Kiss the Ground

Misha’s face as he spoke was solemn, almost as if he were making a solemn vow. Uttering something grave and sacred, he was bringing up a very strange tale. Chahyun, faced with a suggestion she had never heard before, opened her eyes wide and sat still.What came to mind was a story from quite a while back. It was the image of his face when he first confessed his feelings to Chahyun in an empty locker room on a rare holiday. While Misha’s gaze remained the same as it was in that moment, what differed was that the arrow of emotion was now directed towards himself. With a tight feeling in his chest, Chahyun spoke up.“Misha, you… like me…”“Yes. Yuan.”A flicker of light passed over Misha’s eyes. His orange-tinted irises cast a low saturation light, illuminating only Chahyun’s face. The sound of air surrounding them and the faint music of classical tunes faded away, and Misha’s expression subtly contorted.“I love you.”A thrill spread from their connected hands. Chahyun realized it was different from the trembling she had just experienced, born out of an unknown fear. This was the other person’s. In the vibrations that even conveyed heartbeat, breath, and blood flow, emotions overflowed. However, Misha’s eyes, which had been trembling like the surface of water, returned to their unreadable gaze immediately after.“So it doesn’t matter how you treat me. You’ll probably blame yourself, but you don’t have to. You’re special without all that.”“…”“Even if you don’t feel the same way about me…”“…I wouldn’t do something like that.”Chahyun’s voice came out hoarse. This guy was messed up. Looking at Misha, who blinked as if in confusion, Chahyun couldn’t help but think that. There was something missing or added in him compared to the average human. Otherwise, he couldn’t both express affection to the other person and ignore his own emotions.Suddenly, Chahyun’s chest felt sharp and hot. He felt upset and nauseous. However, whether it was merely confusion from dealing with someone who defied common sense, he couldn’t tell.“It’s over now, Misha. What you did to me, I did to you. That’s the end of it.”“…”“I’m sitting here now as my original self. There’s no need for further climbing or pretending.”“Were you feeling bad?”“What?”At the abrupt and contextless question, Chahyun tilted his head. Misha, silently observing Chahyun’s bewildered pupils, leaned in and softly spoke with only a whisper audible enough for Chahyun to hear in the deeper corner of the small and narrow shop.“A kiss with me.”A sensation like something strong hitting the back of his heart made Chahyun widen his eyes. Misha, having pushed aside the moral topic dominating the table just moments ago, leaned closer to Chahyun. He watched silently as Chahyun revisited the keyword he mentioned. Unable to escape his arrow-like gaze, Chahyun stiffened his body against the chair backrest.It was evident that the kiss he mentioned wasn’t the awkward touching of lips like a child’s prank. Even without further explanation, both sitting at the table understood what his words implied – numerous kisses that seemed like they would drain all rationality and breath.And it almost succeeded in melting Chahyun’s judgment criteria, blurring boundaries, and even making him forget the purpose behind that act. If asked if he felt bad…“…”His throat felt hot, and his heart throbbed violently. Chahyun clenched his fist tightly to hide those heartbeats, but it seemed impossible to conceal them from Misha, who continued to cover them with his palm. Just as clearly as Misha’s emotions were conveyed to Chahyun.“Yuan. If you weren’t in pain, I think it’s worth testing. Whether it really won’t go beyond what you said.”Misha gave Chahyun the freedom not to answer the question and subtly turned the handle in his direction. It was a subtle maneuver, but Chahyun had no choice but to keep his mouth shut and stare at him. Then Misha tilted his head as if pondering something, rolling his eyes to the side dramatically, and his hair fell dramatically over his forehead.“If what’s tormenting you right now is guilt, then… yes. Let’s make a deal that’s advantageous to me.”“What…”“I’d prefer if experimenting with your jinx was exclusively mine to do in the future. Let’s not involve a control group. Especially not anyone else in the club.” “How can this crazy bastard even think such crazy thoughts?” Chahyun was dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open. Misha continued without paying attention.“Don’t worry, I won’t mistake that for your feelings. You can just use me as you need. So, things like kisses, you can do it as many times as…”Thud. Unable to listen any longer, Chahyun instinctively reached out and covered Misha’s mouth. The movement was so abrupt that it almost felt like hitting half of his face, but he couldn’t control the force.Suddenly silenced by Chahyun’s intervention, Misha widened his eyes like walnuts and stared at Chahyun. Chahyun gritted his teeth and muttered through clenched teeth.