Hard Mode Idol

I brought Ilhan back to the dorms. Yoochan, who had been waiting up for us, welcomed Ilhan saying it had been a long time. Ilhan responded with “Yeah, I guess” before entering his own room.

After washing off the day’s dust, I lay in bed and searched about the contents Ilhan had shared with me. Usually I would fall asleep right away, but Yoochan found it strange that I couldn’t take my eyes off my phone and wondered, though I didn’t explain to him.

The root of the problem was a music broadcast featuring the senior group ‘Teos’ that Ilhan had appeared on. Teos was participating in a local festival when, by chance, an unprecedented blizzard struck.

This caused the filming to be completely derailed. Since Teos wasn’t as famous back then 4 years ago, the company quickly brought in a replacement. That replacement was the already accomplished Ilhan.

The broadcast title was ‘Genius Rapper! Ilhan’s Return!’. He had previously appeared on a child prodigy program at a very young age. However, the extremely tense Ilhan failed to showcase even half of his true abilities on that fateful broadcast.

The broadcasting station used bold editing tricks to cut Ilhan down to size, airing the disappointed looks on the panelists’ faces. Since the company had already hastily replaced the cast once before, they had no way to intervene. It was the tragic downfall of a rising star.

Ilhan’s appearance amounted to less than 10 minutes out of the 1-hour runtime. Yet people endlessly mocked, tore apart, chewed on, and savored Ilhan. All those blades stabbed into him, robbing him of his confidence. And the final blow was delivered by the Cult Leader himself.

‘You’ll be a burden to the team.’

That obsession became the catalyst that drove Ilhan into his cave.

The short clips remaining on YourTube from Ilhan’s child prodigy show were adorable. His bright, ringing voice declaring, “I’m going to become an idol!” was so confident.

So, he had wanted to be an idol from a young age. The detached demeanor I had misunderstood as a dislike for being an idol was actually him being consumed by the belief that he was a burden. Despite his self-esteem plummeting to rock bottom, he still signed the contract because he wanted to be an idol so badly. Which is why he holed up in his studio even more – a vicious cycle.

It broke my heart. I wish he could smile like he did back then.

I need to shower him with praise to undo that mental conditioning. There’s no need to ponder how – Ilhan is a genuinely skilled rapper and composer. I just need to convey my honest impressions.

I had no idea he was talented at composing too, since it only mentioned rapping. If that’s just one of his skills, how incredible must Yoochan’s songs be? This group’s future seems promising.

“Haon-ah, you still haven’t slept? It’s past your usual bedtime. You’re acting strange today.”

It seems I had him worried. To be fair, I was about to go to sleep anyway. I found out everything I wanted to know and decided what to do. Ah, come to think of it.

“Hyung, I have something I’m curious about.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“You said Ilhan hyung doesn’t like showing his studio.”

“Yeah.”

“Did he say that directly?”

It doesn’t seem like his style to say it outright. I’m sure the Cult Leader was the one who said that, not Ilhan himself.

“No, Jaehyuk told us. We didn’t know and kept going there to bother him.”

“When did he come here?”

“It must have been around 3 years ago. He joined last among us but instantly became the leader.”

“I see.”

So he managed to mess things up this badly in just 3 years.

“I went to hyung’s studio today.”

“Yeah.”

“He didn’t seem to dislike it. He played me his old songs as well as his recent works. He even explained his composing programs at length and showed me how to use the equipment. It was a bit difficult for me, but hyung.”

“……Huh? What?”

“Hyung said you’re interested in composing, right? Ask Ilhan hyung about it. I’m sure he’d be delighted. He was so excited explaining it all to me, so he’d be even happier with someone close like you.”

“……But Jaehyuk said he disliked it……”

“When did he say that?”

“Uhh. About 2 years ago? Maybe.”

So you left him alone all this time? Just believing the Cult Leader’s few words? Now I understand where that deep depression came from.

“So you’ve just left Ilhan hyung by himself all this time?”

“Yeah. Jaehyuk said……”

Yoochan trailed off mid-sentence. Then he abruptly sat up and splashed his face with water using both hands.

“Could it be? No, wait? Was it not like that?”

“It might have been like that back then, but it doesn’t seem to be the case now.”

“Ah, that’s right. Some time has passed……”

Yoochan let out a long breath, as if a weight had been lifted. So this is why the director couldn’t reveal the truth – he was so desperate to believe it. It’s a relief he realized the cult-like devotion. Otherwise, he might have run off chasing after the Cult Leader. A whole movie could have been made about that premise.

But they were all too precious to simply discard. With the entire team’s visuals and skills above average, it’s no wonder the director wanted to keep a firm grip on them.

