Lost

“……”In a ridiculously absurd twist, the bookshelf in what looked like a famous CEO’s study was filled only with comic books. And they were all comics that I liked or wanted to read.I couldn’t even laugh. With a cold expression, I turned my attention to the desk. Opening a drawer, I found notebooks and writing tools. It wasn’t neat; it was so empty it was almost barren. Reaching for the bottom drawer, I heard a noise. Looking up, I saw Jung Woojin standing there, holding a tray and looking at me.“Would you like to eat here? There’s plenty of sunlight.”Smiling brightly in the sunlight, Jung Woojin looked at me. I pulled my hand away from the drawer and spoke to him.“Jung Woojin.”At the sound of my call, Jung Woojin smiled again and opened his mouth. But no sound came out. His expression began to twist more and more. Jung Woojin looked at me with a distorted face, as if he had seen something he shouldn’t have.“Why are you doing this to me?”Hearing the tremor in my voice, I realized that I was crying.Tears fell uncontrollably. As I became aware that I was crying, a groan escaped through my teeth. I couldn’t stop it.“Ugh…”Even when I bit my lip and tried my best not to make a sound, I couldn’t help it. Jung Woojin, who had approached me without me noticing, embraced my shoulders. I pushed him away and took a step back.Jung Woojin was one thing, but I was also quite foolish. I hated myself for persistently asking questions in front of someone who would only repeat that he loved me. I walked quickly past the living room when Jung Woojin grabbed my wrist.“Sunbae.”“Let go.”“Just a moment.”I shook off his hand and said weakly.“I’m going to wash up, let go.”“I’ll……”“Fuck.”When I growled, Jung Woojin’s lips twitched before he closed his mouth. I glared at him while grinding my teeth and turned my back. Jung Woojin trailed me to the bathroom, following me closely until I slammed the door shut. The door closed right in front of him, but he didn’t get angry or reopen it. Once inside the bathroom, I turned on all the faucets. The only sound was water draining into the sink.In the mirror, I looked like a corpse. My vacant eyes, pale face, blue lips, and blotchy skin. No, seeing my greasy hair pressed to one side, I looked more like a derelict from a subway station than a corpse. Even seeing my filthy appearance, Jung Woojin still kissed me. Instead of thinking he had a strong stomach, I thought he was truly insane. After squeezing toothpaste onto my toothbrush, brushing my teeth, and quickly showering, I tried to shave the sparse stubble but couldn’t find a razor. I didn’t bother to dry myself and went back outside.“Jung Woojin……”I opened the door and called out, but it was unnecessary. He was still standing at the door in the same position as before, looking like a discarded puppy.“Where is the razor?”“I put it away.”“Where is it?”“I’ll do it for you.”Jung Woojin just stood there, as if waiting for my permission. I stared at him blankly and then tilted my head to the side.“Jung Woojin.”I didn’t know why I had cried earlier, but now I wasn’t crying anymore. I realized that my earlier tears weren’t from sadness but from despair and frustration. I touched my rough chin and spoke.“I don’t know why you’re doing this, but I understand.”“……”“I understand, so, as you said, I’ll stay here. Don’t bother talking to me unnecessarily. Not even about food.”His expression twisted even more severely than when I had cried. The tears that seemed ready to fall were welling up in his pale eyes, matching his complexion. I paused for a moment and then spoke again.“Where’s the razor?”At my question, Jung Woojin reached out. His fingers fluttered in the air, not even touching my wet neck.“It needs to be treated……”“Where is the razor?”“If I don’t talk to you……”His hand, which had been suspended in the air, fell as if it were crashing down. Jung Woojin, with a blank expression that revealed no hint of his thoughts, asked me:“Will Sunbae talk to me?”“Look.”“How many times a day?”His expression kept contorting. His eyes, which had looked straight at me, were also shaking uncontrollably.