Dog of War

CWs:

Princess was floating in a river of warm bliss, rocked by its gentle motion as euphoria seeped in. Or maybe it was seeping out from within? It didn't really matter, Mistress had them, Her love encompassing everything from the waters to the cotton candy clouds enveloping their thoughts. There were voices outside, and probably sophonts too, but they were as distant as they were indistinct. There was just the glowing feeling, and its heat burned all else away.

 

Two Affini good. Mistress very good. Golly, that was incredible.

 

It was almost too much. If they’d said ‘good girl’ one more time or had Mistress hit that spot under their chin a little longer, Princess would have surely been lost at sea. Even now, they could feel their fried synapses sparking in the aftermath.

 

Can't wait until we get to do that again. Maybe we can ask Mistress and Miss Dawnbloom?

 

That would be nice. Daisy could be there! Princess really liked her.

 

Oo, Jess too!

 

Yeah! The only thing that could make this better was having their pinnates here, drifting off with them. The afterglow lapping at all of them like lazy waves, as they lay in each other's arms.

 

“~~~~~~ ~~~?”

 

Hm? There was something calling them on the breeze.

 

“Princess?”

 

Mistress?

 

With great effort, they managed to respond. “Nn?”

 

“It's time to come up now, but don't rush it, okay?”

 

“Nn!” They didn' wanna leave though! It was so comfy n’ cozy! Princess tried to sink lower, below to the riverbed. They knew they would be dragged out but every minute was worth it.

 

Mm, nicies here.

 

“~~~~~~~~? ~~ ~~~~, ~~~~~? I need you to be a big girl, and start coming up.”

 

The river started to flow out from beneath Princess, as something supplanted the odd mood. What were they being so stubborn about? They were grown, and they should act like it.

 

“Are you sure she'll be good for a session today?”

 

“Of course, we just went a little overboard with the petting. Ezra is doing much better now, by the way.”

 

“That's great to hear! And how are you?”

 

Who was that?

 

Miss Nele?

 

The memory came to the surface as the river of bliss continued to drain. Right, Mistress had told Princess they were starting therapy again today. It was really hard to pay attention to that sort of thing when She was there.

 

“Great, actually. I think I needed that as much as Ezra did. Princess stood up for herself against both of us, you would have been proud of her. I know I am.”

 

Princess felt their heart swell—

 

We made Mistress proud?!

 

“Oh, wonderful! I've been worried about her ever since—Oh, I think she's starting to come to.”

 

Physical awareness was returning quickly, the river Princess had floated upon now leaden in their veins. Moving disturbed pools of that golden ecstasy, and it bled from them in whimpers as they tried to sit up. How were they sore from being pet?

 

We were twitching and pulling on Mistress’ and Miss Primrose’s vines a lot. Feels good to be sore again, even if it's only a little.

 

Mistress mercifully helped them, putting them at a mostly upright angle as things continued to swim. Princess was, indeed, in the waiting room of Miss Nele’s office, the Affini's soft, leafy smile greeting them. “Hello Princess, it's good to see you again. Feel free to take a few minutes, you're early.”

 

“Mornin’ Miss Nele. Or uh, afternoon?” What time was it anyways? Princess had lost track of it on the way out of the hab, and it wasn't like they had a good gauge for how long the petting had gone. Mistress had said that lunch was after therapy, so it was probably morning?

 

Does it really matter? Mistress handles the schedule, and we're early.

 

It was easier to just let Mistress handle that stuff; they should just try to focus on what they were here for.

 

“It's still morning, cutie~” Princess could tell from Her voice alone that Mistress was restraining Herself from petting them back into senselessness. “But yes, please take your time to recover.”

 

Princess relaxed, nearly drifting off despite themselves. It was hard to actively shake off the feelings when they were so safe and loved, when they were where they belonged. Mistress took pity on the pet, setting them down, supporting them as they found their legs. No longer properly in Her vines, their thoughts finally congealed—as much as they seemed capable of around the Affini—and their muscles followed shortly.

