Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

I kept bouncing back to have quick chats with Barnes’s table until his brother Joshua invited me to join them. Since the main rush was done, and I was a bit peckish anyway, I obliged.

Joshua and Tourmaline were originally from the Capital, Kinshasa. Joshua was cagey about his profession, and only willing to say that he was a very successful businessman. Apparently he was incognito in Minnova on business, and he asked me to keep quiet about it. I had no problem agreeing to that, though I made a mental note to check the wanted papers at the Adventurer's Guild later.

Tourmaline was a [Toxicologist], which was a Specialization of the [Researcher] Title; a combination of Barck and Archis’ Blessings. She was the first I’d met, and I wasn’t going to lose a chance to pick her brain. Especially since I was pretty sure she was the one Barck had mentioned in our meeting. Our heads bent together as we made notes and diagrams in my notebook. It reminded me of talking to Annie, and I suspected the two of them would get along great.

I stopped her in the middle of a dissertation on the difference between a [Toxicologist] and a [Poisoner]. “Why is [Toxicologist] based on [Researcher]? I would have guessed it to be a Specialization of [Alchemist].”

“It’s not well known, but the same Specialization can come from different Titles. In my case, I studied magic and alchemy and how it relates to the dwarven body. That gave me the [Researcher] Title. I then focused on potions, toxins, and poisons, and also how to improve them.”

“Mal is a quick study, and has a knack for obtaining Milestones.” Joshua said around a mouth full of fish.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, brother.” Barnes *tutted*.

“Yes, mother.”

Tourmaline looked up at the pair of them. “Rude.”

I had an odd feeling of deja-vu from the byplay, but ignored it. Easy Milestones marked Tourmaline as a possible Chosen, though that seemed unlikely. “What got you so interested in potions and poisons?”

“My mother.” Tourmaline replied, then took a bite out of her braised goat.

I waited a moment to see if she would explain further. To broach or not to broach? Curiosity won out. “Your… mother?”

“Yes, my mother was poisoned when I was younger. She still suffers some residual effects. I studied magic and alchemy on the off-chance that I could learn something to help her. I have been able to replicate the toxin in question, but have not been able to reverse its effects. It has a non-standard attack vector and I have been unable to isolate its exact path through the body.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Quick Pete, change the subject! “Your research sounds interesting. Do you get funding from any Universities?”

“No.”

Our conversations were a fairly solid mix of this. She could talk forever about alchemy or chemistry, but seemed reluctant to discuss anything else. I didn’t know if it was me, or what, but whenever I got close to any personal questions she seemed to deftly sidestep.

I tried a slightly different tack.

“How long have you been in Minnova?”

“A while.”

“Are you doing any interesting research here?”

“Just digging around.”

“Oh? Are you looking for specific alchemical ingredients?”

“Yes. I need a few ingredients for my next potion that are best found in Greentree. There are some equivalents in Kinshasa but they will have a lower efficacy.”

I thought about it for a moment. Helping her could get me in with Prophet Barnes, and she might be able to help mewith alchemy. I even had a useful new tool for it. “Do you need help looking? I might be able to give you a hand.”

“We’re leaving tonight.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate.”

“Thank you for offering.”

“Of course! Any time!”

“This beer is quite good!” Joshua interrupted. “Some of the best I’ve had! It’s smoOOooth!” He swayed a bit.

Tourmaline frowned. “You’re such a lightweight grandfather. A dwarf should be made of stronger stuff.”

There it was again. A strange feeling of deja-vu. Barck said he placed Tourmaline ‘near’ me, but I’d never seen her in my life. Or last life. Yet, she felt familiar, and I couldn’t place exactly where or how. I tried the direct approach.

“Have we met before? Tourmaline?”

Barnes choked on his beer and we looked at him with concern until he stopped choking. He waved at us to continue and took a bite out of his goatherd pie.

“It’s always possible. Minnova isn’t that big of a city.” She replied.

Huh….she was using a lot of weasel words. It took a weasel to recognize a weasel, and she sounded exactly like I did when I sidestepped Midna’s [Truespeech]. Oh well, it wasn’t like I was here to interrogate her. I was a guest at their table, so I dropped it and moved on to a more agreeable subject matter.

