Ball-Boy Tactics

The first library I visited was not as quiet as I had expected. On the fifth floor of what I thought would be a barren building, there was even a cafeteria.

Did I overpack? I was feeling self-conscious as I saw students moving around lightly, with just the essentials. Just then, someone running from behind blocked my way.

“Jiwon oppa!”

It was a female classmate who had given me a can of coffee before. Was her name Sojeong? I couldn’t quite remember her last name, but I was sure about her first name.

“Oh… hi.”

“Hello! Are you here to study? Which floor are you going to? I’m on the third floor!”

Sojeong was so happy that her face turned red. Was she really that happy to see me? We had even run into each other during class a few days ago…

Since Kwon Jungwoo had told me to go to the reading room on the third floor, I said I was headed there too, and Sojeong covered her mouth with her hands in delight. After saying she would come by my seat to greet me later, she turned and ran off. Every time I saw her, I felt she was a kind and polite friend. Even though I was a third-year student retaking the course, she didn’t need to come and greet me twice.

The reading room on the third floor had the quiet atmosphere I had imagined. The scent of books filled the space, and students were fully absorbed in their studies. The only sounds were the turning of pages or the occasional click of a pen.

Among all the students, it wasn’t hard to spot Kwon Jungwoo. Even at a glance, the group of students who looked like basketball players were gathered inside. They were so much taller than others that even sitting down, their height was noticeable.

Kwon Jungwoo was seated in the middle of five or six other players. He was wearing a baseball cap, so I couldn’t see his face well, but even with his face obscured, he drew attention. He was just wearing a plain white T-shirt, yet he looked so stylish. His well-built frame seemed like something even top models would envy.

Despite my sly desire to get closer and admire him, I didn’t have the courage to approach the basketball players, so I just found a spot in a random corner and sat down. I had imagined studying side by side with him, so it was disappointing that I couldn’t.

I hadn’t studied for exams properly since middle school. I had gotten into college as a special talent student, so honestly, I didn’t really know how to study. So, I just opened my textbook and began reading, underlining passages here and there slowly.

After some time had passed, someone lightly tapped my shoulder. The familiar scent of cologne filled the air, so I knew who it was without even turning around. My heart, which I had forgotten about, suddenly made its presence known.

“Hi.”

Kwon Jungwoo whispered as he sat down next to me, loud enough for only me to hear. Startled by the unexpectedly close eye contact, I leaned back, and Kwon Jungwoo silently laughed. The movement caused his neatly arranged bangs to fall, revealing his clean forehead.

Kwon Jungwoo picked up my notebook and quickly flipped to the last page. Before I could blink, he had taken my pen from my hand. The pen, which looked small in his large hand, started moving precisely across the notebook.

He handed the pen back to me, waiting for an answer. I carefully took the pen, making sure not to touch his hand, feeling that it would be inappropriate if I did.

As soon as I drew a question mark, he reached out without hesitation. Whether my hand was in the way or not, he almost covered the back of my hand as he took the pen.

He wrote it casually and then started flipping through the textbook I had been reading. Whether he noticed how embarrassed I felt that my textbook was too clean, I couldn’t tell, but he quietly skimmed through the pages before picking up the pen again. His fingers, long and neat as they were, made me want to touch them as they effortlessly scribbled down notes.

He tilted his head to gesture towards his seat and made eye contact with me again. Kwon Jungwoo probably didn’t realize how misleading his gaze could be.

Trying not to fall into the misconception that Kwon Jungwoo wanted me to move to his seat, I answered him.

I asked, trying to change the subject. Normally, around this time, he would smell like body wash, not cologne. I hadn’t expected him to find it strange. As soon as he slightly raised an eyebrow, as if asking how I knew, I realized my mistake, but fortunately, Kwon Jungwoo didn’t press the issue. Instead, he drew five circles.

After turning the notebook back to the original page and shoving the pen back into my hand, Kwon Jungwoo returned to his seat. As soon as he sat down, the player next to him leaned in to say something. Kwon Jungwoo listened seriously, then nodded with his characteristic smile.

Even from a distance, it looked like only that spot had been lit up with lights. Even in my corner, it felt like sparkles had been scattered around after Kwon Jungwoo’s brief visit. Students who hadn’t noticed I was sitting there before started glancing in my direction. Just by being there, Kwon Jungwoo left behind a trail of light like a firefly.

“…….”

