Ferdie and the Elementals

I am nearly overwhelmed by a tempest of fiery power and my ears are filled with the sound of rushing wind and fire as it swirls around me in a roaring vortex of flames. It picks up speed, howling with the force of a tornado.

I scream out in agony as I'm reduced to ash, suspended within a blazing hurricane that roars around me like a freight train. I am overwhelmed with fear as I am broken down and re-forged into something new, something far stronger and greater.

Then, all at once, it stops.

I blink a couple of times, and find myself kneeling on the remains of the cottage floor. The pendant glows softly in my hand, and I feel a kind of raw power coursing through my veins, and a fire kindling in my heart.

I shake my head. What the hell was that!? I was just touching it!

As I stand up, I see that my house is scattered like buring garbage all over the flat, never-ending grassy plains. The roof, the walls, and most of flooring are now nothing but fiery slivers of black on blue grass in the eternal predawn light of Astraea.

Well, that's not good.

As I check out the destruction, I feel like my perspective is all wrong; like I'm standing up on a stool or something. In fact, everything feels wrong, from head to toe.

I almost fall over as I reach down to pick up a piece of mirror on the ground. As I do, I jump a bit at my huge hand. What the hell?

Then I see myself in the shard. Holy shit!

Even in the dim twilight, I can clearly see the change: I am almost a completely different person. I look like I just stepped out of an action movie: black jeans, black t-shirt, black boots, and a sleek black leather biker jacket. I'm ripped, rugged, and ready for anything. My muscles are like steel plates under my tanned skin, and my hair is a thick, luxurious black pompadour.

I sense something inside my jacket's inner breast pocket. I can't help but smile as I pull out a pair of fresh and amazing aviators. With them on, I look even more badass. Now that's what a goddamned Hero looks like!

I chuck the mirror shard and begin to move around the ruins of the cottage, taking a few paces with my heavy boots. The ground seems to quake with the sound of my big steps. I feel sturdy; like I would be able to walk through a wall like it was paper.

Oh, I gotta see this. I stop, clutch the Hero Pendant, and close my eyes for a few moments.

I can't help but grin ear to ear. Damn, I'm strong! But more than that, I'm tough. Maybe too tough. I'll be able to protect Althea, Zazel, and Astraea from goddamned near anything with this kind of power.I give the Hero Pendant a quick little kiss and tuck it into my shirt.

Okay, now let's see what I can do. I strike a few poses, and I notice my movements feel much more fluid and graceful than before, like that of a professional athlete or a martial artist.

I perform some moves I remember seeing from a few movies back in the day, and they come back to me like a boomerang, but with way, way more power and speed. I feel like a master martial artist who's spent his entire life training in the most advanced and secretive fighting styles ever known.

I begin to get into some kind of flow and start to kick and punch at the air with more and more power. I flinch a bit as the power of my blows striking out at the empty space in front of me creates massive cracking sounds and rushes of air. Fuckin' sweet!

Then, I plant myself in the ground really good, ball my fists hard, and tense my muscles. Now for the good stuff.

I freeze. No, maybe I should save it. Just in case.

I relax and ball my fist tight, admiring it with a smile. Shit, I shoulda done this from the get-go. Don't need magic if I've got skills like these. And with my insane endurance, it's almost like I'm cheating. I ain't playin' no game, though.

Satisfied, I dust my hands and head over to the obliterated remains of the kitchen, grab some mystery jerky and one of the nasty wine skins. But as I do, something familiar on the ground catches my eye: that shield and sword I used to lug around. I turn toward them and wonder, for one stupid second, if I should bring them with me.

I turn back. Nah. What was he thinking when he gave me that crap? Shoulda given me a motorcycle and a shotgun instead.

Then I see the little burlap coin purse tied to the hilt of the sword; its contents begin to glow a bit through the material, almost as if calling out to me. Nope. Fuck that.

I take a swig of the wine, make a face, and head out to Althea's.

No time to waste. Those Limp Dicks will be here right on lightning tap and I ain't gonna get caught with my pants down.

The endless ocean of grass is a dull shade of grayish-blue, and it stretches out as far as the eye can see in all directions. The sky above is a dull bluish-purple, a there's not a single star to be seen. A gentle breeze blows across the field, but my badass biker jacket and jeans keep me warm and cozy. Aside from the occasional rock, there is nothing in this big field aside from Althea's glittering tower in the far, far distance.