“Do you know much about alcohol?” Ah, the old standby.

She gave me her full attention. “I do. I assume that you do as well?”

“I do! I’m a brewer myself. We’re actually right in the middle of making some changes to our brewing method.”

Joshua and Barnes looked up with interest, and Joshua piped up.

“Is that why this beer tastes so good?”

I nodded. “To a degree. Our first few changes involved improving sanitation in the brewery, and the resulting beer came out with a consistent taste and very little contamination.”

Tourmaline frowned. “Sanitisation is a vital step in any alchemical process.”

“I can’t discuss it, but not all brewrooms would necessarily agree with you.” I frowned with displeasure.

Tourmaline nodded. “While brewing is counted among the alchemical professions, very few brewers have any actual training in alchemy. All their methods and techniques are traditional and, as far as I know, have not been updated in millenia.”

“That’s about right.” I concurred.

“It’s a shame. Brewing is amongst the many pillars in our society that could do with a bit of a shake-up.”

Barnes moaned. “Not this again.”

“Mal, I would have hoped that yourrr… recent misadventure might have taught you something.” Joshua said haltingly.

“Bah! You said so yourself, grandfather, this beer is the smoothest you’ve ever tasted.”

He sighed and took another swig. “There is that.”

I laughed. “Hah! You’d fit right in around here, that’s for sure! It’s like talking to an old friend!”

She actually blushed and muttered something under her breath.

A quick glance around told me that the pub was starting to get busy again. That and Aqua was making stabby motions in my direction. With a knife. One of Bran’s knives! He was going to kill her.

“If you’re interested in seeing how things turn out, keep an eye on our next few batches. We’re going to have something really special for the citizens of Minnova. Now I really need to get going, but I hope you enjoy the rest of your meal.” I stood up to go.

“It’s absolutely delicious, the crunch on this fish is incredible! You need to give me the recipe!” Joshua replied.

“It’s a secret recipe for now, but keep an eye on Whistlemop’s Wonders! Oh, before I go, can I set up a meeting with you for later Prophet Barnes? I really need your advice.”

“Hrm. Set up an appointment through the Cathedral like everyone else. Unless you have something that would make you special?” He leered.

“Just my good looks and winning personality?”

“Hmm… not that good, and I’d say a runner-up at best. Talk to the acolytes.”

“Oof. It was a pleasure to meet you Tourmaline, I hope to see you again! Joshua, Prophet Barnes.” I tipped an imaginary hat and ran off to get scolded.

—

“He's a nice lad.” Joshua remarked as they watched Pete run off.

“Aye, that he is.” Barnes remarked, taking a swig from his glass.

“You seemed to know him...” Joshua’s eyes narrowed, then widened. *Ge-he-he!* “He was what’s so interesting about this place! You side-tracked me!”

“Ugh. NO! Uncle Barnes brought us here because nearly all the staff are from the Minnova Reform Mine.” Tourmaline rolled her eyes. “There, are you happy?”

Joshua started. “You mean the - ”

“Yes! Now stop embarrassing me and eat your food!”

Joshua ignored her and focused on where Pete was being harangued by a blue-haired dwarfess and her golden-locked companion. “How interesting. Are they friends of yours?”

“Yes… maybe… I felt so.” Tourmaline mumbled, her eyes never leaving the trio in the corner.

“Hmmm…” Joshua regarded his granddaughter as she fidgeted in her chair. She was always so sure of herself, and it was surprising to see her so affected. On one hand, she needed some real friends, not just servants or hangers on. On the other hand, they would soon be returning to Kinshasa, and it was likely that the dwarfess known as ‘Wreck’ would never return to Minnova again. He looked down at the amber dregs in his mug and had a thought. He leaned over and whispered into Barnse’s ear.

“You know, brother… Mal may be right.”

“Hrmmm?” Barnes said around a mouthful of whipped erdroot and goat. “This goatherd pie is amazin’. I’m comin’ here to eat whenever I can.”

“Never mind that. Listen! Perhaps we do need to shake things up a bit. Now is a good time since the King’s drinking contest has the High Council up in arms. How about something that would appease them, but only on the surface?”