My only reason for coming to the library was Kwon Jungwoo, but I still wanted to make it seem like I was there to study, so I tried to focus. But I kept glancing at Kwon Jungwoo without realizing it.

Unable to study properly or satisfy my feelings, I ended up making a deal with myself, like collecting coupons for delivery food: every 10 minutes of studying, I would allow myself one glance at Kwon Jungwoo. Surprisingly, it worked quite well.

There were about two minutes left before I could look at Kwon Jungwoo again. Someone lightly tapped my shoulder. The touch was careful, different from the firm and steady feel from before. I turned around to see Sojeong smiling shyly and pointing towards the exit.

“Oppa, could you….”

“Oh… sure.”

I wasn’t too eager, but I figured there must be a reason, so I got up. Just before leaving the reading room, I glanced at Kwon Jungwoo’s seat, but it was empty. Maybe he had gone to the bathroom. Realizing that I might have lost out if I had studied for two more minutes, I smugly thought it was a good thing I was leaving.

“It’s nothing special, but… I’m really sleepy. Could you buy me a cup of coffee?”

Despite claiming to be sleepy, Sojeong’s eyes were bright, though her expression seemed earnest. I had been worried when she called me out of the reading room, but it was just because she was sleepy, which was a relief.

How badly did she want to do well on her exams to ask me for something like this? She seemed so nice and cute, trying hard to stay awake and study.

“I’ll buy you as many cups as you want. Let’s go.”

Since I owed her a favor, I readily agreed to buy her a coffee. Sojeong’s face turned red with happiness, making her seem even more endearing.

Even though it was past 8 PM, the cafeteria on the 5th floor was still bustling with people. We ordered two coffees and, after searching for a place to sit, we luckily found a table in a quiet corner. It was a spot where we could be somewhat hidden from view, which made me feel more at ease.

Sojeong knew me very well.

She confessed that she had been a fan of mine for a long time and had attended several of my competitions in person. She frequently used the word “excited” while talking, her face often flushing with nervousness. I wasn’t surprised when she said she was a fan—I’d suspected as much from her earlier acts of kindness. I just gave her an awkward smile in response.

As Sojeong busied herself looking for a fancam video she had taken at one of my games, I started to think about heading back downstairs. While glancing around, I spotted Kwon Jungwoo at the café’s pickup counter, grabbing his coffee.

He was with another basketball player, and the two of them were laughing and joking together, nudging each other playfully. At one point, something seemed to surprise them, and they burst into laughter, eyes wide with amusement.

I kept watching him, hoping he’d notice me, but he never did. He just walked off without a glance in my direction. It was hard to believe this was the same person who had told me that I stood out from others.

“……”

Something felt off. My mood suddenly took a sharp downturn. I felt drained, and a long sigh escaped me. The coffee I’d been enjoying moments ago suddenly tasted bitter.

It wasn’t just because Kwon Jungwoo hadn’t noticed me. It was more complicated than that… but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Why is it that liking someone comes with such a confusing mess of emotions? Could it be that only a small part of my feelings for Kwon Jungwoo is affection, and the rest are unnecessary emotions? If I were to measure the purity of my affection, it felt like it was mostly impurities.

The more I thought about how Kwon Jungwoo had failed to notice me while happily joking with his friend, the more my chest ached. What if he had seen me, waved, or even smiled the way he sometimes does?

…But why am I feeling so resentful toward Kwon Jungwoo right now?

It made no sense. Kwon Jungwoo hadn’t done anything wrong, yet I was filled with this inexplicable sense of blame.

“Shall we head back? The later it gets, the more tired we’ll be….”

Sojeong, who was still looking for the fancam video, finally put her phone down. Her apology for wasting my time made me feel guilty instead.

“Do you want to take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator?” she suggested. Since there were a lot of people waiting for the elevator and it was only two floors down, I didn’t mind.

As soon as we entered the stairwell, the door shut behind us, cutting off all the noise. Sojeong, usually chatty, suddenly went quiet, lost in her thoughts. Normally, this would have made me feel awkward, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts of Kwon Jungwoo and my own guilt to care. The stairwell felt like an endless tunnel, filled only with the hum of the air and the sound of our footsteps.

Just as we reached the 3rd floor and I was about to open the door, Sojeong suddenly grabbed my wrist.

“Yes?”

At that same moment, I heard a door open from another floor, as if someone had entered the stairwell. But I didn’t pay much attention, as Sojeong’s eyes were too intense to ignore.

