Her True Form

One thing Yvette had learned in the last few days was that if her choices were to be a prisoner or a guest, the latter was far nicer. While her room wasn’t very fancy, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept on a bed. On the way to the vault, most likely.

The cots weren’t so bad the few times she’d been able to get them, but most days were spent on the ground or worse. Comparatively, the bed was absolutely heavenly.

Meals were nicer too, though she was wary about eating them. The ring on her finger meant she didn’t have to, so she could have skipped them. But they did smell nice and it made her feel weird to just leave them. After all, she had to do something while here. She couldn’t just sit inside all day and do nothing. She wondered how long until they’d take the ring back, anyway.

She desperately wished her room had a window to the outside. She had no way of truly knowing how much time was passing. She didn’t even have a candle, instead a magical rod that she could flick with a fingertip and it would glow or stop glowing.

Yvette was, technically, allowed to even leave her room. The moment she opened the door, someone was there to help ‘guide’ her. To ensure she didn’t get lost. She kept Unceasing Storm with her at all times, but it still felt strange. In the library she’d been avoided, but gawked at by the other mages. Walking down the halls she could hear and practically feel them mumbling and gossiping about her.

It felt like everything she did was being watched. The only time she truly felt like she had any privacy was when she was hidden away in her room.

If she was going to develop a new spell, at least she knew she would likely make quick progress on it. With literally nothing else to distract her, she was finding it incredibly easy to practice her own magic. While she and Unceasing Storm were far more powerful when they were in physical contact, they were also able to combine themselves when they transformed. The desk in her room had, unfortunately, been a casualty of that test.

But it did allow her to become the full phoenix again. A very strange sensation, having it be a transformed state instead of her default state. But not much different from her human state becoming the phoenix to begin with. At least this time she didn’t feel like she was drifting apart.

Idly, she stroked the feathers of Unceasing Storm. They both missed Gervas. He had grounded them. Been someone they could talk to, who they could trust. She hadn’t realized how much she had grown to depend on having that. Not knowing when, or if, she’d see him again. She… needed him. He understood things in the world she just didn’t. In many ways he’d depended on her. In a different way from how she and Unceasing Storm depended on each other.

She supposed she could at least take solace in the knowledge that she’d told him the truth about her feelings towards him. She wouldn’t have to spend the rest of her life questioning if he could have felt that way for her. She supposed being a phoenix might have changed things as well.

Yvette glanced down at Unceasing Storm and gave a soft sigh. “Do you think people need other people? Or is it just us?”

Unceasing Storm puffed up her feathers a bit in response, a mixed reply of ‘keep stroking my feathers’ and ‘of course people need people’. She supposed that was fair. The Mage’s Association wouldn’t exist in the first place if people didn’t need other people. Someone had to manage the mages and make sure they didn’t do the wrong kinds of things or, worse, allow mages like the butcher to run free.

Yvette was torn from her thoughts by a firm, sudden pounding on the door. Rapid and in succession. Worse, the thumps kept coming. She got to her feet and made her way to the door, clutching Unceasing Storm to her chest. She reached out to grab the doorknob and then yanked it back, readying to unleash lightning on whatever was threatening her.

What she didn’t expect to see was Betan. He looked furious, his brow furrowed in a scowl. “Apprentice Tebaud!” he bellowed, taking a step towards her.

Yvette stared at him for a moment, her mouth hanging open. How? Why? What? “M-master Betan?”

“Do you have any idea the amount of trouble you’ve caused me?” Betan asked, a hand moving to jab her in the chest painfully. Yvette stumbled back and nearly fell over the bed, instead sitting on it. She clutched Unceasing Storm to her chest, the phoenix no less cowed by the appearance of their furious master. “You barely leave my guidance before I hear of you stealing from the Vault. Have you lost your mind? Not that you apparently had much of one to begin with!”

“M-master, I--”

“Bad enough I hear about this, but then you disappear entirely in some port village! I thought you’d maybe done us all a favor and drowned,” Betan yelled, the fury in his voice so intense he was practically spitting. “But no, apparently you didn’t have the sense of any of the things you pretended to be! Then Gervas comes to me, telling me how you need my help, how you’ve become a phoenix of all things, and--”

“STOP IT!” Yvette screamed, scrunching up a little bit on the bed. “J-just stop it! Please! I-I’m not--”

“Tebaud, I swear,” Betan yelled, turning on her with that furious glare. “I thought you had more sense than that. I thought I had raised you better. I didn’t raise you to be a criminal, a fallen mage. Do you have any idea the chaos your selfishness has sown?”

Yvette blinked a few times before sighing. She hugged her phoenix to her chest. She wanted to yell, but it was useless. She wanted to argue, but what was the point? She wanted to fight him, but he was a master. She wanted to talk with him… she really wanted to talk with him. To explain herself. But he’d never hear her. He never had in the past. Why would this be any different?

“Just… go…” Yvette said softly.

