How I became the Empress of Hell

Even with my eyes closed, I could see sunlight streaming in from the window across the room. I refused to open them because I knew once I did I was that much closer to having to leave. Instead of forcing myself to deal with the inevitable, I ran through all the things that were swirling in my mind.

It had been eight days since I met the most amazing woman in the world, and only three days since she asked me to marry her.

It had taken over two years for me to work up the nerve to seek a promotion at work the first time, and nearly three years after that before I even considered becoming assistant manager. I had been working at the same job for five years. It was the longest I'd committed to something, to anything. 

Change didn't come easily to me. Hell, several times in my life I'd actively done things to avoid change. 

How then was I so sure about these feelings I had for Emily? What made me feel… No… Know that I was making the right choice? What made me so ready to uproot my entire life for her?

I had had my share of relationships over the years, the longest of which lasted six months. I knew how easily I got attached to someone… like a moth to a flame. But I had never felt this feeling of certainty before. This feeling that I was ready, nothing could stand in my way. 

No. That wasn't true. I had felt this same fiery determination before; when I decided I was ready for a promotion at work. I remember the overwhelming frustration at seeing yet another head cashier come and go. I was good at my job. Damn good. Yes, I was only a cashier… But I was the single best cashier in that place. Everyone knew it. Hell, even the managers would ask for my assistance when it came to any register issues. So when the opportunity arose for me to actually do something to make things better, I knew that nothing could stop me from achieving it. I refused to take no for an answer and the managers saw that determination and gave me the promotion on the spot. 

And now I felt that same drive with Emily. What was it about her that made me so ready to change everything?

Because she saw me. The real me. Past all the snark and the insecurities. She saw me for who I really am. She could sense how isolated I felt. After I told her about my parents, she could see how I'd pushed anyone who got close away for fear of losing them. And she still accepted me. But more than that. She made me feel safe. Like no matter what happened to us, we'd weather that storm together.

The thing I found most shocking was that I knew she felt that way about me too. I didn't feel that tugging feeling telling me that she didn't like me as much as I liked her. That she was having doubts about me. That she didn't feel every bit as obsessed with me as I did with her. No… I knew with absolute certainty that she felt the same way about me as I did about her. And that's what made the difference. That's what gave me this drive I felt within me. 

I knew what I needed to do.

My eyes snapped open and I blinked a couple times in the sunlight before gently grabbing Emily's arm that was still wrapped around me and lifting it enough so that I could slip out of bed. I walked as quietly as I could over to my pile of clothes and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank top. I grabbed my phone off the charging station on her nightstand and crept out of her room.

I went out into the common room and sat on one of the sofas facing Emily's door. I scrolled through my contacts until I found the number I was looking for, and I hit send without a second thought.

"Hey Allie, what's up? Don't tell me you're calling to extend your vacation… We have been absolutely slammed for the past week."

"I'm quitting, Richard."

"Wait… What?! No. Why? What happened?" 

He paused and scoffed loudly. 

"This girl, huh? I could tell you were head-over-heels for her when you asked for the time off… But I didn't know it was this bad. Goddammit, Allie. Are you- Fuck! I gotta call you back."

The phone clicked as he hung up. I didn't feel that pit in my stomach that I thought I would after doing what I just did. I didn't feel guilty for abandoning my job. All I felt was that same drive that I had felt before.

"The things we do for love."

My skin bristled and I nearly jumped before turning to face Jade who was standing in the entryway of the dorm room. She wore a serious expression on her face but I could see a warm smile in her eyes as she walked over and sat next to me. She took a long drink from a steaming mug before setting it on the table. The smell of coffee, caramel, and vanilla made my mouth water as she turned to face me.

"I know there's nothing I can say that would change your mind from this course you're on. And frankly, I don't think I would want to. I've never seen two people so in love with each other. Hell, even when I got married right outta high school I didn't love him the way you love her."

"Wait you're-" 

She held up a finger to silence me and I closed my mouth immediately.

"Lemme finish… I was married. But it just wasn't meant to be. Looking back I could say that there were signs it was doomed from the start… But I don't get that sense with you and her." 

She took another drink of her coffee and sighed.

"She's different, you know. In all the years I've known her, she's never been like who she is with you. She was never that brazen or reckless. She was never as sure of herself as she is right now. You bring out the best in her. Hell, it's obvious you both bring out the best in each other."