Can't get this party started without ol' Althy. Though I can't imagine seeing her anywhere near one.

The walk is long, but I enjoy it. I breathe in the fresh air; each lungful feels like a gift after all the smog I sucked in back home.

And although the wine is kind of bad, its still better than what I had on Earth. And the jerky, regardless of what animal it may or may not have come from, is rich, spicy, and fatty. Couldn't afford much booze back home and meat? Actual honest-to-god meat? Forget about it. Even though we had cows, they were only for milking, and when they died we still didn't eat them because we could keep the far afloat for almost a year by selling the carcass.

I gobble the meaty treats up by the fistful like someone is trying to steal them from me. Each strip makes feel like a king, and fills me with energy. Damn, that's nice. So simple, yet so delicious.

I keep going and going, my thick biker boots crunching against the fresh grass. As I make progress, I begin to see more and more details of Althea's tower, which sparkles and shines nicely even through my aviators. It is tall and majestic, like a skyscraper of crystal and platinum. The huge thing shimmers, sparkles, and glows in the dull purple Astraean twilight.

After hours and hours of walking, I finally reach the edge of the tower grounds. Looking up at the huge thing from so close makes it look like it punches right into space. I can't see the top, and looking for it makes be start to feel dizzy.

Surrounding the mighty keep at the base is a big-ass wall made of huge bus-sized bricks of spotless white stone. I drink in the sight of Althea's not-so-humble home through my shades as I turn onto the long white cobblestone road to the gates of its gargantuan ramparts.

After a steep hike up the long road, I come up over the crest and spot the two Knights that guard the gates. The cartoonish suits of shiny silvery plate armor are identical and each carry a matching sword and a shield. The helmets are closed and have a large feather jutting up into the air, like the plume of some huge bird.

They are perfectly still as I approach; they don't budge even once.

I stop some feet away and wave a hand. "Yo."

A moment passes, then metal rubs against metal as the Knights courteously nod. They speak in unison: "Please state your business."

"I wanna enter the tower and meet with the Elemental of Order."

"Do you have an official invitation or writ of passage?"

I reach into my shirt and display the Hero Pendant. "As you can see, I am the Hero."

They shift subtly. Then one marches up to me and leans in to inspect the pendant. It lifts its shining steel visor and leans in more, revealing its hollow interior for a moment.

It closes the visor and returns to its position. It spins back around and speaks in unison with the other: "We are under orders to allow entry to anyone wearing a Hero Pendant. However, you must still fill out the appropriate forms and make guarantees before passage may be granted. No exceptions, even for the Hero."

"Oh, you will be making exceptions. If you think I'm gonna-"

I stare as the two guards march over to and open a small door next to the gate. Two more suits of armor with fancy medieval clothes stretched out over each them emerge carrying a fancy white desk and two equally fancy matching chairs . Three other identically dressed Knights follow them out with a tea set, a large box of stationery, and a ridiculously large stack of papers.

"Unbelievable," I watch as the Knights set the table and chair in front of me, set up the inkwells and quills, and pour a cup of steaming hot tea.

"Please, have a seat and fill out these forms," it sets them neatly on the table. "You must make guarantees before passage may be granted."

"No dice."

"Please fill out the appropriate forms. No exceptions, even for the Hero."

"Hell no."

"No exceptions, even for the Hero."

"Blow me."

One of the Knights sits down at the table and gestures politely to the papers. "Please fill out the appropriate forms."

I walk forward and lean into one of the Knights. "Dammit, Althea! I know you can hear this! Let me in right now! You know I'm the Hero! Why do I gotta do this!?"

The Knights ignore me and continue to stand silently at attention.

I point at them. "Look, I'm not gonna fill out this bullshit. Open the fucking gates."

"Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

I shove the papers back across the table. "Get this garbage away from me and let me in."

The Knights still ignore me.

"Althea! Open the door! Seriously, what is the fucking point!? I can't even read this crap!"

There is complete and utter silence. The Lawyer Knight at the table shifts slightly, folds its hands, and rests them on the table next to the fat stack of forms.