“Go? I will not go,” Betan yelled. “You’ve caused me no small amount of trouble, boy, I--”

“I’M NOT TEBAUD!” Yvette yelled. “AND YOU WOULD… you would… you…” She stared up at him. He’d never listen to her. He’d never hear her. “You’ll never listen anyway.” She got to her feet and tried to move past him, but he moved to block her way.

“No,” Betan said. “I am your master and you will listen to me.”

Yvette tried to move around him, but he finally reached out and grabbed her arm. Unceasing Storm let out a dangerous, shrill shriek and lightning crackled across both of them, making him pull back.

“W-what do you think you’re--”

“You’re not my master,” Yvette said, raising her voice over his. For once, he went silent, though she doubted he’d hear her even now. “Our master. You’ve spent years ignoring us. If you’d listened, just once in your entire life, if you’d just ONCE heard what I had to see, maybe things would be different. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. You… you were just as bad as my parents. I just… can’t do this anymore. You can’t convince me to give up on being me. Especially not now. I won’t give up on this. I just can’t convince you, can I?”

“Tebaud, you’re acting insane,” Tebaud said. “Perhaps if you just listen to me, I can convince the council to reduce your sentence.”

Yvette sighed and stared up at him. She hugged Unceasing Storm tighter to her chest. She was a girl now, but he didn’t see that. She literally had a phoenix held to her chest, but he didn’t even seem to notice. All he saw…

Was Tebaud.

Granted, she realized he wasn’t wearing his spectacles. Perhaps he legitimately couldn’t tell, but she doubted it.

It wouldn’t make any difference, would it?

She knew it, so why did it hurt?

“I’m sorry, I was so wrong,” Yvette said softly.

Betan let out a sigh and his gaze softened. “Finally. Tebaud--”

“I’m sorry I ever trusted you,” Yvette said. “I’m sorry I ever believed in you. I’m sorry I… I’m sorry I ever thought you cared about me. But all I ever was was just another apprentice, wasn’t I? Something to represent you?” She tried to move past him again, but when he grabbed her arm Unceasing Storm didn’t stop him.

Yvette did. She twisted her arm to loosen his grip and then yanked her arm away. “Tebaud, don’t--” This time when he reached for her, she muttered an incantation and fire erupted out from her, forcing him back from her.

“My name is Yvette,” Yvette said. “Tebaud did die. A long time ago. You just never noticed. You’re not my master. You’re certainly not my parent. Stay out of my life. If you touch me again, I will defend myself.”

She stormed out from the room and, fortunately, this time he didn’t stop her. Which she suspected was good for both of their sakes. She wasn’t sure she’d have been able to stop herself from fully erupting if he had and the tears forming in her eyes were making her sight blurry.

Yvette barely made it two steps out of the room before she ran into someone. She stumbled back and just rubbed her eyes, trying to clear them. “W-whatever, just, just take me where ever. I don’t care. The library. I--”

“I’m not your guide here,” the woman said. “I’m just here to make sure the old man doesn’t do anything too dangerous. You as well.”

“Huh?” Yvette asked before looking up at her. “Who are… Vala?”

While the woman did look… different… her eyes were still that strange golden color and her hair was far longer, but white as snow. Curly today. But the most recognizable part of her was the bow. Glimmering like silver with embedded gems and no string. Held loosely in her left hand. “Oh? You remember me, mage? I’m impressed. Or… should I say phoenix?”

Yvette stared at her, her mouth falling open. “You’re… here. With… Betan?”

“No,” Vala said. “I’m here with Gervas. But he asked me to make sure Betan didn’t attack you.”

Yvette just gave a soft sigh. “Did you hear all that?”

“Let’s walk,” Vala said, turning away and started walking away.

Yvette glanced back towards the room. Betan was… She shook her head and followed after Vala. She just didn’t want to be here. After a few minutes of walking she realized she wasn’t being watched. In fact, the hallways seemed mostly empty. “It’s… quiet today. It almost feels weird, not being watched.”

“Really? I wouldn’t expect to hear that from you,” Vala said. “Honestly, being around you is the first time I’ve felt like I wasn’t being watched in years. Even my patron is struggling to contact me.”

“I guess,” Yvette said. “But it only stops them from watching me with magic. They can still watch me physically, which they do. So uhhhh… not that I’m not grateful for you being here. Probably. But… why? Gervas is here?”

“Xequ’tulon’s orders,” Vala said. “Your protector is quite determined to keep you safe, it seems. Arrogant, foolhardy. Paranoid, but that’s hardly a negative when dealing with fae. I really must find out how you managed to escape the Collector.”

“I uhhhh… walked out,” Yvette said sheepishly.

Vala actually stopped and stared at her. “You… walked… out?”

“Well,” Yvette said. “Originally he had us both in this big magic bottle thing? Then we broke it. So he just kind of let us walk around. And so… we did. Eventually, we found a way out. I guess? Or, at least, another place. Then another. And another. And--”

“You just… walked… through the… truly the magic protecting you from being found is a gift from the gods or a joke by the same,” Vala said. “You are lucky to be alive.”