“Just shut up!”Though he tried to keep his voice as low as possible, it felt like the master from afar was watching. After all, no one could ignore a man sitting at one table gripping the jaw of a man sitting at the opposite side. Strangely, his heart raced, and Chahyun muttered without even knowing what words were coming out of his mouth.“Do you think I’d do… that with someone else? What would I have to take to think such things?”“…”“And you… you should… respect yourself a bit. Don’t talk about using or being used like that.”His English was jumbled due to his lack of proficiency. Misha, who had been abruptly silenced, blinked like a startled squirrel. He realized that his retort was off, but since it was what he wanted to say, there was no helping it. Watching Misha’s long, fluttering eyelashes move up and down, Chahyun reluctantly spat out words.“Your nonsense… I can’t listen to it anymore.”“…”“Shut your mouth.”As Misha muttered something in his palm-clenched hand, Chahyun quickly snapped at him. It was a bit paradoxical, preaching about self-respect, but he couldn’t help it. Listening to Misha felt like being a trapped ant in a sand trap.“What on earth should I do?” Chahyun always found himself thinking when he looked at Misha. His vulnerability and unpredictability constantly led Chahyun down paths of unprecedented thoughts and actions. It seemed to veer diagonally away from the path he had walked so far and believed would continue.Misha glanced briefly at Chahyun’s face and then nodded slowly. At the same time, the waiter approached with the appetizer, and Chahyun removed his hand from Misha’s mouth and lowered it under the table. With half of his face reddened by the imprints of Chahyun’s fingers, Misha obediently closed his mouth.The waiter’s constant scrutiny of the two guests’ faces seemed to be twofold – whether to serve the food and whether to call the police. Chahyun managed to lift the corners of his mouth somehow, trying to make Misha laugh. He didn’t want to decorate the front page of the newspaper with anything other than a triumphant match day.Whether Misha swallowed his defiance or not, Chahyun realized he couldn’t outright reject his proposal. As this peculiar and inexplicable relationship progressed into increasingly unknown territory, Chahyun, like Misha, toyed with his fork in silence.Oddly enough, Misha remained silent throughout the meal, despite all the chatter from before the appetizers. The last time he spoke was just before leaving the restaurant, when they stepped out onto the street to catch a taxi home. He gently grabbed Chahyun’s shoulder and whispered.“You can take your time deciding, Yuan.”“I’m good at waiting, you know,” he added, giving a slight wave. Watching him through the car window, Chahyun leaned his forehead against the glass. The cold glass quickly warmed from his body heat.***The center on the afternoon just weeks before the quarterfinals was cool and quiet.Ascending the stairs alone toward the locker room, Chahyun greeted a few resident staff members. Despite the game being over for days, the people at the center still welcomed Chahyun with the joy and praise of victory as if they hadn’t seen him in a long time. Seeing their excited faces talking about future games and the upcoming matches, Chahyun felt lighter on his feet.Taking off his team backpack from his shoulders, Chahyun entered the empty locker room. Despite the few days of rest given as a reward to the players, Chahyun’s visit to the center was because he hadn’t been able to stop by with his other teammates after the game. He chose a dinner with Misha over a glorious celebration.Inside the backpack were his unwashed workout clothes and soccer shoes. After putting the dirty items into the club’s laundry bin, he planned to cool his head a little more before heading back. Even though the game had just ended, Chahyun still had a lot on his mind.Chahyun approached his designated spot and stood. Since the last game where he exchanged uniforms with Birmingham’s sad friend, there was something new hanging in place. Setting down his team backpack on the long bench in front of his spot, Chahyun discovered something poking out from his shelf.“What’s this?” With a quizzical tilt of his head, Chahyun picked up the item. It was a box, heavy in his hand. On the lid of the plain box was a small sticky note.“Congratulations on advancing to the quarterfinals. – M.A”Chahyun sat down slowly, holding the box, then looked at it for a moment before carefully opening it with his fingers inserted into the gap. Inside, wrapped in plastic and protective film, was a new camera.“…” The camera, different from the one he had, was similarly small and sturdy. The only difference was a slightly cuter and more adorable design. Chahyun placed the camera on his palm and turned it over for a moment.“When did this happen?” Chahyun wondered aloud as he hugged the box and sprawled out on the bench. There was clearly some promise involved. He remembered the hand that carefully held his in the air of the Ferris wheel, several meters above. Why did they like holding hands so much? He once heard that the nerves for sensation were most concentrated in the hands and lips. Maybe both of them were unusually sensitive. Like kids.