“How many times a day will you talk to me? Will you call my name? If I don’t talk unnecessarily, will Sunbae do it for me? Will you call my name, show interest in me, and engage in pointless conversations about what I did today, with no reason or purpose? Will you do that for me if I don’t?”His body trembled as if in convulsions. Jung Woojin, shivering like someone with an illness, eventually shed tears.“You’re not going to do that for me, are you? Then why are you stopping me from doing it?”The sound of water flowing from the faucet I had turned on in the bathroom suddenly became audible. Tears flowed from his eyes just like the water pouring out. Watching the tears drop from his chin, I started to feel a headache coming on. I pressed my tired eyes with my hands and spoke again.“Where is the razor?”Just like when I had cried earlier, Jung Woojin reached out and embraced my shoulders. He buried his forehead in my cold shoulder and began to cry loudly.Seeing Jung Woojin clinging to me desperately like a small animal, I looked up at the ceiling. The white ceiling appeared unusually high. I closed my eyes after staring at the immaculate, spotless white ceiling. The endlessly repeating situation was as unbearable as Jung Woojin himself.—Jung Woojin neither ate nor slept. After a day had passed and it was the second day, Jung Woojin came to me, pale-faced, while I was reading a comic book at the desk. He carried a plate of strawberries with neatly cut tops on a tray.“Sunbae, you liked strawberries, right?”I glanced up at him. I hoped he had eaten or slept when I wasn’t watching. I feared what might happen if he became too sensitive from not eating or sleeping. I reached for the fork while looking at the strawberries. Jung Woojin, with his pale face, smiled.“Is it delicious?”As soon as the strawberry was in my mouth, Jung Woojin looked at me with eager eyes. He already seemed crazy, and now with his darkened eyes, he looked completely insane. But I maintained a neutral expression and kept my eyes on the comic book. I needed to avoid as much unnecessary contact or conversation with Jung Woojin as possible and wait until the ship came again. I didn’t know who the captain was, but the likelihood of him knowing Jung Woojin was high. The only way to get off this shitty island was to sneak onto the ship or knock out the captain and get on the ship somehow.I was determined to escape this island and have Jung Woojin thrown into a cell.“Sunbae, is it delicious?”“No.”“……”Jung Woojin closed his mouth at my brief reply. He stared at me blankly, like a dog looking at its owner, and fidgeted in place. He seemed to want to say something, but I didn’t look away from the comic book. I hoped he would just go away while wandering around, but I knew that wouldn’t happen with this crazy bastard.“Sunbae.”His voice, calling me, was disgustingly nauseating. I thought it would be better to scratch a chalkboard with my nails than to hear that damn voice again, and just as I was thinking this, the voice came again.“Is the comic book fun?”In fact, the comic book I was reading was one I had already read five times. I felt like I would memorize the content soon. But I had nothing else to do except read comic books. There was no television, and the computer had no internet. I had turned off the computer after playing a few rounds of Minesweeper an hour ago.“Sunbae.”Fuck. Profanity nearly spilled from my throat. Why did this damn bastard keep calling me? I maintained a blank expression while swearing inwardly. The content of the comic book no longer registered in my mind. I turned the pages mechanically and soon reached the last one. When Jung Woojin saw me finish the last page, he reached out and took the comic book from me. After handing him the comic book, I stood up from my seat. Jung Woojin followed me as I left the room.“Sunbae.”What should I do now? Since the ship came two days ago, it seemed I would have to wait about a week for the next one. I was walking across the living room when I suddenly stopped. I had just remembered that Jung Woojin had put handcuffs on my ankles the day the ship arrived. What if he put handcuffs on my ankles again? I couldn’t cut my ankles and escape. While I stood still, pondering, Jung Woojin, who had been watching me, spoke again.“Sunbae.”