I let out a huge sigh. "Fuuuuuck."

I plop down, snatch up a quill from the table, and begin filling out the first form.

The Lawyer Knight nods. "Please sign at the bottom."

After what feels like a century, I finish the last form and flick it at the Lawyer Knight, who inspects the signatures carefully and meticulously, ensuring that they match the previous pages.

I fold my arms and tap my foot. "C'mon, dude."

After a good, long moment, the Lawyer Knight speaks. "Your paperwork is satisfactory. We will open the gates now."

"Wow, finally." I stand and start walking to the gate.

The Lawyer Knights bow, pick up the papers, tea set, utensils, desk, and chairs, and retire back through the small door. The first two Knights return to their positions and the massive silver doors start to slide open as soon as they are back in place. I bump shoulders with a Knight as I pass through, march through the courtyard, and push my way into the keep.

The inside of the keep is impressive. Every inch of it is pristine, exquisite, and bathed in a gentle white light. It is the cleanest and fanciest place I have ever been; nothing back on Earth even comes close. The sparkling crystal pillars are really mesmerizing. They are made of the clearest crystal, and they reflect the light in a way that makes me feel like I am walking through a kaleidoscope. The white marble floors are polished to a shine, and they shimmer in the magical lights that decorate the walls.

The tapestries and murals catch my attention for a moment. They are delicately woven and painted with a lot detail and I feel like they almost want to be touched or something. I don't know what they represent, exactly, but the images look kind of religious, like the pictures from some old books my parents used to show me.

Another Lawyer Knight approaches me from out of nowhere, arms loaded with a thick stack of papers and forms. "Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

"Nope." I push past it and begin walking down the hall again.

It follows closely behind. "Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

"Nah, I'm done with that bullshit."

"Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

"Shut up or I'll kick your ass." I flip it the bird as I pick up the pace.

"Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

I climb the huge spiral stairs and make my way up several floors, the Lawyer repeating itself and following closely behind me the whole time.

After reaching the landing, I head down a big hall and to the massive double doors of the audience chamber. At the end, in front of the brilliant silver doors, I see a mighty golden suit of armor standing tall and firm in front of them. Its hands rest on a massive sheathed broadsword in front of it, which is almost as big as the metal man himself. It gleams in the light, each piece shining with a lustrous sheen that makes it seem lit's made of pure gold.

I stop a few feet away and wave at it, but Sir Biscuit is dead silent and doesn't move an inch.

The Lawyer Knight almost bumps into me as it stops. "Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

"I told you to beat it, douchebag!"

"Please fill out the appropriate forms, Hero."

I swat at it like it's a housefly before turning back to Sir Biscuit.

Sir Biscuit remains silent and still.

"Let me in."

No response.

"C'mon."

Nothing.

"Really?"

Complete and utter silence.

I clench my fists. "Open the fucking door!"

It remains as still and silent as the metal it's made of.

"Goddammit."

The Lawyer holds out the papers for the thousandth time. "Please-"

I snatch them out of its hands. "Could you at least bring me something to write on?"

I use a nearby wall as a writing surface to finish the forms, and I'm able to manage it without losing too much of my sanity. I practically throw the forms back at the Lawyer Knight, who tidies and inspects the pages carefully and meticulously, apparently checking to see if they match the previous sheets.

Finally, it looks up at me again. "Hero, your paperwork is satisfactory."

"Cool. Now hurry up."

The Knight goes back down the corridor as Sir Biscuit swings open the massive doors. The golden warrior gestures politely for me to enter as you brush past him.

As I step inside the huge chamber, I'm almost overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the space. The walls are made of a pure white crystalline material that seems to shimmer in the light, and the ceiling is so high above my head that I can barely make out the details.

On the floor, which is as white and clean as the rest of the place, there is an fancy black carpet. Running down it is a long row of knights standing at attention at either side. It cuts down the middle the pure ivory marble flooring which leads to a tall dais with a steep set of stairs at the end of the chamber. At the top, sitting on the throne, is Althea, the Elemental of Order.

The statuesque Elemental has a stern, strict, and beautiful face, with sharp, intelligent red eyes and a short and even platinum white bob haircut topped off with a silver and black circlet.

