Life of Change

I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I gathered all my courage for this moment. I had psyched myself up so that even if she rejected me, I could hold my head high. But it hurt a lot more than I thought it would.

Nisire was the first true friend I had ever made in my life. A friend I made on my own terms, by my own choice... and now...

I want to go home.

I want to get away from here.

Before I could even stand up and leave, I heard Nisire sigh sadly. She immediately stood up...

She will leave me here... with just those words...

But, contrary to my expectations, she walked until she was in front of me, knelt, and took one of my hands.

"Lady Sarka. From the bottom of my heart, please forgive me for not being what you expected of me. You see, I have not been honest with you, nor have my actions been completely sincere."

Still, in tears, I lifted my gaze and could see her face again. She looked... sad and guilty, what does that mean?

"I... I've been keeping some things from you. First of all, my... polite and... so formal way of speaking... that's not me. Please forgive me for acting like this." She said, bowing in panic.

In panic.

Such was the shock of that statement that even my tears stopped instantly.

Was that kind of talk not like her?

"I can see that you're surprised... yes... I can understand that. I... uh... sorry, I'm not like that. Before I came to the capital, on my father's advice, I decided to change my way of speaking and my... uh... manners. He told me that here it was the norm among young nobles and that my... tone and way of speaking were too... how to say... rural? Wild? For the people of the capital and that... if I didn't change that, it would be too difficult to fit in. Let alone form connections with other houses."

Huh? What?

I was sure I was making a silly expression at the time. But I didn't care.

The image I'd had of Nisire so far... was it all a lie?

"I know... uh... it's a pretty sudden change. T-the point is... I've been faking that formal tone along with how I act."

"W-why? I... I don't understand."

"It's quite simple actually," Nisire replied as she smiled bitterly and scratched the tip of her nose. "I... you know... I... uh... heard of you... excuse me; I heard of Lady Sarka shortly before I came here. Some rumors were saying that you were a real role model for other young people. Perfect in both etiquette and manners in social circles. And... when I saw you at that tea party, I just couldn't look away. And, when Regata Eleios started with all that sh... sorry, with that... mockery towards yourself, I just couldn't keep quiet and... I acted on impulse."

"Then..."

"Uh... yeah... sorry. I acted without thinking too much about it, okay? I just... damn... sorry, uh... I wanted to... I wanted to..." she stuttered as she spoke, suffering to find the right word or way to express herself. Her face now looked very, very flushed. Her gaze was riveted on our hands, straying from time to time to my face, but averting it almost immediately.

Who is this person? And... Why do I feel I like seeing her like this more?

"I... please don't make me say it..." she murmured, her voice dropping to less than a whisper at the end of the sentence, but which I could still catch. She gave me one last glance before closing her eyes and, seemingly mustering all the courage she could, let it all out in one breath. "I wanted to look cool in front of you!"

"Look... cool?"

Well, I couldn't deny that I did see her that way at the time...

"Yeah... I... *sigh* I wanted to make a good first impression." Nisire lowered her head, taking a deep breath for a moment, then recovered and met my gaze, now more seriously. "As I said, I couldn't take my eyes off of you... I came to feel admiration for how you acted and spoke. Thus, when that opportunity was presented to me, I couldn't miss it. From that moment on I worked very hard on improving my gestures, my posture, my manners, everything I could because... what I wanted was to be able to stay by your side. To be able to do it without making you feel embarrassed about having a wild and silly girl by your side."

...

"Nisire... why do all this? Why...?"

"Lady Sarka. I... I really... every time we met, every conversation... every moment I spent with you, was the most wonderful, fun, and memorable thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. Every day felt better than the last, and every little new thing I learned from you, made my heart beat uncontrollably. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't feel like I wanted to scream to the heavens how happy I was to be able to spend a single moment by your side."

Nisire's words felt like soft caresses. Each word she said was so warm that I couldn't help but feel overjoyed. What was going on? I wondered. Just a moment ago I was terrified thinking that she was going to abandon me and now... now I felt that... I don't know what I was feeling, but my tears wouldn't stop flowing, and now there was a completely different meaning to them.

Nisire took out a small handkerchief and very gently began to wipe my face, catching every little drop that fell.

