I am Peter Parker

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***

- Meet Penny, this is my girlfriend. - Like a true gentleman, the first thing I did was introduce my girlfriend to my family. - Mm-hmm. What's your name?

- Flash! - shouted Penny, obviously her nickname.

Well if they address each other like that, then obviously they're friends, maybe even best friends! God, I guess it really is fate.

- P-Penny? You're his sister? - Flush was covered in cold sweat and trembling from the guilt she felt for her friend.

- You can't go out with her! Anybody but her! - ah, this worry for her friend, for the trouble I might cause to their relationship. - Wait! When did you start dating her in the first place?!

- What time is it?

- Four!

- Well, about 20 seconds ago.

- WHY DID YOU ASK ABOUT THE TIME, BRO?!

- I was too lazy to get out my phone to check it.

- You set me up like that. - the little one said bitterly.

- Set you up?

- Hey. - A brunette with long, straight and shiny hair that reeked of rich superiority came out from behind her. - My name is Gabriela Osborne, and Penny promised to introduce me to you for the purpose of getting to know me better.

It was hard to say why, but those sharp brown eyes made me uncomfortable, and that used-car salesman's smile promised trouble.

- Mr Gabriela Osborne. - first my girlfriend fell to her knees. - BE HAPPY TOGETHER!

And then she ran out of class crying. As her boyfriend, I had no choice but to chase after her.

- STOP! Um, what's her name? - but I did need a second delay.

Unfortunately, both my sister and her friend gave me looks of incomprehension instead of a response.

.....

- Hmm. Unattractive, overweight athlete with ugly hair and no dress sense, a bully and a bully, dumb and a real rubbish....

She was quite fast and it was impossible to catch up with her, but the blonde girl herself, running behind the back of the school, decided to sit down in the shade of a branching tree.

- Only the tits are big.

- Yo, who are you talking about?

- А?!! - With tear-red eyes, the girl stared at me with fright. - You're chasing me?

- I'm your boyfriend, after all.

- Still? - what's that hopeful look, like a puppy in a foster home?

- I'd like to believe you are.

My answer made the blonde's entire face blush, her lips quiver harder, and the corners of her eyes droop again.

- I'm so glad, I'm even afraid I'm dreaming it all... - she lowered her head, wrapped her fingers around him, and pressed her hands to her chest. - I step back for a second, to make sure this isn't a dream...?

I nodded in response. I don't know why she has to step back to pinch herself, but apparently girl stuff.

Flash turned around on her toes. Walked over to the tree.

- AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! - And smacked her head hard into it.

....

Making sure she was awake, nearly knocking herself out in the process, the blonde walked beside me, holding hands.

- Wait." said Flash in a sluggish voice. - There's something I need to tell you. May it lead to the downfall of our relationship!

Wait! Am I on some quest I don't realise I'm on? Maybe I'm supposed to gather seventy herbs and kill fifty giant rats in the name of a story that's just a bit dramatic. Like Dragon age: Inquisition?

- Damn, I'm a coward... - the blonde shuddered and lowered her head. - But... Can you promise me that even if we break up, when I get a sports scholarship to college, you'll accept my date? Even if it's a lie, just promise me now that you'll accept!

Having gone into the reasoning that if the quest is spelled out Divinity style, the objections are dropped, I nodded.

- The thing is... The thing is, how can I put this? - She ruffled her hair with a forced smile.

Haa... Shit, I've gone into my own thoughts again, not paying attention to others at all.... I feel like a bastard.

- You know... If it's something difficult, but also something I need to hear. Then take your time and try to convey it sincerely. - the truth may sound hard, but the reasons behind it can easily make it easier.

- Um. Anyway, I, um. I bullied your sister at school!

Kill.

Okay, stop, don't lose your head... First we need to find a place to bury the body.

- I don't know why. It's just that things have always worked out better for Penny. School, a brother, loving aunts, real friends. And all I can do is throw the ball far away and pretend with the other footballers that we all have boyfriends...

Flash stood there with her face red with shame, her head down and ready to cry. Her fingers with short nails crinkled her already sloppy uniform and her legs were shaking.

- I'm sorry, I promise I won't boo-... anymore.

- Haa... It's fine if you promise.

In the end, all I could do was stroke her head. I'm sure anyone in any world knows how easily a hobby, however misguided, turns into a chore that makes the person themselves sick. Is this the case with Flash? I don't know... But I want to believe that our sudden relationship was the impetus for the right decision and not a lie.

- And-and-and anyway. Are you breaking up with me?

- Not if you swear you'll try to be friends with Penny.

- I will! I will! We're gonna be best friends!

That's the spirit. Looks like Flash is gonna be on to the little one like a leaf. Serves her right for being lost to society.

- I can't believe you and everything that's going on is real. I'm going to step back for a bit to make sure I'm awake...

