I Was Sick of Loving You

10 – Footsteps of Spring

In my heart, I cut off the ties with the family that didn’t feel like family, and a day passed.

The garbage quietly disappeared somewhere, and the servants looked at me. They are not very important, so I ignore them and swing my sword.

Even though I’m swinging my favorite sword, I feel strange. Originally, it would have been fun and refreshing. I don’t feel that way today, and I feel low and empty.

I didn’t like that feeling, so I stopped the sword and retracted it. Then he goes up to his mother’s room and sits there blankly.

I know this is a waste of time, but I don’t feel motivated to do anything.

Just when you’re wasting time like that, you hear a knock.

“Come in.”

The door opens, and a young maid comes into view.

“What did you come for?”

“I’m here to deliver Daisy’s stuff.”

The maid brings out her mother’s name and holds out a small box to me. I take the small box with trembling hands and open it. Inside the box were a handkerchief with mother’s embroidery and a thin book. Seeing it makes my heart tremble.

“Do you want anything?”

“I got what I wanted from Daisy.”

The maid said so and left the room. I looked at the place where the maid had been for a while, then opened my mother’s book.

“I got married to him today, and I became Daisy Norman instead of Daisy Blanche. Everything was unfamiliar, but I was happy because I was living with the one I loved.

—

I can’t see the guy I love often because he has to go back and forth between the capital and the manor due to work, but I’ve adapted to life here and the people who help me are kind, so it was okay.

—

The day when the new shoots that signal the end of winter begin to grow

I called the doctor because I felt sick and nauseous all day. The congressman congratulated him on his resignation. I couldn’t believe it and I was so happy that I cried. The day spring came, the world gave me a gift. The news made him happy as well.

—

The day spring and hot summer meet

I imagine a child to be born while stroking my slightly protruding stomach and reading a book titled Mother’s Posture.

—-

The day when summer heats up the world

I felt something in my stomach and went to the doctor, and he told me that it was okay that the child was moving. The words were amazing and I was happy.

—-

The day the summer heat loses its power

The doctor who was examining me told me that they could be twins because their stomachs were more swollen than the others. The word twins scared me. I was still not ready as a mother, but two of them came to me and I was afraid that I would raise my children wrong. When I tell him that thought, he smiles and comforts me, saying it will be okay. Every time like this, I think I’m glad I married him.

—–

The day summer ended and autumn came when the world was colored

Feeling the warmth of each other with him that his busy work was over, we had a happy time taking frequent walks. At night, I try to talk to him while stroking his belly, and sometimes he sings a lullaby, and sometimes the child moves and responds. The signal was so lovely that I laughed out loud.

—-

The day the water slowly drains from the colorful colors that colored the world

Because of the growing belly of children, they hardly move, and they live a sedentary or lying down life. In that state, for the children who will come in winter, they spend time knitting warm fur clothes. The people who help me discouraged me by telling me to order someone else, but I couldn’t give up because I enjoyed knitting while thinking about the children.

—-

The day the cold permeates the world white

Along with the dizzying pain in the boat, water burst out from below, and the surroundings became noisy. After that, my memory is blurry because of the pain, but I vividly remember the words of the doctor who put a cloth in his mouth and said that if he calms down, the child is also in danger. I thought I would die, but I endured it with my teeth thinking about my children. At the end, the children came to me. Looking at the two small children’s faces, I was relieved, relaxed, and fell asleep as if fainting.

—-

The day when the world showed its four faces twice and spring returned again

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Logan and Roddick, who were very small, are very lovely to see them grow up and walk around briskly. It’s good that the children are healthy and active, but he goes up to the capital and doesn’t come back. Occasionally letters come, but since I haven’t seen him for several months, I miss him so much.

—-

The day when spring is ripe and full of fragrance

He has returned from the capital. The atmosphere seemed a bit different, but I was happy that I could spend time with him.

—-

the day spring dies

The sad news came that he was committing another affair in the capital and that his parents’ business had completely collapsed and was in debt. He begged him to help his family, not having the energy to argue with him about having an affair, but what he returned was cold coldness.

—-

the day spring died

When I went to the clinic with a familiar sense of nausea, a diagnosis came out that I was pregnant. The fact that I didn’t feel even a single point of joy at the story of having a child was a little sad.

—-

The day spring died and summer became

He took off his smiling mask and began to show his true face. He didn’t hide the fact that he was enjoying himself with many women, and he started beating me up with only a cold expression on his face.

—-

The day summer haunts the world

He took Logan and Roddick up to the capital. The servants didn’t show off to me, but when they were together, they talked about me. I don’t want to hear those stories, so I close my ears.

—-

the day summer died

I found his letters and journals in his room. He didn’t love me from the start. I knew that he approached me only by looking at the family’s financial strength. I spent the day crying over that fact.

—-

The day summer died and autumn came

I completely lost my mind about him. When I closed my heart, I felt a little more at ease.

—-

The day spring came that killed winter

Alik is born. When I first saw him, I first thought that I was lucky that I didn’t look like him. If I looked like him, I would have hated him.

—-

spring

Unlike Logan and Roddick, the child born of my misfortune does not whine, and is quietly held in my arms. Looking at this child makes me forget my sad heart a little.

