Draka

When the knock came, both Mak and Herald were outside the door. I’d felt them moving around, in the cellar and above me, and it had been a while since I left them with Zabra and Kesra. I wasn’t prepared for them to have everybody with them, though.

“Can we come in?” Herald asked, and I grunted and went to lie back down.

Herald and Mak, Tam and Val, Kira and Ardek, they all crowded into the small room. It wasn’t what I’d imagined for the conversation we needed to have, but neither did I want to send anyone away. It felt good to have them all there, even if it was a little awkward.

“Are they gone?” I asked once everyone had settled in. “I’m guessing you wouldn’t bring everyone like this just to have them watch me kill two women.”

“They’re gone,” Mak said, “and they took their people with them. There’s been someone skulking around watching Hardal, too. They took off as well. Don’t know for sure who that might be, but I have some guesses. Anyway, they’re all gone now, best we can tell.”

“Probably one of Sempralia’s people. What happened with Zabra and Kesra?”

“They, or rather Kesra, accepted everything. Zabra didn’t say much. She tried to protest, once, and Kesra gave her this look that shut her up. After that she just agreed when Kesra told her to. Every demand and condition. I could have gone farther but… Zabra’s important.” She spat the last word. “If she becomes too weak, things will become unstable. And since we’re basically going into business with them now—”

I cut her off. “We’re what, now?”

“Perhaps that’s the wrong way to put it. Since they’ll be paying tribute from now on, we want them in a strong, stable position.”

“Right. That sounds better, yeah. What’re the conditions?”

“They’ll drop all the heinous shit. The legal businesses, the gambling, the taverns, the brothels, that all stays, unless you say otherwise.”

“Just make sure that no one’s forcing anyone to work or take predatory loans or whatever. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.”

“Damages?”

“I honestly had to pull a number from thin air, so… I figured an inn would be a decent start. Two hundred dragons. Half of that’s yours.”

In spite of myself a low, slow rumble started in my chest. A hundred dragons was… a lot.

“Kesra insists that they’re good for it, but that it’ll take a little time to bring together. And they’ll be paying us half of their profit in tribute, monthly. Don’t know what that’s going to add up to. She’s going to get their books together. And they’re going to try to find and buy back the slaves they already delivered, if possible. Not much hope of that, but they’ll try.”

“And you believe them?”

“They… Kesra wanted us to believe her, in a way that made me think that she desperately didn’t want us to think that she was lying. Does that make sense? It’s the best I can do. Sorry. Zabra was hard to read, but I don’t think she’s in charge anymore.”

“It’s fine. Zabra’s broken. I could smell it on her. And Kesra… she’s not stupid.”

“Broken?” Val asked.

“I don’t know what else to call it.” I didn’t care who knew anymore. I could barely remember what I’d already told Tam, and I didn’t know if he’d told Val but it would surprise me if he hadn’t. “Something inside her has broken. She can’t fight me anymore. She won’t want to. She can’t want to. That part of her is… smashed. Gone. Broken. In some messed up way she may even begin to love me, once she’s had a chance to recover from all this.”

I looked at Mak, and she gave me a sad smile back.

“Hey, since everyone’s here — and I want an honest answer — am I a monster?”

The room went silent.

“Is that why you’ve been such a pit ever since this morning?” Mak asked.

“Yeah. All day I’ve been burning with this desire to kill someone. There were two adventurers at the village, and I thought they were making trouble. When Tinir convinced me not to kill them, I was so disappointed. And now… I’ve been lying here, hoping that you would come in and tell me that Zabra spat in your face, or give me some other reason to tear her apart. And it’s not the first time. Killing is so… satisfying. After I killed her people in the harbor I felt more alive than I could ever remember. So: Am I a monster?”

There was a short silence, then a storm of denials from Herald, Mak, and Ardek. Kira joined in once Mak translated for her. And I was grateful for it, but those four literally couldn’t think ill of me. So, while I didn’t ignore them, exactly, I looked at Tam and Val.

“I,” Val began slowly after giving the question due thought, “have seen you kill. We all have. I won’t lie; it is a primal thing, and hard to look at. None of the hesitation can be seen in you that must be trained out of a soldier. Your whole being seems built to cause fear, from your teeth and claws to the way you meld into the dark, even without your magic. If you did not speak, if you could not reason and show emotion, I wouldn’t hesitate to call you a monster. But you do, and you can, so besides your form there is little that makes you different from many veterans. I know men who have killed more than you, and who show less concern or remorse. Some few show pride in the number of lives they’ve taken, which I’ve never seen from you in the context of killing. Are they monsters, then?

“You say that you want to kill. I think most of us have desired the Night Blossom’s death, Kira perhaps being the exception. You say that you are disappointed. Frustrated. I can understand that. You have been expecting an emotional release, and been denied. You are not the master of your emotions. None of us are. We can only control what we do with them. Have you harmed anyone who didn't deserve it in some way?”