“What?”I answered shortly without even looking at him. Should I hide something like a gun by the bedside? But could I cut the handcuffs with a knife? Or should I find the handcuffs and hide them? No, even without the handcuffs, Jung Woojin would likely find something else to bind me with. While I was deep in thought, Jung Woojin suddenly said:“Can I kiss you?”He seemed to be quietly waiting. Damn bastard, of course. I had been maintaining a blank expression, but my face involuntarily contorted.“If I say no, will you not do it?”Upon my question, Jung Woojin briefly closed his mouth and then answered weakly.“Yes.”“Don’t.”“……”I turned my back on him with an expression of annoyance. But before I could take even a single step, Jung Woojin grabbed my wrist.“Even if you say no, I’ll do it.”You said you wouldn’t, you damn bastard. I bit my lip, swallowing the curse words rising to my throat. His face was now inches away from mine. I hesitated, trying to push Jung Woojin away.“Jung Woojin.”At my call, Jung Woojin swallowed hard. He looked as if he were extremely nervous. I quickly tried to think of things that might not be here. There was nothing missing from meat to seafood, fruits, and vegetables, but one thing that came to mind as missing was peaches. I narrowed my brow and said:“Peach.”“What?”“Do you have any?”Jung Woojin shook his head with a dazed expression. Thank goodness. But despite my inner relief, I maintained a look of irritation on my face and brushed his hand away. Jung Woojin, still looking confused, grabbed me again.“Why peaches?”“Let go.”“You have an allergy.”How does he know I’m allergic to peaches? Creepy bastard. I was flustered but tried to sound calm as I replied.“Who told you?”“Sunbae.”“Forget it. Let go.”At my deep sigh, Jung Woojin desperately grabbed my hand again.“Do you want them?”“Let go of my hand.”“I’ll bring them when the ship arrives.”“Let go of my hand.”“Just endure for a day, or rather, two days……”Two days? Does that mean the ship will come in two days? I thought I would have to wait at least a week. Jung Woojin, who was still holding my hand, put more pressure on it, as if he was trying to understand my silence.“Anything else you want besides peaches?”“……”I raised my gaze to look at Jung Woojin. He was staring back with bright eyes and a blooming expression, unlike before.“Is there anything else you want to eat? Anything you need?”“……”“Do you want me to get more comic books? No, not comic books… billiards. Sunbae, you like billiards, right? Should I set up a billiard table? Or maybe a game console?”He waited eagerly for my response, his eyes shining. I continued to watch Jung Woojin and said:“Let go of my hand.”“……”I shook off his hand and turned my back, but Jung Woojin followed me again.“Is it okay if it’s just peaches? But Sunbae, you have an allergy to peaches. Is that okay?”Jung Woojin trailed behind me, mumbling. At least the ship issue was settled. Now, the remaining problem was the handcuffs. What if Jung Woojin puts handcuffs on my ankles? How would I get them off? Should I throw a tantrum about the handcuffs? But when does the ship arrive? If only I knew that… I turned my head to look at Jung Woojin.“What time will it arrive?”“Huh?”“What time will the peaches arrive?”Jung Woojin, looking confused as he fumbled with his fingers, said:“Um, I’ll ask them to come quickly. Early in the morning. But it has to be after breakfast… Um, around eight or nine o’clock…”Seeing Jung Woojin, who seemed flustered and was calculating the time with his fingers, I made a decision. I would have to either kill or knock him out before eight o’clock and lock him up. Then, when the ship came, I could escape. Now, the problem was how to knock out this crazy bastard. There were no razors in the bathroom… Maybe I should steal a knife from the kitchen. Or a knife or scissors, and if that doesn’t work, I could break a window and use it to stab and escape. If that still doesn’t work, I could pull off a leg from the table and use it to hit him.“Just in case, I’ll also bring allergy medicine…”Seeing Jung Woojin’s excited face as he continued to mutter to himself, I turned my back.＊＊＊Jung Woojin had been grinning like a madman for a while now, seemingly delighted about something. I couldn’t swallow my food with his piercing gaze boring into me from the side. Unable to endure the stare of Jung Woojin, who was propping his chin on his hands while staring only at me, I reluctantly turned my head to look at him. As soon as our eyes met, his smile grew even wider. It was an innocent expression.