“I’ve been neglectful towards Ilhan too. I’m the leader now, but I keep forgetting Jaehyuk is gone. It’s my responsibility to look after everyone……”

“Take it step-by-step. No one gets everything right from the start.”

“Yeah, I suppose so……”

In the brief moment I was preoccupied worrying about Ilhan, Yoochan’s tofu mentality wavered again. He deflates so easily with just a poke. Not just regular tofu, but soft tofu.

“Hyung, I’m glad you’re the leader.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You have a sense of responsibility, don’t you? The fact that you feel burdened stems from that responsibility. While lacking skills can be learned, responsibility isn’t something you can learn.”

“……I suppose so.”

“Of course. And for me, just having you around provides stability. So you’re a good leader.”

“It sounds like you’re saying I’m useless except for being present?”

His voice carried a playful tone. I laughed out loud and played along with his jest.

“Ah, is that so?”

“You’re too much.”

“Heheh.”

“Just go to sleep now. It’s already late.”

“Yes yes. Good night, hyung.”

“Yeah. You too.”

The next morning, a change occurred. Ilhan emerged from his studio and came to the practice room of his own accord. Through the slightly ajar door, he seemed hesitant about entering, watching us uncertainly.

“Hyung! Come over here!”

After I noticed him first and gestured him over, Yoochan took the baton.

“Ilhan-ah!”

“Hyung, I……”

Yoochan grabbed Ilhan’s arm and brought him to the center.

“Welcome. Let’s practice together.”

“……I can join you?”

“Of course. We’re members together.”

The moment our eyes met and I smiled happily at him, a faint smile also bloomed on Ilhan’s face. For a fleeting instant, the bright-eyed young Ilhan confidently declaring his idol dreams overlapped with his current self.

Wow. He has such a pretty smile.

“Ilhan hyung! You should learn from Kanghyun hyung with me too! It was tough doing it alone……”

Seoho suddenly whined. Kanghyun raised one eyebrow. That brat is just dragging Ilhan in so he doesn’t have to suffer the hellish training alone.

“Huh? Really?”

“……Will you teach Ilhan hyung too?”

“U-Umm! Please do!”

“Then come here.”

“Okay!”

It feels like watching a tender rabbit willingly approach a ferocious beast to be devoured. If Ilhan gets torn apart, someone will need to carefully gather the pieces and reassemble him. Yoochan will do a good job of that, right? He’ll definitely take better care of Ilhan than I could.

“Yoochan hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“You should also ask Ilhan hyung to teach you composing. He’ll be really happy, you know?”

“Oh, right. Okay. I’ll ask him about it later.”

“Yes yes!”

Good. Once those two start cheerfully chatting about composing together, the atmosphere will greatly improve. I feel quite proud, as if I’ve accomplished something major.

Wait. If they start digging too deep together, they might descend endlessly without stopping. We can’t have that. Just to be safe, I should keep an eye on them.

But for now.

I scurried over to the most trustworthy Kanghyun. Teach me dancing too! My experience points!

“Director, I’m starting the concept photo shoots for the kids. To accommodate potential member changes, I’ve set the concept as a refreshing vibe. For the music video easter egg, I’ve decided on Haon. He suits the concept best and he’s definitely someone we’ll be keeping.”

“Understood. How is the current atmosphere among the debut team members?”

A bright smile bloomed on Kim Hyemi’s face, answering the question before she even spoke.

“Ilhan has started joining their practice sessions. Everyone’s expressions seem brighter too. Even Seoho doesn’t give off a hostile vibe anymore. He and Ilhan bicker sometimes, but according to Manager Park Jeonggon, it’s like puppies playing.”

The CEO nodded.

“Do you foresee any potential issues arising later?”

“It’s a bit hard to predict right now. But I don’t think there will be any discord among the members. It seems Haon has become the center that binds them together.”

“Hmm.”

The CEO stroked his jaw contemplatively with his eyes closed. Kim Hyemi swallowed dryly as she awaited his response. True to his nature, he was unlikely to reverse a decision once made, but she couldn’t help feeling tense.

To be honest, it was quite the gamble. An immensely costly one if it failed.

“We can’t make any changes after their debut. Let’s observe until before the music video filming and make the final judgment then. That would minimize potential losses.”

“Understood.”

“Director Kim Hyemi.”

“Yes.”

“I trust you. I’ll leave the subsequent judgment calls to you since you’re the one closely monitoring the members.”

Kim Hyemi smiled self-assuredly, bolstered by the trust from her long-time superior.

“Leave it to me. You won’t be disappointed.”

“Yes. Let me know if you need my assistance at any point.”

“Certainly!”