I am Peter Parker

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***

Special, New Year's Eve chapter

**December. Peter's ten**

Where the hell is she, huh?! I'm so cold I can't even think straight. And it's no wonder, it's December, the cold wind is scratching the faces of coat-wrapped passers-by as their feet fall through the snow, while I'm standing in the shade of a tree protecting me from the fast air currents, which, to be honest, isn't much of a relief.

Seriously, why do I have to wait for her from school! I'm ten, in case of danger, I can hardly protect her in any way! She might remember the way, she's not a first grader.

- We'll see, Penny, I'll join a club and then you'll have to wait for me in the cold. - although there are cartoons on TV after school, so-- - Ahchoo!

- Brother! - He's finally running, and he's waving his hand. It's annoying. It's okay, the cold will get to you soon!

- I told you not to call me that. - Seriously, who calls their brothers "bros", that's just idiotic. Somebody needs to learn the difference between anime and reality.

- I'm sorry, Peter. - someone who can't even wear a scarf properly, untied and just hanging from his neck.

- Yeah, come here. - and his jacket's not buttoned properly, and I have to fix it all the time or he'll catch cold. - Where are the gloves?

- Erm... - I see, you can ignore the fact that she took her eyes away.

- Here, put mine on. - Ooh, the wind's cold, hurry up and put your hands in your pockets.

- But they're big, they're hanging off your fingers!

- Just don't pick your nose and you'll be fine.

- Boo! I don't pick my nose! Fool! - and pointed her finger in my direction, but because of the size of the glove, the end of it wobbled from side to side, making it difficult to determine the exact direction of the pointer.

- Stop calling the poles names and let's go home. - Finally the end bent at a right angle and pointed at a lamppost.

- You're annoying! - Yeah, I know, let's see what happens when we get off the bus.

-after the bus stops-

- Peter, did you know that Jane's dad's coming to visit for Christmas? - Just as we got off the bus, she's talking like nothing happened. Although she was fidgeting during the journey, clearly holding back. It's good that public places embarrass her, otherwise her offence, as well as silence, would end too soon.

- I don't know who Jane is at heart.

- They only see each other at Christmas, as they don't live together, and neither do Claire, nor Marisa, nor Janet.... - while I was half-listening to her, she began to curl her gloved fingers. - Say, Peter.

- I did. - Given that she could wait minutes for a response and then throw a tantrum, I had no choice but to open my mouth. I mean, really, why can't you just ask her straight out?

- Where's our dad? Why isn't he coming to visit us for Christmas?

Well, considering that I've never heard of my father at all, not even by ear, in this world, that suggests certain thoughts, one of which is rosier than the other. But in any case, the truth is that he simply, de facto, doesn't exist. Not that I really care.

- I don't know, maybe he's busy. Why, did you want something from him? - It's Christmas, after all.

- Yes! I want to ride on Daddy's shoulders! Girls used to say that dads ride them, that they're strong and they can run and jump and it sounds cool to ride a big pony. - Yeah, you can't usually get it off them.

- Maybe next time at the zoo you could ride a real horse.

- No way! They're scary!

- What about ponies?

- Ponies are cute!

- But you want to ride something that's like a big pony?

- Mm-hmm.

- But not something that's like a big pony?

- Mm-hmm.

One thing will remain common in all worlds, siblings are always meant to both destroy your interest in the opposite sex and any desire to find love. Siblings are like a reverse version of that classmate you fall head over heels in love with in high school, but don't really know anything about. You learn too much about them, even things you don't want to know. Good thing I didn't have to buy pads for her yet.....

.....

Hmm? Five minutes of silence? I'm happy, but has Penny been quietly replaced by some hack aliens?

- What's she so quiet about? Did she get an "F"?

- I've never got an "F" in my life! - even though she's indignant as usual. - It's just-- Never mind.

Hmm, is she that worried about not having a daddy? Well, it's understandable, she's a child, not like me, a grown man who knows what he wants out of life - time for cartoons. That's also the problem with help, no one can help her, only she herself and time.... So it's not my responsibility, and I'm too young to get in anyone's head, I'm ten.

- Whoa! Peter, what are you doing?! - screamed when my head was between her legs. - Aaah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I'm laughing and screaming, and my neck hurts from riding, and it's heavy, damn it!

- Take me for a ride! Roll me! - And she's kicking me, she's got no conscience at all!

- Ahem! - Why is it that girls grow up first before boys?! Seriously, we're the same height!