“I get that a lot,” Yvette said. “I did die, so maybe not too lucky.”

“Gervas told me. Amongst… other things,” Vala said before she started walking again. “Walked out. Surely something must be looking over you with such luck.”

“So, uhhhh… I guess it’s… not common?” Yvette asked sheepishly.

“Not for things the fae find interesting,” Vala said. “And a phoenix would count as such.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Yvette asked. “Does your uhhh… please don’t make me say his name. I’d never get it right.”

“Xequ’tulon,” Vala said. “And yes. Gervas made a deal with him and faced three of his trials. To be honest, though, I think Xequ’tulon went easy on him. He has such a soft spot for mortals who fight for love.”

Yvette couldn’t help it. A smile instantly formed on her lips and she actually did a little hop before she could stop herself. She could feel Unceasing Storm puffing up a little in her arms. “I don’t know if it’s really love. I mean, it might be a little early for that, I mean, I think I love him and I hope he loves me and--” The look Vala gave her made her go silent.

“I, on the other hand, don’t,” Vala said. “I think you’ve caused quite a bit of trouble. I had a perfectly good standard of never going near the Vault and, thanks to you, I spent well over a month there.”

“I’m… sorry? I guess?” Yvette said. “With Gervas and my ma-- with Betan?”

“Your master was worried about you,” Vala said. “It was… distressingly… simple for Gervas to convince him to help.”

Yvette cringed and hugged Unceasing Storm a little closer to her chest. “Yeah… I… wish I could say I was surprised, but he’s mostly been a good master. Mostly. If… only he’d… well… see me.”

The two walked in silence for a few minutes, then. Yvette was pretty sure they were walking in circles, but she didn’t care. It felt good to just be walking and she didn’t want to go back to her room, anyway. Finally, Vala spoke up again. “It can be… difficult. He’s a good man, though. He certainly cares for you. Did he raise you?”

“Yeah,” Yvette said softly. “I mean, I have parents but… we… didn’t… see each other often. As little as I could.”

“Was he a good teacher?” Vala asked. “Did you trust him?”

“With my life,” Yvette said softly, hugging Unceasing Storm a little tighter. “I… don’t know. I guess a part of me always hoped he’d… see me. Once I did this. He’d finally understand. I know he hates it, but well… I guess… he never will. Should… I apologize?”

“Should you?” Vala asked.

“I don’t know,” Yvette said softly.

“It’d be easier if he was a terrible monster, wouldn’t it?” Vala asked.

Yvette nodded. “I know that’s silly. There are masters out there who really are terrible, and cruel, and… don’t care about their apprentices. But he’s always cared. He just…”

“It’s okay to mourn the relationship you lost,” Vala said. “Sometimes it just is that way. Some people will always refuse to see you for who you are, even good people. But that fault is with them, not with you.”

Yvette gave a light snort, shaking her head. “You sound like you’ve been through something like this before.”

“I wasn’t always a changeling,” Vala said. “Once, I was human. I used to hunt mages. Mages like you. I was damn good at it. Still am, actually. Even if I serve the fae now. But not everyone accepted this change. Some resisted. Some fought. For a time… for a long time I tried to appease them. I believed they were good people, that they cared for me. That I was being selfish. But eventually it finally dawned on me. This is who I am, who I want to be. They don’t have to like it. But if they can’t accept it, then they don’t want what’s best for me. They don’t even want me to exist anymore. So even if they’ve been good and kind to me in the past, I can’t let them dictate how it is and isn’t okay for me to live.”

Yvette gave a small nod, though she still felt a small ache in her heart. “I guess…”

“It’s okay that it hurts,” Vala said softly. “Perhaps, if you’re lucky, one day he’ll come around and see you for who you are. But you can’t put yourself on hold hoping he’ll one day understand. There will be good people who will never accept you, just as there will be bad people who will. Just as there will often be good and bad people on different sides of many things in life.”

“Many?” Yvette asked.

“Many,” Vala said. “Admittedly… that is something I didn’t truly understand until after I became a changeling. I used to see the world in a very… good versus evil manner. The fae will absolutely abuse that.”

Yvette gave a small snort and nodded. “Thanks. Is uhhhh… that why you never misgendered me?”

“If you want to be a girl I see no harm in it,” Vala said. “I am… more concerned with the fact you are now a phoenix. A fallen mage. The fact I am with the council of all people. You certainly do keep interesting company.”

“I always wanted to be a girl,” Yvette said with a slight chuckle. “But I really should have put more thought into what kind of girl I was going to be, huh?”

Vala gave a light chuckle and nodded. “Indeed.”

Once again the two walked in silence for a while, though Yvette felt another small twinge of nervousness. “So, uhhhh…”

“Yes?”

“Could you take me to see Gervas?” Yvette asked, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

“Not at this moment,” Vala said. “I can, however, take you to his room.”

“Eeeee!” Yvette said, unable to keep the giddyness out of her voice. Even Unceasing Storm gave a small little chirp of excitement.