Lost

“……”

What is this? An inexplicable sense of unease wrapped around my entire body. This doesn’t feel right, but I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong. Something elusive kept hovering just out of reach before my eyes. And somehow… this feeling wasn’t unfamiliar.

“……Why did you call?”

A shrill voice escaped me. After clearing my throat, a concerned voice came from the other side of the phone.

“No, I just had something caught in my throat. But why did you call?”

“……”

You’re checking in to see if I’m okay just 10 minutes after I left? Well, this is typical of Jung Woojin. Whenever he left me alone at home for work, he’d call once every hour. But now that I think about it, it’s kind of strange. Back then, I just brushed it off, but now I wonder why I didn’t find it odd. Jung Woojin sure worries too much, though I’m not sure exactly what he’s so worried about.

“I’m fine.”

“No, nothing.”

Another silence followed my curt reply. After a while, it was Jung Woojin who broke the silence.

“Why would I be?”

“I’m not mad… I was just thinking about why you locked the door.”

Jung Woojin, who had been chatting away, suddenly fell silent.

“Why did you lock the door?”

When I asked again, I heard a voice on the other end of the line, as small as an ant crawling.

“What?”

“…….”

Even without seeing him, I could imagine what kind of expression Jung Woojin must have had. His voice, faint and almost breaking, sounded so pitiful.

Even though I had every right to be angry about the way he treated me earlier and locking the door on me now, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. When I didn’t respond for a while, Jung Woojin called out to me again, “Sunbae.” The voice alone, but also knowing how pitiful and sad his face must look, made me finally let out a sigh.

“Alright, come back soon.”

I stood there for a while, holding the phone after the call ended, feeling blank.

Something still feels off, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. It feels wrong, but… thinking about it makes my head throb, so I ended up shaking my head as I’ve always done, pretending not to care.

As I stood there blankly holding the phone and then crawled back into bed, I heard the front door open beyond the door. Jung Woojin really came back within 30 minutes.

“Sunbae.”

The door that had been locked opened, and Jung Woojin hurried in. Half-lying on the bed, I frowned. Despite having driven back, Jung Woojin’s forehead was covered in sweat. I stared at the hair sticking to his forehead, and then he sat down on the floor by the bed, looking up at me. The posture seemed familiar—it was exactly like when I’d told him to raise his hands and stand as punishment a few days ago. If he raised his hands now, it’d be exactly the same as back then.

The uneasiness I’d felt earlier melted away instantly, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Why are you sitting like that?”

Jung Woojin had the expression of a scolded puppy. He seemed to know he’d done something wrong.

“Why did you act like that earlier?”

“When I kissed you?”

“No, before that. Why were you angry?”

As I furrowed my brows, Jung Woojin also frowned. Considering he stormed out after cursing at Kang Dajeong, it seemed related to that woman. Watching Jung Woojin stubbornly stay silent, I sighed and asked again.

“What about work? You seemed really busy earlier.”

“I postponed it.”

“Can you just postpone something like that?”

“Yes. And something came up.”

“…What? What happened?”

A sudden sense of unease overcame me. But Jung Woojin just laughed as if it were nothing. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Before leaving earlier, Jung Woojin’s expression had really looked like that of a serial killer. I wondered if that woman was safe. Even though I wanted to ask, I hesitated, unsure if I was overreacting.

“Anyway, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Though I didn’t fully believe him, I just nodded. It seemed Jung Woojin was genuinely regretting his actions, and since I had calmed down, I didn’t want to discuss it further. It seemed that whenever we left, we ended up in this kind of situation.

“I understand, so don’t lock the door next time. Even if you’re angry, I won’t go out. Besides, there’s nowhere for me to go.”

“You’re not going?”

“I said there’s nowhere to go.”

“Even if you’re angry, you’ll stay here with me?”

Seeing Jung Woojin asking the same question again, I sighed. Did he have some kind of anxiety disorder? What could he possibly be so worried about? As I clicked my tongue inwardly, Jung Woojin extended his hand.

“Promise me.”

“What?”

“Promise me that even if you’re angry, you won’t leave me.”

“What are you talking about?”

He wanted to make a pinky promise? When I laughed at how ridiculous it was, Jung Woojin forced my hand to make the promise. What was this, like some childish thing? Seeing Jung Woojin so desperate, I decided to just go along with it.

“Okay, let’s make a promise.”

“Promise.”

“I said okay.”

“It’s real. If you break it, I’ll get mad.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Mad? He couldn’t even get mad. And sometimes when Jung Woojin was angry and tried to express it, he would quickly start crying. So I couldn’t really argue with him. Whether I was angry or Jung Woojin was, he always ended up crying first.