 

Mistress slowly transferred their weight back to them, giving them a pat as She withdrew completely. “There you go. How are you feeling, Princess?”

 

“We're ready.” Princess' smile quickly faded as their heart sunk—they weren't going to see Mistress for at least two hours!

 

Wait, She owns us now, She doesn't have to stay outside anymore!

 

 “A-are you coming?” Princess asked, a veneer of hope masking their anxiety.

 

The way Her vines curled beat Her words to the punch, deepening their pout. “Sorry petal, I don't think you'll be able to focus if I'm there.” Mistress tucked a loose strand of hair behind Princess' ear, “I'll be listening in the whole time, and I'll be right outside. I'll be there the moment you need me, okay?”

 

Princess considered throwing in the towel immediately, Mistress would join if they insisted, but they knew She was right. How could they talk about their issues when being near Her was so perfect? It wouldn't be therapy anymore. “Yes, Mistress.” They nuzzled into Her side, savoring Her safety and love for a little longer.

 

Mistress placed a hand on them for an instant that Princess would have given anything to last longer, before turning them around, and nudging them towards Miss Nele. They clutched Mr Bear as they took a deep breath, and followed the therapist inside.

 

Miss Nele set a familiar pot and teacup on the table, preparing the tea as Princess settled onto the couch. Being on Terran-sized furniture felt so weird now—they never realized how small it all was. “Would you like some snacks as well? Or just the tea again?”

 

“Just the tea, thank you.” The void in their being that Mistress filled was rapidly cooling. Thoughts were coming more easily, but it also made room for something else, something uneasy.

 

“Of course.” Miss Nele took her own seat across from Princess. “You've had a lot of developments since we last met, but let's start with the most obvious—how are you adjusting to floret life?”

 

“Okay?” The semi-transparent dress and rope harness underneath suddenly stuck out to them, like adjusting the saturation on a picture. The tags glinted in the soft lighting of the office, another reminder of what they now were. A weight hung in their chest, and they continued. “It's a lot to get used to, though.” Miss Nele smiled, prompting them to continue.

 

“Most of it is great! We love Mistress, everyday we get to wake up to Her kissing us, and then we get to cuddle with our wonderful pinnates while She makes yet another delicious breakfast. And it's just as amazing all the way through to bedtime, it almost feels like a dream.”

 

We hope we never wake up from it...

 

Miss Nele almost seemed to glow, “I’m so happy to hear that, Princess, you truly deserve the happiness you've found. However,” she removed the tea leaves from the pot, pouring them a cup as she finished, “‘most of it’ sounds like there's something about it you don't like.”

 

“Yes.” Princess took a sip, attempting to drown out the bitterness of the truth with the delicate sweet flavor. “Mistress acts like we don't have any agency at all. It's really hot, and She's probably even right, but sometimes, when we're not near Her, it just ends up reminding us of the Company. How we would follow Orders and do only what we're told. We know it's stupid, that Mistress would never treat us like the Company did, and being Hers doesn't feel remotely the same, but there's still just—just the fact that we're property again, sitting in the back of our head.

 

“But we’ve also been having trouble just coming to terms with getting to live, too! We were kinda too high until recently for that to properly sink in. We always figured we'd die violently, for obvious reasons. If we were really lucky, peacefully from a medical complication we couldn't get treated. We never once thought we'd be happy like this. That we'd—.” Princess choked back tears as she finished, “that we'd get to live in a way that's actually alive.”

 

Not sure we'll ever get used to that. It feels like floating, and that we might fall any second.

 

“S-sorry, it's just—”

 

“There is nothing to apologize for, Princess.” Miss Nele gave them some tissues, letting them dry their misty eyes. “Adjusting to the peace and safety of the Compact after being in constant danger is something many sophonts from all manner of species struggle with. Even independents have trouble with the shift, and few sophonts have gone through as much as you have. It'll take time, but you'll get there, I promise.”

 

“Thanks.” Princess took another sip of the tea, steadying their feelings.

 

Wish it wouldn't take so long.

