Her True Form

Yvette stared out into the darkness. Gervas was behind her, looking over her. Unceasing Storm was with her, still held in her arms.

To her surprise, Betan was with her as well. Though he hadn’t said anything, the fact he was now standing behind her gave her a little bit of hope. Even if he couldn’t really understand her. Maybe he still, somewhat, cared.

Peering through the darkness, though, she couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated. She imagined that was the point. Making people stand there, to face the council, where they could watch but not be seen? She certainly felt intimidated.

For all she knew they were waiting to unleash some kind of spell on her, to tear her to pieces. It wouldn’t be hard for them. They’d almost killed her once.

She then glanced back. They likely wouldn’t do that with Gervas here, though. His mother was a master and his grandmother was a grandmaster. They wouldn’t risk hurting him. Would they?

“Journeyman Yvette,” a voice called out, making her jump and quickly stand at attention, looking out into the darkness again. “Our apologies for the delay. I am Blue, I’ll be speaking for the council today.”

“Blue?” Yvette asked. “What about Red? And Green?”

“They’ve been called for other matters,” Blue said. “However, that isn’t really relevant here. Your… situation is quite unique. Normally your actions, combined with your utter lack of regard for the laws you’ve broken would normally warrant far more extreme penalties. Instead, you’re being offered an opportunity to serve the Mage’s Association and create a new spell.”

Yvette gave a small nod, unsure what she was supposed to say here.

“Many of the masters and grandmasters who joined into the decision believed that, despite the unique circumstances, you couldn’t be trusted. However, more than a few were willing to step forward on your behalf,” Blue said. “Master Betan, for example. While he feels your actions are… misguided, he still believes you believe you are trying your best to do good with the abilities you’ve been trained in. And, despite what some believe, there are nowhere near enough mages in the world that we would just wantonly dismiss, exile or even execute one who is willing to take on the responsibilities of being a mage.”

Yvette gave a small nod, though her mind was racing. Was this their way of saying that the deal was being changed? She wished she could get some kind of lock on Blue’s voice. It was so strange, she couldn’t say if it was male or female. They just sounded old. Perhaps some kind of distortion spell?

“However, while initially the votes were very much leaning towards execution, there was evidence that none on the council could overlook,” Blue said. “Stopping the fallen mage, Wimark. While he would have been a danger to any of us, the fact you were able to stop him, as a mere journeyman, speaks well of your potential. Additionally, it seems you were quite… pivotal in dealing with certain matters on Cragtooth Isle. While you and your guardian’s interference were not something the Mage’s Association can officially condone, it has resulted in quite a few benefits that can’t be ignored. Then there is the matter of your… shall we call it an ascension? Involving the phoenix?”

“Ascension is fine,” Yvette said.

“It’s quite rare for a leviathan to contact the Mage’s Association directly. Even rarer for one to speak on behalf of a mage,” Blue said. “Despite this, one has reached out to do so. While your actions were terrible and the penalty would, normally, be swift, your reasons for doing so are not… entirely without merit. Your actions aside from your theft seem far from the greedy, selfish mage one would expect a thief like yourself to be.”

“Meaning…?” Yvette asked softly.

“Meaning,” Blue said. “We have little choice but to consider that, perhaps, our judgment is to be generous, rather than swift in this case. As such, the Mage’s Association has decided to allow you back your position as a traveling journeyman mage. More importantly, you are to be allowed to continue your research on the forbidden spell, in order to create a new, less dangerous version. To cure this… condition you find yourself and others under.”

Yvette had to suppress her urge to shriek with glee. The council was really going to just let her keep doing this? They’d condone her journey?

“Your prior research will be returned to you,” Blue said. A moment later there was a wet squishing sound and something landed at her feet. It took Yvette a moment to realize it was her bag. The one she’d had Nautia store away while she helped them with the phoenix. It had a weird, green ooze along the bottom of it, the cause of the squishing sound. She wished she knew what that was, though a part of her was scared to.

“T-thank you,” Yvette said softly. “So you--”

“The Mage’s Association, however, will not aid in the procurement of reagents for the spell,” Blue said. “You may procure them yourself, as any journeyman would need to. Additionally, your continued position as a journeyman hinges on your efforts to maintain the responsibilities of a proper mage. As such, the Mage’s Association may have requests we will expect you to fulfill, when necessary. With proper compensation, of course.”

“And if I do that, I can research my spell? That’s it?” Yvette asked, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

“Indeed,” Blue said. “Then, I take it you accept this proposal?”

“YES!” Yvette yelled, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

“Very well,” Blue said. “A bracer will be prepared for you. Additionally, Guardian Gervas?”

“Yes?” Gervas asked, his tone wary.

“Considering your own… affiliation with Journeyman Yvette, the Mage’s Association would like to discuss extending your contract,” Blue said. “As an overseer, of sorts.”

“Overseer?” Yvette asked.

