I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

"Your Highness, if you run around like that, you will fall. Walk more calmly."

"Yeah!"

After lunch, I walked around the garden with Raymond and Carlisle.

At first, I planned to go home immediately after lunch, but Carlisle wanted to visit the flower garden. Of course, this is what happened.

There was still an awkward silence between Raymond and me, but Carlisle in front didn’t know that.

However, walking together wasn’t too uncomfortable thanks to Carlisle's endlessly pouring laughter, which I rarely hear lately.

I glanced sideways at Raymond, who was now walking beside me and watching Carlisle.

He hasn’t said a word since we entered the flower garden.

And during the meal it was the same.

The maximum that he could squeeze out of himself was the answers to Carlisle's questions.

And even now, even though we are walking together, there seemed to be an invisible border between us.

Not long ago, I walked with him in the garden, but this walk was completely different from the moment when he reminded me of memories from the past.

Come to think of it, even when I shared a bedroom with him yesterday, he didn't bother me.

At first he said that he would lie down on the couch.

And then…

He left without even waking me up.

He must have seen that I was sleeping like unconscious.

I had never shown her such a disorganized appearance.

As much as I was sleeping, it wasn't it against Imperial etiquette, but it still bothered me… It was embarrassing.

"Oops."

Perhaps because I was too deep in thought, I didn’t see the stone in front of my feet.

The moment my feet twisted and my body leaned forward, I felt a hard hand grab my arm.

"Empress, are you alright?"

Of course it was Raymond. Our eyes met, and I saw his puzzled face.

Whether he wondered how I hadn’t noticed the stone in front of me.

I almost stumbled as I thought about him.

Of course, he couldn't read my mind. This whole scene was too embarrassing.

I answered, hiding my eyes in shame.

"I’m fine."

Pulling out my trapped arm by him, I tried to walk forward.

But then he again took my hand.

In my questioning look, he gave me an explanation with a calm face:

"The Empress is deep in her thoughts today… That’s not good. Hold my hand or you will stumble again."

"I…"

"I'm just worried. I don't mean anything else," he added, as soon as I opened my mouth.

Unlike me, with my scattering thoughts, his gaze was extremely calm.

It was easy to reject his gesture.

But do I really want this?

I asked myself this question.

There was only one truth, he hasn't got out of my head for the whole day.

When we walked around the flower garden, or sat in the dining room, I kept pretending to care about Carlisle, but thoughts of Raymond kept coming to my mind.

"…Yes. So don't ever think it's because I hate mom and you. This is my fault."

From the moment he told Carlisle that it was all his fault.

‘Why do those words disturb my heart so much?'

The bitterness in his voice greatly changed my opinion of him, whom I have always considered selfish.

I thought that even his apology was really about reconciliation with his own soul.

"Empress?"

I was lost in my thoughts about him again.

So I came to my senses from a low voice, and then I took his hand. He shuddered, and I saw his eyebrows twitch.

He seemed to have no idea that I would actually hold his hand. And that surprised me too.

My movement was reflexive and seemed to happen by itself.

Stories from the palace will creep again…

I spoke slowly:

"Tell me if you want me to keep holding your hand… If you feel uncomfortable, I'll let you go…"

"No."

Even before I spoke, his hand gripped mine tightly. As if he wasn’t going to let go of his now.

"Mom, there are violets!"

When silence fell between us, Carlisle's voice told us of his new excitement.

Now I turned to Carlisle.

"Prince, be careful. You'll hurt your hand."

I spoke to Carlisle, but all my consciousness is now gathered in my palm.

My nerves, my skin, I could no longer ignore the rough texture of his hand, nor the warmth of his body.

Trying to brush aside all the feelings mixed in me at once, I turned to Carlisle without opening my hands.

* * *

Five days later.

The newspapers  that were noisy about the Sios family calmed down, and the Imperial Palace, which was noisy about the First Prince, became very calm as well.

And today, after so much time, I drank tea with the daughter of the Marquis Celine.

I caught a glimpse of her at the party, but we haven't spoken in private for a long time.

"How is the Marchioness's health?"

"She has recovered much thanks to the grace of the Empress. These days, she goes for walks and attends light gatherings."

Rosaleen thanked me with a shy smile.

"This is good news that the Marchioness’s body has improved. And in recent days I have heard many stories about the Marquis Celine. You know?"

"Yes? Whatever my father was to blame…"

At that moment, Rosaleen's eyes widened.