“Do you… have a girlfriend?”

“A girlfriend? No… I don’t.”

I knew immediately that this wasn’t just a casual question from a fan. When had it started? For the first time, I noticed the affection in Sojeong’s shy expression.

“Then, do you like anyone?”

“Um, well… There isn’t any ‘girl’ I like…”

“So, is it okay if I like you?”

Her dark eyes sparkled with hope.

I was at a loss. Her sudden confession caught me so off guard that I couldn’t find the words to respond. I couldn’t exactly tell her that I liked guys instead.

“Please, feel free to be honest with me. I don’t want to put any pressure on you. Just tell me how you really feel,” she said, her sincere words cutting through the hesitation that had been holding me back. For her sake, I knew I had to be honest. It wasn’t fair to just brush it off; I owed her the truth.

So, though I stumbled over my words, I found the courage to answer her.

“…It’s not up to me to allow or disallow your feelings for me, but if you’re leaving the decision to me…”

“……”

“I’m not someone who easily develops feelings for others. I’m not the type to seek out connections or get involved in relationships. So…”

“……”

“You understand what I’m saying, right?”

I felt uneasy as I spoke. Just earlier today, I’d decided to keep liking Kwon Jungwoo despite knowing it was a dead-end. Now, here I was, pushing Sojeong away, feeling like a hypocrite.

But Sojeong, unaware of my inner conflict, simply nodded with a bitter smile. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her face, so I focused on her wavy hair instead.

“I’m sorry.”

“…Oh, don’t apologize. I just wanted to tell you how I feel, even if it was just once. I’m lucky I even had the chance.”

“……”

“I kind of expected this, but it still stings a little. We won’t be awkward now, right? Please don’t hate me!”

Sojeong tried to keep her tone light as she spoke, then reached out to open the door. I quickly grabbed it to hold it open wider for her.

“Why would I hate you? Go on ahead. I’m just going to get some fresh air for a moment.”

“…Okay.”

When Sojeong left and I was left alone on the stairs, a complex mix of emotions welled up, starting with embarrassment. It felt like I had been the one to confess, and my breath gradually became labored. A sudden desire to escape the building overtook me, and I hurried down the stairs without paying attention to my injured ankle. Then, as I turned a corner, it happened.

I encountered Kwon Jungwoo on the floor below, where I had sensed no presence before.

I stood frozen as if I had stepped on a landmine, looking down at him. Meeting Kwon Jungwoo in the midst of my unsettled emotions was unexpected, but strangely enough, I wasn’t shaken.

In fact, the one who was uncharacteristically flustered was Kwon Jungwoo.

“Uh… sorry. I didn’t mean to overhear.”

He was more embarrassed than I was and made excuses I hadn’t asked for. I had seen him kiss someone and even get slapped, so hearing an apology from him pricked my conscience.

Slowly, I walked down toward Kwon Jungwoo. Though my exterior became more composed, my heart beat faster with each step. Before I could say anything, Kwon Jungwoo spoke first.

“Shall we go for a walk?”

He held a coffee cup with only ice left in it and carried the scent of outdoor air over his cologne. These were signs that he had just been outside. I hated the idea of imposing on this kind man more than I hated failing an exam.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll head back inside soon, so don’t worry about it.”

I sincerely thanked him and smiled. Kwon Jungwoo, unaware that he had been resentfully thought of in the cafeteria earlier, opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it quietly. His reaction puzzled me; it didn’t seem like it was just because he had witnessed a confession—he had received countless confessions himself, after all.

He stared at me intensely before eventually lowering his gaze. It seemed as if something else was on his mind, like he was deeply preoccupied with a particular thought. His fingers continuously tapped the cup as I walked past him down the stairs.

That night, I returned home shortly afterward. Despite the group of athletes gathered together, I didn’t manage to say goodbye to Kwon Jungwoo. And of course, I didn’t receive any message from him looking for me.

From that day on, when I truly felt how a crush could make someone act so strangely, I stopped going to the library. If I was going to study alone, I might as well do it at home without Kwon Jungwoo around—it helped me concentrate better. The only downside was that I missed seeing Kwon Jungwoo.

A few days passed by in this ordinary fashion.

Even during the exam period, messages from Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh continued as usual. Their conversations were mostly casual, rarely about the exams, and Kwon Jungwoo remained absent.