“I’ve been needlessly cruel to Kesra.”

“That is childish, not monstrous. But Draka, you could have maimed or killed her to hurt the Blossom. You could have killed both of them. You could have gone outside and torn your way through their men watching the inn. You didn't. You went to be alone, until they were gone.

“I can’t tell you if that is the best way to handle what you’ve been feeling, but it is not a bad one, I think. And while I would not claim that you are a saint, neither are you a monster. At least no more than many people I consider friends. Does that answer your question to your satisfaction?”

“Not a monster, just not a very good person?”

“Better than one might hope, under the circumstances. You at least think about killing. You don’t just do it.”

His words were kind, and true enough. I did think about it. Far more than I was comfortable with but, sure, maybe constantly wondering if this was an appropriate time to kill someone, actively looking for excuses, was a better thing than just doing it. But I was in a self-flagellating mood.

“The way I’ve treated Kesra, it’s unforgivable. Her only crimes are to be naive, and Zabra's sister. And I know that. I knew it before I repeatedly threatened her life, and promised to kill her only family. That’s not something a half-way decent person does.”

“What do you want from us?” Tam asked, a tinge of annoyance to his voice. “Do you want us to condemn you? Or maybe tell you that it’s okay? Yeah, you probably messed Kesra up. It worked, didn't it? We’ve won, hopefully. You’ve won. Assuming that you're right about them, of course. You can stop worrying about them burning down our inn, or trying to kidnap or murder us, or anything else. They're even paying reparations. And if you’re worried about this Kesra woman, are you sure that she’s entirely innocent? That she knew nothing about their finances? That she had no idea where the money came from? Are you sure that she didn't simply turn a blind eye to the things her beloved sister did?”

“That…” I started to retort, but then I thought about it. Tark and Zabra both insisted that Kesra didn't know anything. But while I didn't know her, she never came across to me as stupid. From what I’d been told she basically ran the trading side of the sisters’ business. Could there be something in what Tam said? Did she simply refuse to wonder where the extra money came from?

And there was something not quite right about how Zabra had reacted whenever Kesra raised her voice, when she was angry or frustrated. There was something there, but I couldn’t quite see it, and it never felt important enough to worry about in the moment.

“I don't think that you’re supposed to make me feel better by making the victim look worse, but thank you,” I told Tam. “That does help. And so does having all of you here. So thanks, all of you.”

“Are you ready to tell us what happened during the meeting now?” Mak asked after a little while. “You felt very pleased for a short time.”

“Yeah. It was good. We came to an understanding, the lady justice and me.”

I filled them in, trying to remember as many details as I could of what Sempralia had said. I still wasn't feeling great about myself, so I made extra sure to tell them how she’d asked if she could touch me at the end. I was feeling very smug about that, and I wanted them all to know that even a powerful old lady like her thought that I was awesome. Their smiles and laughter at that definitely helped.

The mood got tense when I told them about how Sempralia had been having the inn watched. They were hardly surprised. If anything, they’d been expecting it on some level. The fact that no one had come for them over the disappearance of Tark and our other less-than-legal nighttime activities was accepted as a good sign.

Tam explained. “If the lady justice had us followed, besides watching the inn, she might know about Tark. She might even know what you all talked about when you met with the Blossom. But if she wanted to have us put on trial she wouldn’t be so cordial, would she? That doesn’t seem like her, at least, not by her reputation. So yeah, she might try to use it as leverage, and we may even have to bend to that, but it doesn’t look to me like we’re in any real trouble.”

Then I got to the part with the archer. Herald was literally bouncing with excitement when I told them about catching the bastard, and they reassured me that my decision to hand him over was the right one. I finished off with my visit to the village. I’d already touched on Darvellan and Elem, so I gave the full story, how I’d found them in a worryingly quiet village and was going to kill them until Tinir intervened.

Tam was the first to speak up. “Darvellan? I know that guy! And Elem, she— Val, she’s the Tavvanarian woman who was with that spear fighter before, isn’t she? Soren? Sorem?”

“Sorben,” Val corrected.

“Right! So her and Darvellan, huh? Can't have been married for long…”

“They smelled very newlywed, if you get what I mean,” I told them.

Mak rolled her eyes at that, and Herald looked confused. Tam just gave a snort and short laugh. “Anyway, you gave them a chance to explain themselves and you didn't kill them once this Tinir woman got involved, which is what matters. And I’m glad you didn't, because Darvellan’s a good natured guy. A little rough when we first met him, but if he was from some outlaw village outside the city’s reach…”

“What do you mean ‘smelled newlywed’?” Herald interrupted when Tam paused, but I skillfully dodged the question by moving on, and no one else seemed inclined to answer her.

