Magic Murder Cube Marine

In a deep damp cave a dozen of the remaining trolls waited. The remains of their meals littered the ground and a toxic stench wafted up from their hiding place. It had been a pretty good run so far, until the two women in armor showed up.

They couldn't agree on who came up with the plan originally. When things were going well they all tried to take credit. But now they pointed their green fingers at one another.

“It was your idea!” Accused Zeusdad as he consumed handfuls of orange moss. “Now we're stuck here with nothing to eat but this shit.”

“Oh, fuck you. We all know it was your plan from the start.” Lovinmom glared at his orange moss covered cavemate. They launched at one another in a pathetic slap fight while the others watched.

The plan had been so simple. All they had to do was send a few nasty letters, say where they were, and the people would come to them. No more hunting, no more starving.

All that soft easy meat had been nice, while it lasted. But now they had attracted too much attention and would have to move on.

“Stop!” Hissed Sigmale, pointing at the opening to the cave. “I hear something.”

The trolls stopped their fighting and strained to listen. They heard it too.

“It has to be a trap.” Zeusdad said, still listening to the siren song from above.

Lovinmom grinned, showing jagged yellow teeth. “Oh, but what if it isn't?”

“But it is.” Zeusdad insisted, but his face was conflicted. He wanted it to be true so badly he could taste it.

“But what if it isn't?” Lovinmom pressed. “Come on, you heard it too. Can we really afford to pass this up?”

Zeusdad looked at the mouth of the cave hungrily. He knew it was too good to be true. But what if it wasn't?

***

“Do you really think this is going to work?” Shiv asked as they walked along the edge of the forest.

“You bet your ass it will.” Francis replied as he walked alongside Chuck, holding the locator spell where they both could see. “Trust me, I've killed damn near everything from men to chupacabras.”

At least, Francis thought it was a chupacabra. Javelins don't leave much behind to identify and he was pretty hammered at the time. Francis missed training with Delta. Those guys had the best shit.

If trolls were like most other animals they would try and stay close to a food source. He figured since their foods of choice were people and livestock they wouldn't hole up too far past the edge of the woods. People were the same way. They didn't like traveling further than they had to for food.

“Alright.” Shiv took a deep breath and bellowed out the words Francis had given her. Though she had to tailor them, because she wasn’t sure the trolls would go for Ghostbusters. “One day only! Witness the tale of Antigone live on stage! A comedic new reimagining of the classic play! With an all female cast!”

Francis frowned. They had been at it for an hour already with no results. They needed something no troll could resist. But what?

He put his hands together and called out into the woods. “ALL PROCEEDS GO TO FIGHT WORLD HUNGER!”

From inside the tree line a voice called back. “BUT WHAT ABOUT HUNGRY PEOPLE HERE?”

“Oh, I gotcha now.” Chuck said as he pointed his horn at the source of the noise and triggered his Afterburner ability. There was a pulse of rainbow colored lights, an explosion of glitter, then he was gone.

The troll hunters charged after Chuck. As they ran through the woods, alerts started popping up in Francis’ mind.