I often typed “Kwon Jungwoo recent news” into the search bar, only to delete it, fearing a repeat of past experiences. I couldn’t bring myself to press the search button. Besides, I would be seeing his face soon enough in the upcoming “Understanding Architecture” class.

And now, on the day before the final exam, I found myself thinking about Kwon Jungwoo once again.

Fiddling with my phone, I opened Kwon Jungwoo’s messenger profile picture. The photo was still of a professional overseas basketball player. I zoomed in and out of the picture repeatedly, feeling envious of the foreign athlete. He was lucky to be liked by Kwon Jungwoo.

Thud—

In a moment of foolishness, I dropped my phone. It hit the floor after colliding with the sitting table and knocking over a water cup. I hurriedly picked up the now-wet phone. I still had payments left on it.

As I anxiously checked the screen, I suddenly inhaled sharply.

“Ah!.”

Somehow, my phone had accidentally dialed Kwon Jungwoo. I quickly ended the call, but I was sure that my number had appeared on his phone. Sure enough, the phone rang shortly after. The caller was Kwon Jungwoo.

“…Hello?”

His voice over the phone sounded unfamiliar. It was usually deep, but now it seemed even more grounded, making my heart tingle more. It was a voice I had longed to hear, yet I had no time to savor it as I frantically searched for an excuse. Nervously, I fidgeted with my lips.

“It was an accident. I dropped my phone, and the call went through. I tried to hang up quickly, but it seems the call connected. I’m sorry.”

He playfully teased, having accurately guessed the situation with his low voice. So I instinctively denied it, even waving my hand despite being on the phone.

“No, of course not. Why would I suddenly be looking at your picture? It was just a coincidence.”

— Okay, sure.

“…I’ll hang up now.”

“Huh? Oh… I just find it more comfortable to study at home alone.”

Just when I thought I had dodged the bullet, Kwon Jungwoo asked about my recent absence as if he had been looking for me. Maybe I had briefly crossed his mind once or twice.

“Lately, the place has been too crowded because of the new sign-up events. Since I only go to use the treadmill, I figured I’d just take a walk outside instead.”

“…….”

The unexpected, purposeless call was soon enveloped in silence. I wanted to keep the conversation going but didn’t know what to say. I was also worried that I might be disturbing him since he was busy studying for exams.

“Well… see you tomorrow.”

With that simple farewell, Kwon Jungwoo’s name was finally added to my call history. I spent the rest of the evening repeatedly checking the less-than-a-minute call duration, completely neglecting my exam studies.

And so, the last day of midterms arrived. Coincidentally, our final exam,

, was the last for all four of us, making it perfect for a celebratory gathering afterward.

While getting ready for the exam, Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh complained about how the class had both group projects and a midterm. This was the first time I had seen Kwon Jungwoo since the incident at the library, and he sat one seat away to my left. We exchanged greetings, but that was the extent of our interaction.

As the exam sheets were being passed out from the front, Kwon Jungwoo reached over and started writing something on the empty desk between us. His black pen moved across the desk, forming thin letters as it went.

A smile spread across my face at those simple words. So, I quietly mouthed back to him.

At that, Kwon Jungwoo let out a small laugh.

***

“Sunbae, it’s not about whether I’m good or not… You promised back then that you wouldn’t put me on the spot anymore….”

“It took a lot of courage for me to go to that shoot even before I was admitted… You can’t do this to me.”

I held onto my phone with both hands, feeling frustrated and wronged.

I had just finished my last exam and had come to the hot pot restaurant with everyone for dinner. As soon as I arrived, the third-year class representative called me, and what was supposed to be a short call turned into a lengthy one due to an unexpected request.

“It’s difficult!”

My voice rose without me realizing it, and people passing by started to look my way. I quickly turned away and lowered my voice.

“It’s difficult. The environment is completely different from a gymnastics arena to the middle of a sports field. This is really too much for me, sunbae….”

The class rep seemed to have changed tactics, now pleading with me. He probably called knowing I wouldn’t easily refuse, but gymnastics-related decisions weren’t ones I could make lightly. Besides, I no longer wanted to be in the spotlight, and it had been too long since I last performed. I especially didn’t want to do it just for show, without any competition involved.

“There’s a high risk of injury since it’s not on mats, and on a sandy field, I could easily slip….”

“But how can you lay mats on the field….”

“Seriously, sunbae… Fine, but you have to promise me one thing. I’m not going to the

MT