“But have you ever really been angry?”

When I scoffed, Jung Woojin looked serious. That expression was even more amusing.

“I’m scary when I’m angry.”

“Oh, really? Do you cry when you’re scary?”

“I only cry in front of Sunbae.”

That crybaby? Somehow, it seemed like Jung Woojin would even cry if he tripped over his own feet. Anyway, whether I was strange or Jung Woojin was, or maybe we were both strange, I couldn’t get angry looking at his face.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

Jung Woojin asked with a shy expression. How could I get mad at that? I sighed, feeling troubled, and pushed his face away gently.

＊ ＊ ＊

Jung Woojin went to the bathroom to shower while I went to his study to look through some books. There were many foreign-language books and even some that, despite being in Korean, I couldn’t understand at all. As I was putting a book back on the shelf with a frustrated expression, I noticed a familiar book in the adjacent section. It was a comic book that didn’t match at all with the academic texts right next to it. As I looked dumbly at the well-organized comic books compared to the expensive and thick volumes, a monotonous ringtone reached my ears.

Walking toward the sound, I saw a sky-blue jacket carelessly thrown on the sofa. I started to fumble for the phone. It was in the inner pocket, but as soon as I touched it, the ringtone stopped. I thought I should give it to Jung Woojin when he came out, but as I was getting up with the phone in hand, it rang loudly again. The screen showed the name Jang Hoseob. Jang Hoseob, the guy from earlier…

I sighed and looked at the bathroom, where the sound of water was still coming from, and then answered the phone. Since he was someone I had just met and the phone kept ringing, I figured it would keep ringing until I picked up.

“Hello…”

The loud roar on the other end made me drop the phone. I gasped and quickly picked it up.

“H-Hello?”

He was clearly very angry. It seemed Jung Woojin’s claim of being okay was all a lie. I cleared my throat softly and spoke.

“Mr. Jang, Woojin is currently in the shower. I’m the one you met at the studio earlier…”

He sighed and mumbled to himself before trailing off. Before I could even process it, a cold, rigid voice came from the other end of the line.

“…Ah, well, there’s a bit of a situation…”

I had completely forgotten because I answered the call too quickly. As I stammered in confusion, Jang Hoseop cut me off with a firm voice.

“He went to shower…”

Hearing the curse muttered under his breath started to irritate me. I get that he’s angry, but do I deserve to be cursed at? Or maybe it’s my fault since Jung Woojin couldn’t do his work because of me? As I was thinking that, Jang Hoseop suddenly spoke harshly.

“Pardon?”

“…”

I had no idea how to react to that out-of-nowhere comment. I just blinked dumbly as Jang Hoseop continued.

“…”

Before I could say anything, the call was disconnected. I stared blankly at the phone in my hand, letting out a frustrated sigh. Who the hell does he think he is to boss me around like that? As if I can’t curse him out, too. My grip on the phone tightened as I seethed, trying to calm down while glaring at the phone. Just then, I heard the sound of the bathroom door opening. Turning my head, I saw Jung Woojin standing there in a robe, his hair dripping wet as he dried it with a towel.

“What are you doing with my phone?”

“You bastard…”

“Sunbae?”

“This is all your fault, you fucking jerk!”

I couldn’t bring myself to throw the phone at Jung Woojin, so I hurled it onto the couch instead, yelling in frustration.

Jung Woojin just stood there, not even bothering to keep drying his dripping hair, staring at me blankly as if he had no idea what was going on. Even though I was angry, I had nothing to say, so I just kept fuming silently while he glanced over at the phone I had thrown on the couch and asked,

“Who was it?”

I was about to ask who the hell that Jang Hoseop guy was, but I kept my mouth shut. Sure, I was pissed off, but lying about not being able to talk was my fault, after all. Although, technically, it wasn’t even a lie… But still, Jung Woojin might have to keep working with that guy in the future. Thinking that I might make things awkward between them, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I took a deep breath, muttering curses to myself as I turned away, but Jung Woojin looked back at the phone and asked again.

“What did they say?”

“It was just a call asking for you.”

“Then why did you curse?”

Annoyed, I ruffled the back of my hair roughly as I walked towards the kitchen, but Jung Woojin followed me. He just stared at me as I downed a glass of cold water, and his gaze was so burdensome. I put the empty glass down on the table and sighed.

“What?”

“Why did you curse? Did Sunbae say something weird to you? Why do you say it’s because of me?”

As I looked at Jung Woojin, who was staring at me with anxious eyes, I remembered what Jang Hoseop had said. At the time, I was too angry to really think about it, but now that I replayed it in my head, nothing made sense. What did he mean by “I’ve seen a lot of bastards like you”? And what was that about “you must not know what a fucked-up bastard Jung Woojin is”? My gaze must have seemed strange to him because Jung Woojin frowned and then made a call.