*Gulp* “Go on.”

“I’ll petition His Majesty to open a brewing contest alongside the drinking competition . We’ll invite the greatest brewers in all of Crack to come to Kinshasa and present their brews to the King! But - we’ll open it to ‘any brewer’ instead of just the guilds!”

“Interesting. I like it!” Barnes grinned wolfishly.

Joshua leaned back in his chair and nodded to himself. Yes, that would do the trick. It would take some time, but he was certain that His Majesty would listen. He’d be able to grease the wheels a bit as Duke, but the rest would be up to these hopeful young dwarves. Perhaps Tourmaline would get to see her friends sooner than she could have hoped.

—

It was only a short while until I was back to working in the kitchen. Bran was taking a quick breather out back, and I was busy stirring mashed potatoes and chopping vegetables. Aqua stood beside me and kept watch on the deep fryer. It was boiling hot in the kitchen, and I decided that the next big purchase was going to be some kind of air conditioning. If it didn’t exist, I would design a magical one with Richter and then retire as a gazillionaire.

“Oh, is Bran not here?”

We looked over to the entrance of the kitchen in astonishment. Nobody else was supposed to be in here.

“Excuse me - “ Aqua began, but I interrupted her.

“Doc Opal!” I shouted with joy.

“Pete?” She replied.

“Opal?” Aqua asked.

“Opal!” Annie cried as she ran over.

“Annie!” Opal reached out to give her an embrace.

“Opal?!” Bran shouted as he ran in, led by Balin.

“Bran!” She cried, her face lighting up.

“Doc Opal!” Balin’s muffled voice was barely audible through his golden helmet.

“Balin!?” Opal said in astonishment.

“Meeeeeh!!!!” [Translated from Prima Donna Goat] “Hello!”

“PENELOPE!!!” We all shouted.

“Owff!” Said Opal.

—

“It is a beautiful dress.” Bran said, as he handed a handkerchief to Doc Opal.

"It was a beautiful dress." Balin muttered. Annie stomped on his foot.

Opal was dressed in a stunning rhinestone dress that accentuated her curves. Or maybe those were real diamonds, who could tell?

Dwarves. Dwarves could probably tell.

“Honestly, the tomato sauce should come right out with a little lemon juice.” I put in, trying to be helpful. Aqua removed a protesting Penelope to her pen, and Balin followed with his tool kit. It looked like someone was going to be in time out.

Opal barked a laugh. “Same old Pete! Still on about his lemon juice.” She took the handkerchief and daubed at her dress, which was coated in red goop. She had fallen onto a bowl of tomato sauce after Penelope’s boisterous ‘Hello’. “Ugh, maybe I will try that lemon trick.”

“I’m sooooo sorry, Opal.” Annie rubbed her hands grievously.

“It’s quite alright, Annie. I’m just glad I was able to be here on Bran’s special - I mean, your special day.”

“Thank you.” Annie blushed at the older dwarf’s praise.

*Cough* We were interrupted by another presence at the door to the kitchen. Joshua stood there alongside Tourmaline, looking in. Barnes was nowhere to be seen. “It seems you’re busy?”

“Joshua! Just a moment!” I called.

“Your Gr-!” Opal started in a shocked voice, then bit her tongue. She turned around and began wildly daubing at her dress with the handkerchief. Bran and Annie watched her with concern while I ran up to Joshua.

“Thank you for coming, I hope you enjoyed your food!”

“It was delicious! We just wanted to say goodbye.” Joshua patted Tourmaline on the shoulder. She fidgeted a bit and then leaned through the doorway to address everyone.

“Goodbye.”

We stared back in confusion, except for Opal, who stared at her dress.

Annie waved first. “Uh, bye? Thanks for coming to our grand opening?”

“Aye, glad you liked it!” Bran echoed.

“You’re welcome any time!” I gave a fist pump.

Tourmaline swiftly turned around. “I’m leaving, grandfather. I’ll meet you outside.”

“Aye, I’ll come with you. Thank you again, Pete. I look forward to trying your next batch.”

“Thanks! So long! I hope we meet again!”

“I look forward to it.”