I am Peter Parker

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***

Well, here it was time to walk through the last door for the day. To tell you the truth, I'm overwhelmed with excitement, but if in the past times it was based on guilt and sense of responsibility, now....

- B~u~m. - I'm filled with rage.

- Kya! - she jumped up on the bed. - Why are you scaring me so much?!

So... It's partly her fault that I had one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life, and she's looking at me like I've done something wrong to her?!

- Why did you lock the door the day before yesterday?!

- Hmph!.. - she's pouting too?! - I was just protecting myself from some kissing maniacs!

- You're the reason I'm a kissing maniac! - Seriously, if she hadn't locked the door that night, I wouldn't have met Jin and this whole crazy effects thing wouldn't have happened!

- What's that supposed to mean? How could I have forced you to kiss that naked girl?!

Is this about Rogue? I guess she doesn't know the agony I went through because of her. Well, you'll find out.

- Anyway, what did you do last night? What was that kidnapping story? What's your connection to the Fantastic Four? Why were they looking for you? Why did I find my cardigan with my trousers ripped?

And she's coming on to me, and I'm just--

- Why didn't you answer your phone? If you were kidnapped, who kidnapped you, why and how did you escape? Also, you said you weren't seeing anyone, right? Then why did Joanna Storm react like she was your ex-girlfriend when she saw me? You were seeing Sue, too, weren't you? I could feel it in her heart when I called her your girlfriend against her will.

Uh, Joanna, Sue, those sisters who threw me a weird dinner? What's that got to do with it? I mean, it's all of a sudden--

- I mean, how can you have an ex-girlfriend like that? Maybe you're actually planning on winning the show, huh? And you're not planning on paying the money back anytime soon? Or maybe you're planning on hiding behind the heroines? Why does everything that comes out of your mouth end up being a lie?

How? How did I end up feeling guilty?

- What did I ever do?

- You don't know, do you? - Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling all of a sudden. - First.

**After fifteen minutes of intense intercourse.

- ...Do you get it now?!

After a 300-point worksheet, I realised two things. Firstly, I think I'm worse than Hitler, and Satan himself. The second was born from the question, "What do people marry for?"; for the way she told me off, it sounded as if the unfaithful husband had returned with a guilty conscience. The conclusion itself is simple, my fear of the wedding march is one hundred per cent justified.

- Well, I'm off to bed. - I collapsed on the bed, exhausted from the day and from Bomjara's shouting.

- What? You're going to bed even though we haven't talked yet?!

- ...I'm not sure I even started. - As soon as that phrase came out of my mouth, regret immediately fell on my head.

- What?! You're the one who started it. - ...Which was to be expected, she started up again.

**Silver**

- Hmpf! Fool! - Even when I went out for some air, I couldn't calm down.

It was the "you're wrong" look that pissed me off the most, but seriously, don't I have anything to be angry about?

Like the way he treats me? Like calling me a bum. And he does it so often that I'm starting to forget my own name!

And I was worried about him, like an idiot, wondering if anything bad had happened to him during the kidnapping. I was expecting him to come to me and tell me everything, but instead I got another insult and accusations!

- Stupid, I'll never get married. - I muttered to myself as I ruffled my hair.

If I have this moron so nerves undermine, what will happen to my future husband, with the man I love? Just thinking about it makes me scared, it's good that I play for the other team, one hundred per cent!

How could I ever think that I could like this jerk? Did I catch his dementia at the time?! I'm never gonna like a moron like that!

- Hmph! He also made me call him his girlfriend...

I'd rather be called a bum or a bastard than his girlfriend! I can't think of a worse fate, I'm sure there's a special circle of hell forcing you to be with Peter Parker!

- Hmph! А?.. Where am I? - I suddenly stopped and realised I didn't know where I'd wandered off to. I'm still in a mutant school, and I'm surrounded by trees and benches, like I'm in a park.

The nearest park is a few dozen kilometres away from the school, I couldn't have been so evil as to walk out the gate, walk along the road, get on the motorway and then walk to the park, could I?

- ...Maybe it's an on-campus garden?

It's quite normal for a mutant school to have a Ferris wheel, isn't it...? And a stage with bleachers? And a playground? And a big iron gate that says "park"?

- Holy shit! Am I really in a park?!

- Hey, be quiet. - I woke up the woman in the papers. - Here, lie down next to me. - who laid one of her newspapers on her side. - It's a tough world, mate, but we don't leave our own behind in the cold.

- I'm not a bum!

.....

I'm somewhere fourteen kilometres from the mutant school, with no money, no phone, in a backwoods park at night. There's nothing left for me to do but walk backwards, you bastard!

- What do you reckon, which bed-and-breakfast? The closest one is near the underground station on Jefferson Avenue.

- ... - I choose to ignore the comment of the kind woman who still offers to lie next to me on a newspaper. I just clenched my teeth.

Well, I have no choice but to go. It's gonna be long and tedious, I bet. Maybe steal someone's car? I've got Parker to look after, though.

Eureka! If I get pissed off again, all I have to do is pick the right path and the road will fly by. Luckily I have someone who makes my heart race...

I don't mean that!

- Why are you blushing, do you have a cold? Okay, I'll borrow two newspapers.

**Earlier. Peter.

- Ha, gone? - through the echo in my ears, I thought I heard a door slam. When I got out of bed, I realised I hadn't.

The bum had finally gone somewhere, and I'd have to get her words out of my head to be happy. Some of them make me shake. Well, while she's gone.

I went to the door and clicked the lock. Let her try her own medicine, and besides, what else could you expect from such a horrible person, from what she said?

- Whoa. Well, I'm gonna hit the sack. - I hope I get some sleep.

.....

