Inescapable Escapism

I hesitated, unsure how to respond to Georgie. I had no clue what R&D was, and part of me wanted to ask her about it, but it felt wrong to admit I didn’t know something. Maybe I should have already known it. Perhaps it was in the folder I’d been given in the induction period, and if I admitted I didn’t know, I’d be thrown back in there.

She’d asked me a question, too. She wanted to know what my specialism was, but I had no answer for her. I wanted to tell her the truth, but something was holding me back. Everyone who I’d mentioned it to in the induction wing seemed so shocked. What if she reacted the same way? Surely, she would have been more used to how things worked in the Academy. Ms Brice had said it was rare for someone not to be given one, but it wasn’t unheard of. The girl probably knew someone else like me.

My eyes darted towards Rodgers, almost hoping that he’d answer for me, but he just smiled supportively. The girl was still looking at me, waiting for me to speak. Her smile had fallen slightly, and I felt my anxiety spike.

“I… don’t have one,” I said awkwardly.

Georgie’s eyes widened, and she glanced at Rodgers for confirmation.

“You weren’t given one before you finished your induction?” she asked, sounding confused. “Oh… did they change how they’re doing things now?”

Rodgers chuckled.

“Well… yes and no. You know everything here is an ever-evolving process,” he said. “Grace is excelling in all areas, so they decided there was no need to start narrowing her options just yet.”

Georgie looked back at me, her gaze becoming appraising.

“Wow,” she said. “No wonder you’re the first one out of the wing.”

I returned her grin, still feeling uncomfortable. She made it seem like I’d done something really impressive, but I didn’t feel like I had. Obviously, I was glad I had the chance to continue studying everything, but I hadn’t really done anything to warrant the way she was looking at me.

“Yes, we’re expecting big things from Grace,” Rodgers said, making me feel even more anxious.

The idea of people watching over me and waiting to see what I would achieve was horrible. It terrified me because it felt like it was only a matter of time until I disappointed them, and then what? What would happen if I couldn’t live up to the standard I’d accidentally set?

I wasn’t even sure how I’d done it. I’d been trying really hard whilst in the induction wing, of course, but it seemed like everyone else had been too. There was nothing that made me stand out from the others, but clearly, Ms Brice and Rodgers had seen something. They’d noticed something about me that made them think I could do more with my life, and I wasn’t sure I believed that.

“Are you coming downstairs now?” Georgie asked, looking between Rogers and me. “I need to grab breakfast before mechanics.”

“We are,” Rodgers answered for us. “We’ll walk down with you.”

“Awesome!” Georgie replied with a grin.

We started to walk again, and Georgie fell into step beside us, fiddling with her headphones. Awkwardness grew within me, and I glanced up at Rodgers, hoping that he’d say something to break the silence, but he didn’t.

“So… what’s R&D?” I asked, my need to say something outweighing my fear of sounding dumb.

“You don’t know?” Georgie gasped, her eyes widening comically.

My eyes darted towards Rodgers, checking to make sure he didn’t look angry or disappointed. Strangely, he seemed to be holding back a laugh. His lips were pressed together tightly, but the corners were twitching ever so slightly.

“Umm… no.”

“She is new,” Rodgers reminded Georgie, his tone kind.

Georgie slapped a hand lightly against her forehead.

“Of course! Sorry, I always forget that not everyone knows all of the acronyms,” she told me. “But don’t worry. You’ll get used to them soon! It stands for research and development!”

“Oh… that’s cool?” I guessed, still not quite knowing what she meant.

I knew what the words meant separately, but I wasn’t sure what they meant combined or how that related to what happened at the Academy.

“Georgie works on the new tech that we use here, as well as the stuff that our field agents take on assignments,” Rodgers said, coming to my rescue.

“Yeah!” she agreed as we came to a stop by the lift, and Rodgers pressed the button. “I do a bit of everything from the first step. So, I do the initial research to work out what the problem is or what the tech needs to do before working out what similar options are already available and seeing if they can be tweaked to meet the needs or fit the briefing I’ve been given.”

“That’s a fun step,” Rodgers muttered, glancing up at the small panel above us to check where the lift was.

It had been moving towards us, but for some reason, it seemed to be going back down. Not that I minded too much. What Georgie was talking about was fascinating, and she was practically buzzing with enthusiasm.