"I was not honest with my words, nor sincere with my actions. My only goal from that day on was to create an image that you could admire. And I was wrong. You made me realize that it was not what I should have done. Seeing you today, the courage you had to muster to confess to me something so intimate about your life... I can't help but feel ashamed of myself for having acted this way until now. And I feel so much worse realizing that there would be no end to my lies if I continued this way. I can't live with that guilt."

Nisire, lowered her gaze, releasing my hand. Kneeling as she was, she put her hands on the ground and...

"With all the shame that is weighing on my conscience at this moment, Lady Sarka, please forgive this foolish Nisire Burmont for not having lived up to the expectations you placed on me. Forgive me for deceiving you all this time. If there is even a small part in your heart that will allow you to forgive my actions, I would like to be able to start over. And..."

Suddenly she stood up as she was before, leaving one knee on the floor, took my hand firmly, and showed me a determined expression, her bright eyes staring into mine.

My heart pounded; my face grew as hot as the flames burning in her gaze. I felt dizzy and... expectant. There was a part of my mind that knew exactly what she was going to say to me. And... there was no doubt, no fear, just... desire. For those words to come out of her mouth, to hear it.

I swallowed inadvertently as I felt time slow down. I could see every little movement of Nisire's lips, every word expressed stuck in my mind like arrows and burned into my soul with a heat hotter than the fire of a volcano.

"Please grant me the honor of standing beside you. In all this time we have shared, I have fallen madly in love with you, and I don't think I would be able to live without you. If you feel the same way, please accept me as your-"

I kissed her.

I kissed her without worrying about anything else.

I had opened my heart to her, and with everything she had told me so far, I could see that she was truly regretful, but that she was also showing her true self. The way she was now, it felt natural.

I don't know how I could not have noticed it before. Remembering that day, Nisire looked a little stiff, as if she was not used to behaving in such a formal way. I didn't notice it due to the abruptness of the situation, but every time we met, her gestures, both from her hands and in her way of walking; were a bit stilted and awkward, including her somewhat stiff expressions were quite strange. Huh, that smile that I always thought was cool, now seemed forced, but not in a bad way, it was more like... trying to show off or to pretend it was even cooler than she was.

It is said that love is blind, and you could say that I am proof of that.

I pulled my lips away from hers and admired with a certain pride the expressions that passed over her flushed face. Surprise, confusion, disbelief, excitement. She seemed not to have understood yet what she was supposed to do, and it was my duty to remind her.

"Nisire, I appreciate your every word, and I can tell you are being sincere now." I clarified, allowing her mind to catch up with the situation. "But, there's still something else you should tell me before you throw that kind of proposal at me, don't you think?"

Nisire nodded slowly, she seemed to be straining to understand my words and see what she had missed. Suddenly enlightenment came to her, and she opened her eyes wide.

She coughed to try to hide her mistake and disguise the blush that still lingered on her cheeks. She returned to her serious expression and spoke once more.

"You're... you're right Lady Sarka. Let me start over." Nisire took a deep breath, regaining her composure. She returned to her normal expression, well, of this new Nisire, and looked me straight in the eye. "The courage you showed me today is far from what I could ever aspire to. To reveal something so private, at the risk of losing someone important is, not only commendable but worthy of respect. Therefore, let me tell you, in all sincerity... true sincerity that what you have shown me today is something I will cherish forever. I want you to know that my opinion of you has not diminished, but increased. This so-called "deformity" for me is not something that affects what I think of you, so I beg you not to worry. I still think Lady Sarka is the most beautiful woman in the world." She announced, while maintaining a smile that, definitely showed what she truly thought.

I was about to reply and thank her, but I was interrupted by an unexpected action. She kissed my hand, and then placing it gently on her head, she decreed.

"In the presence of the Pillar Galana, in whose domain we stand, I humbly ask you to be my witness this day. I, Nisire Jurana Burmont, swear to Sarka Lara Baelian that I will never betray her trust, never lie to her nor stain her honor, nor allow anyone to hurt either her heart or her body. Today I put the weight of my life on the line, and that, if at any time I break this vow, then let Ashana pass judgment and Einhert execute sentence, for justice and honor are the judges of this oath, and nature is my witness."

There was silence as I tried to digest what she had just done. An oath of that level was something unthinkable. Being that it was of my knowledge that she aspired to become a knight, so she must have understood very well that oath before Ashana and Einhert was something that could not be done lightly.