 

“It's what I'm here for, Princess.” Miss Nele smiled, letting the tender moment sit between them. “Now, I didn't want to interrupt you, but you said something interesting just before that—Camila reminding you of the Company, and concerns about being property again. Would you care to elaborate?”

 

What passed for panic these days pricked through Princess as they realized Mistress heard that. “It's just—we're not even sure, really. She's always had a certain... not disregard for our consent, but it was never a real concern of Hers either. Apparently She was playing with us in our sleep when She still had to ask to touch us?” Miss Nele twitched, her form rippling, but she remained silent. “And She was always touchy. We're pretty sure She never needed to grope us to tell if we needed a bra, or wash us like She did, or feed us like that,” they bit their lip, rubbing their legs together as they recounted the ways Mistress crossed every line they had drawn. Goodness, She was so hot. “But, uh—uhmm—” Where were they going with this again?  

 

We should ask Mistress to molest us more.

 

Oh, definitely. Stars, the way She was playing with them this morning… From the mess in Princess' panties, She had been doing it for a while before they were awake.

 

Maybe we can get Jess and Daisy to do stuff to us while we're sleeping as well.

 

Daisy went to bed and woke up at the same time they did, but Jess would absolutely leap at the opportunity. She was up all night anyways, and would probably love to take a break to—

 

“You were talking about the ways Camila’s treatment of you feels similar to the Company and how that concerns you.”

 

Princess' cheeks went nuclear as they realized they were daydreaming about being touched in their sleep during therapy. In the middle of saying something important, no less! “S-sorry!”

 

We are a pet now, so isn't that normal?

 

“I've worked with florets before, as well as independents with memory and attention issues, it's quite alright. Whenever you're ready.”

 

Princess took a few moments to cuddle Mr Bear and collect their thoughts before trying again. “We think the point was Mistress has pretty much always been the way She is. She got more aggressive, which is really hot, and sometimes She goes out of our comfort zone, but nothing about Her actually changed. It's just—this harness, the clothes, the tags—it's impossible to ignore the fact that She's our Owner, and that we have an Owner.”

 

“Which reminds you of the Company, despite all the differences.”

 

“We feel awful about it too, the Director doesn't deserve to be in the same sentence as Mistress! She's so much better than that—that piece of shit!” Princess immediately felt bad about saying something so rude, but if anyone deserved it, it was him.

 

Miss Nele paused her usual note taking, going completely still for one instant. “Would you like to talk about what happened between you and the Director? Or perhaps the Company itself? I think it might help.”

 

Princess felt their gut sink, bile burning their tongue. Just recalling the atmosphere of that place was enough to make them sick, and Miss Nele wanted them to talk about it? It was like handling the unshielded rods of a reactor core, a poison that affected their every cell, their very genome warped by it. They had long ago buried every memory of that hell to the best of their ability, but pieces of it still jutted out from below, wounding them in passing. They couldn't completely dampen its radiation from bleeding into everything, but exhuming it would subject them to all the agonies it contained.

 

We can't keep it buried forever, and we did tell Mistress we wanted to talk about it sometime. She's listening right now, and we won't remember to think of it once we're near Her again.

 

Princess had kept it all inside themselves for so long, could they even really let it go? And if they did, what would happen to them without it?

 

Mistress will keep us grounded, and whatever happens has to be better than living with the way it is. Ignoring it hasn't worked, but maybe this will? 

 

They were scared.

 

We are too. We're doing this together, just like always. In, hold, out.

 

“We were created eighteen months after our predecessor 3-4-6 failed to meet its standards and was decommissioned.” Princess began, clinging to the facts like a lifeline. “After six months of conditioning, we were released from our gestation tube, and tested. Conditioning was a mix of subliminals, drugs, and standard brainwashing techniques. We were barely lucid at the best of times. The first thing we actually remember is responding to codes in the buzzing static the collar would emit. We got one wrong and it shocked us until we collapsed. The guards forced us to our feet with batons, and the Order was reissued alongside a verbal command.”

