Draka

The rest of that day was uneventful. I had the idea of going to sleep on my hoard and trying to dreamwalk on Zabra, and then going to eat another Nest Heart with Herald, but I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t want to deal with Zabra or her sister again yet. It felt too big.

The evening, on the other hand, was busy. The big thing was Herald insisting on going to see Maglan, but first Garal came by. We hadn’t talked in a while; he’d come by to say hi a couple of times, with or without Lalia, but I hadn't had a real conversation with either of them for… I wasn't sure how long. Months? They’d been out on patrol almost constantly. I knew that they’d moved out of the inn a few weeks back, though Rib and Pot had stayed, but other than that I wasn't exactly up to date on anything to do with them.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked after letting him in. “Nowhere to rush off to?”

“Yeah. Lalia and I came in earlier today and were told that we’re on leave for a few days. No idea why; the commander’s being tight-lipped about it, which means something’s going to happen. But no use worrying, right?”

“Right. How's the barracks coming along?”

“It keeps the rain off and the wind out, but that’s about it. Still needs work. Get some walls up, things like that. Honestly, as long as we have food in our bellies there are more important things to spend the company’s silver on. Like our horses.”

“You’ve been working them hard, yeah?”

“We have. I’ve had to leave Melon in the city. She’s a tough girl, but the way we’ve been abusing our poor mounts…” he frowned unhappily. “Anyway, those Tekereteki mercenaries are still out there. We guess they realized that we have that tracking medallion you gave us, because whatever it points towards hasn’t moved for a while, and we have to spread out and move a lot to keep them in check.”

I considered asking for the medallion back. It was a decent chunk of silver, after all. But then it occurred to me that the Silver Spurs might be able to track it just like we tracked the companion medallion that their commander held, and I was not going to just lead people to anything precious, whether that was my hoard or my family.

“That’s too bad,” I said. “But at least it did some good.”

“Yeah.” Garal was silent for a moment. “So are you going to tell me what you all have been so secretive about this last week?”

A tense silence settled in the small room as we watched each other. I was sure that he wasn't just baiting me. Everything I knew about him told me that if he asked, he knew that something was going on. And he was Garal. One of my family’s oldest friends. Literally the first person I met here, and the first to defend me.

“Listen, I’m not asking to be let in on everything,” he said when the silence stretched. “But when old friends start acting all anxious, having whispered conversations that stop when you get close, you start wondering. I tried to see you a few days ago, and I knew you were here because I’d talked with Ardek, but they wouldn't let me into the cellar. I mean, Mak was embarrassed about it, but still. Then there were all the street toughs surrounding the place. And suddenly today it was fine, but there’s a storm cloud above everything. So… anything you can tell me about?”

“Yeah. You should probably know about this, though I don’t want it going beyond you, Lalia, and the cousins for now. Rib and Pot know some of it anyway.”

“Ah. Something to do with what they’ve been helping you with, then?”

“Right. Long story short, we’ve dealt with the Night Blossom.”

Garal's eyebrows slowly climbed towards his hairline, his lips parting silently. “That’s…” He started, then tried again. “Shouldn't you be celebrating? Is she dead? Who was she? What happened?”

“Tespril Zabra. Do you know the name?”

“Never heard of her.”

“Well, she’s alive, and hopefully under control. Mak and her came to an agreement. Heavily in our favor, as you can probably guess. But the whole damn thing just… it feels like I’ve got a stain on my soul, if you’ll forgive the drama. Herald and Mak aren’t much better, and Kira just hated the whole situation. Tam and Val are a little more pragmatic and Ardek doesn't seem to care much; I think he blames her more than me for his friends dying. But they weren't there at the end, so… We’re glad to have won, but we’re not proud of how we did it, all right? And I made some threats that I’d rather not have to carry out.”

“But you will if you have to?”

“Yeah. If she goes back on the deal we made I can't afford to let her live.”

I didn't feel up to telling him about Kesra. Everything to do with her made me feel ashamed and confused, but I’d just have to live with myself and hopefully get over it.

“Do you regret anything? Is there something you could have done differently without changing the outcome for the worse?”

“If there was, I would have done it that way in the first place, wouldn’t I? No, I don’t see a better way to get the same result. If I had to do the whole thing over I wouldn’t change anything. But both what we did and the fact that I wouldn’t change it forces me to ask myself some very unpleasant questions about who I am.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”

I looked at him silently until he continued.

