Love Me if You Dare: Pristine Darkness

Fu Ziyu & Han Yumeng’s Side Story

‘One Day’ (Part 1)

In truth, I was dead since the day you left me.

The shell of my body* which remained was tranquil and even-tempered, and I passed my days calmly and steadily.

*T/N 躯壳 (qu qiao) – refers to the body as a housing for the soul

I even thought I was living a particularly vigorous and active life.

— Fu Ziyu

I’ve had a dream since the time I was very, very young.

I dreamt of being with you, that we would be inseparable even in old age.

— Han Yumeng

Outside the window, the rain pattered steadily, and there was no telling when it would stop. A grey mist enshrouded the earth. This city was like a dreamscape.

Fu Ziyu’s hands suddenly felt a little cold. He looked down at the woman in his arms. She was sound asleep, both hands were tightly clenched as she curled up in his embrace, as if she had exhausted her entire lifetime of reserves.

Fu Ziyu could not stop looking at her. He smiled and very carefully got off the bed, making sure not to startle her.

Day had just broken. It felt as if everything was still asleep.

In a short while, he emerged from the kitchen with two sets of breakfast, light and delicate. In the past few years, he had had to take care of Bo Jinyan. As a result of that, this pampered person* had developed good cooking skills.

*T/N 双手不沾阳春水 (shuang shou bu zhan yang chun shui) – a version of 十指不沾阳春水, where 双手 = both hands and 十指 (shi zhi) – ten fingers. 阳春 = spring time in March i.e. very cold weather; 阳春水 = very cold water. The metaphor usually refers to a young lady whose hands do not have to touch cold water i.e. do her own washing even in the coldest weather. In general, a pampered young lady who does not do her own housework.

Han Yumeng had already woken up, and was sitting by the side of the bed, combing her hair. Her pajama top was sliding off one shoulder, and her crow-black hair was still a little messy. In that split second, Fu Ziyu felt like he had gone back in time to that year, when his delicate lady, so pleased with herself, had sat on his shirt, combing her beautiful hair.

Uncontrollable feelings. It turned out that, in that precise moment, the emotion in his heart was just like the falling rain, uncontrollable.

He walked over to her and hugged her from behind. Han Yumeng remained still, only gently squeezing his arms. Suddenly, his passion overcame him, and he pushed her onto the bed once again and kissed her frenziedly. Han Yumeng could see the sky outside the window clearly, but she could not discern the expression in his eyes. The emotion in his eyes had always been as clear as water, easily read. However, right now, it was as if an entire world was concealed in his eyes.

She made up that entire world. From the day she returned, his only focus had been to watch over her, hold her, listen to her, not let her be afraid.

After making out for some time, they decided to eat breakfast. She said, “It’s very delicious.” Fu Ziyu smiled faintly and said, “Really? I’m longing for that year when we had both just entered university, and you made me a heart-shaped seafood pizza to celebrate the occasion.” Han Yumeng looked at him and her tears started to fall. He simply kept smiling tenderly and calmly, as if he had no inkling of all the crises they had faced.

The sky had just brightened by the time they finished breakfast. Fu Ziyu suggested going for a walk. This was the first and only walk they had taken after being reunited. Han Yumeng was initially a little hesitant, but, after looking into his eyes, she found that she was unable to refuse. Moreover, Fu Ziyu’s hand brushed her ear in a seemingly casual manner, and reached behind it to touch the soft skin. There was a miniature monitoring device implanted there. Han Yumeng trembled slightly, but he only turned his head and hugged her shoulders.

It was summer. The neighbourhood lake was covered in lotus leaves, giving rise to an impression of a wide expanse of green, rippling water, an abundance of green. They walked by the lakeside for a while until they got hot. The sky was also bright, and the merchants and hawkers were setting up their stalls. He bought an ice cream for her to eat. Han Yumeng held it and said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten matcha ice cream.” Fu Ziyu said, “Really? What flavours did they have there?” She replied, “Cinnamon, cocktail; South American flavours were generally more popular.” “Oh,” said Fu Ziyu.

When she had finished the ice cream, Fu Ziyu stood up and declared, “Let’s watch a movie.”

Han Yumeng felt somewhat alarmed. However, Fu Ziyu said, with a faint smile, “It’s all right, there are plenty of people in the cinema. Nothing bad can happen there.”

For no reason, Han Yumeng’s heart ached. She had told him that she had been forced to do some bad things in the years that she had been held by the serial killer. As a result, she had to avoid the police; as a result, it had taken her so long to acknowledge their relationship; as a result, they could not let Bo Jinyan know. He had made no comment after she had finished speaking, and had really not told anyone about her existence, not even his best friend, Bo Jinyan. His words at this moment, were they just to console her that there was no risk of exposure, or had he already noticed something?

However, he was right. There were so many cinemas, so many people. Even though they may not be able to hide from the killer, and despite the fact that he would be furious, he would not be able to ambush them in public.