- You're like a pygmy pony! Ha ha ha ha! - Is there such a thing?! Or will they write about me tomorrow as a new subspecies?

This is a lot of fun. Well, it's not that far to the house, I'll get there somehow... I hope so, otherwise tomorrow they'll write not only about the discovery of a new subspecies of pony, but also about its disappearance.

.....

- Bra-Peter, will you ride me again sometime? - Satisfied... Smiling... And me...

- Haaaa... Haaaa. - sweating in the cold like a slave on a plantation. - In about ten years. M-maybe. I-if you don't get too tall... Haaaa.

- I'll do my best! - She saluted and opened the front door with her key and we entered a rather cosy, lightly decorated for Christmas, standard American family home. The home of our Aunts, Benio and May Parker, who, as usual, were not there at this hour.

-A few days later-

- Khaa!.. Cghaaaah! - that's my cough, I thought I was going to cough my throat out!

I'd somehow managed to catch a cold. I'm a grown-up bloke, but I still managed to take care of myself. Maybe it's just a virus I picked up from someone at school.

In any case, I didn't need to worry, I had mastered my class programme a long time ago, and I had no friends at school, except Glenn and her.... Are we still friends? It's awkward talking to her after the confession, and she's avoiding me.

It's my own fault, why did I say I liked her in the first place? I didn't mean what I said, we're ten! If only my classmates hadn't twisted everything and started teasing us...

I mean, what else would you expect from kids? It's probably for the best, it turns out she likes Glen, and he might like her someday. She's got too pretty eyes, even as a child, and what happens when she grows up, eh? I'll probably be the third wheel, that's what.

Hmm, where have I got to? Reflecting on being blown off, in my own way, by a ten year old girl..... People like me go to jail.

- Haaah. - OK, cold and idleness is making my head spin, time to get some sleep.....

.....

- Peter, are you asleep? - Aunt Benio came into my room a couple of minutes after I woke up.

- Not anymore.

- Good, here's the medicine. - she put a tray of pills, water and chicken soup on the bed. - You know. Mei and I were talking, and, um. Remember that cute little girl who lives next door?

- I do. - Why the sudden change of heart? It's not good.

- She goes to the same school as Penny. - I nodded, because it wasn't uncommon for the three of us to come home from school. - She doesn't go to clubs, and I don't think her mum would let her go. Anyway, we're thinking of asking her to come home from school with Penny. What do you think?

I wonder why Penny can't walk home from school by herself. That kind of care would get her bullied.

- Why not just let Penny walk by herself?

- Well, honey, that's a good question... - and judging by the stale silence, an unexpectedly difficult one to answer. - Just for precautionary reasons, like allocating money for taxis from school.

- For who? - I mean, the buses are running, so why waste money?

- For you, treasure. Your schools aren't that far apart, so Mei and I don't have to worry, but if you're travelling home on your own.... Anything could happen and there'd be no-one to call for help.

It's a bit weird, isn't it? All that talk about Penny and MJ was just to get me to take a taxi home from school? Why are they so worried about me? Is it because I often ignore what's going on around me? It's not fair, I'm actually a very considerate young man, I look both ways every time I cross the road!

- It'll be fine, don't worry.

- Well.

- I don't have to ask anyone for anything, I'll just walk home with Penny.

- Hmm, okay, but honey, just think about everything, okay?

- Okay. - there's nothing to think about. You're both out of work enough without spending too much on unnecessary precautions.

-The next morning--

- Hmm. - closed my eyes and minus the clock - one of the nice things about being ill, and the bed feels softer than ever. I'd still be asleep right now, but....

* Screams*

There's a lot of noise downstairs, like Penny shouting at her aunt and her aunt shouting at her. I don't know what the problem is, but arguments and scandals happen in families, so what can you do?

- Dad.

Hmm? Penny's still on the father thing? Well, parents are the most important people to kids that age, even if they're not around.

*[Screams]

Gradually I lost the ability to make out their voices, and they even started to lull me to sleep, like the sound of a train honking along the tracks....

.....

I woke up in a better condition, and went downstairs for a drink, for the water bottle in my room had run out. The aunts were sitting on the sofa, cuddled up like they were comforting each other, phones lying pretentiously on the very centre of the table.

Are they expecting a call? An important one, I suppose...

- What is it?

- Oh, Peter, is that you?" they turned to me with a touch of disdain. - Forgive us, and why are you out of bed?

I shook my glass of clear liquid in response.

- Did something happen?

- Penny didn't come back from school...