House Celine was susceptible to petty gossip, apparently due to the fact that the Marquis spent some time in exile.

I looked at her eyes trembling with concern, grabbed her hand and quickly said.

"No, it's nothing like that. This is no gossip, but the news that as Marquis Celine has assumed a new position, the knights are praised for the fact that they have completely changed from the past."

"Ah… this."

"There's no way a bad story is going to get out when everyone knows the integrity of Marquis Celine. The other day, His Majesty also praised Marquis Celine for his honesty."

"Does His Majesty say so?"

"Right."

This wasn’t a lie.

After the day Carlisle deigned to visit Raymond, we occasionally dined together.

And it wasn't because of my feelings for Raymond, but because of Carlisle.

My son's words struck me that day. I learned that Carlisle all this time simply couldn’t express his father's absence because he was wary of me.

It was a shock for me, so I decided to give him time together with Raymond.

Of course, at first I didn’t think that I would also participate.

"If mom doesn't like it… I don't like it either."

Carlisle's stubborn attitude ultimately forced me to raise a white flag.

Thinking back for a moment, I saw the young lady felt more comfortable.

"Your Majesty and the Emperor have taken care of our family. Now we do not know how to pay you for this… Thank you very much."

"It's natural to be kind to a loyal servant. Thank you so much that the Marquis and his daughter are doing everything possible for the common cause of the Empire."

"Of course. Your Majesty."

I smiled slightly and said, looking at Rosa, who swallowed sincerely at my half-joking words.

"Lumont was happy that the perfume business is booming. Is there something difficult in that? Is Lumont pushing you too hard?"

Rosaleen's perfume was gaining explosive popularity.

After Raymond publicly showed interest in it, orders poured in here and there.

Not only from the Agrita Empire, but also from other countries.

So, of course, Rosaleen wouldn’t have pulled such a thing alone.

Therefore, it was ordered to seriously spur the production of perfume by adding more staff.

I thought that after that Lumont wouldn’t push Rosaleen so much, but I asked just in case because I remembered his excessively bright eyes.

"Nothing like this. Not at all. Rather, he is attentive to me if it is difficult for me to fulfill orders. I can just make perfume for my own pleasure."

"I see. If difficulties arise, tell me at any time. I want you to work happily, but I don't want you to overdo it."

"Yes. Don't worry, Your Majesty."

The young lady took a sip of tea, a smile in her eyes.

After sitting in silence for a while, I brought up an uncomfortable topic.

"How is your social life these days? I have to meet my ladies in person, but I haven't set a date because I don't have time yet. I wonder what story about the Crown Prince is being rumored?"

The reason I called Rosaleen today was to have a chat with her, but also to find out about social trends.

The perfume business was doing well, and naturally, the position of the Celine house rose as well.

Thanks to this, their family was invited to all sorts of gatherings of nobles.

‘Have you heard anything else outside of the circles?’

"Everyone has high hopes for His Highness the Crown Prince. Oh, and everyone was curious."

"Curious about what?"

"His Highness's mentor hasn’t been chosen yet. Now there is a lot of ranting about when everything will be decided, and who it will be. They want to compare with the teacher of the first prince… Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned him."

It would be unpleasant to hear about the first prince again.

Although I have safely fought off their attacks, the Sios family is still targeting mine.

"The mentor of the first prince is a great man. Of course, there will be such conversations."

Count Martin, the first prince's teacher, was the Empire's leading scholar.

Previously, he was the director of the Imperial Academy.

Before Carlisle appeared, Edmund was the second person in the Empire after the Emperor. It was natural that his teacher was a great person.

Until Carlisle becomes Emperor, they will endlessly be put on a par with Edmund and compared.

That made it even more important to find a mentor for Carlisle.

"Your Majesty the Empress. Have you decided on the teacher of His Highness yet?" Rosaleen asked cautiously, as if a little worried.

"There is a person to whom my heart pointed. But I haven’t yet received an answer from him."

"Oh, you already had someone in mind! Of course, that person will think twice about taking on such a great responsibility."

"Well… I hope so, but he is a welcome person who is far from power."

"Yes?"

As if she couldn't understand, Rosaleen had a puzzled face.

"We'll have to wait for his return to the Empire."

She lowered her head, as if my meaningful words were more and more confusing her.

At the moment when I was laughing because she was cute, the door of the living room opened.

Helen came up to me with the news.

"Your Majesty the Empress. They say that the person you are looking for has returned to the Empire."