So, they actually went to watch a movie.

They watched a newly released romantic thriller. At first, the scene was particularly beautiful and pure, with much poetic significance. However, when the ruthless killer appeared on screen, Han Yumeng dropped her gaze, unwilling to look. But, her eyes were clear and cold. It was just like those past years, that girl who loathed crimes and courageously took a stand against them. And, at this moment, in the dim cinema hall, Fu Ziyu had turned his head and was looking at her, for a long time.

Later, the female lead embraced the male lead, weeping bitter tears. She said they were not destined to be together. She said, in the end, the sky was so high, and so blue. She said, it was not fated for her to be by his side. And, the grim and resolute male lead just kept holding her, a lifetime of sorrow in his eyes.

Han Yumeng covered her face with her hands and cried soundlessly. Fu Ziyu’s eyes also seemed to glimmer with tears. At the end of the movie, he said softly and huskily, “Joe, do you think those two are like us?” Han Yumeng’s voice was choked with sobs as she instinctively rejected the idea. “No, not at all!” He held her hand and said, “Ok, we are not like them.”

They had lunch at the shopping mall. Out of habit, Fu Ziyu led her to a restaurant selling live seafood. It was only after he had sat down that he remembered, and said, “I’m sorry, I forgot you don’t really like to eat fish.” Han Yumeng did not like to eat fish; on that boat floating towards South America, she had felt nauseous every day due to the fishy smell. However, she merely smiled and said, “It’s fine, I’ll eat.”

When the dishes arrived, neither of them made a move to eat. Fu Ziyu picked up an entire fish with his chopsticks and placed it on his plate. He then picked up some lotus root slices and shredded meat and served her, saying, “Let’s divide the work. What you cannot finish eating, I will eat – just like before.”

Han Yumeng replied, “Ah, ok.” At that moment, she felt a great sense of peace in her heart. Indeed, it was such that she felt the sheer greed of wanting to hold on this tender, safe moment. She looked at him and laughed.

On the other hand, Fu Ziyu stilled in amazement. “This is the first time you’ve laughed so happily in the past few days. It’s beautiful.”

Han Yumeng was stunned. However, she heard him say, softly, “It’s just as I remember.”

They ate rather slowly, so it was afternoon by the time they finished. What should the two of them do now? In that case, they might as well stroll around the shopping mall together. Fu Ziyu had always paid particular attention to his dressing and appearance, and some of this had even rubbed off on those two otakus, Bo Jinyan and An Yan, thus helping them develop better taste. At this moment, looking at the dazzling array of autumn wear, he said, “Come with me! I’m going to pick some new clothes. You should pick some, too, the season is going to change soon.”

Han Yumeng said, “No need.” However, he insisted on holding her hand, and smiled slightly as he said, “Previously, didn’t you use to love giving me ties, shirts and belts? And you even used to secretly save your pocket money to buy them for me. You also loved the dresses I gave you. Let’s buy some today.” Han Yumeng found herself pulled along by him. She walked faster, and her footsteps were light. After a while, she could not help but laugh.

The afternoon passed quickly. Both of them held a large iced drink in their hands, exactly like the many young couples on romantic dates. In a women’s clothing store, he held her drink, he selected clothes for her, his taste was impeccable, he stood behind her, always with a little glint in his eyes. She tried on the outfits, one by one. Under the effusive praise of the sales assistant, and the deeply profound yet gentle gaze of Fu Ziyu, she seemed to recall the shyness of her youth, as well as a bright resolve to face the future courageously, come what may. Later, after discussion, they settled on a few items, he paid the bill, and they resumed their stroll.

It was much simpler in a men’s clothing store, because his taste was impeccable. He only selected two items, but both items suited him perfectly when he tried them on. She also picked out something for him, and she was absolutely clear about his size and build, as well as the most appropriate colour for him. He did not even try on whatever she picked out, but simply paid the bill straightaway.

“Hey,” she laughingly asked, “do all doctors in this country have such high salaries?”

He laughed as he replied, “Yup. Right now, I am an excellent doctor, and I’m also a partner in our company.”

Then Fu Ziyu entered the changing room, and Han Yumeng waited outside. After some time, when she looked up, she saw that he had already changed and come out. She suddenly felt that the man in front of her was something of a stranger.

Very clean-cut short hair, whereas, previously, his hair had been fluffy. He wore a jet black suit with a light-coloured shirt, his brow and jaw lines were both soft yet incredibly handsome. His hands were fair and slender, the typical hands of a surgeon. He was no longer that passionate boy in his early twenties; he was thirty years old, a calm and collected, gentle young man, no matter what the situation or place.

Han Yumeng looked at him, just continued looking at him from the back, and felt foolish. A thought came to her mind – he was, surprisingly, exactly as she had imagined he would be at thirty years old.