“It’s me. You called earlier, right?”

Jung Woojin held the phone to his ear, staring at me without blinking. Was it Jang Hoseop?

“What did you say to Sunbae earlier? Why is he so pissed off? What did you say?”

The way he stared at me made it seem like he was angry at me, too. Ugh, I don’t care anymore. I’m never going back there, so I’ll never have to meet that Jang Hoseop guy again. Although I’m still mad, there was some misunderstanding. Wait, damn it, but I never said I couldn’t talk, did I?

“Did he say Jung Woojin is a fucking bastard?”

At that moment, Jung Woojin widened his eyes in surprise, but then he looked at me and laughed in a somewhat resigned manner. I turned away, feeling like I would only get more annoyed if I kept listening to this conversation. As I did, Jung Woojin placed the disconnected phone on the dining table and hugged me from behind. The sweet smell of his cologne eased the lingering irritation I felt.

“Were you that mad because he badmouthed me?”

When I glanced up at him, Jung Woojin was smiling like an angel. I sighed deeply, wondering what this lunatic was talking about now.

“Suddenly, the phrase ‘misunderstanding is free’ came to mind.”

Even though I was sarcastic, Jung Woojin just rubbed his chin on the top of my head and walked forward, still hugging me, making me stumble along with him until we reached the living room.

“You were mad because he badmouthed me, right?”

“No.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“Damn it, let go of me!”

I didn’t even want to keep talking. I yelled and twisted my body, but Jung Woojin only tightened his grip on me like a noose. I reached down, trying to pry his arm off my stomach, but then he lightly bit my earlobe and let go. I could hear the sound of him swallowing, clear and close to my ear. The hairs on my body stood on end as I shivered in disgust.

“It was because that jerk Jang Hoseop suddenly started swearing at me. Satisfied? Now let go!”

“Did he curse at Sunbae?”

“Ugh, let go of me!”

No matter how much I twisted and squirmed, Jung Woojin easily licked around my ear and teased my ear canal with his tongue. His low voice, so close to my ear, made every hair on my body stand on end.

“Should I punish him for you?”

“Enough already… Damn it, if you don’t let go, I swear I’ll—!”

I was so annoyed that I decided if he didn’t let go after one more warning, I’d elbow him in the stomach. But then, I felt something touch my butt. I trailed off, and Jung Woojin asked again.

“What exactly did he say?”

“…”

“I’ll go and do the same to him.”

I couldn’t believe this. How on earth did Jung Woojin get turned on during our conversation? I hoped I was mistaken, but instead, he boldly pressed his arousal against me and casually continued.

“How should I punish him?”

I couldn’t believe how shameless he was. I didn’t know how to handle the situation, and I started to panic. Memories of our intense encounter a few days ago flashed through my mind, and I began to feel suffocated. If we did that again, I might really die. I pretended to be calm as I gently removed his arm.

“What punishment? Who do you think you are, a teacher?”

I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore. I glared at him, but just when I thought he was going to let go, his arm wrapped around me again.

“Do you remember when we took that general education class together?”

I looked at him with a puzzled expression. A general education class? What was he talking about now? The sudden topic change made me tilt my head in confusion.

“General education?”

“When you ate that green grape candy and asked the professor a question.”

“What? What are you talking about…?”

Jung Woojin’s expression was strange. Sensing that something was off, I quickly turned my head forward. I didn’t know what he meant by green grapes or whatever, but my instincts were warning me not to ask any more questions.

“Every time you spoke, your tongue would flick in and out of your mouth… back then, it was really…”

“…”

“It just came to mind because you suddenly called yourself a teacher. Back then, you kept saying ‘professor, professor’ while asking questions.”

“I need to go to the bathroom…”

I unconsciously kept inching forward. I couldn’t help it. The thing pressing against my butt had gotten even harder. I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not, but all I could hear was his heavy breathing. He wasn’t licking my ear anymore, nor was he touching my hair. I had no idea what he was doing behind me. It was so quiet that I slowly turned my head, only to hear his hurried, panting breath near my ear. The sound made my skin crawl as a chill ran down my spine. I asked, in disbelief,

“What… what are you doing right now?”

I stiffened, staring straight ahead, as something kept brushing against my butt and waist. I heard a wet, sticky sound that felt both familiar and unsettling, and then Jung Woojin tightened his arms around my stomach.

“I want to.”

“…What?”

I regretted asking the moment I did, but the words were already out.

“I want to have sex with you, Sunbae.”