 

Princess drilled their focus into the ground in front of them, trying to stop breathing so heavily. “They would drill us for hours, going until we physically couldn't continue. Exercises, beatings, arms drills, you name it. After seventy eight hours, we hit our limit, earning the number 3-4-7. The seventh iteration of the third generation’s experiment number four—each number pointed out just how replaceable we were.” They could almost taste their own blood again, feel their head pounding with dehydration.

 

“A-after that, we were confined to a bed while the lab coats ran all sorts of tests on us. Poking and prodding and talking about how well it was doing.” Princess fought her breakfast back down. They could almost feel the hard surface of the slab they were tied to, see the scientists rendered faceless by the lights looking over them. “Then we got to go to the floor with the other units. Talking to other units was a punishable offense for both units. Hand signal communication during training and on mission was the only time we got to interact. We almost always had tasks. If we weren't drilling or on mission, we were being experimented on by the lab coats or shown off to investors by the suits. Sometimes though, we would just stand motionless next to each other, waiting for Orders. We watched each other die, having shared nothing but our suffering.

 

“The thing we remember most of all is how they all treated us. We were like animals to them. We were only alive as long as we were useful, and only useful if we were compliant.” The floor grew blurry, something was breaking inside of them. “They made us like it, too.” Princess choked back a sob. Their hands trembled, buried within their bear.

 

Too late to turn back now.

 

“T-the only time we felt anything positive was when following Or-Orders.” Every breath was a battle, Princess could feel their throat closing. They opened their mouth, but nothing came out. Was everything always spinning like that? It was so hard to remember, and nothing felt solid on the xenodrugs anyways.

 

“It's alright, Princess, let's take a break.” Vines offered up a teacup, assisting them as Princess reached out an unsteady hand. Taking it into both hands, they managed to lift the cup to their lips, taking a drink. The warmth of the drink bloomed outwards, the shivers subsiding; they hadn't realized they had been so cold. They slowed their breathing as the dizziness and nausea bled from them, following with more tea.

 

“Thank you, Miss Nele.” Princess set down the empty cup with a smile, “You may just be our second favorite Affini.”

 

“That's very flattering, dear, I'm glad to help.” Miss Nele’s smile was pretty. Princess never noticed she didn't have thorns for teeth, like most Affini with a mouth.

 

Her vines look so soft too.

 

“Could... could you pet us, Miss? Please?” Princess covered their mouth—

 

Woah, what?! Oh goodness, the Ds!

 

Miss Nele was the only one that didn't treat them like a pet! They still had way more to talk about! They were—

 

A fuzzy vine brushed through their hair. Miss Nele had set aside her notes, and now stood at the side of the couch. “I prefer to keep a certain professionalism, but I'm not going to deny a client their needs.” There was something in her eyes... No, it was more like something they’d expected was missing.

 

Oh. She isn't judging us.

 

Princess leaned into the touch, happily leaving the rest behind. People stuff could wait a little, they deserved to enjoy pet stuff too. Miss Nele kept to the top of their head, in long soothing strokes. A quiet moment of relaxation and indulgence. When reality came back into focus, she was sitting back in her armchair, looking as she always did. There was even a fresh cup of tea on the table.

 

“Thanks, Miss,” Princess blushed.

 

Didn't realize how much we needed that.

 

“I’m glad it helped, Princess. Would you like to continue? We could either discuss what you've said today, or you could continue where we left off. If you want to stop, I'd understand.”

 

We’re not done yet.

 

Princess positioned Mr Bear in their lap, picking up the tea to keep it ready. “We would like to keep going.”

 

Miss Nele smiled, and picked up her pad.

 

Princess took a second to prepare, and found their place. “One of the worst parts is that it just felt normal. It was awful, and it just—it hurt even back then, but we couldn't appreciate how deeply it cut until after. We weren’t enough of a person to recognize it, we guess. It was just an endless series of Orders with no room for actual thought, and horrors we were too blind to truly see.” They paused for a sip, noting that the room was still turning slightly. “The first time it was ever truly ‘us’ in here, was after the collar went off. It was like it going off had broken something inside whatever used to be 3-4-7, and we were the pieces left over. Together, we were able to get through the conditioning and survive. Once out of the snow, it was like everything they had ever done to us was instantly in focus. We didn't even have a plan when we set the fire, that we survived at all was just luck.