Flash took a step back, turned around and ran straight for the maple tree.

- Ah! - Stopping her from knocking herself out completely, I hugged her from behind. - Umm... Uwaaa...

- Bro, you're a gd-BROTHER?! What the hell are you doing?!!

Suddenly, Penny appeared on the horizon, a frantic lola pulling her friend behind her, jogging closer to us. Feeling safe, I let go of Flash, it's unlikely she'll go to test the tree for strength now, I hope....

- Penny obey-. - Flash wanted to say something but.....

- BROTHER! You can't go out with her at all! Anybody but her! She's a bully! - was interrupted by my sister, whose mannerisms make me want to tell her off.

- Yeah, I know. Flash is sorry and wants to get back together with you.

- She what?! - Penny threw an angry look in the footballer's direction. - Bullshit. She's bullshitting you! Anyway, why don't you go out with Gaby, eh?

- Hello, Peter. - Again the fake emerged from behind Penny's back, a monster hiding behind her luscious gaze. - I'm sure I can offer you much more than that. After all, I am Norma Osborne's heiress, after all.

О! Oh, right, I remember! The Osborns, they were the Green Goblins in the comic books, and I thought her smile at the photographer at sea was suspicious. Except. Am I fucked?

I think.

Why is it that in two days I've had the second dangerous female who wants to date me for no obvious reason? I have my suspicions, but... I need to deal with the current situation and somehow get her off my back. But how?

- I've always found brooding guys attractive. - Gabriela licked her lips.

- Come on, little brother, this is your chance! - Penny glowed with matchmaker pride and clenched her fists in support.

- Ughmmm... - Flash, on the other hand, was weeping at having lost.

Shall we try yesterday's way?

- Sorry Gabriela, but I already have a girlfriend. - I put my arm around the blonde's shoulder, who laughed out of the blue.

- Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

- Hmm, is that so? You think she can give you a lot? More than me? - Uh-oh, by her chilling tone, I think I've hurt someone's pride. If Glenn were here, I'd say I was one of 'those' and passionately kiss his soft, tantalising pink lips as proof.... Exclusively as proof.

- Brother, what do you see in her anyway, eh? You said you just started dating her, so what's stopping you from breaking up with the bully who's been bullying me since first grade and dating my best friend, who's her best friend in every way?

What do I see in her? Haa... That's a pretty good question, though. Aside from hearing under the selfie tree, I don't know anything about her at all and.... Right, that's it!

- She's got big tits! - I proudly proclaimed.

- .... - Gabriela sank into silence.

- ... - Penny, too.

And I literally felt a cold breeze blow over them..... Um. Model bodies.

- Mm-hmm! - and my girlfriend was staring at me with glowing eyes, at least I flattered her, right?

.....

- Haaah! - when I got home I let out a heavy sigh, and why is my life filled with confusion these days?

* Voices *

Without giving me a breath, life threw me another challenge. The TV is on and the lights are on in the hallway, it seems my 'favourite' sis has decided to sit at my place watching anime again.... And considering her mood when we broke up... How many nerves is she gonna get on my nerves tonight?

- Penny, I know you wanted me to start dating your friend, but-- Who are you?

Upon entering the living room, I was greeted by someone other than Penny. There was some silver-haired bastard sitting on my couch with a large slice of pizza, bought with the money from my part-time job.

She smiled softly with pale pink full lips, walking along me with violet eyes.

- Ummmmm... - Chewing thickly, she finally spoke. - You can call me Silver Sable.

A playful smile spread across her face.

- Silver's a stupid name, otherwise I'm calling the police. - I'm so sick of today, I can't wait for this day to be over, can I?

- What?! Freeze, Peter Parker! - I stopped and raised an eyebrow at the name calling. - Haa... Okay, your boss at the bookstore is a friend of my mother's. I was in town for work and she asked me to follow you to Mexico, and since I didn't have anything to do for a while anyway, plus you were promised food, I agreed.

- Great story, bum, I'm calling the cops anyway. She was in town for work. Yeah, what kind of work? You look about my age. Tell me your mum runs a mega-corporation in some random European country.

- Um, like, that was a very specific guess, but kind of.

It's always the same beggar's story, she could have come up with something original, like she's been robbed and she honestly doesn't have enough money for a ticket home....

- Freeze! - As soon as I pulled out my phone, the bum con artist pulled out a gun. - Listen, I'm not even into boys, so I won't do anything to you, you give the money back to the boss and I'll disappear in a flash, OK?

- Hello, police? I'm being threatened with a water pistol by a homeless--

*(gunshot)

- Yeah, that's okay, sorry about the false call. - I hung up the phone and turned to the wall. - You really are Silver bastard, you put a hole in my wallpaper...

- I'm Silver Sable, sable!