D Minus

The man seemed quite taken aback by the unexpected question directed at him. He fidgeted with his beer can, tilting his head to the side.“What’s the point of living? It’s not like I asked to be born in the first place.”“…”“You’re probably more valuable than me. So, hang in there.”Despite the man’s rough manner of speaking, Hajin found himself oddly comforted by his words. As an educated person, he never thought he would find solace in the words of someone seemingly unrefined and uneducated, but somehow, it brought him peace. Hajin, who had been tapping his half-empty can, suddenly stood up and headed to his room. The man’s gaze followed him.“What’s your name?”“My name?”Hajin returned to the table holding a notebook and a three-color pen. The man looked at him, puzzled, while Hajin, now thoroughly inebriated, shoved the clutter on the table aside and placed the notebook down.“Shin Jonghwa.”Shin Jonghwa. It had been nearly a month since they’d met, and Hajin was only now learning his name. Hajin twirled the pen between his fingers before pressing it firmly onto the notebook, writing the three characters of the man’s name: Shin, Jong, Hwa.“Do you know what this says?”“Shin Jonghwa, right?”“Write it.”“No.”“You should at least be able to write your own name.”“I’ve done fine without knowing how.”“You didn’t even know how to shop properly.”“That’s because you wrote the list in a scrawl. If the lady had recognized it, there would’ve been no problem.”Usually compliant, the man was unexpectedly stubborn. Hajin frowned slightly as he turned the notebook toward the man. He hadn’t yet shed the habit of a teacher.“It’s a bit much to be thirty and not know how to read.”“It’s too late for me. As long as I can speak well, it’s fine.”“You said you never went to school?”“Yeah.”“You’re lucky then. You’ve met a teacher.”“Who’s the teacher? You?”“Yes. Now quickly, follow my writing. Start with ‘Shin.'”“I don’t want to. I don’t plan to learn to write…”“Three claps and go! Clap clap clap.”Cutting him off, Hajin clapped his hands three times with a mischievous smile. The man’s dumbfounded expression was priceless. Despite being heated up to his chest, Hajin maintained a stern face as he tapped the notebook with his finger. Perhaps it was just an illusion, but the man’s neck seemed to turn a shade of red.The man picked up the pen without further resistance. Hajin waited patiently without rushing him. Just as he had struggled with chopsticks, the man didn’t seem to know how to hold a pencil. Clenching the pen awkwardly in his fist, it was clear he wouldn’t be able to write properly. Hajin was about to scold him for his grip but held back when he saw the man’s flushed neck. A lesson from his years as a teacher came to mind: ignorance is not shameful.“If you hold the pen like this, it’s easier to write.”Hajin got up and approached the man, gently adjusting his grip. Each time his rough hand brushed Hajin’s skin, goosebumps prickled along his spine. After repositioning his fingers, the man’s grip finally looked proper. Hajin nodded approvingly, meeting the man’s eyes directly. His silent praise seemed to make the man’s already red neck flush even more.“Let’s just learn what’s necessary.”“…”“Just enough to get by.”I’m leaving, but you will stay.Hajin’s gaze toward the man no longer held contempt, anger, or irritation. It was now filled with silent sympathy, frustration, sadness, and a sense of kinship. His feelings towards the man were slowly changing.“Write it quickly, starting with ‘Shin.'”The man’s soft eyes, looking up at Hajin, resembled those of a child. Hesitantly, he began to write the first consonant under Hajin’s writing: ‘ㅅ.’“That’s right.”With his arms crossed, Hajin complimented him in a softer tone. From his vantage point, he noticed how red the man’s ears were. With trembling hands, the man completed his first letter: ‘신.’ It was the first time in his life he had written the first character of his own name.