“I can’t believe this…” It was truly a bewildering and mind-boggling situation. Anyone would think so. He chuckled at the absurdity. Alone in the quiet locker room, Chahyun pressed his lips together to stifle any accidental noise.***“Please. Let’s do it. I just want to cool off my head.”“No. Go find someone else.”Desperately clinging to Jude’s back, Chahyun tried to peek at his face from below, near his shoulder. But every time he did, Jude turned his face the other way. After several attempts of persistence from Chahyun and a few stubborn clashes, Jude spat out another sarcastic remark.“Why don’t you sneak off by yourself again like last time, for a secret rendezvous? Why bother doing this with me?”“Oh! Why bother playing soccer alone? It’s boring… You apologized for the after-party incident, saying you had a real reason.”“Is everything over just because of an apology? You didn’t even explain what happened…”“Jude, I did well that day. Now, let’s forget about it and have fun.”With a pitiful sound, Chahyun hugged Jude from behind, while Jude, making a grunt, fiddled with the game package in his hand. What a simple and weak-hearted friend he was. Chahyun knew from two years of experience that Jude’s expression, with lips protruding but no words, was already halfway toward agreeing with him. Sure enough, Jude soon turned his body toward Chahyun and mumbled with a slightly chubby face.“…You’re too good at this. It’s not fun at all when I play with you.”Got him! It seemed like he was about to break. With a thrilled heart, Chahyun moved even closer to Jude’s nose. He didn’t bother saying that it wasn’t because he was good at the game, but because they were just bad. Strangely, foreign players were all terrible at games. Thanks to them, Chahyun’s gaming skills, barely mid-tier in the K-League, were considered championship-level in England.“Please! Then I’ll control it with my feet.”“You’re really insulting.”“Jude…”Even in the face of reproachful glances, Chahyun continued to mimic a pitiful expression, and after a moment of pondering, Jude reluctantly nodded.“Fine. Just one round.”Then Jude headed straight for the game room. Following him quickly, Chahyun secretly breathed a sigh of relief. Following Jude’s stubborn silence for days, there was a purpose in trying to console his friend’s heart, but he also had a strong desire to clear his mind.Since the second leg of the round of 16, Jude had been quite annoyed with Chahyun. It was obvious from the cold glances he shot behind his back every time they crossed paths at the center, where they had stopped by for a light warm-up before the detailed training schedule for the quarterfinals was announced.It seemed more like disappointment at Chahyun’s sudden change, opting out of the after-party rather than the incomprehensible gibberish about doping or whatever he had muttered. He had been harshly betrayed in his expectations of hearing a suitable explanation for Chahyun’s sudden change.Thanks to that, every time Chahyun saw Jude sticking out his lips like a duck, he felt uneasy. The reason he dashed toward the game package in Jude’s hand as soon as he spotted it passing by in the corridor was precisely because of that.Jude held the latest installment of a famous soccer video game series. Released just a day ago, it was a new release that few fans had played yet. The series, which perfectly replicated the appearance of football clubs and players from various European leagues, boasted worldwide popularity with its lifelike game scenes and flexible and engaging match compositions.This was it. Today’s key game that would melt Jude, who could easily get angry or sulky. Moreover, if he could switch his mood from gloomy to cheerful all day, it would be killing two birds with one stone. Watching Jude silently set up the game on the device in the game room within the center, Chahyun quietly took a seat opposite the screen.“…Is it just me, or is this a bit scary?”Eventually, as the screen lit up, Chahyun clicked his tongue. Jude, who had come to sit beside him, was momentarily speechless as well. The graphics of the game, famous for their delicacy akin to photographs, were so realistic, perhaps due to advancements in technology, that they were slightly eerie. Even the captain of the defending champion club of the past Champions League on the title screen seemed oddly scary with his unfocused eyes.“It’s too scary… Do we look like that too?”Chahyun manipulated the controller to switch to the match screen. As he scrolled through the club selection, the players of Winchester United FC appeared on the screen, each with a somewhat eerie expression.“Jude, look at your face… You look like you’ve absorbed souls from demons.”“You look scary too. Look at yourself smiling.”Among the players wearing Winchester’s uniform on the player selection screen, the Asian player raising the corners of his mouth eerily, was unmistakably Yoon Chahyun. There was no other Asian player in Winchester United FC except for Yoon Chahyun. With a strange feeling akin to seeing a poorly made doppelgänger, Chahyun moved the joystick.