- Four hundred and fourth... The sheep has jumped the fence.

I'm so sick of rolling around in bed, huh? On the one hand I want to sleep, and it's lazy to get up, but on the other hand I've already lost count of how long I can't fall asleep. I was just about to fall into the depths of the toothy maw of dreams, and then suddenly I remembered about the Bastard, and my eyes opened and looked at the door.

- Damn it, I'm too good-hearted.... - Realising that I wouldn't sleep otherwise, I got out of bed and opened the lock.

I really hope that this time, Bomjara won't get into my bed.....

- Haa... Yeah... And when did I become so kind. - I put a blanket on top of the carpet, prepared a bed for Bomjara, and climbed into mine.

And as people say, a good man has a good night's sleep. So I sank into dreamland....

**Silver**

- Hmpf! I can't believe how much he pisses me off. - Once again berating the idiot on completely justified merits, I suddenly noticed that I was back in the mutant school.

Now comes the next problem - where do I sleep for the night? Sure, I could go back to my room, but I'm sure the guy locked it. Anyway, what else would you expect from a jerk like him?

- Hmm~ Hmm... - Oh, I kinda know her...

Off to the side, I noticed a red-haired teacher walking along the campus with a beachpack in hand. Thinking that in my position it was okay to ask her for help, I decided to approach her....

However, I was suddenly struck with icy goosebumps of bad feeling and changed my mind, striding in the exact opposite direction.

.....

With my level of training, I might not sleep for days, probably more than a week, I am a professional mercenary after all! Especially the last few days, all I've been doing is lying in bed, watching serials and eating crap....

Hey, it's not my fault my current assignment is so trivial! I'm usually cool and do cool stuff, honestly, honestly!

- And why am I defending myself in my own head? Is it my conscience-. - The rumbling interrupted my useless thoughts.

By the way, I can survive without food for about three weeks, probably. Will I try to get through the evening without dinner? No, because why would I?

- Right, now let's find a chocolate bar machine and get ourselves some peanuts..... - absolutely sure I hadn't forgotten about anything, I walked towards the vending machine where I'd bought candy bars more than once over the days.

.....

*Bam!

The realisation that I'd forgotten the money in the room left me with nothing to do but break the glass with my head... Or rather beat myself to death in shame.

- This job really relaxed me...

- What? The job? - suddenly came a voice belonging to a cute little brown girl with a ponytail.

She was standing by a vending machine, which I was clearly blocking the way to. As I stepped back I noticed, judging by the fact that they were all in pyjamas, her friends off to the side, whispering with red faces.

- Here. - the brown girl handed me a chocolate bar. - You didn't have money to pay? They're free for students, and they're issued on a pass.

- Huh. Thank you. - Not being very good at expressing gratitude, I replied a little puzzled, hoping I hadn't hurt her feelings.

- Oh, don't worry about it. I'm Kitty, by the way.

- Silver...

After my introduction, Kitty's friends joined the conversation. After a few minutes of talking about various topics, jokes and stuff, Kitty offered to join them for a sleepover. And since I didn't want to go back to Parker's room, and there was nothing else to do, I agreed.... And it wasn't about the tight little brown girl's arse at all.

.....

That's how strange life can be. Just a couple of hours ago, a homeless woman offered me a bed next to her on a newspaper. Now I'm ending the night in a merry band of scantily clad girls, watching a mediocre, hence fun, horror film, eating popcorn.

- Hoooo. - at the credits, when the lights came back on, Kitty pulled back, showing off her lower cleavage.

- I can't believe you finished a whole cup, we couldn't even finish ours for three. - elbowed me in the shoulder, one of Kitty's friends. - How do you keep your figure?

- I don't know. I think all the extra fat goes into my chest. - looking down at her size four girls. I don't know why, but I get a smile on my face when I look at them, and for the same inexplicable reason, the other girls in the room have a tragic look on their faces.

- All right, girls, back to your rooms! - Kitty was the first to come to her senses, clapping her hands afterwards. - Good fun today, but let's wrap it up, one of us even has to work tomorrow. - the cutie winked at me.

For some reason they thought I was one of the film crew, and since I have a nasty aversion to being called one jerk's girlfriend, I didn't bother correcting them.

- It was fun.

- I can't wait for the next time.....

Gradually the girls started hugging Kitty and probably her roommate, then leaving. I stood up last, anticipating my hugs as the girls in front of me suddenly started talking:

- And yes, Kitty, don't worry about that pervert.

- Yeah, he's a total weirdo, probably sick in more ways than one, so you should stay away from him.

- Thanks, girls. I still can't believe Peter turned out to be such a freak.

- Peter? - I interjected. - Parker who? The one who's here?

- Yeah, he's--

- Sylvie, you're not gonna believe this slutty uchud-.

- S-Silver, what happened to your face?

- A-now do it again. YOU STUPID IDIOTS, YOU STUPID IDIOTS!

.....

Near the door to Peter and I's room, a thrill ran through me, I even had to calm my breathing before I managed to muster the strength to open the door.

- Peter, you're here~ - my voice sounded lusciously cute on its own.

- BOMJARA~ - his own... It sounded different. - You finally showed up?!!!

Peter walked right up to me with an angry and tired expression on his face. Was he really worried about me and couldn't sleep because of that? That's so sweet.

- I'm sorry, I-- - I started.

- WHAT IS THAT?! - but he interrupted me by shoving a handful of chocolate packets in my face. - I've been tossing and turning for hours and couldn't sleep, all because you were hiding chocolate packets under the sheet!

In response, my frustrated brain could only respond with this:

- Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?

- Oh, don't "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" me. My insomnia almost made me sympathise with you. I almost went insane, you know?!

How did such an idiot like me...?