“……”I began to understand why Jung Woojin was so pleased. It was the first time since I arrived here that I had eaten so obediently… it seemed like that. Honestly, I wanted to smash his head with the bowl, but I held back. I thought it would be better to stay calm until I could escape in two days. I clenched the spoon in my hand with a sullen expression. As soon as I turned my gaze back to the bowl, Jung Woojin spoke.“Is it delicious?”In fact, the food Jung Woojin prepared was much better than anything from a fancy restaurant. Though it wasn’t extravagant, it was neatly presented in a way that resembled high-end Korean cuisine.“Do you want more?”“No.”“After you finish, I’ll prepare fruit for you. Do you want some?”“No.”“Then should I just peel it for you?”“No, damn it.” I angrily threw the spoon aside and got up from the chair.Jung Woojin was an extremely burdensome presence. Despite having kidnapped, raped, and imprisoned me, he acted as if we were newlyweds. Saying he loved me after putting me in this state? For Jung Woojin, the word ‘love’ seemed to be a get-out-of-jail-free card. There was no greater hypocrite than him.“Sunbae, just finish eating in silence.”Jung Woojin urgently grabbed my wrist.“I’m sorry. I won’t talk anymore.”He looked like a discarded puppy, having gone from smiling to a pitiful expression. I stared blankly at him, then shook off his hand and turned my back. Jung Woojin followed me like a chick trailing its mother hen. I went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut in his face.“Sunbae.”I could hear his irritating voice through the door.“Come out after you’ve washed up. I’ll bake you a walnut pie.”I wasn’t particularly fond of bread or pastries, but the only one I ate was walnut pie. Jung Woojin knew far too much about me. He knew things I hadn’t told him, and things I had even forgotten. I stood in the middle of the bathroom, staring blankly into space.Jung Woojin seemed to know me well. But we weren’t friends or acquaintances from the same school; we were just people who knew each other’s faces. We had never exchanged any meaningful conversation or met much at all.When I finished washing and came out, I could hear sounds of something being prepared in the kitchen. I carefully avoided Jung Woojin’s gaze and slipped into the room with the comic books. There was nothing left to read on the crowded bookshelf. I stared dumbly at the shelf and then turned my gaze to the desk. On the dust-free desk was just a single laptop. I approached it, brushed it with my fingers, and turned it on.While waiting for the laptop to boot up, I noticed a drawer. Out of the four drawers, three had nothing of interest. But when I tried to open the last drawer, Jung Woojin came in and I couldn’t check it. As if hypnotized, I reached out and opened the drawer. Inside, there was nothing but a piece of yellowed paper. If there were pencils or pens, I could hide them and use them later to stab and escape. I clicked my tongue in frustration, then sighed and reached for the piece of paper.It looked extremely old. The folded piece of paper, which seemed like it would crumble with just a bit of pressure, had a few smudged words written on it.[Wait here. You must wait.]“……?”What is this? While I was frowning in confusion, a knock on the door startled me. I looked up in surprise and saw Jung Woojin leaning against the door, looking at me.“The pie is done.”“……”“Do you want to eat it here?”His gaze was fixed on the mysterious piece of paper I was holding.My heart raced. For some reason, an inexplicable tension pressed down on me. I tried to appear calm and put the piece of paper back into the drawer. Jung Woojin was still leaning against the door. As I pushed the drawer shut, Jung Woojin finally looked up at me. Then, out of the blue, he said.“In the second year of middle school, I had a dream.”“……”“As soon as I woke up in the early morning, I masturbated with that piece of paper. It was my first wet dream.”“……”“I hadn’t even shaken it a few times, and the semen was flowing out uncontrollably. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. Now I’m so desperate I’m just masturbating with a scrap of paper.”Jung Woojin laughed with a sense of disbelief. But not understanding what he was talking about, I could only scowl and remain silent. Jung Woojin continued to look at me for a while, then spoke again.