She took another drink and gave me a pensive look.

"Lesbians, man…"

We both laughed and she set her cup back on the table before opening her arms in invitation for a hug. 

"Welcome to the family, Allie."

I hugged her tightly before we both sat back onto the couch.

"So… what's your plan now?"

"I think I'm going to move up here."

"To the dorms?" 

I snorted through my nose and shook my head.

"No… I'll probably rent a place somewhere near the campus. Ooooh! Or better yet I could rent a place we could all live! That’d be cool. That way none of you guys would have to live in the dorms and you could each have your own room.”

“You say that like it’s something we can all afford… I can barely afford to live in the dorms as it is.” 

I let out an awkward chuckle.

"Oh, I mean… That’s not a problem… I could just pay for it all… If… you… wanted? I uh… I can definitely afford it." 

Her eyebrow shot up in surprise and she scoffed.

"What are you, some kind of millionaire or something?" 

I pursed my lips and just nodded.

"Wait, seriously?! You're a millionaire?"

I nodded again and her eyes went super wide and her mouth dropped open slightly.

"Does Emily know? I mean… Of course she does… But… Seriously? You're not fucking with me?"

I shook my head and gave her an awkward smile.

"I'm not fucking with you."

"So what… are your parents movie stars or something? Are you a fucking princess?!" 

I laughed loudly and shook my head.

"Ha! If only! No… But…  If it's OK I'd rather not get into the specifics. Yes. I am rich. Not Zuckerberg rich… Just rich enough that I'm not worried about being able to afford to rent a place that big. But… Please don't tell the others… Yet. I don't like to advertise it. It changes how people look at me."

She nodded and gave me a look of incredulity before standing up and stretching. I could tell she was about to say something when she pointed to the phone on the couch. I glanced down and saw that someone was calling me. I picked it up and looked at the name. 

Richard.

Well… shit. This was going to be 'fun.' I let out a deep sigh and pressed the answer button before putting the phone next to my ear. I didn't say anything for a couple of seconds as I didn't know what to say.

"Allie? You there?" 

"Yeah. I'm here."

He sighed.

"This girl must really mean a lot to you."

"She does, Richard. She means everything to me."

"I remember how hard you fought to get this job, Allie. Like it was the only thing in the world that mattered to you."

"Mmhmm."

He sighed again and although I couldn't see him I knew he was shaking his head.

"You're lucky I like you so much, kid. If it had been anyone else I would have been screaming at them right now at how stupid they were being. But not you, Allie. I know once you make up your mind about something, there is no force in the world strong enough to change it. And I'm not about to stand in the way of that. I just hope you know that you'll always have a place here, Allie."

I teared up a bit and my voice cracked a bit.

"I know. Thank you, Richard. Can I… Can I make a request?"

"Of course."

"Would you like to come to my wedding?"

He laughed. It was a happy laugh and I could picture his huge grin.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Thanks Richard. Seriously. Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have your support."

"I can't say I fully understand… But I know you and I have faith you know what you're doing."

"I do. I really, really do. Thank you."

"I'll talk to you later, Allie. Just be sure to send me that RSVP."

I laughed softly and wiped away a single tear that had fallen onto my cheek.

"I'll be sure to do that. Bye, Richard."

"Take care, Allie."

I clicked my phone off and stood up. Despite having just quit my job I didn't feel that sinking pit in my stomach. For the first time I didn't have a single doubt in my mind. I opened the door to Emily's room and closed it behind me softly as I entered. 

I quickly stripped off my clothing and moved across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. My fingertips brushed lightly across her cheek as I stroked her face. I bent down and pressed my lips against hers and I felt her shift and then pull me into her. I laid down partially on top of her and she kissed me deeply, her tongue pushing into my mouth and her arms wrapping around me tightly. After a few seconds I pulled away and gazed into her eyes.

"Good morning, gorgeous."

"Mmmmm… Good morning to you too. I could get used to waking up like that."

I smiled and kissed her forehead and held my lips against her skin, savoring the contact. I pulled away and gazed back into her deep brown eyes and smiled at her warmly. 

"I have something to tell you."

I told her about everything that was running through my brain, about quitting my job, and about my conversation with Jade. As I finished she lifted her head and kissed me softly before laying back again. She looked pensive for a moment and then gave me a huge smile.

“Are you up for a road trip?”