“You have broken our laws once,” Blue said. “We merely wish to ensure you don’t again. Your current… condition makes you near impossible to track. We’ll need someone with you who isn’t quite so difficult to contact from time to time.”

Yvette felt heat rise in her cheeks, but she held her tongue. Gervas had been watching over her for a while now, she had no objections if he kept doing it. She wasn’t sure she liked the idea of him being contacted by the council to get to her, but it wasn’t like she had the right to make any demands.

“Very well,” Gervas said. “I’d be welcome to discussing the details.”

“Delightful,” Blue said. “Then, with that settled, I believe that brings this matter to a close. Feel free to return to your rooms for the time being.”

The light overhead dimmed and, slowly, the door they had come through opened. Inviting them out.

Yvette couldn’t believe it. Everything she’d wanted. It was really being given to her?

She felt so giddy and excited.

Yet she also felt a strange unease and dread.

When she turned around to leave, she noticed Betan was already walking out the door, leaving her behind. A part of her wanted to reach out to him, to say something, but she couldn’t bring herself to. It seemed, despite her hopes, he still wouldn’t hear her. The fact he’d still come in support of her gave her some hope. Maybe, one day, he would. Maybe.

------

“Is this really happening?” Yvette asked softly. Sitting on her bed, she slowly emptied her bag. They’d obviously gone through everything inside it, more than a few items were even damp. She didn’t even want to know what the green gunk was but at least it was easy enough to wash off.

If gross.

Still, as far as she could tell everything was here. Most importantly, all of her notes were here. She could finally go through all of it and maybe it would help her understand how she’d managed to keep herself grounded when she’d first become a phoenix. Had the reagents played a role in it, or something else?

“I think so,” Gervas said. He seemed a lot less enthused by all of this. Not that she was surprised. He was always looking for the trap and danger in everything, this would be no different. It wasn’t like…

Yvette froze and stared down at the book. “They’re… only doing this because I’m a phoenix, aren’t they?”

“Yes,” Gervas said.

“Would they execute me if I wasn’t? If I was just another mage?” Yvette asked.

Gervas didn’t answer immediately. However, eventually he gave a nod. “Most likely. You’ve broken quite a few laws, Yvette. Technically, I have as well. Aiding you as I have. But I’m not actually a mage so the rules are a little different in that regard.”

Yvette nodded and stared at her notes. “Is it… okay for me to accept it, then?”

“Accept it?” Gervas asked.

“I’m being allowed to figure out this spell,” Yvette said softly. “But I’m only being allowed to do it because I’m different. Because I have something they want. If I was just a normal mage, I’d probably not be allowed this chance. That’s… not fair. You’ve told me before how… well…”

Gervas gave a soft sigh and walked towards her. He reached out and gently put a hand on her shoulder. “Yvette…”

“I’m sorry, this probably sounds silly,” Yvette said softly. “Everything I wanted and I’m asking if it’s okay to actually get it.”

“You’re not being given what you want,” Gervas said softly. “You’re only doing what you’ve already done, now without them interfering. That’s all that’s changing. While it’s true that other mages likely wouldn’t be permitted to do such, that’s not really what matters here. You’re being given a chance to do what other mages can’t. But you’re using this opportunity to try and help others who can’t. The system is terrible and, unfortunately, there’s very little you can do to fix it. But you’re using the parts of it that you benefit from to help other people, rather than hurt them. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Yvette gave a small nod and leaned her head against him. “What if I can’t find a way to make that spell?”

“You are one of the most stubborn mages I’ve ever met,” Gervas said. “I do not believe there is a single force in this world that could stop you from finding a way to make that spell. Especially not now. It’s not fair you’re the only one who’s able to do this spell, but so long as you’re doing this for the right reasons, I can’t believe you’ll fail. You’ve made it through too many sure death experiences now to let this stop you.”

“You’ll be there with me all the time, right?” Yvette asked.

“Of course,” Gervas said. “Speaking of…” He reached out and took her hand before putting something inside it.

Yvette blinked a few times and stared at it. A vial with red fluid and a small pouch with a powder inside? “What’s this?”

“Changeling blood and fae dust,” Gervas said.

Gingerly, Yvette held the two items and stared at them. The only thing she needed now was the petals of a silver lotus. “How?”

“I was with the fae for a while,” Gervas said. “Though, the blood came from Vala. I told her what it was for and she offered.”

“You know you’re the best guardian a mage, or a phoenix, could ask for. Right?” Yvette asked before closing her eyes and leaning her head against him. Listening to his heartbeat. Unceasing Storm let out a soft, content chirp from her lap.

She only needed one more piece to complete the spell. Then? She’d find a way to fix it for as many people as she could. Perhaps, one day, nobody would have to ever worry about having a true form other than the one they wanted.

Yvette hoped so. She never wanted anyone, mage or otherwise, to have to go through this journey. No one should have to fight to be themselves, especially not alone.