“After I entered high school, I felt like I was going to go insane and die if I stayed like this. I was so frustrated that I wanted to tear up the paper while masturbating with my face pressed against it, but I couldn’t even do that…”“……”“Do you want to eat the walnut pie here?”Jung Woojin suddenly changed the subject. The atmosphere felt unsettling. Usually, in this kind of situation, Jung Woojin would become aggressive and rape me. I nodded with a tense expression. Even though it was a very slight movement, Jung Woojin noticed it and smiled warmly.“Just wait a moment.”Jung Woojin vanished silently, without making a sound. I didn’t hear any footsteps as he went to the kitchen. I rubbed the goosebumps on my arms and stared at the last drawer. I didn’t know what that paper was, but I decided never to touch it again. Whatever it was, that paper seemed like a catalyst.Jung Woojin soon returned with a tray containing the walnut pie and a cup of milk. He placed them on the desk and said,Jung Woojin suddenly changed the topic. The atmosphere felt unsettling. Usually, in such situations, Jung Woojin would lose control and rape me. I nodded with a tense expression. Even though it was a very slight movement, Jung Woojin noticed it and smiled warmly.“Just wait a moment.”Jung Woojin vanished silently, without making a sound. I didn’t hear any footsteps as he went to the kitchen. I rubbed the goosebumps on my arms and stared at the last drawer. I didn’t know what that paper was, but I decided never to touch it again. Whatever it was, that paper seemed like a catalyst.Soon, Jung Woojin returned with a tray containing walnut pie and a cup of milk. He placed them on the desk and said,“What are you going to do today?”Jung Woojin asked as he cut the pie into pieces. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t eaten properly or because the smell was good, but my mouth began to water. However, I turned my head and stared out the window.What am I going to do? What can be done here? Suddenly, irritation welled up. It felt like Jung Woojin was mocking me with his question. What can I do on this damn deserted island? Seeing my distorted expression, Jung Woojin slowly removed his hand from the pie and spoke with a tone that seemed to be cautious.“Do you want to swim?”The cautious question only increased my irritation.“Jung Woojin.”I wanted to yell at him to get lost but kept my mouth shut. If Jung Woojin got excited, I would be the one to suffer the consequences. That bastard might get angry and rape me again. I was already anxious because of that paper. I suppressed my anger and said,“Shut up and don’t talk to me. I’m thinking.”“What are you thinking about?”“Mind your own business.”“What are you thinking about?”Oh, for fuck’s sake. I gave Jung Woojin an annoyed look. He had a worried expression. Seeing that, I felt a pang of anxiety. Does he think I’m plotting an escape? I tried not to show my awkwardness and continued to speak irritably.“The comic books from earlier.”“……”“……”Despite my nonsensical words, Jung Woojin’s expression remained unchanged. Well, shit. Even I think it sounds ridiculous. Comic books, seriously… What should I say? If I’m suspected here, it’s over. I need to get through this without seeming suspicious, but I couldn’t think of what to say. I was afraid that if I kept my hands still, I’d unknowingly tap the desk or clench and unclench my fists, so I reached for the neatly cut walnut pie. As I put a piece in my mouth and started chewing, Jung Woojin asked,“Do you like comic books that much?”“What?”I was taken aback by the unexpected question. Jung Woojin repeated,“Do you like comic books that much?”…What? I couldn’t help but be surprised.When I couldn’t respond, Jung Woojin spoke again.“Why are you only thinking about comic books when you’re with me?”“……”“You only think about eating when you’re eating, right?”What the hell is he talking about? Seeing my confused expression, Jung Woojin glanced down at the walnut pie.“Even when eating this, you’re only thinking about it.”“……”“You don’t think about me.”With that statement, I asked in disbelief,“Why should I be thinking about you?”“That’s why I don’t like it.”