Ferdie and the Elementals

I'm a living fireball of hate, and the iron fortress is the driest tinder. It was made to be destroyed by me. There ain't no other purpose it could serve.

"RRRRRAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!"

I charge full bore up the mountainside; the steep rocky slopes do nothing to stop me as I leap and hop like a mad beast from ledge to ledge, my eyes dead-set on the iron bastion.

I'm a meteor. A bomb. The end is fucking nigh.

I leap onto the gravel-strewn road that winds like a snake up the gate of the first rampart, taking huge leaps forward like a flaming freak of nature as I skip all the bends and turns.

"COMEONCOMEONCOMEONGOTTASMASHGOTTACRUSHMOTHERFUCKER!"

As I close in, a long thunderous trumpet-like sound erupts from somewhere behind the wall and vibrates the dark mountain air.

"YEAH! RING YOUR LITTLE BITCH ALARM!"

The enormous metal gates fold, crack, and tear like cheap tin as I charge through them, leaving them bent and broken and burning on their hinges.

"DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE FUCKED! YEAH YOU FUCKING HEARD ME!"

I'm met by a rising iron road, which zigzags left and right up a steep hill. There're also a lot of crimson flame torches, spiky walls and other stupid crap that looks like it was put there to stop people from coming in. But they ain't stoppin' shit.

"THIS IS MY FUCKING CASTLE NOW!"

I bound up the incline and tear through everything like a burning wrecking ball. I charge and jump and kick and punch and smash through everything as I make my way up the mountainside.

I hear a bunch of shit whistle through the air and hit the ground around me, but ignore it as I continue my furious assault on this wimpy-ass, pathetic castle.

The next gate comes and goes, and then the one after that. The whole place is starting to become a big pile of wreckage, and my path is becoming easier and easier as skip over and tear through their stupid bullshit obstacles.

The third gate -or maybe it's the fourth- doesn't last long, and I'm on the final stretch of road.

I can see the black, jagged ramparts and the dark spires in the distance, the huge, looming keep with a murderous red aura looming over the final wall.

A massive orange light flashes from the highest tower, and roar of thunder rips through the air.

My instincts scream and I make a quick, sharp leap off the road just before a huge explosion erupts, shaking the mountains side like the earthquake from hell.

The blast pops my eardrums and slaps me a way like a giant invisible hand across my whole body, and I'm sent flying backward.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

I bounce and roll back down the mountain and land ass-first in a ditch. My head is swimming and my bones ache like a motherfucker, but the pain disappears a few seconds later, the sound rushes back into ears, and I'm scrambling up the mountain like a pissed off badger on a murder spree.

"COME ON, TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN!"

A roar and a flash of red light. Another wall of crimson flies at me, but I leap high into the air like a wildcat. I'm rushed by an incredibly powerful blast of hot air, and my eardrums almost pop again, but I'm over the last rampart before the rocks and dirt stop raining down.

A memory flashes in my mind again. Showers of steel. White, black, and red blood. Snake eyes. Fire. Death.

"MOTHERFUCKERS'VE GOTTA PAAAAY!"

All at once, in the ramparts, battlements, towers, and windows, the Bastards pop up. Like a legion of sets of pint-sized of demon armor, their jagged and spiky helmets and chest pieces make a sick silhouette against the red glow of the keep.

I hear their metallic cackles and screams of insanity as their weapons pop off with crack and twangs, and I'm rushed by a multi-directional storm of whistling black metal. Streaks of bright crimson arc though the night air right at me, and I start to get peppered with arrows, spears, slings, bolts, and other wicked shit.

Nothing but a flat iron courtyard ahead of me, I burst forward, twisting, hopping, and rolling as the gleaming shower of projectiles rains down on me. My body moves on almost pure animal instinct as I pour my whole being into breaking through that fucking keep.

"RRRAAAGGGHH!"

Avoiding the shower of serrated and jagged missiles is about as pointless as trying to dodge rain during a monsoon, but my body dips and leaps and twists anyway.

My core thrums and burns hotter.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING CRUSH YOU!"

The keep's gate is ahead of me. I jump and leap and roll and dodge. I'm a goddamn demon.

The the towering castle's massive portcullis flashes and glows red, chains revving and steel slamming as it flies open. Then, an absolute wall of iron comes flying out. The castle is like a dragon spewing a breath of metal from its entrance, and I can't continue to ignore the intense, never-ending storm.

I cross my arms over my face as I push forward, but it's overwhelming. The whole front of my body is becoming a pincushion as all this shit hits me all over the again and again and again. My face, chest, gut, neck, arms, shoulders, hands, elbows, thighs, ass, knees, shins, feet, dick, balls, face, and my eyes.

My fucking eyes!

"AAAAAARRRRHHHHHHGGGHH! MOTHERFUUUCKERRRRSSS!"

I jerk and scream from pain and anger in equal parts. I try to scrape off and grapple with all of the shit sticking out of me, but the agony is getting pretty fucking unreal.

The shit keeps coming and coming. Most of it doesn't connect; it just bounces off the other crap already stuck in me, causing even more pain as the metal inside me is twisted, pushed and jostled against my flesh.

I'm more metal than meat now; I can't even scream- my throat is full of serrated, jagged iron. I feel lightheaded, dizzy, and sick. I can feel the energy draining from my body and it becomes harder and harder to think.

I remember the fire. Blast after blast from that fucking cannon as we got swarmed by the Bastards. They were everywhere. They scrapped almost all the Knights and Spawn.

Althea said we were ready. Zazel said it would be easy. We had hundreds of Thralls. I had the Dice. Things had been easy up to that point.

They got hard real fast.