“Jude, are you choosing Winchester?”“Yeah. This body itself is Winchester.”“That’s mine. How about CF Villadevalt for you?”“No, I don’t like it. I don’t want to win intentionally or lose on purpose.”As Chahyun jokingly raised the name of their next opponent for the round of 8, Jude’s expression remained stoic. It seemed like he was determined to win this time. Do I have to lose to console him? With that thought, Chahyun configured his Winchester squad while rolling the controller.“I’ll put myself in, because I’m me, I’ll put in Alois because he’s needed, I’ll put in Winston because he goes with Alois, and Jude, let’s put you in because you look pitiful.”However, right after that, what appeared on the screen was Misha’s model. Whether it was discrimination or something else, his face looked more like something from a dating simulation than a soccer game. The face of the person who had occupied a corner of Chahyun’s mind all along. Caught up in a strange mood of inserting and removing him, Jude became irritated.“Hurry up and decide! Thinking about it won’t solve anything.”“Alright.”The game started with Misha in the squad. The perfectly rendered Winchester United FC stadium and the fans covering the stadium gave even Chahyun, who had seen that scene several times in real life, a sense of reality. Both of them had chosen Winchester FC, so there was nothing strange except for the fact that the same faces were duplicated on the field and the fans were supporters of Winchester on both sides.No matter who scored, the fans were happy. Could there be such a paradise? However, sitting beside him, Jude grumbled roughly.“I’ll win with a cold game.”“Where in football is that…?”Jude shot Chahyun a sharp glance at the unintentional jab that slipped out. Worried that it might provoke him, Chahyun closed his mouth and stared at the screen. Winchester in home uniform was facing off against Jude’s Winchester in away uniform.The new series was more delicate than its predecessor, but the controls were easier. After a little finger work, Chahyun could grasp the system, and by the time the second half of the game began, he was getting used to it. On the other hand, Jude, sitting next to him, struggled with the controller as if it might break. Why was it so difficult for him? Passing the ball just enough to not be caught by Jude, Chahyun stared blankly at the screen where virtual players ran.Misha, wearing the home uniform after several weeks, was running around the field along with Chahyun’s manipulation. Despite being young and inexperienced, he had quite a reputation for his skills, as evidenced by his high stats. Watching the game unfold on the screen, Chahyun squeezed the controller slightly harder.Just like this game unfolding virtually, from the next match onwards, he would probably be playing on the field with him. Just as Chahyun had promised him for the next game. Looking back, Chahyun realized that he had never set any goal other than winning in all his games…“Come to think of it, Misha will be playing in the next game.”“…Huh?”“His injury is almost healed now. I’m not sure if it’s completely healed, but well. Seems like there won’t be any problem with him playing now.”As Jude moved the players, he casually slipped in a question. Surprised that his thoughts had been so accurately penetrated, Chahyun stumbled over his words. He hadn’t even considered that Misha would come to mind even in the game he picked up to clear his mind. Seeing Chahyun staring blankly at the screen, Jude posed his question.“How about it? Can he go out?”“What…?”“Misha, I mean, for the next game.”“Why, why are you asking me about that…?”“Well, naturally, you’re the one who missed our get-together after the last game…”As Chahyun casually glanced at Jude, Jude leaned forward and shouted abruptly.“Hey!”The Jude on the screen, controlled by Jude, skillfully intercepted a pass mistake due to Chahyun’s mis-click and dashed across the empty court. It was a tremendous opportunity. Chahyun tried to manipulate the buttons belatedly to chase after him, but the Jude (virtual) had already elegantly crossed the halfway line and was dashing across the ground.“Haha! You’re so slow, you idiot!”Jude shouted loudly, pushing aside another Jude who was guarding Chahyun’s goal with a fancy control. Apparently, it no longer mattered that it was his own character. Ignoring Lou’s belated defense, Jude’s shot splendidly pierced through Yoon Chahyun’s team’s goal. A spectacular effect covered the entire screen, and the caster exclaimed in excitement as Jude (virtual) scored.“Aaaargh!”The real Jude beside Chahyun jumped up with his arms wide open. While Chahyun looked at the screen in astonishment, Jude hurriedly grabbed the controller and repeatedly pressed the celebration button.“Gather around, you bastards!”As if hearing the voice of God, the away Winchester FC on the screen gathered around Jude’s character to celebrate victory. Just because they scored one goal, they were going crazy, taking off their uniforms and causing a ruckus on the screen. In reality, such behavior would earn them a warning.Before they knew it, the short 90 minutes had passed, and the game ended with Jude’s goal. With the last score being 1:0 decorating the screen, Jude sighed deeply and said with a satisfied expression.