Isekai Speedrun

I'm the bag carrier because I'm the weakest link when it comes to fighting.

On top of my own two messenger bags, I have to carry a backpack full of Crys' stuff. Dancer is my assistant bag carrier with two larger shoulder bags and a backpack as well.

Mother, father – your art school dropout son has finally found a steady job as an assistant arms dealer.

Or am I the package? I don't want to be the package, I want to be the player!

Well, Crys is our current star performer, and Kimono is his backing vocalist. We are just roadies. We're still missing our two lead guitarists, main vocalist and keyboardist, but we can play pretty good gigs with just a drummer and a bass player.

Wait, shouldn't my position be the manager of the band?

Anyway, our next big gig is at the Pier City, so we need to pack our instruments in the tour bus and take the bullet train to east coast. The tunnel train, I mean. Autorail.

I was excited to get our world tour show on the road. I whistled anisongs and did some emote dance moves while packing the coach. The passers-by looked at me weird, but what do I care about the opinions of the masses?

Dancer was fond of animals, so he gladly took the task of taking care of our horse Nobunaga.

Crys and Kimono weren't as excited about the dungeon autorail part, though.

“I prefer to travel above ground. The tunnels of the dungeon mines are quite difficult places to travel in for several reasons.” (Crys)

“I understand your concern. It's basically a trapped 3D labyrinth, a hard puzzle to hack–“

I proudly tapped my nose.

“–unless you already know the solution.”

“Your world map covers the dungeons as well?” (Crys)

“Yep, yep. Uwaga Dungeon is not an instance dungeon, after all. I know all the optimal lines and shortcuts. I've run that place thousands of times backwards and forwards. In the future.”

Crys was skeptical. Was he still trying to find faults in my story? I thought we were over that already... Well, I can't blame him, I was basically asking him to trust his life into my hands.

“Even if you know the routes, the deviant gangs living underground are problematic in large packs.” (Crys)

“Sure, but I think we can bypass most of that, if things are even roughly the same as in my memories. We have the autorail key and I know where all the old traps are set. I'll draw you a rough trap map before we go in. If the key works as it should, I can confidently declare that it is both the safest and fastest route to east coast overall.”

“And if the key doesn't work?” (Crys)

“We lose a week or so, but it's not a runkiller. If it works, we easily win more than a month. It's a perfectly calculated risk. You can't make a world record run without taking risks, that's what they say in the future.”

“If it doesn't work, we will continue south through the war-gang territories above ground.” (Crys)

“...Eh?”

“Do not assume we will return to Crumbling Shores.” (Crys)

“I thought we would return here to find Test Subject, if the key doesn't work...”

“I confirmed certain details last night and sent a few letters based on your information. They should reach the recipients hands soon.” (Crys)

What was he talking about? Wait, he didn't–

“You didn't... the syndicate names I gave you?”

“I had to find out if they were true, and building on that, made a decision to use them. They will jump on each others throats, turn their lovers to enemies and burn their friends while trying to figure out how their identities leaked out. Blood will flow on the streets of Crumbling Shores. It is an opportune time to leave the coast.” (Crys)

That's so Crys, turning even his absence into a weapon. But ignoring his massive elemental orbs, he basically deleted our last save point, and did it without asking my opinion. He sure doesn't make it easy to like his character.

“Crys, it's just a tiny bit dangerous to burn bridges like that.”

“There was a need for a guarantee. I am undertaking this journey on your word. If I can't go back, you can't go back.” (Crys)

“Uuh... I guess I can see how that makes sense, from your perspective...”

I didn't expect that my info would be used like this: force our party tighter together as partners in crime and ignite total chaos in the aristocratic circles. It's uncanny how Crys tries to squeeze double profit from every drop of information instead of doing things halfway.

I feel kind of bad that my info will lead to a massive bloodshed. Hopefully the High Hat crime lords will just kill each other behind the curtains and there won't be too many civilian casualties.

The skeleton key needs to work. I don't want to fight my way through No-Lands.

---

The first leg of our journey was pleasantly uneventful.

Kimono drove our coach out of the north gate early in the morning, but then we took a smaller road to northeast, leaving other merchant wagons in the caravan behind. The narrow, less-traveled road quickly got muddy and our speed slowed down considerably, but at least there wasn't any oncoming traffic.

Crys had ordered Kimono to prepare breakfast bento for everyone before we left, which was nice. Good job, Kimono! You'll become a good waifu someday.

Well, my bento was just rice and dark bread in a wooden box. Crys got thinly sliced meat and even citrus fruits. Are you saying it's okay for me and Dancer to get scurvy?

After filling my stomach with local organically grown cereal brands, I instilled some basic dungeon knowledge into Crys and Dancer.

“There are basically three kinds of dungeon mines in this world: first, underground labyrinth mines like Uwaga, where the tunnels form a complex web underground; second, open-pit mines like Wineep, where the tunnels straggle outwards from a large central pit that looks like an impact crater: and third, mountain mines like Rukhkh where the tunnels climb up in spiral pattern–”

Incidentally, we'd have to visit all three types of dungeons during this run, and the examples I gave just happened to be those three particular dungeons.

Uwaga Dungeon was a deep labyrinth type mine, but the tunnels were unexpectedly spacious, resembling modern-world gypsum mines rather than cramped sewers.

The entrance to Uwaga Dungeon was on the shore of a dried lake, in an area guarded by a war-gang called Blueskins.