She is dressed like a nun about to go to battle; decked out in charcoal black steel armor and black priestess' robes with white hemming. The robes are decorated with a couple of white holy symbols that look like ankhs or crosses. Through a modest slit on either side of her robes, you can see where her white leggings disappear into black metal-plated boots.

In her right hand is a large war hammer upside down like a scepter, resting on its head on the floor. A huge black and platinum shield, bigger than her, rests on the right side of her throne.

She watches me like a hawk as I approach, and her piercing red eyes feel like they're penetrating my soul.

I climb the stairs and stand before Althea. The air is heavy and electric, and I can feel her immense power like thick, humid air.

"Welcome, Hero." Her voice is like steel and velvet. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have been waiting for-"

"I ain't gotta do any more forms, do I?"

Her face tightens a little, but she says nothing.

"You ready to go? We got a lot of work to before the Liberation Society gets here."

Her eyes narrow slightly. "It is God's will that I serve the Hero in any way that I can. But first, I must know something."

"What? You made me waste all that time filling out forms, and now you wanna ask me a bunch of questions?"

Her lips tighten. "I promise not to take too much of your time, Hero."

I sigh. "Fine. Shoot."

"How did you learn my True Name? It is supposed to be a divine secret."

I shrug. "So? "

"Even though you are the Hero, possessing that knowledge before I have bestowed it to you violates the very order of this world."

I shrug again. "Well, if I know it, I know it. But don't you think there's more important shit to talk about, like, say, an invasion from another world?"

She takes a slow steady breath. "Your irreverent attitude is far from appropriate, but there is no doubt you are the Hero, so I suppose I can put the matter aside for the moment."

"Good. 'Cause we need less talk and more action if we're gonna keep Astraea safe from those freaks."

"I will fight against any enemy that threatens Astraea. However, there is something that deeply concerns me."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"While I sense that you are most sincere in your desire to protect this world, I also sense a powerful anger deep inside you."

"Yeah, and what makes you think that?"

"For one, you have been yelling threats and curses almost endlessly since you arrived."

"Oh, yeah! Right after you practically drowned me in forms! Real nice of you, by the way."

Althea stares a level gaze. " And yet, swearing and yelling did not work very well."

"Well, there was nothing else I could do, was there?"

"You could have used force."

I finger my jacket. "Yeah, well, this outfit is new, so..."

She tilts her head slightly. "I see. Hero, I understand your point about the invasion, but if you are holding on to some kind of inner turmoil, you would do well to give a confession. The clearer your mind, the better you may serve God's plan."

"Nope." I fold my arms.

"I am not accusing you of anything, Hero, but if you have committed any sins, you need to at least show some amount of willingness to reflect on them. Otherwise, your anger may fester and become something worse."

"Well, you don't have to worry, 'cause I'm not angry about anything. Why should I be upset about something that never happened?"

She narrows her eyes. "What you mean?"

I shake my head and shoot her a look. "Why are are we even talking about this? We're wasting time yammering on about stupid crap that doesn't matter when we should be getting ready to kick some ass."

"You say it does not matter, but you do not believe that."

I look at the ground and tap my foot, then look back at her. "Look, are you going to help me, or not?"

She stares continues to gaze at me with her ruby red eyes as she shifts in her throne a little. "Tell me about the invasion. What is this 'Liberation Society' and what are the goals of its members?"

"Who knows? I bet even they don't know. They're batshit insane; I listened in on a bunch of their meetings, and I couldn't figure out a damn thing they were blabbing about. I guess they want to unify the world and get equality for robots or something, but all they do is wreck shit, castrate dudes, and murder anyone who doesn't go along with their crazy bullshit."

She stirs a finger on her throne. "That is certainly disturbing. What else do you know?"

"Dunno. God didn't say much that I didn't already know."

She blinks. "He spoke to you directly?" She stands up. "You must tell me what God said. It is paramount."

"Like I said, he didn't give a lot of details. But he did tell me that they somehow managed to learn about magic and that they basically control Earth now, and they want to take this world for themselves as well."

"And what else? Did He say why they were coming to Astraea?"

"No, but you can bet your ass the reason ain't anything good."

"That is certain, but knowing their motivations could be useful."

"I guess. But the most important thing he said is the crazies are going to win if we don't meet some conditions."