＊＊＊Though Hajin thought he had woken up early, Jonghwa was already gone. Recently, he had been quite busy. Hajin gazed absentmindedly at the sunlight streaming through the window, casting ripples on the wooden floor. As he shifted his gaze to the whiteboard hanging on the wall, he chuckled.고야이Despite his stern appearance, Jonghwa was surprisingly obedient. It had been ten days since they started learning Hangul, and despite not being a complete idiot, he followed Hajin’s lessons quite well.Hajin had given him a small task: write down a word he remembered on the whiteboard each day. Though Jonghwa had initially shaken his head, saying it was pointless, he had written ‘Shin Jonghwa’ on the first day, ‘Park Hajin’ on the second, ‘오지어’ on the third, and ‘젖가락’ on the fourth. Except for the names, everything else was wrong. He had likely meant to write ‘오징어’ (squid) and ‘젓가락’ (chopsticks).Instead of pointing out his mistakes, Hajin corrected them in a different color when Jonghwa wasn’t looking. He added a red ‘ㅇ’ to the black ‘오지어’ and covered the blue ‘젖가락’ with a red ‘ㅅ.’Standing with his arms crossed, Hajin smiled softly. He picked up the red pen and added an ‘ㅇ’ under ‘야,’ turning it into ‘고양이’ (cat). The slightly messy but legible ‘고양이’ reminded him of the stray cat Jonghwa often fed. After drinking a glass of lukewarm water, Hajin found the cat food cans Jonghwa had hidden and went outside. The heat had subsided slightly, signaling the approach of autumn.“Hey.”“Oh, you scared me!”Hajin, who had fallen asleep reclining in the rocking chair, suddenly sprang up at the presence he felt right beside him. Jonghwa, wearing a sullen expression, shook a black plastic bag in front of his face. Startled, Hajin took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and pointed to the crinkling bag.“What’s this?”“Kim Mansoon.”“…What?”“I bought Kim Mansoon.”“Who’s Kim Mansoon?”“This.”Without any further explanation, Jonghwa shoved the plastic bag towards Hajin. Instinctively defensive, Hajin cautiously took the bag with his index finger, half-expecting it to contain something as bizarre as a dead rat.Contrary to Hajin’s guarded demeanor, Jonghwa plopped down on the bare floor, blushing awkwardly. Hajin was perceptive about such things. As he fiddled with the warm bottom of the bag, Hajin’s eyes softened.“What are you curious about?”“What?”“You have something you want to ask, right?”“No.”“Give it here.”There was no need to open the bag to know it was their dinner for the evening. Hajin placed the bag on the floor and extended his palm towards Jonghwa, who was avoiding his gaze. Jonghwa, seemingly shy, hesitated to take his hand out of his pocket until Hajin urged him again. With a sigh, he finally pulled something out.“Hmm.”“I’m sure about the first two characters, but the last one is iffy.”“What are the first two?”“Kim Man.”“And the last one?”“Soon.”“That’s right.”Hajin struggled to suppress his laughter when he saw Jonghwa’s bright red earlobes. Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, Hajin couldn’t help but smile like a Cheshire cat. Jonghwa, glancing at Hajin, jerked his chin up.“What’s Kim Mansoon?”“It’s what you bought. This.”“I asked for Kim Mansoon, and that’s what they gave me.”Apparently, Jonghwa had written down the menu phonetically since he wasn’t familiar with Hangul. Hajin’s face flushed as he looked at the scrawled handwriting, realizing it was a misunderstanding from reading vertically instead of horizontally.김만순밥두대It seemed Jonghwa had written the menu as is. The problem arose from reading it horizontally instead of vertically. Perhaps “밥두대” was meant to be “밥도 된다” (rice is also available). Hajin clutched the crumpled paper in his hand, tilting his head slightly. The sunlight streaming from behind highlighted Jonghwa’s face, illuminating his soft brown eyes.“Shall we eat?”The rustling sound of the bag’s handle under his fingertips broke the silence. Jonghwa eagerly nodded, grabbing the bag and heading towards the table. Hajin followed, unable to wipe the smile off his face.“Do you like kimchi dumplings or meat dumplings?”“Either is fine.”“Do you prefer sundae with glass noodles or with blood?”“I don’t know the difference.”