“You’re questioning yourself, and it seems like you don’t like the answers. You probably already know this, but it can’t hurt to hear it from someone else: that is a good thing. Perhaps there really was no other path to where we are now. Perhaps there was a better one, and you simply can’t see it. But since you’re questioning yourself, I’m sure that you’ll look for a better way the next time you need to do something difficult. You may find it, and you may not. But as long as you don’t stop looking, as long as you take the better path when it presents itself, I think you’ll be fine. You may not be happy with yourself. It may take time to find peace. But you won’t be a monster.”

“But what if I can’t do that? What if I can’t take the better path, even if I find it? What if I stop caring?”

“Stop caring? I don’t think that you could.”

“What makes you so sure? I’ve changed. I’m still changing. And I’ve done just… awful things.”

“But part of you is still the little dragon who hauled herself out of a lake, found me dying by a tree, and decided to help. Whatever you’ve had to do, I know that she’s still in there, and I know that she’s not going anywhere. And if I ever doubt that, I can always look in your eyes and see her looking back at me. I can see that you care. That’s why I’m so sure. And if you’re still worried that you’re a monster I can bring Lalia down here. If she says that you’re not, you’ll have to believe her, right?”

He grinned at me, full of mischief, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Monster this, monster that. You’ve been talking to the others haven’t you?”

“Of course I have. They’re my friends, and so are you. They may not have told me everything that’s been going on here, but we talk about you. We worry. Surely you know that?”

“Yeah, I do. I guess I just need a lot of reassurance right now.”

“But you don’t know why? Or you don’t want to tell me?”

I knew why, of course. It all came down to Kesra, hurting someone who I knew didn’t deserve it, using her to get at her sister. But Garal was right, and so was Val. I cared. I felt regret. I wished I could have done things differently, and I would try to do so in the future. That would have to do for now.

“I know why,” I told him with a sigh. “Perhaps some day I’ll tell you, when I’ve had time to come to terms with it. But not today.”

“That’s fine. Whenever you’re ready.”

We spent another long while talking, just catching up and talking about little things until Herald came down looking so serious that Garal took it as his cue to leave.

“Don’t be a stranger, all right?” I said as he got up. “I might be going away for a while, but let’s not wait for weeks again before we really talk.”

“I’ll promise if you will,” he told me.

“Deal.”

Then he was gone, exchanging a few words with Herald on the way out, and she took his place in the room. She stayed on her feet, though.

“I’m going out,” she declared.

I instantly felt worry boil up. I’d asked — though it was more like an order — that everybody stay in the inn, to avoid possible reprisals from the Blossom’s people. “Ah… are you sure?”

“Definitely. I have been cooped up here for days. Days! And I have no idea how much longer Mag will be in the city. They have been here for weeks now. Who knows when they will be sent back to the south? But you have been so worried these last few days — for good reasons! — so I thought…”

Ah. Her determination made a lot more sense now.

“So you wanted to see if it’s okay with me?”

“Yeah.” She sat back on her heels in front of me, losing some of the confident air she’d arrived with. “I know that I do not need your permission, but I did not want to surprise you.” That was sweet of her. And prescient, too. I probably would have freaked out if she was just suddenly outside the inn. “And,” she continued, “I thought I might ask you to come along.”

“Oh!” Up until now she’d been keeping her meetings with her boyfriend secret from me, which had hurt. The last time we’d talked about Maglan she had promised to bring him to the inn and introduce us before he was sent back to the south, which was a step in the right direction. To be asked to come along when she went to meet him took me by surprise, to say the least. “Yeah, sure,” I said. “I’ll come along.”

“Not to meet him, you understand,” she said quickly. “I still think that it would be best to do that here. But you were right when you said that it would be safer to move through the city Shifted, and even if the Blossom and her people are hopefully not a threat anymore, I would feel much safer with someone nearby. Just in case, you know?”

“So why not take Tam again? It’s not like he needs to be able to see you to go to the same place as you.”

“I just… I want it to be you.” She wrapped her arms around her knees. “I love Tam, and I trust him, but nobody makes me feel safe like you do.”

If I could have blushed I would have. “Aw, that’s… come here, Herald.” I sat up and moved a little closer to her. “Give me a hug, and let’s go.”

