I Translated the Necronomicon

1. It is a national rule for an isekai truck to hit the returnee.

A night in the riverside park with a bright full moon.

Under the faintly flickering streetlights, the empty space suddenly rippled, as if it were a living mouth, and then it spat something out a few times.

Uweeuk, uueuk-

Upon closer inspection, it seemed like it was spewing out something disgustingly…

Together with some unknown liquids, what was spat out frighteningly bounced back from the ground.

With a vigilant appearance, it began to inspect its body.

It had arms and legs, and a total of 30 fingers and toes… no, 20.

Then, it slowly started to look around, feeling the silence enveloping the surroundings.

The cityscape beyond the streetlight, people passing by at a distance, and…

“Oh… oh…”

Finally, it found it.

Not a ground where particles of sand and dirt were touched one by one, but a road paved with various aggregates mixed with asphalt.

“Ah, it’s asphalt…”

It was a clear evidence of the modern era, not some shoddy medieval period, so it decided to examine it more closely.

[Trying to observe the target.]

[Rolling the dice….]

[Rattle… rolling a 1D20.] *1D20 – Roll a 20-sided die once

[…1]

“You f**king piece of s**t dice! Why roll a fumble from the start! It’s the first time rolling the dice here, and it’s still not enough even if you give some kind of bonus! This s**t-“

*Fumble – Rolling a 1 or the lowest possible value on a dice.

[The result is significantly lower than the target’s intelligence stat.]

[Failure!]

[The target’s actions become simplified.]

Geez.

The primitive being, who had been speaking, stopped and protruded his tongue without caring about the surrounding gazes.

It was an action that a person with normal intelligence wouldn’t do, but his body, now adjusted by the dice, forced him to do so.

The exiled being from another realm, who should have been ecstatic to the point of being unable to speak properly, was now reduced to the level of a hamster twitching its tongue.

“Geez.”

It hadn’t been long since he had been wrapped in the distinct rubbery smell and nauseating taste, but now, to him, it was no different from heavenly flavors.

“He.. hehehe… hehehe!”

The woman, who had been running for a while, suddenly looked to the side at the laughter-

And without hesitation, she fixed her face and increased her speed.

“F**king crazy…”

Because there was a lunatic, naked, licking the asphalt under the streetlight in the moonlit night.

And to top it off, he was laughing- truly bizarre.

“Please don’t come, don’t come, don’t come, don’t come.”

It was a sight that could make someone with even a little weakness in their heart collapse.

“Hello? Is this 911? There’s a crazy person laughing naked in the public park…”

She faithfully reported the giant to the authorities and quickly left the place, shivering at the thought of the man following her.

Whether or not he had anything to say, the man reached his hand toward the sky, where the moon hung brightly.

A single shining full moon.

Not two, not three, not four, but just one.

It was not one of those crazy binary stars or overly close approaching stars that made the sky bright even in the middle of the night, but a pure moon.

It was not a moon causing continents to shatter as it fell or suddenly raising the water level to create a Waterworld 2 overnight, but a normal moon showing off small, rabbit-like craters.

The penalty was lifted.

It was certain.

This was Earth.

“Yatta… owatta…” (I did it… it’s over…)

Yudahee had finally overcome all the hardships and arrived safely on Earth…!

Tearing apart the immortal beings, defeating the fire-immune, and crushing all kinds of weird monsters, she had finally done it!

This proved that no one could surpass Yudahee.

“Kkieeek!”

As she exclaimed in triumph, the distant signs of life began to fade away like arrows.

[A crazy guy shouting naked to the sky.jpg]

Hey, are you crazy? Do you not have any shame?

By the way, look at that thick thing in the middle. Oh my.

Did you escape from a mental hospital?

Hey, you jerk, change your tone to a gif when you speak nicely.

Primitive idiots can’t see the app.

You should be ashamed of this.

Posting it live on the internet is a bonus.

Of course, Yudahee had no idea about that fact.

After stripping off gender and just hearing the name, Dahee, it might sound like an ordinary female name, but no matter where you look, Yudahee was an ordinary man with a sturdy third leg in the middle.

Of course, now he was about a billion light-years away from the word “ordinary.”

Yudahee, walking slowly towards the street lamp, discovered an old coffee vending machine.

Yudahee’s gaze at the vending machine shook greatly.