—-

midsummer

Alik babbles for the first time. That babbling sounded like a mother. In my sorrowful heart, a petal fell and caused a ripple. The ripples fell as rain.

—-

the day autumn came

I spend time watching Alik every day. Alik’s bright smile and babbling became his pleasure in life.

—-

The day the world puts on white clothes to greet winter

I was happy to see that the clothes I had made for Alik fit perfectly. Looking at the lovely Alik, I feel that my broken heart is recovering little by little.

—-

It’s been a year since happiness came to me

I wasn’t happy when Alik was first born, but now I feel like I can’t live without Alik.

—-

The day when the world wants to see it and hastily greets the coming spring

It grew up quickly before I knew it, and Aliq, who was full of curiosity, picked the flower and gave it to me as a gift. It was lovely and cute, and I hugged her tightly. Looking at the flowers Alik gave me, I thought that I should prepare to see the flower garden next spring.

—-

A day full of the scent of spring, happy to meet the world again

My favorite tulips brightly colored the garden. In the garden, I had a blissful time, telling my happiness the flower language of the colorful tulips.

—-

The day when happiness came 5 years ago

Before going to bed, he read a fairy tale about a hero to Alik, and it was so lovely to say that he wanted to be like a hero.

—-

On the 7th anniversary of happiness

Alik said he would become a knight and protect the weak, and it was cute and lovely to see him playing while swinging a tree branch. And he spat out words mixed with a little true intention.

“If I became an Alic knight, would you protect my mother too?”

“I’ll do it even if I’m not a knight to protect my mother!”

Those words made me laugh out of happiness. this kid won’t know The fact that existence alone protects me from pain.

—-

The day that marked the 10th anniversary of happiness

Alik began to use the group to capture the knights in the territory and ask them to teach them swordsmanship. The knights laughed and taught Alik. Looking at it, I picture the future that the child will become a wonderful knight.

—-

The cold winter of the 12th year since happiness came

With him, Logan and Roddick returned to the manor. The two children were reluctant because they looked too much like him when they were young. Even though he was definitely my child, I felt sorry and sad to think that way.

—-

the day winter ends

He treats me as someone who doesn’t have one, and the two kids don’t call me or think of me as their mother. I thought it was because I was away for so long, and I gave my heart and soul to the two children.

—-

summer day

I tried to treat the two children with all my heart and soul, but it was meaningless. Just like him, I started to treat myself as someone who didn’t exist. I’m getting a little tired of that look.

—–

It is so smeared that it is unreadable.

—-

The spring day when Alik turned 14

It’s so hard being with him and the two kids, it’s like going back to before Alik was born. It was so hard that I decided to leave for the capital’s mansion. I told him not to go with Alik. I thought about that word for a long time. Alik left thinking that he would grow up straight without me.

—-

The year Alik turns 15

Alik visits me often and makes me happy, but it hurt my heart to see his smile diminish. The thought, ‘I have to protect him, but perhaps he abandoned the child selfishly?’ settled deep in his heart.

—-

The year Alik turned 17

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Logan and Roddick came up to the capital because they needed to gain experience. From that day on, I started getting sick little by little.

—–

It is so smeared that it is unreadable.

—-

The winter of Alik’s 18th birthday

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Little by little the pains got worse. It is difficult to move the body, and blood comes out from the dry cough. I feel that I don’t have much time left to live. Maybe that’s why I want to see that child today. And I want to apologize. I’m sorry I abandoned you, I’m sorry I’m an ugly mother. I sent a letter to express my feelings, but no reply came. You must be very angry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

—-

Early spring when my happiness will be 19 years old

The congressman made the decision that he would soon die. I thought it would be, but hearing it myself makes me feel strange, and the lingering feelings of life come up.

I wanted to see my child get knighted. I just wanted to see my child smile one more time. I want to feel the warmth that child gives again. I want to walk through a garden in full bloom with that child. Unlike me, Ai wanted to meet someone who loved her and see her get married. However, that wish will never come true. I don’t even have the right to wish A mother who has abandoned her child has no right to wish happiness. Although she is an ugly mother without such qualifications, she prays for her child to be happy.

—-

My dear son Alik, if you have read this book, do not feel sorry for me. My life was unlucky, but I was happy to meet you, so I am satisfied with my life. so don’t be sad Hate father and brothers, do not waste thee.

And be sure to be happy. Live freely the way you want to live.

-To the greatest blessing that came to me on a warm spring day-”

It’s raining. It rains and the book gets wet. writing spreads

She carefully embraces the traces left by her mother, lest the life of a woman who lived a painful life disappear.

No matter how much time passes, the rain doesn’t stop. The trembling doesn’t stop.

The rain falls incessantly on the empty heart that has been broken and hollowed out. The rain that falls incessantly is warm and painful. It hurts so much. The fact that I found out too late hurts like I’m about to collapse in love that I can’t handle. It hurts like breaking. but it doesn’t break Doesn’t break.

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Light falls with rain Dead fields come to life. In the fields that have gained vitality, new shoots come up in the warm rain. Newly grown shoots dye the fields green.

The green field cries as it longs for the spring it will never see again.