“It is! So if there’s nothing that can be adapted or used, I then start creating the plans and schematics before building, troubleshooting, and testing them out,” she said excitedly. “Oh, and then even more troubleshooting and bug fixes. Those are… pretty much endless.”

She rolled her eyes at me before laughing, and I found myself joining in, even though I didn’t really know what she was talking about.

“They feel it sometimes,” Rodgers agreed as the lift finally arrived and the doors opened. “But it’s much better to iron out all of the kinks in the lab rather than being out in the middle of nowhere and damn near being shocked to death by an earpiece that was meant to be waterproof.”

Georgie let out a laugh as she hurried into the lift, the noise slightly high-pitched and nervous.

“Yeah… who would want that?” she asked, the question sounding rhetorical. “Sorry again about that. It was fine during all the tests! I should have tested it more rigorously.”

My eyes widened, and I stared at Rodgers. That had happened to him?

“It’s fine,” he said with a smirk, causing Georgie to look relieved. “It barely shocked me. My heart didn’t stop, so it’s all good.”

“You’re right,” Georgie agreed with a nod, her expression sombre. “I should have upped the voltage. I know better for next time you’re testing one of my products.”

Rodgers snorted.

“Exactly,” he said dryly. “Sara reckons it’ll be some kind of animal that’ll kill me one day, but I reckon you can beat it to the punch.”

“I’ll try harder,” Georgie said with a laugh before looking at me. “I have a bet going with her anyway.”

Confusion washed through me as I looked between them. It was clear they were joking, but I was pretty sure he’d been telling the truth about being shocked by one of her creations, and that seemed scary. How could they joke about him being killed after something like that had happened?

“Wait, what?” Rodgers asked. “What’s the bet?”

“Ummmm…” was all Georgie said before trailing off.

The lift dinged softly, and Georgie darted out as soon as the doors opened.

“Fine, fine, I’ll ask her myself,” Rodgers told her, gesturing for me to exit the elevator before him.

Relief washed over me as I emerged into the bright foyer. Part of me had been worried that we were going to go to the underground floors that Rodgers had mentioned what felt like a lifetime ago. Instead, we were firmly above ground.

Georgie hesitated, glancing around before nodding.

“Okay, good. See, this is why I could never be a field agent. I don’t hold up well under interrogation!” she cried as we stopped in the centre of the room.

Rodgers laughed, but I barely paid him any attention. My focus was on the giant doors. I expected them to be closed. They’d been shut and locked with thick metal bars the night before, but they weren’t. Someone had propped the doors open, and I couldn’t help but stare out at the world beyond.

Even though I hadn’t really been trapped in the induction wing, I’d been able to go back to reality and go outside, it did feel like I was seeing the outside world for the first time in weeks. The sight of the fountain in the centre of the driveway and the expanse of grass beyond it that seemed to stretch on almost forever, ending in a thick layer of trees, made my heart flutter.

I’d seen it before, of course. When I’d been called into my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers, I’d caught a glimpse of the grounds through the window, but it felt different. I was still locked in then. There was glass in between me and the outside world, but that was gone. If I wanted to, I could just… walk out the door.

“Interrogation?” Rodgers repeated, drawing my attention back to him and Georgie. “I asked you one question!”

“Exactly. It was a loaded question! How was I supposed to answer it?”

“With the truth?” he suggested.

“I can’t! It would ruin the bet!”

Rodgers let out a dramatic sigh and lifted a hand to his forehead.

“What a discovery,” he said in an overly morose tone. “My wife has a bet going with her students on who can kill me first.”

My eyes darted towards Rodgers. He was married? And his wife was a teacher? He’d never mentioned that before, and he didn’t wear a ring. I wasn’t sure why I was so shocked by that revelation, but I was. Maybe it was because of how young he looked. He didn’t look old enough to be married.

“No,” Georgie argued, trying and failing to hide her grin. “We don’t want to kill you.”

Rodgers’ eyebrows rose.

“You don’t? Well, that’s reassuring to hear,” he said, but it sounded sarcastic.

“Exactly! We just want to have the chance to test out the automated defibrillators we’ve been developing,” Georgie explained. “So few people volunteer to do it.”

She sounded genuinely disappointed about that, and I didn’t know how to respond. It made sense. Surely, to test it, a person’s heart had to stop, and I couldn’t imagine that many people would be willing to do that. What if the defibrillator didn’t work?