The Bastards lured us deep into their maze of walls, ramparts, roads, and bridges. We thought the place was empty at first; even Althea didn't pick up on the danger.

We were two walls away from the keep when they trapped us. They sealed the gate behind us, then they jumped us from every angle and used every possible weapon. Swords, axes, bows, spears, hammers, pitchforks, and other shit I've never even seen before.

We fought back with everything we had, but we lost almost all of the Spawn and Knights. It seemed like every turn had an obstacle and every step activated a trap.

I had no choice but to use the Dice. Whenever I used the Dice, everything always seemed to work out, even if they didn't always take things in the direction I wanted. I knew the risk I was taking, but it made sense to take it considering how in over our heads we were.

I just didn't expect snake eyes on the first roll.

God gave me power that could kill me, knowing it would be too tempting to pass up, and yet I was supposed to be the last hope for Astraea.

THAT'S FUCKED!

After a hard and fast life of quiet suffering, I found some meaning as the "Hero". Sure, it all felt a little too easy, a little too hollow. And, if I'm honest, the fact that I still felt kind of empty inside despite living in a paradise of food, magic, and sex, was pretty demoralizing deep down. I had everything I man could want, but I still wasn't fulfilled. But at least I wasn't enslaved by corpos or getting cucked and castrated by someone I loved.

But if there's one thing I learned in my lifetimes, it's this: love, happiness, and meaning weren't meant for me.

FUCKEDUPFUCKEDUPFUCKEDUPFUCKEDUP!

The sound of my thoughts fades away in the darkness, and a powerful, heavy fatigue comes over me.

Why me...? So... Wrong... So unfair... Doesn't... Doesn't even make sense...

Like a bathtub with no stopper, all the anger, energy, and will are steadily drained from me. I feel colder and colder, heavier and heavier. I know this feeling.

I'm dying.

Through the void I see the tiniest white light, like a shining pinprick in the overwhelming, infinite blackness. I want to go there. I have to go there.

I'm not afraid of death. Not anymore.

I reach out. My arms are lead. My body is stone. The rest and peace I want so badly is closer than ever before.

I strain, pushing forward through the emptiness. The light seems to come no closer.

Then, the light begins to pulse and strobe as it grows and intensifies. I'm not going to it, it's coming to me.

The surging light flares and sparks, growing even larger as it blasts out fiery tendrils. It begins to change color from white to pink, then darkens to a bloody red.

The light overwhelms me, blowing at me like a windstorm. I see nothing but burning red as an intense heat and pressure tense up inside me, hotter and heavier with each passing second.

DIE ON YOUR OWN TIME, PUSSY!

My senses rush back to me all at once, and a wave of energy surges through me, forcing all the crap out of my body and burning away all my ravaged flesh.

The red light is the world around me, and it's filled with a deafening, incessant roar of thunder and fire. My ears rattle, then my hearing pops out again as I become a living storm of flame.

I try to scream, but I can't feel my mouth or neck. I try to breathe, but I can't take in air.

The fire finally whips, swirls, and flickers out of existence, and the roar fades into a distant echo.

Through my one eye, all I can see is molten metal. No Bastards laughing and screaming, no iron hail assaulting me from every angle, just streaks and globs of orange on black. The towering keep is half-melted and drooping, the red-hot dripping portcullis making it look like some kind of giant tortured soul.

All the superheated metal makes me hesitate. I look down at my feet to get my bearings.

Oh, fuck.

I'm already standing in a pool of molten iron. And I have no skin, just strips of black, charred flesh wrapped around blood-browned metal.

The Pendant wasn't fucking around. Goddamned metal bones.

After testing my footing, I trudge through and across the melted courtyard and roll through the front gate.

It's hard to see inside the keep with only one bad eye, so I take a moment to rage heal. I feel my flesh pop, pull, and sting as my nerves begin to connect again, and the black void in my left eye begins to give way to the gloomy darkness of the keep. My body fills up with organs again, and muscle, cartilage, and sinew tighten and bind themselves to my bones once more. Even my hair comes back.

I'm a naked, burnt mess, but I feel whole again. The raging fire inside me is starting to die down, and the pressure is getting less intense. But the energy is still there, and the fury is still there, just simmering. Won't take much to bring it back to a boil, though.

Motherfuckers've gotta pay. Where the fuck are they hiding!?

I tap my fury, and my surroundings become bathed in a radiant orange-red. There are fragments of melted Bastard everywhere, and I can see a huge slope of metal rubble sloping all the way to ceiling of the, with all kinds of weapons sticking out between the gaps of the chunks of iron.

My gut tells me something is fucked, and my senses snap back to normal.

Shit!

I start to make a mad dash for the exit, but just as I turn around, there's a monstrous crash just out side the front of the keep that sounds like an airliner just nosedived into the ground. My ears ring as the dark blue glow of the night becomes black.

I peer into the dark, trying to see through the black dust.

The scraping and bending of something huge and metallic screeches and groans in the darkness, then starts stomping slowly my way.

I tense up. My fists clench and my jaw tightens. "Been lookin' for you, asshole! You ready to die!?"

A horizontal slit of crimson light casts a beam down at me through the smokey, dusty air, filling the room with a bloody aura. A huge, shadowy black construct ignites a huge, jagged and curved blade with one arm and points a massive red-hot cylinder at me with there other. It stops dead just inside the keep, as still cold and hard as the iron it's made of.

More memories. Charging. Laughing. Fire. Death. My heart races with anger, fear, and excitement.

It jolts and rattles as its visor's light brightens and its weapons' flames intensify. It takes a couple of steps forward, razing it's flaming weapons toward the ceiling.

"SLASH AND BURN! SLAAAASH AAAND BUUUUUUURRRNNNNN!!"