“Glass noodles are glass noodles, and blood is blood.”“What’s blood?”“A gangster doesn’t know what blood sausage is?”“Who’s a gangster?”Hajin’s words came to an abrupt halt as he realized his playful jab might have crossed a line. He had thought they were close enough to joke around, but Jonghwa’s serious expression made him reconsider. Hajin shrugged as he picked up a piece of kimbap with his chopsticks.“You’re not a gangster?”“Me?”“Yeah.”Slipping into informal speech, Hajin reminded himself that he was older and sometimes acted as Jonghwa’s Korean teacher. However, Jonghwa didn’t seem to care about the informality, only responding with a dismissive snort and a furrowed brow.“Who’s a gangster? I’m not a gangster.”“…”Though he wanted to comment on Jonghwa’s lack of conscience, Hajin held back. Frustrated by his inability to pick up the sundae with his chopsticks, Jonghwa eventually threw them down in exasperation, creating a sharp sound as they hit the glass tabletop.“Are you angry because I called you a gangster?”“Huh? No, it’s not that. It’s just that this sundae is impossible to pick up.”“Remember how I taught you to hold a pen?”“A pencil? Yeah.”“You hold chopsticks the same way.”Hajin seemed like he was about to properly teach him and got up from his chair, but Jonghwa waved his hand, saying it was okay. However, Hajin was a step quicker. He approached right next to Jonghwa, clasped Jonghwa’s large hand in his own, and taught him the correct way to use chopsticks, just as he had done before.“Mr. Shin Jonghwa.”“What?”“Not knowing something isn’t something to be ashamed of.”“……”“So if you have any questions in the future, feel free to ask anytime. You’re always welcome.”Thanks to adjusting his grip here and there, it became perfect. Standing upright, Hajin moved the chopsticks while holding Jonghwa’s hand. The sundae, which had been hard to pick up, was now well grasped between the two metal sticks. Hajin could feel Jonghwa’s gaze rising upward. He met his eyes directly without avoiding them.＊＊＊The weather is so fucking hot.“The only correct word is ‘fucking’……”The waning heat seemed to surge one last time as if making a final stand. Having put the fan on the veranda, Hajin woke up sweating and came out to the living room, holding his stomach and laughing for a long time. He had never taught him the word ‘fucking’, so it was amazing how he managed to use it. Laughing so much that his throat became dry, Hajin clutched his neck and headed to the kitchen, only to suddenly stop as if something had come to mind.“Kimchi jjim……”He had promised Jonghwa, who scored over 50 points on a dictation test recently, that he would make whatever he wanted as a reward. Jonghwa had humbly requested ‘kimchi jjim’. Hajin had planned to make it the next day, but Jonghwa hadn’t come home for two days, so he failed. After a brief contemplation, Hajin went straight to his room to change clothes. It’s best not to delay rewards for achievements. It was a principle he had set as a teacher.“Geez… It’s so hot.”It took over 30 minutes to go to the mart, and he was drenched in sweat by the time he got back. As soon as Hajin entered the house, he turned on the air conditioner and dashed to the bathroom, then remembered he had left the meat on the table and rushed back out naked. He quickly put the meat in the refrigerator, worried that someone might see his naked body through the open window, and then ran back to the bathroom. His movements were frantic, leaving him breathless.It hadn’t been long since he started living here, but he was already feeling at home. While spraying water on various parts of his body with a showerhead that didn’t have very strong water pressure, Hajin suddenly felt dizzy and stumbled, leaning against the wall. His vision flashed black and didn’t clear up.