“Shocking,” Rodgers said sarcastically.

“Yes, that’s what we’re hoping for,” Georgie agreed earnestly.

Rodgers laughed and shook his head.

“Great. Why don’t you show Grace what you’ve been working on?”

“Oh!” Georgie gasped before fumbling with her headphones and throwing her hand out in front of me. “Look!”

I stared at the back of her hand for a moment, trying to work out what she was trying to show me. There was nothing there, though. I couldn’t see anything apart from her skin.

“Umm… what exactly am I meant to be looking at?” I asked after a few seconds.

Georgie’s face lit up.

“Exactly!” she exclaimed before picking at her hand, seeming to pull the skin away, revealing a thin, stretchy layer of flesh-coloured material.

“Oh, wow,” I breathed as I leant closer, scrutinising the plaster.

That was what it looked like. It had been entirely invisible before she’d peeled it, blending seamlessly into her skin. The underside was lined with what appeared to be flat wires and dull metallic circles. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen before, and it looked like it should have been in a computer or phone, not attached to a person.

“It’s pretty cool, right?” Georgie asked. “It’s a biofeedback sensory. It doesn’t show up on metal detectors or any other scanner we have access to, and it can be worn for weeks at a time before needing to be replaced! Oh, and it utilises the existing transmitters in modern smartphones, meaning no additional tech is needed!”

She seemed so excited to be explaining it to someone, and I smiled, even though I didn’t fully understand what she was saying.

“Awesome. What’s it used for?” I asked, hoping the question wasn’t too stupid.

Judging by Georgie’s smile, it was a good enough question.

“It basically just keeps track of things like a person’s heart rate, location and stress levels, so it’s really useful when someone is in the field! And it transmits it all back to the GSOD in pretty much real-time, so we know straight away if a person is killed or injured or might need backup.”

“Oh, that sounds really important,” I said.

“It is! We hope, anyway. It’s not quite perfect yet,” she muttered, frowning as she smoothed the device back onto her skin.

Even though I knew it was there, I couldn’t really see it. If I looked really closely, there was something, a bit of a line around the edge when it hit the light, but I wasn’t sure if I was just expecting it to be there and seeing things.

“It’s almost there, though,” Rodgers told me.

Georgie shook her head.

“No, it’s not. There are still a few issues with it that I want to fix before we roll it out for wider testing,” she said, her frown deepening. “It gets clammy when exposed to salt water, and that makes it too noticeable. I need to figure out why sweat doesn’t trigger that response and fix it.”

“You’ll get there,” Rodgers said with conviction.

“I know. I have a review next week, and I want to at least work out what the problem is before then. I mean, I have a theory, but… we’ll see.”

Rodgers smiled supportively, but I just stared at her, blown away that someone who seemed to be not too much older than me was so… accomplished. She was making devices that were helping people. It could save lives, and I was in awe. Part of me wished I could do something like that, but at the same time, the idea terrified me. It seemed like so much pressure, and what if something went wrong? I didn’t want to hurt people like Georgie had with Rodgers.

“Keep at it,” he encouraged. “It’s not the end of the world if you don’t manage it before the review. I’m sure they’ll still be impressed with your progress.”

“Maybe,” Georgie muttered, her expression distant before she blinked. “But, anyway, I’m starving. Are you coming to breakfast now?”

“No, we’ll swing by after the tour.”

“Don’t take too long, or all the maple syrup will be gone!” Georgie warned us. “It was nice meeting you, Grace. Hopefully, I’ll see you in the lab soon!”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I said.

It wasn’t entirely a lie. I was fascinated by what she was working on, even though the idea of it worried me.

“Bye,” she called, waving at us as she turned and walked away.

“Have a good day,” Rodgers replied before looking back at me. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure more maple syrup was delivered the other day.”

I hadn’t been worrying about that at all. It wasn’t something I ate very often. Granted, I’d had it more often since being at the Academy, and it was nice on waffles or pancakes, but it didn’t matter that much to me if I couldn’t have it for some reason. But still, I felt the need to respond to Rodgers. He was clearly trying to reassure me, and it almost felt wrong not to agree.

“Oh, great,” was the best reply I could think of.

A smile tugged at Rodgers’ lips, and he gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Shall we?”

“Yeah!”