“Damn it!”

It wasn’t the joy of discovering the customs of modern society, but rather the shock of discovering the harm engraved there, which made his temper flare up.

Damn it, even if it’s outdoors, can a cup of milk coffee really cost 500 won? How could such a price pop up unless the world was in chaos.

The price Yudahee remembered for milk coffee was 100 or 200 won.

Because that was the limit he had in mind, the shock was more than just a surprise.

It was a difficult reality to accept, considering that Yudahee had been away from this world for over 10 years, and the fact that the Wuhan-Batman had swept the world, causing the cost of living to skyrocket.

But even so, that didn’t mean Yudahee was going to give up drinking milk coffee.

After all, isn’t it a national rule that there are coins under the vending machine? Even if his body was as raw as it could be, without a single penny right now, with a little effort, he could get a coin.

He didn’t care at all about getting his hands and body dirty with the dirt and dust piled up underneath.

Compared to the days when he was trying to survive, getting his hands dirty with the filth of foreign news was much easier than trying to survive.

“Wow… I found it!”

After a long struggle on the floor, what I found was a 500-won coin with “1998” engraved on it.

If I had known its value, I would never have put it into the vending machine, but what does it matter now.

Right now, this milk coffee is a hundred, a thousand times more precious than gold of the same weight.

I put the coin in and pressed the flashing green button, then thud, the paper cup dropped, and the milk coffee started to pour out.

And about 15 seconds later, with a beep, the light went off, and I could lift the warm paper cup.

The overwhelming aroma of instant coffee, I couldn’t resist any longer, I took a sip with my lips –

“Ah.”

The wait was short, but the joy was long.

One sip, like a miracle, with the sweetness of cream and sugar flowing down my throat, refusing to let go of the tip of my tongue.

It was the taste of modern civilization that was never felt in a far-off dimension, in a different universe.

“I… did well to stay alive…”

A tear rolled down Yoo Dahee’s eyes.

If we were to express this emotion with a dice roll, it would be like getting the maximum value of 20 on a 1D20 die, about 10 times in a row.

The taste of vending machine coffee when I returned to Earth was etched as a vivid memory, strong enough to shove religious activity chocolate pies into the corner of a military training camp bathroom.

Forced into an unknown world, barely clinging to life in the crevices of various foreign news outlets for… for…

“How many years has it been?”

One, two, three, four, counting by folding my fingers was meaningless due to the long passage of time… I mean…

“…..”

Oh, forget it.

When you can’t recall well, Yudahee murmured comfortably that rolling the dice is the truth.

[Attempting self-reflection.]

[Rolling the dice….]

[Tumble… 1D20 rolls.]

…1!

Ah.

An exclamation burst involuntarily from Yudahee’s lips.

Not on the good side but the bad side.

“Two consecutive fumbles? Is this a hoax? This is a hoax! This damn dice, you deceiving piece of sh-“

[If you complain… you know?]

Someone had said, even throwing dice requires skill.

If you don’t have that skill, just overwhelm with ridiculous luck.

But for the current Yudahee, neither applied, so quietly accepting the penalty was the right thing to do.

It didn’t take long for Yudahee, who was once hitting the air with a stick, to turn into a hamster again and start licking spilled milk coffee on the floor.

“Geeek.”

The pebble was chewed, and sand got stuck between the teeth, but… what’s important to this hamster besides sweetness?

Owner’s love? Warm embrace?

No, all it needed was a feast of sugar and cream.

It might take a bit of time for the creature-like Yudahee, licking the floor for a while to savor the sweetness, to turn back into a human, but well, isn’t a good thing a good thing?

Medetashi medetashi.

At that moment, as tonight was about to pass by –

Without any warning, a truck from Issekai suddenly appeared, its bright headlights shining at 100W, as it smashed through a vending machine and plowed straight into Yudahee with its immense weight.

“Gee… wh… what the!”

Her body was sent flying, rolling and tumbling several times, causing the nearby tree stump to shake and the leaves to fall as if it were autumn, despite the fact that it wasn’t. The impact was that intense.

There was someone in the driver’s seat of the Issekai truck, watching the returning Yudahee, who was writhing like a frog hit by a stone, with her arms and legs twitching.

“An SSR-grade returnee! You’re mine!”

The insane maiden goddess, Dike Astraea, shouted with a wide smile.