot in Glenburg never given you one? No matter how crazy you might get, you haven’t completely forgotten what you look like, have you?”

“I…”

Words failed me, and I closed my mouth.

I remembered the reflection I had glimpsed in the mirror at the Eastern Red Gate while waiting for the steward—the pitiful sight of myself. I bit my lip and turned my head away. Noticing my troubled expression, Jiyod pulled me tightly against his chest.

“What’s wrong? Why do you look like that?”

“It’s because you’re teasing me…”

I muttered weakly, and his eyes narrowed. When he clicked his tongue, I wanted to disappear. But just a moment later, he pressed his lips against my cheek.

“Has no one ever told you how beautiful your hair is?”

“What?”

“In the dawn light, it shines like gold… I can’t be the only one who’s seen it. And your eyes—they’re bluer than the waves of the Northern Sea.”

His rough fingers traced the corner of my eye.

“And this nose—”

He chuckled and playfully nipped my nose. I was so startled I almost screamed. Jiyod burst into laughter again, his hot tongue grazing the bridge of my nose and my cheek.

“Sometimes, when you’re tired, a freckle or two appears here, and it’s just adorable. Your eyebrows are perfect, your lips are beautiful, and even your fingers and toes are flawless…”

“Stop…”

Finally, unable to bear the embarrassment any longer, I covered his mouth again. But even with his mouth covered, he kept on chattering.

“There were hordes of people, men and women, trying to get close to you. I took care of most of them from behind and claimed you for myself. There are a few I couldn’t deal with, but I’ll finish them off soon enough.”

That’s ridiculous…

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at his exaggeration.

His eyes crinkled as they formed crescent moons, and he gently caressed my cheek. My hand slipped from his lips, falling softly to the side.

He murmured softly.

“You’re so beautiful, but so fierce. We’ve probably fought three hundred times face to face.”

“Fought?”

“Yes. We used to argue twelve times a day.”

I couldn’t imagine it. I gaped at him, urging him to explain.

“What about? How? Why?”

“Over trivial matters. Tax collection, military budgets, conscription, how to deal with those annoying Yorkies, whether or not to kill the idiots on the Council—things like that. That’s just how lovers’ quarrels go.”

“Oh…”

A short groan escaped me.

My mind was a mess. The stories from the time when the wealth, glory, and power of Karlac were still mine—memories that I could barely recall. I bit my lip. I wanted to remember. I wanted to pry open my skull, drag out the worms gnawing at my memories, and reclaim the past he was speaking of as my own. The urge grew stronger as I thought of the golden dawn I had seen in my dreams.

Unable to resist, I lowered my eyelids. My eyelashes quivered. I forced a smile, barely managing to lift the corners of my mouth, hiding the painful emotions.

“Pretty grand for a lover’s quarrel, isn’t it?”

“…”

Jiyod remained silent for a moment. After a while, he bent his finger and gently brushed the area beneath my lower lip with the outside of it. The rough ridges of his jagged nails and the harshly raised cuticles pressed against my lower lip, stinging slightly.

“Don’t worry.”

His low, resonant voice soothed me gently.

“Don’t think too much… please.”

He let out a short sigh.

“This life won’t last long.”

How?

That question surged up suddenly.

It crawled up my throat, almost reaching the inside of my lips, but I forced it down.

How?

But like a ripple in water after a stone is thrown, the question kept surfacing in my mind. I wanted to ask, but at the same time, I didn’t. I didn’t want to harbor any false hopes. I just… I wanted to ask if he would leave Karlac once the winter ended.

But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It wouldn’t happen anyway.

The Duke of Karlac would never allow someone like me, guilty of great crimes, to leave Karlac.

Hadn’t I vowed to myself that I’d stay only until the end of this winter? I reminded myself of that again. And instead of asking a foolish question, I smiled with closed eyes.

“Can I stay the night?”

At my question, Jiyod’s eyes wavered. He pulled me into a tight embrace, pressing his lips to my cheek. A smacking sound echoed as his lips met my skin several times. He lingered on my nose and forehead as well.

“I’ll leave at dawn.”

I murmured, turning my head to avoid the tickling kisses. Jiyod absentmindedly answered “yes, yes” while persistently stealing my lips. I closed my eyes and parted my lips. His tongue pried open the gap between them and slipped inside. The man, who seemed to be made of molten steel, trembled helplessly, his chest heaving. Our lips parted briefly, only to come together again with fierce intensity. He whispered my name in a sweet, low voice, repeating it several times… and then I could think no more.

＊ ＊ ＊

The sky was thick with ominous storm clouds. Soft flurries of snow had been falling all day. Most of it melted as soon as it hit the ground, but the snow fell faster than it could melt, leaving a thin layer of white on surfaces like the walls and the marble floors of the colonnades.

Lister had left the residence since last night to inspect the repairs on the outer wall. The expression on his face hadn’t been good, likely because the prolonged snow and frost had disrupted the construction schedule. As the Duke of Karlac’s inspector, he was responsible for the maintenance and repair of the outer wall, a crucial duty in Karlac, so there was no way he could slack off. While it was unclear when he would return, eavesdropping on the knights coming in and out of the mansion suggested that he would be stuck at the construction site at least until tomorrow.

The mansion was quiet without its master.

With Lister gone, there was no one in this mansion to torment me.

I spent most of my time alone in my room.

When it was time to eat, I went to the kitchen. While eating, I eavesdropped on the low chatter of the staff, piecing together the outside world’s events.

Time passed slowly. Bored in the afternoon, I left my room. The snowflakes had grown a bit thicker than they had been in the morning. Lister’s work was likely getting tougher.

The winter in eastern Karlac was long and cold. After the dry sandstorms swept across the Tavros Mountains, the moist air from the western Alto Sea would roll in. Frost and snow fell almost daily.

Well, outsiders claimed that Karlac’s winter was mild, but to someone born and raised here, it didn’t feel that way.

Suddenly, a phrase struck my mind like a bolt of lightning.

It was such a natural association that it felt as if I had been to Ipsen before.

Ipsen….

I murmured the name to myself, letting it roll over my lips.

Ah.

The thought of Ipsen made me long for Jiyod with an unbearable intensity. It had only been last night that we had shared kisses in his room, on the chair, no, on his lap…. I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by my own restlessness.

But my will was weaker than that of an infant. Ever since I lost my status and became a slave, it felt as if I had let all the virtues I once had as a great lord flow away into the Keivisto River. My feet hesitated as if lost, but eventually, they carried me toward the colonnade.

Jiyod had told me that if I flipped the coin over, he would wait for me there after sunset. It wasn’t even close to dusk yet, and I hadn’t flipped the coin either. Through the dark storm clouds in the sky, the sun peeked out occasionally.

The colonnade was as quiet as ever.

I walked toward the fountain. The newly fallen snow covered my tracks.

Inside the dry fountain, the snow had piled up. After hesitating for a moment, I knelt and sat before it, sliding my hand under the snow in the fountain. Beneath the cold snow, I found the coin and flipped it. The arrowhead symbol appeared. I held onto it for a while. I wondered if there was even a trace of Jiyod’s warmth left on this cold copper coin, from when he had touched it….

Simultaneously, I scoffed at my own frailty.

Had my heart always been this fragile?