We started moving towards the doors, and I felt hope swell in my heart. Were we about to go outside? We were heading in that direction, and as we drew closer, I felt the touch of wind on my face. My eyes fluttered shut for just a moment, and a contented sigh escaped me. The breeze felt just as good as I’d hoped it would.

“As you can see,” Rodgers said, shattering my brief moment of peace, “we’re not allowed to keep the front doors open. It’s basically against every regulation, and as a tutor, I have to shut them whenever I see them left open.”

He rolled his eyes at me, and I glanced between him and the door, feeling panic flare within me. It was so small, so stupid, but I didn’t want him to do it. I didn’t want to be locked in again.

“Oh, really?” I asked.

“Yep. Apparently, it’s a safety risk,” he said, continuing to walk past the doors without making any move to shut them.

I hesitated, looking at the doors again.

“How so?”

“Anyone could just walk in, apparently,” he said with a shrug. “But I’d like to see them try.”

The grin on his face confused and concerned me, and I glanced around the foyer again, unsure what I was even looking for.

“Why?” I asked.

“The security measures,” he answered simply. “There are so many cameras, scanners, traps, weapons and whatnot scattered around the grounds, not to mention the ones in here. If someone manages to avoid all of those and get this far without someone stopping them, they deserve whatever they’ve come here for.”

His tone was even and unbothered, as if he genuinely meant the words but assumed it was impossible, and I felt a shudder slip down my spine. It was both the idea of someone breaking into the Academy and the many security measures that he’d mentioned that terrified me. Maybe it should have been reassuring, but I hated the idea that there were weapons hidden around the room that I couldn’t see.

How many were pointed directly at me? I didn’t have an answer to that question. I couldn’t see any. I couldn’t even see any of the cameras he’d mentioned, but there must have been some there. We were standing right in front of the doors, and it would have been stupid not to have some focused on that location.

Rodgers turned and started walking towards the corridor we’d taken the night before to enter the main building, but I couldn’t move. I felt rooted to the spot, too scared to even take a step in case I did something wrong, and the security measures assumed that I wasn’t meant to be there. I’d be killed before I even had the chance to see the Academy properly.

But if I were with Rodgers, I’d be safer. Surely, the cameras or whatever there was in the foyer knew who he was. They’d recognise him. I needed to stick close to him, and then I’d be safe. He clearly knew more about the Academy. He properly knew where everything was and how to avoid triggering any of the weapons.

I hurried to catch up with him, my eyes darting around as I tried to check to see if he’d noticed my hesitation whilst also watching my surroundings for any sign of an impending attack. But thankfully, no attack came.

“So,” Rodgers said, making me jump and look back at him. “I thought we’d start by checking out the rooms on this floor before heading to the subterranean levels and then the points of interest in the grounds. How does that sound?”

Distant anxiety nibbled at me, caused by the mention of the underground levels, but I pushed it away. I’d need to visit them at some point, I assumed, and that meant I’d need to get over my fear at some point. Perhaps they weren’t that bad, I tried to reassure myself. They probably weren’t as dark and claustrophobic as I was imagining.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I said, pausing as Rodgers pulled open a heavy-looking door.

“Fantastic. I know you don’t have your schedule just yet, so I’ll just show you everywhere, and then once it’s ready later, we can do a quick refresher,” he said.

I wasn’t sure if the mention of my schedule made me more anxious or excited. I wanted to start classes, obviously, but they also terrified me.

“Oh, great,” I replied somewhat convincingly.

Rodgers snorted.

“Don’t worry. You’re going to love it here. It might be a little overwhelming and intense at first, but… I mean, it’s better than life out there. At least here, you get to focus on things that actually interest you. You can make a difference to the world and help protect pretty much everyone who lives in this country. Hell, sometimes you’ll even be helping others who don’t live here. How many people have that kind of opportunity?”

I stared at Rodgers as conviction started to build in my chest. Somehow, he seemed to know exactly what to say. His words soothed some of my anxiety, and I felt my posture straighten as something began to form in my stomach. He was right. The Academy was better than my regular life, and I wanted to do that. I longed to make a difference and change the world.

It wasn’t something I’d really thought about before. I wanted to help people, of course. I wanted to make things better and to protect others, but that was as far as I’d gotten. I’d never thought beyond that, considered how I could make it happen, but that didn’t matter anymore. I’d been given an opportunity. It had been handed to me, and I refused to waste it.