Gacha Gacha Hero

“So what are the Paladins about anyway?” Luke asked. He was sitting on the ground with his legs crossed and his rope bound hands resting in his lap.

Gilt was standing in front of him looking at the contents of the purses that his helpers had taken from the group.

He put down the stolen purse he was looking at and turned to Luke. “So glad that you asked. It’s rare that someone takes an interest in our good works.”

“Is that because you’re usually robbing them?” Ash called from where he was tied to a tree.

“Shut up.” Lamb said. She reached down and pulled one of Ash’s boots off of his foot.

“See. This is what I’m talking about.” Ash complained.

Gilt proceeded without paying attention to the others. “As Paladins we strive to save the world from the tyranny of fiat money.”

“Uuugh” Ave rolled her eyes from where she was tied up next to Ash.

Gilt continued to ignore everything but the sound of his own voice. “Our world has been blessed with an infinite supply of resources and yet we chain ourselves to a sacrilegious material currency that devalues our Gods given gifts.”

“You don’t say.” Luke said.

“We believe that our leaders should be chosen for their devotion and not their political affiliation.” Gilt was building up steam.

“I see.” Luke nodded along.

“The king should not determine taxes that should be the will of the Gods.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Currency should be based on things that have intrinsic value like gold.”

“But then wouldn’t everyone just summon gold?” Luke asked.

“They might. But then gold will lose its rarity and the inherent value will drop. At which point people will use a different resource. It’s a self correcting system you see.” Gilt animated his point with a series of exaggerated hand gestures.

“It sounds… confusing.” Luke smiled.

#

Ash and Ave were tied together on the same tree.

“Do you argue with everyone you meet?” Ave asked.

“Only when I’m trying to make friends.” Ash quipped.

The bandits Less and Lamb were examining a collection of glowing gemstones that they had taken from the group’s purses.

“We can’t let them take our crystals.” Ave said.

“Or turn us in to the guards.” Ash added.

“That too. We have one advantage.”

“What’s that?”

“I still have my sword.”

“Look at that, you do. Why didn’t they take that off of you?” asked Ash.

“They weren’t paying attention. Now if we can only get free we can grab our horses and make a run for it.”

#

“What beautiful horses. Such sweet, simple creatures.“ Gilt said.

Gilt gently patted Buttercup’s flank while looking at the other tarpans.

“You don’t deserve to be tied up like this. Be free my brothers!”

*Slap*

The horses galloped into the forest leaving the humans behind.

“I wish you hadn't done that.” Luke frowned.

Gilt shrugged. “Why not? A man should rely on his own fortune. Not on the work of others, or even of simple beasts.”

Luke looked up at the sky. “Sure. But it’s going to rain later. Now we’re going to have to walk in the rain.”

Gilt waved a finger. “No, no, no. The weather is like everything. A blessing from the Gods. Bad weather only comes to those that deserve punishment.”

Luke gazed up at the dark clouds and frowned.

#

“Okay. I’m done with this.” Ave frowned in fulminating frustration. “Can you summon a knife for me? A very small knife? I can use it to cut us free.” She whispered to Ash.

“No.” Ash snipped back.

“What?”

“Use your sword.”

“I can’t draw it with my arms tied. Just make a knife.”

“I can’t.”

“What’s wrong? Are you out of mana?” She tried to look him in the face.

“No.” Ash avoided her gaze.

“I thought you could use your powers whenever you wanted. You don’t need to wait for your mana to recharge.”

“That’s true…” Ash trailed off.

“But you said it’s not good. Whatever you summon is always the worst tier possible.” Ave continued.

“Also true.” Ash acknowledged.

“So what is the problem? Summon a knife. Even if it’s a shoddy one I can use it to cut us free.” Ave pressed.

“No. It’s not that. The problem is that I can’t make you one knife. I can’t make just one of anything. Everytime I summon something it always comes in a big group.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Ave hissed.

“No!” Ash counter hissed.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?”

“Forgive me for not wanting to talk about my magical inadequacies!”

#

The Paladin Gilt was finally winding down from his explanation.

“And that is why it is only acceptable for the Gods alone to determine bank holidays.” He paused his pedantic proclamations.