"What are the conditions?"

"Basically I gotta survive, I can't let you or Zazel die, and I need to 'maintain balance between chaos and order'. Whatever that means."

She narrows her eyes. "Who or what is Zazel?"

"You know... Zazel," I turn up my palms. "The Elemental of Chaos."

Her lips tighten. "Surely, you have misunderstood His words."

"Doubt it. It was one of the few things he actually was clear about."

She turns her gaze down and makes a solemn face.

I cock my head. "You good?"

"Something is very wrong here."

I raise an eyebrow. "What?"

She closes her eyes for a few moments, and just when I'm going to ask her what her deal is, she opens them again.

"Well," she gives you stoic look. "You are a very far cry from the person I have been waiting for all these centuries. I have speculated and daydreamed endlessly about who you would be and what you would look like. Never once did I imagine someone like you."

"Thanks," I smirk.

"It was not a compliment," she comes closer to me and I can feel her power like static electricity on the air. "You are brutish and crude beyond all imagination. You scream curses with one breath and make threats with the other."

"Bit of an exaggeration."

"No, it is most certainly not. Clearly, a 'Hero' such as yourself cannot be permitted to run amok in this world."

"You're talking about me like I'm some kind of animal," I smirk. "Hope you have a damn good leash."

"I do not know what you mean."

"Yeah, right."

"At any rate, if you also require the Elemental of Chaos to join you as well, I have little choice but to be by your side to ensure your safety and moral integrity."

"Oh, you wanna make sure I don't turn to the dark side, right?"

"Of course. It would not do to- Oh, you are being sarcastic."

I chuckle. "Better get used to it."

She tilts her head slightly and studies you for a moment. "I believe be at your side will be, at the very least, interesting."

"Yeah, could be."

"And although these circumstances are rather strange, it is God's will that I serve the Hero, and I also have a duty to preserve the order of this world and protect it from hostile forces."

"Yeah, it sounds like Earth is fucked, but we can at least protect Astraea if we work hard."

"I am sorry to hear about Earth. Perhaps, if we defeat the invaders, we can also help your world as well."

"That would be cool, but I wouldn't bet on it. Let's just focus on Astraea for now. And we can start by getting you out of here."

"I suppose we should."

I adjust my shades. "So, what's my Trial?"

She looks at me for a moment, then aims her gaze down the rows of Knights, toward the entrance. At that moment, Sir Biscuit opens the big doors.

Then, three Lawyer Knights enter and head our way. One carries a scroll, the other a fancy table, and the last a big set of stationery.

I roll my eyes and sigh. "You've gotta be shitting me."

Their clanking echos through the massive chamber, getting louder and louder as they get closer.

I can do little but stare in disbelief as the Knight with the scroll approaches me and unfurls it. "Please sign here." It points at one of two dotted lines as the other Knights prepare the table.

I growl. "What the hell is this?"

The Lawyer Knight with the scroll steps forward and begins to machine gun me with legal speech.

I wave my hands and shake my head at the metal man. "No, no, no. I'm not signin' nothin'."

"Hero, this is a special contract made by my magic. In essence, it constitutes a vow."

"What? Are you trying to marry me?"

She freezes for a moment, then shakes her head. "No. It is a magically binding agreement: A promise that you will fulfill the task God gave you, fight the invaders, and protect Astraea for the rest of your life."

I swallow. "'The rest of my life?'"

"Yes. Of course, in the interest of fairness, I will sign it as well."

I fold my arms and stare at her for a moment while drumming my fingers on my jacket. "Ugh, Fine, but this is the last one."

The Knight gestures to the contract again. "Please sign on the dotted line."

I grumble as I take it, lean on the table, scribble my name, and hand it to Althea.

Althea takes it, examines it briefly, and then signs it herself. As soon as she makes the last scratch, the fancy paper glows and the signatures illuminate in a bright light.

A Knight takes it, rolls it up carefully as the others pack up the table and utensils. Then as quickly and efficiently as they came, they leave.

I watch as Sir Biscuit closes the doors behind the Knights. As the massive portal shuts with a reverberating slam, I turn to Althea. "That's all, huh?"

"One thing remains."

"Oh, right. The thing." I gesture at her to get on with it.