The fact that she made that kind of oath... her expression hadn't changed since she started uttering those words. She had the same look full of determination, without a single doubt or regret.

"My Lady, may I continue?"

Nisire snapped me out of my surprise with her soft words and cute smile. I nodded, after calming down and realizing that this oath didn't change anything, but there was still a question that needed to be asked and an answer that needed to be given.

"Sarka, my time with you has shown me how much I have valued and enjoyed getting to know you. It has been short, but it was the most meaningful and important time of my life. I love you, and, if this feeling burning inside me is the same feeling you have for me, would you grant me the honor of being my future wife?"

Not lover, future wife. She who has sworn before the Pillars to stand by my side and protect my honor. My answer was more than obvious, but there was something I needed to tell her first.

"Nisire, you have lied to me enough, to the point where I don't know who you are now," I replied, eliciting a panicked expression from my beloved. But it was something she needed to say. She needed to hear clearly what was on my mind right now. "However, nothing has changed. Even though the things you said to me are not true, it was something you did because you thought it would make me happy, and with it, you could be by my side. That's good enough for me. If you are okay with me... then there couldn't be anything that would make me happier than accepting you. I love you; I truly do."

The smile that bloomed on her face was so beautiful that it completely eclipsed any flower there was in this garden. And, as arrogant as it sounds for me to say it, I know in my heart that Galana herself would agree with my words.

Nisire stood up, offered me her hand, and helped me do the same. Our height was similar. Our faces opposite to each other, and our hearts beating together. And now, our lips sealing this new pact.

What began as a chance meeting at a tea party had become our future together. A future from which I expect nothing but happiness.

"So... how much of what you've told me is true?"

"Ugh... uh... technically... all of it?"

"Nisire."

"Yeah... I get it. *sigh*"

After we had calmed down, we ended up sitting back down on the couch, holding hands, and... quite a bit closer than before. Neth and Aria hadn't come in yet, though we were to let them know soon. But I wanted to take the opportunity to ask my soon-to-be wife a few questions.

"Maybe... I exaggerated or changed a few things, here and there." She replied, scratching the tip of her nose and avoiding my gaze.

"Which ones?" I asked in an annoyed tone. Though it was in a way feigned anger. I was annoyed, yes, but greater was my amusement and joy at seeing this more authentic side of Nisire.

"Uh... yeah... I'm 16, but..."

"But?"

"Hmm, yes... My Lady is older than me... by... well, a couple of weeks."

Her answer made me raise an eyebrow, confused as to why she would lie about something like that. Something I immediately asked her about.

"Well... I just... wanted to look more confident, maybe?" she replied, cowering like a child scared of being reprimanded.

I sighed, somewhat exasperated, somewhat amused.

"What else?" I resumed; I wasn't going to waste this opportunity. She had teased me every day for as long as I'd known her, and I had never found an opportunity to get some payback, so I was going to take advantage of every moment this lasted.

"Actually... I'm not the fourth daughter... I'm the sixth... though I'm still far from being in the line of succession. Uh... my reason for being here is a little... different."

"In what way?"

"Uh... I didn't come to help my father with his business, that's the job of the real fourth daughter, my sister Teral. Though he does indeed want me to marry someone from the capital. My motive is... well... it's embarrassing to say..."

"I'm not going to laugh at you, Nisire, you can trust me."

"Y-you promise?"

"I promise."

"W-well... I... you know I told my father that I wanted to come to the capital and become a knight, though... no, see, that IS true, I did come with those intentions, but..."

"There's another reason, isn't it?"

"Y-yes. I... I want... uh... I want... to... be a Champion." She said, again her voice fading to almost a whisper at the end. I could hear her just fine, though.

"A champion?" I asked, and, as promised, there was no giggling or teasing, though I hadn't understood what exactly she meant by "be a champion".

Nisire shrank in place, embarrassed that I'd said it out loud.

"Yes... I... grew up next to 8 brothers, and all of them were knights or apprentices, that's why since I was little, I always admired them and wanted to follow in their footsteps. They would always tell me all those stories about battles, monsters they had faced in the charge, and the great generals they had met in their respective orders or at the service of high nobles." Nisire sighed, a lonely smile forming on her lips as she looked away from me, toward the door where her maid stood waiting to let herself back in.

I gave her a reassuring hug, knowing she needed to feel that I was there for her, supportive.