Since we knew that the inn might still be being watched, Herald went upstairs and asked Mak to let us out the cellar door. Mak seemed more resigned than anything about Herald heading out to see her boyfriend. I even saw her silently slip her younger sister a small bag. Herald blushed furiously and not a word was spoken about it, which led me to believe that the bag must contain more of the contraceptive tea Herald had mentioned to me. Then Herald and I both Shifted and left, moving quickly along the streets.

I knew where in the city the regiments were lodged. There was a fairly large military camp in the south of the city, and it was easy to find from above. From the sky I had become familiar with the city, and could find most of the important places easily. On street level, though, I still went by general direction, moving as straight as I could until I found the right area and then hunting around until I found what I needed. Herald, however, moved unerringly towards her goal along streets and alleys, never hesitating at a turn. I estimated it took us less than twenty minutes to reach the army camp, at which point she stepped into a dark archway and Shifted back.

“Can you follow until I meet Mag?” she asked. She had her shadowsight on, and I gave a nod that only she could see. “Thank you,” she said, and then she approached the guards at the gate.

Honestly, I would have expected some more suspicion or professionalism, but Herald got inside with barely a fuss. It probably didn’t hurt that one of the two guards recognised her and called her by name, but the two weren’t exactly subtle about why they thought she might be there. Sure, there were probably few reasons for a young, civilian woman to be visiting an army camp late in the evening, but still! There was no call for the crude, if friendly, innuendo they piled on her.

The encampment was surrounded by a wall about ten feet tall, which did as much to stop me as a line in the sand. I stretched and slipped over it easily. Inside was a parade ground, a fenced off area that I guessed to be a training yard, a large paddock next to a building that was unmistakably a stables, and numerous other buildings. There were a few people moving about, in or out of uniform, but no one questioned Herald. Some even gave her a friendly greeting. I was pretty sure that an unescorted civilian would have been stopped in about five seconds flat at an army base back on Earth, if they even somehow made it in, but things were clearly different here.

I followed Herald around in the shadows until she reached one of the buildings. She knocked on a door, which opened after a few seconds, and she was greeted by name by a cheerful voice. She spoke in an equally friendly tone, turned to smile in my general direction, and stepped inside. That was as far as I could follow without causing a commotion, and I didn’t want to be around for what I assumed that she had planned anyway, so I found a nearby roof to settle on and waited. It was a good night for it, cool and clear like most nights on Mallin.

A few hours later Herald came back outside. She had a man with her, perhaps two inches shorter than she was, with wide shoulders, cropped hair, and a day’s stubble on his round face. So this, I thought, is Maglan. He was handsome enough, but if I knew Herald then the most important thing that she saw in him was the genuine affection — adoration, really — with which he looked at her. The young man was, as far as I could tell, absolutely smitten.

They stopped outside the door for a while, whispering to each other, seeming reluctant to part. I couldn’t quite see Herald’s face, but Maglan looked sad. Then Herald wrapped one arm around his back, ran the other up his neck, and leaned in to kiss him passionately. Maglan looked strong, but there was something almost desperate in how he clung to her. Despite the jealousy that churned in my gut, I grinned. That felt right, somehow. This Maglan wouldn’t be taking Herald from me. If anything, he belonged to her, not the other way around, and I could live with that.

Once they finally parted and Maglan went back inside the barracks, Herald turned and I could see her face. Tears streaked her cheeks, and she made no effort to hide them as she searched me out on the roof where I sat. She looked directly at me, then nodded in the direction of the gate she’d come through before heading towards it.

The same two guards were there. Poor bastards. I wondered how long their shifts were.

“Your soldier give you bad news, then?” One of the two looked with real sympathy at Herald as she approached. “Don’t worry, miss. He’ll be fine. You’ll see. Those Happarans make a lot of noise, but nothing will come of it.”

Herald forced a smile. “Yeah. Thank you.”

We met in the same archway where she’d Shifted back. I was waiting for her in the flesh, but she didn’t want to talk. “I’ll tell you back at the inn,” was all she said before Shifting and taking off in the direction we’d come, back towards Her Grace’s Favor.

Mak, ever reliable, sensed our approach and opened the cellar door for us, letting us enter without shifting back. “Now will you tell me what happened?” I asked Herald after thanking Mak. I could guess, but it felt important to let her tell us.

Herald sat down heavily on the bench that we kept there, and looked up at Mak and I miserably. “Draka, you want to meet Mag before he goes back to the south, do you not?”

“That’s what I said, yeah.”

“Yeah. Well, he has been told to be ready to march within the week. I have invited him to come over. How do you feel about seeing him tomorrow?”