 

“When we came to, we were in an emergency escape shuttle. The night after the fire was blurry, mostly explosions and screams. A few odd bits we could hardly make sense of. But we knew that people had escaped, and we couldn't rest until we killed them. We spent five years hunting them all down, often doing other mercenary work as cover. There were a lot of growing pains during that time, too. We had never learned how to act like a person, let alone socialize. Thankfully, a lot of people really bought into the stoic tough guy thing, but we were constantly giving ourselves away. Did you know we used to call food ‘sustenance?’” Princess giggled, golly they were so silly then.

 

Huh. That one didn't hurt.

 

A faint smile crept in, before Princess she remembered where they had left off. “We did the Director last.” Princess watched for Miss Nele’s reaction.  

 

She gave nothing but words, “Would you like to explain why?”

 

“He ran the place, nothing happened without his approval. All the research, methods and missions—one time, some guards were caught smuggling and he had them publicly beaten to death. Everything went through him, and nothing escaped his grasp. It was all his fault.”

 

“So because you blamed him for everything? Forgive me, but it sounds more personal than that.”

 

There was a faint queasiness as Princess' stomach tried to tie itself in knots through the ocean of Xenodrugs. They took a sip, letting the building tension go and buying a few precious moments, and then let the waves carry them away. “He always called us into his office. Sometimes you give him the after action report in person, sometimes to just make us stand there while he talked, usually lecturing us about some sociopolitical bullshit or the other units. He loved to have us strip naked and give us tricky or blatantly impossible Orders so he could punish us. No other units spent time with the Director like that either, just us. He called himself our father. He also—” the words caught in their throat again. How could they talk about that?

 

It's okay, breathe. He's gone now.

 

Princess gave their teddy a squeeze, refocusing themselves. “Skin to skin contact was expressly forbidden in the Company. We each wore bodysuits that covered everything below the collar, and the lab coats and boots were also fully covered. Most of the pain were shocks administered through the collar. Even the suits would get in trouble if they broke that rule. I-it was like he was inspecting a piece of meat, just thinking about the way he looked at us during makes us sick. It was just a hand on the shoulder or the back, or under the chin, but it was the only time we ever felt a human touch us and it was him.” They couldn't remember the last time they wanted to peel off all their skin so badly. They would give anything to forget the way it felt, how filthy they were then.

 

Let's just focus, dwelling on it is only gonna make it worse.

 

“We eventually cornered him in a safe house on Mars. We had to—it doesn't really matter, it was a lot of violence. We had to cut into the panic room vault, it took us a good hour. We were finally going to close this chapter in our life, everything felt so intense. It was like our heart was pumping pure, burning adrenaline! But by the time we got in, he had hung himself.” Princess could still remember the way the rope recoiled after it was cut, the flat thud of his body hitting the floor. The nothingness that enveloped it all. Even burying him in the ruins of the Company was empty. “Guess he wanted to deny us one last bit of happiness.”

 

“Do you think killing the director yourself would have helped?”

 

“No. Not anymore? It's complicated.” Princess sighed, “It was the last time we remember feeling anything so strongly—until we came here, and Mistress showed us how happy we could be. He just stole it, like everything else he took from us. It might have felt good for the time we were ripping into him, but it wouldn't have changed anything. We were just trying to stop it from hurting so much. ‘Revenge’ made an effective distraction from having to actually deal with it, but then we were just left with it again. We latched onto the idea of supreme excellence after that, throwing ourselves into the study of warfare. Chasing the impossible through means that could never attain it just so we never had to feel like that again.”

 

No wonder Mistress was able to domesticate us so easily. We were already hollow, all She had to do was crawl inside.

 

“It might be a small consolation, but I think you did extremely well for yourself, considering the circumstances. That you're able to recognize it was a maladaptive coping mechanism shows how far you've come since then.”