- Benio! - May clapped her wife on the shoulder. - 'It's all right, sweetheart, nothing to worry about. Go upstairs and rest.

- Okay...

I finished my water, put the glass on the table and left the living room. The little one's making trouble again, huh? Apparently because of the fight, she decided to play on my feelings, no other way....

*clap*

- Peter?!

Then why the hell am I running a fever to find her?!

.....

No sign of her at any of the places near the house. Maybe it's near a school somewhere.

- Brrrrr. - It's cold even in my winter coat, is it really that cold in New York? Or do I just have a fever?

.....

- Haaaa.

It's getting dark, she's probably already at home with her aunts worrying about me while I'm making a fool of myself here....

- Yeah, that's right. - I'll just check out the old playground one last time.

.....

A once lovely park where adults used to walk their kids or dogs was one day deemed unfit, or something like that, after which it was sold into private hands to a property developer under seemingly reforming....

In the end, however, we have several houses erected, with only a couple of swings, and a few trees, in the lanes between. In the daytime it's quite a nice place, for the residents of the flats try to beautify it in some way, but at night...

*(Squeaking)

Hearing the swings creak in the moonlight from a dark alleyway was a treat.

- Whew... - after the darkest and scariest part, I was relieved. - There you are.

- Br-Peter? - eyes red, nose red, and cheeks pink.

- Why did you cry? Why didn't you come home? - I asked her with the second scarf I was wearing before.

- My aunts said my daddy didn't love me! - Hmm, sounds cruel, but I'm sure there was a context.

- What did you say to them before?

- Nothing. I told them I wanted to live with my dad. - Yeah, nothing at all, and I don't think she just said that, she must have said something else. - They kept shouting and shouting at me!

- What were they shouting about? - The little one sank or forgot her gloves again, so I'm giving her mine again.

- They asked me if they do enough for me, why they don't suit me, and why I don't take an example from you. - sounds like anger or resentment, more like despair and pain. Then again, how would I know?

- Oh, yeah? So why did you want to live with your dad?

- Because dads are great, they're cool, strong and loving, they give you all their attention and really love you! - eyes shining.

- Not all dads are like that.

- Not all dads are? - Why so surprised? It's like she's living in a world where she's never met a father.

- Of course, there are good and caring ones, and bad and angry ones. Fathers are human beings too, and that's why they're different.

- But that's not what the girls said! They all have the same fathers! Loving and caring!

- Well, don't they only see them on holidays, eh? It's not that hard to be loving and caring for a couple of days. - I'm freezing to death standing here waiting for that pouty cheek to finish thinking about it. - Come on, let's go home.

- No! I'm not! I'm going to my daddy's house where they love me! - she's your sister, calm down Peter, don't think about the shovelling plan and the trip to the woods... The ground's cold, you can't dig a proper hole at my age.

- Don't they love you now?

- No! - She also turned her back on me and continued swinging. What a little girl! - My aunts are always at work and never play with me, and my brother- - And you're always shouting at me and calling me names! You don't like me at all!

- Look down.

Still offended, Penny tilted her head.

- И?

- How are your hands feeling? Warm?

Finally realising, she stopped and stared at the gloves and the scarf, carefully picking up a pebble with the edge of her boot, which stood out clearly even against the dirty snow. An offended child.

- Fool... - I walked over to her and lay down behind her, resting my head on the top of her head. - Anyone can say they love and care, but they can't actually do it. And of course your aunts love you very much, and I love you a little.

- Really? - I was trembling, ready to cry. I guess I realised what a stupid thing I'd done.

- Christmas is coming up, and they'll give you something nice to hide under the tree. Something they've worked hard for, something that they think will make you smile and glow with joy.... Of course they love you very much.

- And you? You won't even let them call you brother.

- Okay, just this once.

- А?..

- PENNY, YOUR STUPID BROTHER, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. - Uggh, I think I'm hoarse again after that. - Let's go home, it's warm.

- Mm-hmm.

-After a few minutes-

- Peter? - Oh, you're restless.

- What?

- Since you love me so much, can I call you brother?

- Haa. Really. Do whatever you want.

- Well, don't slow down, little brother!

Penny sprinted out of her seat, running through the snowfall along the bright yellow streetlights, straight for the bus that pulled up. A couple of seconds later, she waved as she stood on the steps, calling after her with a smile.

Congratulations on the coming year 2021, I wish you in it a lot of warmth, homely, romantic, coming from your burning, healthy heart and arising from a full wallet in your pocket) Good luck in the new year, and happiness in your life, sincerely.

Release will resume from next week.