Crystal Pencil had dealt with Blueskins before, but he didn't care about meeting them again, so we took a route following the shoreline from a distance. In the anime, Blueskins were known for their excessive use of battle drugs and also for being aggressively protective of their territory.

A minor side-character named Steep Ear Second worked as a courier for the Blueskins Gang before he traveled to Inside Out School and became a member of the Revolution Movement. He was probably running around somewhere in this area right now, carrying drug vials from one camp to another, but there was no meaning in contacting Steep Ear yet because he was around eight years old at this point.

Speaking of battle drugs, I should make preparations for the worst case scenario.

“Crys, I have to ask something. You don't carry any battle drugs now, right?”

“Why would I not?” (Crys)

“Yeah, I expected that answer. Battle drugs are not very safe, you know...”

“Emergency supplies.” (Crys)

“Sure, sure. But even if you survive the emergency, it's going to become a problem. The drugs are effective for a while, but they start to eat your health and sanity immediately. I know they are very valuable, but I'd feel more comfortable if you could, maybe, sell them away or something. At least before we meet Rainwoman. Or just hide them somewhere where she can't find them. Rainwoman is going to become a problem instead of solution, if she gets her hands on drugs.”

“I will consider your advice.” (Crys)

“Please do.”

Psychopharmaceutical Fog of War – that's what they called it back in the day. Battle madness sponsored by crystal meth and lead fumes.

First they took drugs to keep fighting without pain and regret, then they took drugs to forget their wounds, and finally they took drugs to cope with the PTSD. Real world drugs were bad, but Mu-Ur drugs were even worse: stronger effects, stronger side-effects.

“Speedrun, when did I... how did I die in your future?” (Dancer)

A conversation topic I had tried to avoid came up suddenly.

“You died during the final attack against Caliph Tze at Reignland, around five years from now. You went out with a big bang.”

I didn't want to dishearten him by details. In the anime, he got trapped inside Strangers Cube during the final attack and couldn't explode because there wasn't enough room to dance. He eventually died of thirst without anyone knowing where he had disappeared.

“How did I die?” (Crys)

“You died during the final attack against Caliph Tze as well. Tze killed you personally with the Starcutter.”

“I see. Killing Caliph Tze is indeed a priority.” (Crys)

“And me?” (Kimono)

I didn't expect Kimono to join the conversation by shouting from the driver's seat. I can't tell her how she killed herself long before the final attack.

“You too died in the final attack at Reignland! And thanks for the lunch box, it was delicious!”

Reavertooth and Ivorythief survived the final attack by joining Caliph Tze's side again. Sorry Man turned into a statue. Rainwoman and Mirim survived the attack, but they eventually disappeared in the White Forest when running away, and then Rainwoman ended up traveling in the past somehow and died at the same time she was born.

But no need to go to details because I'm going to prevent all that from happening.

What a jolly journey. Should I suggest some singing? I'm sure Dancer would join me.

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me –

But seriously, I need to tell Crys and Kimono how to talk Dancer out of his suicidal thoughts when they start becoming more frequent in the near future. I can't be there holding Dancer's hand every time.

---

The journey to Uwaga Dungeon took three days.

We took a long rest in the shadow of a colossal stone statue that had been toppled over near the roadside. The statue had been carved and tagged unrecognizable, but it had probably been just a statue of of some local gang leader with a grandiosity complex back when the lake still held water.

This area was called Sailstone Pan in the game. The entrance to Uwaga Dungeon was a collection of rock formations similar to sea stacks.

We observed the vast, dried lakebed until sunset and saw several Blueskin scout carrying lanters and torches in the distance.

At night, the black sands of the cracked flats formed thin ice sheets that moved small rocks around, forming circular tracks here and there. Blueskins called these tracks “magic formations” and used them in their shadow rituals. They tried to summon new Strangers objects into this world with human sacrifices like some kind of perverse cargo cult.

One of these shadow rituals was actually an unexpected and unexplained cold opening for a fourth season episode. Casual viewers were quite confused and thought they were watching a different series for a moment. The context and meaning of the shadow ritual scene wasn't explained until several episodes later, and after it was explained, fans fully expected the Blueskins ritual subplot to go somewhere, but it never did. It was just another one-off mood piece.

Kimono kept watch over Blueskins movements with a telescope. When the darkness fell, I could only see dim lights from their campfires near the horizon.

“The night patrols are moving away, we should go now.” (Kimono)

“Lead the way.” (Crys)

“Wait, what about Nobunaga? Aren't you going to release the horse?”

“Do it yourself, if you want.” (Kimono)

“I don't know how to... fine, I'll do it.”

“I'll help.” (Dancer)

We had to leave our coach behind, the Uwaga Dungeon was not a place for hoofs and wheels.

I cut the reins with my deco dagger and released poor Nobunaga from its harness.

“Goodbye, Nobu-chan. Be a good boy. Run fast and don't let the gangsters eat you. If you need company, there's another lonely horse at the coast.”

“Farewell, Nobunaga.” (Dancer)

Dancer helped me to send the friendly animal back to the western road. We wanted to wave our hands at it until it disappears in the night, but Kimono kept telling us to hurry up.

Hm? Were just wasting time and the horse will die anyway, is that what you're trying to say? You're so cold, Kimono. We should treasure the animals we still have, you know.

In the cloud-filtered moonlight, we jogged at the shoreline and entered the creepy littoral cave that was the start of the underground area known as Uwaga Dungeon.