"Aria was assigned to me because she is a very capable servant. She used to be a great soldier, but... she got married and had a child. From that point on she began to be much more cautious, and... less efficient in the field. My father noticed that and demoted her several times until she decided to resign and become a servant instead. Given her battle experience, she managed to train me, but... well, I've never really had much talent with the sword, so it's been hard to get into the Order."

"But you made it, didn't you? Your hard work has paid off." I replied, hoping to lift her spirits.

"Yes... it certainly has been, but... it's hardly been enough. I'm not even close to achieving that dream." Another lonely smile. Her expression turned to bitterness and frustration. Realizing what she was doing, she sighed, completely clearing her negative feelings. "I'm sorry, My Lady, I didn't mean to ruin the mood. It's... childish, isn't it? That wish."

I moved closer to her and hugged her again, bringing my lips to her ears so I could whisper my thoughts to her.

"I don't think it's childish, I think it's admirable." I told her. Those were my true feelings on the matter. Nisire is an admirable girl, and even if she made a mistake, she has done nothing but prove that she is someone who strives to make amends and works tirelessly until she can achieve her goals when she puts her whole heart into it. "I'm sure you'll be able to make it. And I will always be there to help you. After all, every champion needs a princess to offer their victories to, don't you think?"

Nisire heard my words and immediately started laughing with joy.

"Yes, I certainly do. A champion needs their princess. Thank you, Sarka."

"You're welcome, honey." I replied, eliciting another shocked expression from her, but with her cheeks immediately turning bright red. It felt good to be able to get back at her like that.

We ended up talking a bit more before having our maids finally go back inside. Aria seemed to be keeping a suspicious look on me, especially because of the change of clothes I had on. Neth, on the other hand, looked very happy. She seemed to be aware that everything had gone well, or even better than we had planned.

She would ask me for details later.

We used the rest of the day to start over. There were many things that Nisire had to retell me about her since most of It has been, as she said, "slight exaggerations" and many "omissions" of some facts.

Despite all that, I wasn't able to get mad at her. I guess I loved her that much.

I was able to understand and get to know many new aspects and facets of Nisire, which brought not only joy to my heart but also a very gratifying peace of mind. I had found a person who I could trust with everything, and who I could be completely sure would never hurt or deceive me. I had gained the one who would be my greatest support next to Neth.

Of course, before we left, I had to change into my previous dress, I couldn't let there be rumors about us. At least not until I talked to my parents.

"Galana, Pillar of nature, thank you for bestowing your blessings upon us, allowing us to enter your domain, and making this day as wonderful as it was. Erka, Pillar of love, thank you for placing Nisire in my path and giving us both the strength to bring our hearts together on this day. I beg you to keep your watchful eye on us as you walk the sky with your sister. Protect our journey that has just begun. Sathalia, Mother Goddess of all that exists, I thank you for the life you have given us and the opportunity to meet my two destined ones. May the happiness I receive from today be my offering in your name and show how grateful I am for the path you have allowed me to travel. Blessed are the 30 Pillars and praise the Mother Goddess who with her love created us. Adagio."

I got up from the place I had chosen to pray, a space by the tree where the little hut was. Nisire said she would do the same, but there were many things she wanted to say to the Pillars she was going to pray to, so it would take a while. Aria was next to her, so it was just Neth and me.

"Neth, thank you for the advice you have given me so far. I think... I finally feel like myself."

"My lady, your thanks are wasted on me. I did exactly what I was supposed to do." Neth replied, bowing in a refined curtsy. A smile was painted on her lips. A genuine and very visible one.

"I'm serious. I don't think I could have gotten to this point if it hadn't been for you." I replied, this time, doing something I normally wouldn't do under any circumstances. I took her by the hand and promised her something I should have told her quite some time ago, but in my cowardice never had the initiative or the courage to tell her. "I have decided to talk to my parents about Nisire after Zenya's birthday. That and... I want to ask their permission for you to be my Makila."

Neth froze immediately. Incredulous at my words.

"Y-Young Lady you know that is not possible. If your parents approve of your engagement to Lady Nisire, it is required that your Makila must be a male or at least an Atenosia."

"Neth, I have made up my mind. I-"

"Sarka!" shouted Neth, in an outburst I had never seen her have before. I shuddered to hear the angry tone in her voice at that instant.