 

“Thanks, we guess? Doesn't feel like it.” Princess took a drink, setting the cup down to better cuddle Mr Bear. If they had any real conviction they could have at least found a career not steeped in the same violence they had been wrought in. They had at best stewed in their trauma until the festering wounds demanded their attention.

 

“I'm serious.” Miss Nele's voice was uncharacteristically firm. It was nothing compared to Mistress, still carrying a deal of her sweetness even as it pushed back. “You experienced extreme abuse and had no positive affirmation during your formative years. Either is enough to keep a sophont from being able to take care of themselves at all. You may have largely neglected your emotional needs, but you had something that worked for you, and you were still able to take care of your physical needs. That's more than most in a similar situation would be capable of, and you should be proud of yourself.”

 

Princess hid their blush in the teddy, heart fluttering at the praise. “Th-thanks, Miss Nele...”

 

Is it  too soon to ask her to pet us again? We could really use some petting...

 

“It's my pleasure, Princess. I want you two to focus more on how much better you've been doing since you received the support you needed.”

 

Princess nodded lazily, half listening as their eyes stayed on Miss Nele's vines. They had been even softer than they’d looked. Maybe if they asked real niceys she'd tell them they were good girls too? And pet them other places? It'd be awfully unprofessional, but they were a floret. That sort of thing should be expected, right?

 

“Ah, I see. Would you like another break, Princess?”

 

“Pets, please?”

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

Camila sat in stunned silence as Princess took her second break, still trying to process all she had heard. It had taken all of her strength to not burst into the room and sweep the girls up into her vines when she nearly cried. She had known it was bad from the moment she had met them aboard that ship, but nothing could have prepared her for hearing them say that. How could they do such things to other Terrans? To Princess? If the Company hadn't been dismantled long ago, she would have ripped out its foundations herself.

 

By the Everbloom, she was going to spoil those girls rotten over lunch.

 

It hadn't been all hard to watch horrors. Seeing Princess get all flustered as she talked about their little game was adorable! Camila was already planning to push it a little further, for her enrichment, of course. She already had something big lined up for after Vera's visit, and she could hardly wait.

 

Princess asking for pets was just as cute. Watching her embarrassed panic melt into peaceful bliss as she embraced her needs was simply precious. Camila couldn't be happier she had found Acaluscent, she was perfect for the girls—even if she was upset that she had somehow beaten Cordelia for their second favorite. Acaluscent was a lovely Affini, but she wasn't the work of art Cordelia was! They live with her, she even took them on walks, she was practically her other owner! She'd have to try to correct this error somehow.

 

Therapy started back up, and mercifully, the ground-shaking reveals were over. There wasn't a lot of time left, and Princess spent most of it talking about her pinnates. There was some guilt expressed over getting off on being dommed by the AI given her past, and the things she fantasized regarding it, to which Acaulescent suggested communication. Camila could hardly wait to see how that conversation would play out, but decided to let it happen on its own terms. She already knew Jess would happily indulge her. Maybe even too happily.

 

Princess was in Camila’s vines the second she exited, and not a centimeter of her was safe from her vines. They gave themselves over to the attention just as quickly, sinking into her caress as she lavished them with praise. “There's my good girls, so brave for me! You did so wonderfully, Princess. I think you two deserve a little treat~” Camila fed the girls a berry, savoring her glazed eyes flooding with unadulterated joy. The look of a floret, her floret. “Thank you for taking such good care of them. I know you'd do it for any of your clients, but it means a lot to me.”

 

“Princess is a lovely and remarkable sophont, it's a pleasure to treat her.” Acaluscent smiled, bowing her head. “Do you think you can start bringing her over regularly? I'd like to start seeing her on a weekly basis, twice a week if it's possible.”

 

“That sounds perfect, though I'm hoping to get her implanted soon, so she'll have to take a break as she recovers. I was going to find out when she’ll be available for it today, actually.”

 

“You'll let me know?”

 

“Of course, I'd like her to have at least two more sessions before then. By the way, before I go get this cutie some lunch, I had an invitation to extend.”