“Wow.” Luke blurted out. “I’m not going to pretend like I understood half of what you said but it is clear that you have a great deal of love for the kingdom and its wellbeing.”

Gilt quivered with dedication. “I have dedicated my body and soul to this cause. It is my very existence. It is why I was chosen.” Gilt fingered the pommel of his sword affectionately.

*Concentration*

“Wait a minute.” Luke had a thoughtful look on his face. “Do you have a large and powerful organization?”

“There are those dedicated to our cause throughout the land.” Gilt waved his arms at the horizon.

“And you’re not controlled by the Council.”

“The Paladins are an independent organization.”

“And many of your followers are soldiers and warriors, correct?”

“This is true.”

“Then you would definitely want to protect the Kingdom, from say, an army of darkness?”

“With the power of the gods on our side there is no way we could lose.”

#

“What is he doing?” Ave asked.

“Oh no…” Ash mumbled.

#

“That’s fantastic news.” Luke beamed with excitement.

*Snap*

Luke pulled the ropes binding his wrists apart with a quick flex of his arms. He hopped up onto his feet with a small jump. He extended a hand to Gilt.

“You can join up with us and help save the kingdom.” Luke said.

“What’s all this then?” Gilt stood in shock.

“It’s a long story but there’s a Demon Lord loose in the Kingdom and we need help stopping him.” Luke said.

“A Demon Lord you say?” The Paladin stroked his beard. “Save the Kingdom you say?”

“Are you sure boss? It sounds kind of fishy.” Less spoke up while watching the two of them converse.

Gilt paced back and forth for a few seconds.

“I’ll do it!” He exclaimed! He reached over and took Luke’s hand with a firm grip!

“I’m so glad to hear you say that…” Luke said.

“Under one condition!” Gilt halted the exchange!

“Uh…”

“You must summon for us!”

“What?” Luke was confused.

“As Paladins we encourage people to make the best of their gifts. Literally. We tell them to make the best thing they possibly can. If our magic is a gift from the Gods then the greatest of gifts surely show the Gods favor.” Gilt held one arm to the heavens. “Show us that the Gods favor you and we will follow you to the ends of the earth!”

“Okay…” Luke stutted. “What should I summon?”

“Oh anything will be fine. Let the Gods guide you.”

“I’ll do it.” said Luke.

Luke looked over at Ash and Ave tied to the tree. He gave them a thumbs up. Ash and Ave grimaced in unison. Luke ignored their disapproval.

“Here I go.”

Luke took a step back and held out his hands. There was a buzz of magic. Like the air rolling before a stormfront. He started to concentrate.

“Although it would be nice if you summoned something that honored the father of the Gods, the lord Eictor.” Gilt suggested.

“Right…” Luke acknowledged.

“Maybe a statue or something…”

“Got it.”

“Something tasteful with above the waist nudity.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Whatever you feel is best.”

“Okay…”

Luke continued to concentrate. Then he stopped concentrating. He emptied his mind of all thought. With a magical effort he pulled.

*Manifest!*

In the middle of the small clearing a three meter tall statue appeared. Carved of finest marble it depicted an athletic man with only a linen robe draped around his waist. Every delicate detail of his physical form had been carved with anatomical precision. His hair, his nostrils, the lobes of his ears, even the veins of his arms were present in the stone.

But his face was beyond perfection. The statue’s smooth cheekbones and strong chin were the pinnacle of human beauty. The expression on the marble face was one of divine subtlety. Both stern and compassionate in equal measure.

Luke fell to his knees in exhaustion.

Gilt fell to his knees in tears.

Less fell to his knees imagining how much a statue like this might be worth.

Lamb swatted at a fly that was buzzing too close to her ear.

“This is…. This is beyond perfection.” Gilt stammered out.

Luke was on his hands and knees on the ground. *Cough* “So then…” *Cough* “You’ll help us get to the Capital and protect the Kingdom?”

“We’ll do better than that!” Gilt’s eyes were burning with passionate energy. “We’ll parade you through the gates of the Royal Castle itself and overthrow the entire monarchy!”

“Oh no…”