“Oh…”He lost strength in his hands and dropped the showerhead. Water sprayed everywhere, but he couldn’t see to fix it. He groped the tiles on the wall with his hands in the dark, but his vision didn’t improve, and the tingling static sensation climbing from his navel grew stronger. Losing both his judgment and sense of direction, Hajin unconsciously stepped forward.The bathroom wasn’t that large, but the steps he took felt endless and daunting. Without realizing it, Hajin tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling. His eyes rolled back, and he fell backward. There was a loud bang, but he felt no pain anywhere.It was D-136, the first time he felt symptoms after being diagnosed with a terminal illness.“What the…”It didn’t take long for him to realize where he was when he opened his eyes and saw the unfamiliar surroundings. The last clear memory he had was falling backward in the bathroom with water spraying everywhere. Hajin pushed Jonghwa’s face, which was so close it felt like they might kiss, and sighed softly. His lips, which had been closed for so long, felt dry and cracked.“Did I faint?”“Yeah, in the bathroom.”“Of all places, why the bathroom…”He didn’t feel any pain, but the hospital smell was unpleasant. Hajin rubbed his parched lips with the back of his hand and stared at the hospital gown he was wearing for a few seconds before shifting his gaze to Jonghwa.“How long have I been out?”“I don’t know. It’s been five hours since I brought you here.”“Why am I already in a hospital gown after such a short time?”“You were naked.”“…You didn’t bring me here like that, did you?”“No, I carried you here.”“You carried me? You?”Hajin’s mouth dropped open. Jonghwa nodded nonchalantly, as if wondering what the problem was. Hajin’s mouth twitched.“Did you… at least dress me?”“There’s no time to dress someone who’s about to die. I just carried you here.”“Naked?”His voice grew louder. Caught off guard and feeling cornered, Jonghwa nodded vigorously with a puzzled look on his face. Hajin’s eyes wandered before he let out a long sigh through his parted lips.“You’re socially killing me.”“What does that even mean?”“I mean… how could you bring me to the hospital naked?”“No, I covered you with my clothes.”“…”“Your butt might have been visible, though.”Hajin hated the serious look on Jonghwa’s face as he recalled the details. Hajin, sighing repeatedly, pressed his aching temples with his fingers and muttered in a muffled voice.“Then I’ll have to go home in these clothes.”“No, I just went home and got your clothes.”“…Then I should be discharged immediately.”“Discharged?”This time, Jonghwa’s eyes widened in surprise. His bright, pale eyes, which didn’t suit his thug-like appearance, expanded roundly. Instead of saying more, Hajin chose to get up. As he extended his pale white foot out of the bed, Jonghwa immediately grabbed his wrist.“You can’t be discharged.”“……”“The doctor said you need to get treated.”Hajin clenched his jaw tightly, giving Jonghwa a moment. Chemotherapy was a treatment Hajin had refused. Unless he was given a thick lifeline in his empty hands, he had no intention of choosing a thin, slightly longer thread. When Hajin felt the floor with his bare feet to find his shoes, Jonghwa handed him the slippers that were under the bed.“They said you need cancer treatment.”“I decided not to get it, so just help me get discharged.”He spoke firmly, but it seemed Jonghwa had a different idea. Not that he planned to listen since his life’s decisions weren’t in Jonghwa’s hands anyway, but those unusually pitiful eyes bothered him. Hajin deliberately averted his gaze, quickly changed his clothes, and headed to the corridor. He heard hurried footsteps following him from behind.“The doctor said you need to get treated.”“I know. But I’m not getting it.”“Why?”Jonghwa was particularly persistent today. Already feeling out of sorts, Hajin became irritated. He shrugged his shoulders and let out an exaggerated sigh, turning to glare at Jonghwa, who was following closely behind.“Why should I get treatment when it’s not going to save me?”“It will let you live longer than if you don’t get it.”“A few months at best.”“A few months is something.”The man who claimed he didn’t care about life was now fiercely arguing. Hajin raised his eyebrows in disbelief.“You said dying wasn’t a big deal.”“It’s not.”“Then why?”“It’s not for me. It’s for you.”