“I’m going to need someone, and I guess that someone should be Mak, to send a letter to the Lady Justice. Both about talking to this damn hunter who’s been trying to kill me, because I really need to know how he’s been tracking me, and about when and where they want me helping out on the border.”

“Are you sure about doing that?” Mak asked as Herald pestered Tam and Val to explain. “I know that it sounds easy, but you’d still be getting involved in the trouble that’s brewing. Is that something you want?”

“Mak, this is your city, yeah? All of you.”

“It is.”

“Then I want it to be mine, as well. Easy as that. And I should help my city, yeah?”

“I think you should wait for the city, or at least its rulers, to do something for you before you start being patriotic. But as long as you are sure.”

I didn’t point out that the city of Karakan had already given me so much. It had given me Herald and the others. What else could I ask for? Except a big pile of coins, of course, but the city had contributed a decent bit to my hoard, too, so even there I had good cause to be gracious. Possibly even grateful!

But saying all that would have felt overly mushy after all the whining I had already done about myself, so I didn’t say any of that. “I’m sure,” I said instead. “But I appreciate the thought. Will you take care of it, Mak?”

“Of course.”

“And the archer? Can I trust you all to talk to him? I’d like you to take Ardek along as well.”

The man in question, who’d been spacing out in the back, looked up. “Me, boss?”

“Yeah, you! You did wonders with Simdal. I’m guessing you don’t have any history this time, but I want you there.”

“All right, boss, if you say so.” He smirked. “Got to say, being some kind of interrogator for a dragon was not where I thought my life would go!”

“Yeah, well, here we are. I’d do it myself, but I suspect getting in unseen wherever he’s being held might be tricky.”

“I am not so sure,” Herald said. “If you Shifted…”

From there the conversation sort of devolved into increasingly ridiculous ways of bringing me into a prison in the heart of the city. It started with a large box and ended with a long, thin pipe carried on the shoulders of two people, with some ridiculous excuse about replacing part of the water drains. Val correctly pointed out that I could probably just Shift and get in behind the others who’d go, but was booed down as a spoilsport. Sure, I could do that. And with Sempralia’s permission I could probably even talk to the archer without being bothered by anyone who shouldn’t know about my presence. But in the end I just didn’t want to. Same as Zabra, I didn’t entirely trust myself to see him again. Just because I felt better about my motives didn’t make the frustration and the desire to destroy these people any weaker. Until I dealt with that, I didn’t want to take any chances.

But it was nice. Talking about something silly was just what I needed, and Kira’s idea of carrying me in a massively oversized backpack was pretty damn funny.

I sent them away after that, with the excuse that I wanted to sleep. I napped the rest of the day away, but I slept poorly.

Some time in the evening there was a knock on the door. I could feel my sisters on the other side, and when I opened it they were dressed for sleep.

“We thought you could use some company tonight,” Herald said as she settled in against me.

“I really do. And, Mak? Thanks for bringing everyone down today. I needed that.”

“I know,” Mak said, cozying up beside her sister. “I feel what you feel, remember? And there may be better cures for self-loathing than being surrounded by people who care for you, but I don’t know one.”

I ignored the fact that four out of the six had had their minds messed with to some degree. It really wasn’t the right time to let thoughts like that fester. And as long as I still had Tam and Val on my side, I probably hadn’t started turning into one of the dragon tyrants from their stories.

Probably.

Mak had sent a letter to Sempralia the same afternoon, never once mentioning me or anything else that might be considered incriminating but still making it clear that we would like to speak with the prisoner and have me on my way south as soon as possible. A reply came in the morning, though only to the first half. We were welcome to visit the prisoner the following day, with Sempralia asking to meet with Mak afterwards. Kalder would be expecting Mak and whoever accompanied her two hours after dawn, on the steps of the Palace.

Besides Ardek, we decided that Val should go with Mak; that man seemed to know or know of every adventurer in the city. If anyone had any acquaintances in common with the archer, any common ground to build on if it became necessary, it would be him. Besides, where Mak had a naturally authoritative personality — somewhat damaged but healing nicely — and the benefit of my Command and Charisma advances, and Ardek had his likeability, Val had a solid, reliable and trustworthy air about him.

When I thought about it, it wasn't even the fact that this guy had been trying to kill me that had me so bothered. I hated it, I was glad to have put an end to it, and I looked forward to him getting some kind of punishment, even if it wouldn't be me doling it out. I was more bothered by the fact that the people around me had been in danger, but that wasn’t the main issue, either. I’d expected to be hunted. I’d expected attempts on my life. And I’d known for a long time that being associated with me was dangerous. But the thing that truly, deeply bothered me about the whole situation with the archer was that he’d been able to find me.

If he could do it, others might be able to as well. I had to know how. And between Mak, Val and Ardek, I figured that they shouldn’t have any problems getting answers.