“Going to buy dinner? Yuan.”Was it wrong to indulge in the sauce, or was it wrong to be distracted midway? Chahyun stretched his arm, holding the controller, under the sofa as he looked at Jude’s cheerful face.“Okay, let’s go.”There was no other way. While the loss wasn’t intentional, if what lifted his spirits was a happy ending, then it was a happy ending. Chahyun nodded slowly and got up from his seat, stretching.Jude and Chahyun headed towards the street painted red by the setting sun. Normally, they would have hidden in a corner restaurant like country mice, but the thought that there would be no one to demand a selfie if it was just the two of them crossed their minds. Jude, who had scored a rare goal, was already wearing a delighted expression, with no trace of his usual pouty face. Chahyun slid his hand into the pocket of his top and looked at Jude’s profile.“What exactly are you in the mood for?”“I’m good with anything. Anything that’s a meal worthy of celebrating a victory.”“Seriously, how clueless.”After some back and forth about the menu, the result that emerged was Korean food. While Jude’s eyes sparkled every time Chahyun mentioned his homeland’s cuisine, Chahyun wasn’t particularly thrilled. Jude was the one suggesting going to eat, but since Yoon Chahyun was the one who had to cook the meat every time and put it on the plate, it was more for his sake.“Wasn’t it inside this block? That barbecue place from back then.”“It’s probably there. Should have brought the car. It’s kind of far to walk back to the center.”“We’ll just take a taxi after having a drink anyway.”“That’s true, but…”Chahyun turned into an alleyway. Despite being located in the city center, it was a peaceful street. The evening breeze gently blowing from beyond seemed to clear the cluttered mind somewhat, making Chahyun feel a little relieved.Walking along the brick road where a single car could pass, Chahyun and Jude scanned for the location of the store. Then suddenly, Chahyun stopped in his tracks. It was because his gaze was stolen by the shop on the left.The café, adorned with glass windows, was warmly lit, welcoming the evening guests of London. It was natural to see inside.The familiar face sitting by the window, along with the back of another person sitting in front of them.“Ouch.”Jude, who bumped his nose against Chahyun’s back abruptly, took a step to the side. Leaning his head to the side next to Chahyun’s shoulder, he noticed Chahyun looking into the window of the shop and aligned his gaze with his.“Misha’s, how did you know it was about him?”Even though they could only see his silhouette, his expression wasn’t clear due to the reflection on the glass. Chahyun narrowed his eyes. The person sitting opposite Misha seemed to be saying something, then slowly reached out their arm toward his cheek. Then, very slowly, they traced the scar on Misha’s cheek with their fingers.That scar. Misha didn’t flinch away from the touch.“Huh, what’s going on…?”Jude fully stepped out next to Chahyun and then scratched his chin, muttering.“Who’s the woman sitting next to him?”Something heavy settled in Chahyun’s chest. He instinctively took a half step back.“Well… a lover? Doesn’t seem like just a casual relationship.”Jude scratched his chin, mumbling. The affectionate gesture of the person caressing Misha’s cheek was clearly reflected in Jude’s eyes as well as he stood next to Chahyun, arms crossed. Casual chatter ensued.“That guy, remember he said at the last drinking session that he absolutely doesn’t want to get married. Completely firm about it. Remember? That day when we were completely drunk after the round of 16 interviews. So, I just thought he was single. Like a confirmed bachelor?”“…”“Don’t know if you know, but seems like he’s doing everything. He has a girlfriend too. Well, who would just leave that guy alone, right?”“…There’s no way.”“What?”Jude suddenly turned his head at Chahyun’s unexpected denial. Chahyun was equally surprised by the words that had popped out unintentionally. He slowly raised his hand to cover his mouth.What on earth did he just assert?Warm embarrassment rose slowly from the depths, and his entire face heated up instantly. Amidst the confusion, what emerged abruptly was the realization that he had been excessively arrogant.The person Misha likes is me.“Do you know something? They’ve been hanging out a lot lately… but they seem to be opening up to you a bit more.”“Like that…”That kind of talk. It meant sharing intimate and personal matters. However, it wasn’t as light as to be referred to so easily. That very topic was at the core of the relationship between Misha and Chahyun.And until this morning, Chahyun had been completely immersed in that thought. Now, sitting across from someone with just a window between them, he quietly pondered what the other person might be thinking as they let their hand rest gently on his face.