She nods, puts her hands up in prayer, and closes her eyes.

The room begins to glow brighter and you can feel a strange energy in the air, like a breeze of iron and silk.

A somber, ethereal tone takes over her voice as she speaks: "I, the Elemental of Order, recognize God's Divine Favor of the Hero and acknowledge his right to be Judged."

The flow of energy intensifies, and I see it dimly swirling around in a gentle eddy of mystical power.

"In accordance with the Divine Pact between God, Elementals, and Heroes, I hereby declare that the Hero is Judged Worthy to participate in the Ritual of Release."

The energy dies down and I crack a little smile. "Nice."

She opens her eyes and nods at me.

"Althea, I'm glad to have you along, but just promise me something."

"Of course."

"Never make me do any paperwork ever again."

I wake up from a dreamless sleep and stare up at the huge ceiling. Even in the dark, I can see the beautiful, complex, yet indistinct mural painted in silver high above me. Its silvery paint glitters faintly like neat little streams of tiny stars. The pattern, while very well-made and symbolic-looking, resembles nothing in particular.

Mom and Dad woulda got a kick out of this place.

I look over to Althea, whose tall, slender form begins to stir underneath the huge, platinum silk sheets of the massive bed. I'm not sure, but it looks like she slept the whole night straight on her back without moving, like a vampire or a corpse.

Her red eyes open slowly and she turns sleepily to meet my gaze. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like the dead."

"It is a shame we did not produce any Thralls."

"Yeah, guess we were unlucky."

"We will have to attempt Thrall creation as often as we can to ensure the strength of our forces is as high as possible before the invasion."

"True. In fact, I know something that can help us with that."

Althea sits up quickly, clutching her sheets to her bare chest. "What is that light?"

I can see a super bright glow starting to shine through Althea's thick, luxurious black drapes, which line the entirety of the circular bedchamber.

I smile at her. "The start of a new day."

Althea hops out of her massive bed, blinks her clothes and armor on, walks over to the curtains, and throws them open.

The sky is awash in a glorious rainbow of colors, and the sun itself is a blinding orange ball. You cannot help but be mesmerized by its beauty; it is impossible to see the sun so clearly on Earth.

I join her by the window, but she barely notices me as she stares out at the scene unfolding in front of the two of us.

"It is so wonderful. How can this be?"

Althea's room is really high up and with the sun lighting everything, we get view of the planes of Astraea. The flat, featureless grassy field that stretches out into oblivion now shows some small, but noticeable new bits of nature. There are a few knolls and hills to popping up here and there and there is also the occasional streak of clouds, a tree or two, and the beginnings of some mountains on the far horizon.

After taking in the sights for a bit, Althea turns to me. "Hero, may I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you quite sure you properly understood what God said?"

"This again? We need Zazel. She'll be a handful for sure, but she's useful if you can get her to focus on something for more than 3 seconds."

"I am very, very concerned. We will require an organized, concerted effort to defeat these invaders. If the Elemental of Chaos is in our ranks, her mere presence could hinder our efforts even under the best of conditions."

I chuckle. "Definitely. But she's smart and we need some brains in this operation."

"If she has a high intellect, that would be even more cause for concern. She is the very essence of disorder and will be wild and unpredictable on her best day, and any schemes she might concoct could potentially bring ruin to everything. "

"I definitely get how you could think that," I crack a smile. "But, I doubt she'll be that bad, and God said we need her to win, so we got no choice, anyway."

"If it is God's will, I must endure it. But I cannot trust her."

"Yeah, you've made that clear," I put a hand on her armored shoulder. "Look, I'll make sure she plays nice," I look her right in the eyes. "And if she does go wild for some reason, which she won't, I will protect you."

Her eyes flicker for a moment, then she turns back toward the scene outside. "I will take you at your word, though I do not understand how you can be so certain about all of this. Or know about it at all, for that matter."

"Just trust me, okay? I'm the Hero, remember?"

"Very well."

I take in the sunrise a bit more and stretch. My muscles tense and relax with every movement. "Now, let's eat breakfast and get our asses over to my place. We can stay the night there and head to Zazel's tomorrow morning."

"Oh, you already have a home here in Astraea?"

"Well, I should by now."