Neth realized what she did, and immediately bowed apologetically for her action. Fortunately, Nisire and Aria didn't notice it.

"Neth, please, you know this is something that we both-"

"Young Lady, please understand! The Lady will be the one to become the next head of the family. You or Lady Nisire must beget an heir. I cannot become your Makila for that reason. Please reconsider. Your parents would never approve of such a thing." Neth replied, her voice a plea for me to hear her words.

"This has nothing to do with that Neth. I'm not approving of anyone but you."

"And I'm telling you that's impossible. Young lady, I'm begging you, please reconsider your decision. You can't throw away everything you've done so far." Neth implored, her voice trying to keep low so as not to be overheard, but very sternly.

A part of me was agreeing with Neth. I was well aware that it was impossible to get away with this for exactly that reason, because, if my parents approved of Nisire and our engagement became official, my Makila needed to be a male or an Atenosia, for the sole purpose of siring an heir.

I understood that perfectly, but I simply could not accept it. I didn't want to leave behind Neth who had been the first support in my life.

For a while we were silent. Thousands of thoughts went through my mind on how to contradict that argument, but... none of them would do. There was no other option, although I didn't want to accept that fact.

"*sigh* I will consider it, but I want you to understand why I'm doing this, Neth." I ended up giving in. I had no choice but to do it for the moment. We couldn't argue about it anymore in this place. Besides, it was something I needed to talk to Nisire about once we got permission.

By the time we finished talking, Nisire and Aria were already walking back. They immediately joined us and we started walking towards the exit.

In the blink of an eye, we were in the carriage, back in town, Nisire called me one last time, it seemed there was something she wanted to talk about.

"So, uh... My Lady."

"Nisire, you know you can call me by my name, right? I've been doing it since the beginning."

"Th-that's true... but... uh... well... S-Sarka, regarding the Kistero..."

"Did you find out where I could get it!?"

"Better. Aria found a trained one at the market. It's at the mansion where I'm staying."

"Really!!? That's fantastic news, Nisire!" I shouted in joy, jumping straight into her arms out of excitement.

Nisire, though she caught me easily enough, was upset, telling me not to do that because it was dangerous. I responded by laughing out loud.

I had been stressing myself out quite a bit trying to find the bird my little sister had told me so much about. Knowing that Nisire had found one just like that was lucky. Galana had truly granted us her blessing.

"Uh, hmm... W-when would you like me to take him? Or, should I send Aria to your mansion with the little birdie?"

I decided to think for a moment what the best course of action would be, and suddenly I had an idea.

"Could you take him on the day of the party?"

"Will that be all right, my La- Sarka? Will they even let me in?"

"Don't worry about that. Neth?"

"Yes, how may I serve you?" as if she had been ready from the beginning, Neth positioned herself right next to me, ready to do my bidding.

"You have one of Nya's birthday invitations handy, don't you?"

"Indeed, I have some in my ring." She replied as she pulled out an envelope from the storage in her ring, and handed it to me immediately.

"Here. You just need to hand this to the guard at the entrance and they will let you in. I'll try to leave sometime while the party is in progress to meet you." The invitations had a type of magic that served as identification. It was enough for me to infuse some of my mana into it for it to be identified as a real one. Direct invitations to specific families were different, though.

"How will I know at what time to arrive?"

"The gift-giving will be around late afternoon, just a little before dusk, so you can arrive any time before then."

"I-is it really okay for me to attend? Won't your parents be mad if I show up like that?"

"Let's just say... they won't even notice."

Nisire didn't answer and only showed concern on her face. I laughed a little but told her not to think too hard and attend. She nodded in response, not very convinced.

Now I needed to talk to Nya to help me escape without being noticed that day.

With that, we decided to say goodbye. I had the guards and others turn away from seeing what I was about to do. I approached Nisire and in a very low voice whispered to her.

"I hope to see you very, very soon Nisire. I can't wait to make this official."

"Neither can I my lad-, Sarka. I'm looking forward to that day." She replied with a bright smile. Truly a beautiful smile.

I looked all around before I pulled my face close and kissed her goodbye. Nisire accepted it more than gladly. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but it felt like we were both melting in each other's arms.

We parted and with nothing more to say to each other, we finally said our goodbyes.

I boarded the carriage with Neth behind me, and we left the center of the capital, heading home.