Maniac’s Mayhem: A guide to being a corporate slave

“we should make our vending machine a lottery as well. We just set our price a bit lower than our competitors and say that we give double candy if you are lucky but no candy if you are unlucky.”

“and how would that be profitable?”

“Well, we said not paying out to 50% and double to 1%. I am sure a lot of the stupid kids will fall for it.”

 

-- secret recording for a meeting room a week before the great candy raid on the Nom & Nom Factory organised by Apocalypse. 2046

 

I stand above the creature, still contemplating if I should jump down and attack it or wait for something else. For what, I don’t really know, a heavy artillery strike would be nice. Sadly, I am a bit too close to nuke this place again, but it remains an option. And nuke protection gear can’t be that expensive, right? Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I guess I just wish I knew what its weak point is. Okay, no more stalling, just jump, you coward.

“MANIAC STOP!” I hear Glowstick scream in my ear suddenly.

I make a death stop, and kind of fall over again. Something is telling me I need more grippy shoes because this is getting to the point of being ridiculous.

“Okay, please tell me there was a good reason for me to smash my face into my shield,” I say while I get up. “if my nose is broken, you are paying for it.”

“Well, that creature down there is the Thing,” Magenta states as if that is supposed to mean something.

“Okay, that does not sound like a number. At what point do they stop getting numbers assigned and start using names instead?” I say, a bit more nervously than planned, “Please tell me it is not after a hundred.”

“Maniac, that is not an antithesis. So please do not attack it,” Glowstick says, in a voice you would use to talk to a child.

“And that is supposed to make it better. What is it then?”

“Well, technically, it’s a human.”

I do a double-take at the creature. The colour could be right, but humans come in so many variants that it is not that hard to find one that matches. The eyes could be human enough if it were not for their size, but then again, a lot of creatures have eyes like that. No, what makes me think that she actually got the point is the arms with fully functioning five-figured hands.

“The fuck went wrong with them to end up like this then.”

“They're one of Mother's children.”

“Are you sure your mother is human?” I say, looking at the creature, “because I know you might be weird-looking, but it is not to that degree.”

“Fuck you, the samurai Mother, not my mother! You... You imbecile!”

“There is a samurai called Mother? What do they do? Pack lunches and give kisses on your boo-boos?”

“They give birth to creatures like the Thing that can survive in hostile environments, that normal samurai can’t. There is one called Leviathan in the English Channel.”

A cold shiver goes down my spine. “That is just.. ew, kind of gross; what would have to go wrong for something like that to happen.”

“I don’t know exactly. She was one of the older samurai before the whole samurai thing got televised. Apparently, she was pregnant at the time she was selected. So the popular theory, is that to try and save her baby, she put a bunch of alien DNA in it, creating an almost indestructible super child.”

“I see, and that is how we got the Thing,” I say, looking down at it now more in fascination than worry.

“Not really. I think the Thing is her fifth child. Her first child was Apocalypse.”

“Do I want to know why it is called that?” I say with trepidation.

“It is mostly because she didn’t get any growth enhancers, unlike her siblings, so a superpowered toddler was just running around for a while.” Glowstick explains.

“That must have been fun to watch.”

“Yeah, I think I have a clip of her punching a vending machine after she did not get her candy.” Glowstick says, and I feel like I can even detect the hint of a giggle.

“So anyway, what do we do now?” I ask, looking at the pit; even knowing it is friendly, it can’t convince me to jump back in there.

“Well, the Thing will take care of it, so we are free to go.”

“Neat.“ I say, then I turn to look down, put my hands around my mouth in a cone shape, and shout, “Thanks, Thing. I really appreciate you cleaning up after us. See you around.”

I can hear an actual little giggle escape the creature. It sounds like that of a little girl. “Thank you, little purple. I have enjoyed watching you.”

“We are all kind of purple in this team, I think.” I say back, while trying to shake the unease that comes from hearing the little girl's voice.

“Yes, but you are most definitely the smallest one, aren’t you.” The girl says in a laughing tone.

“Hey!” I shout out while stamping my foot on my shield. “Are you making fun of me?”

“A bit. It's only fair, you did call me an antithesis after all.”

“Ahh, right. Sorry about that. It was just me being ignorant, nothing more.”

“It's fine, but you should get going. There are more monsters to hunt, and your friends have already gone ahead.”

“Sometimes I wonder if we are not the monsters.” I say with a sigh, while receding back to the others.

I start running back down to my two comrades and make it to them. Just before they were already halfway to the ropes, I decided to test how fast I could go vertically. Well, except for the fact that these shields feel somewhat slippery, making it hard to walk on, it is about as fast as I can run normally, I guess. And I quickly catch up and land between my two teammates.

“Well, that is one creepy irradiated hole free of Shelob and company,” I say, “So, you have any other locations you want to check out?”

“Not specifically, no, but in the wastelands, they are everywhere, so I am sure we can find some more Xenos for you to kill.”

“Nice,” I say, while making a fist pump motion. “By the way, I was wondering about something.”

“Don’t worry, you looked very heroic while running away." Glowstick says.

“Not what I was going to ask, but thanks.” I say. “I was wondering if whatever camera I was using to see is broken somehow. I feel that these vegetables look different than normal; they look a bit more faded, like greyish.”

“First off, they're fruits, not vegetables; second, no, you are right. These are variant models. We call them model G’s, which are more resistant to radiation but, because of that, have a shorter lifespan, which is one of the main reasons they have not managed to get out of the area yet.”

“Fruits, huh? I wonder what they taste like. Somehow, my brain is telling me calamari’s.” I say, still wondering about the variant thing. I should really get myself educated on this sometime. Oh, wait.

‘Lyssa, is there a learning module that teaches me the differences between all the models of antithesis?’

Yes, there is, but it would not do to get that right now.

‘why not?’

Well, if you want to learn something, Lyssa would recommend learning spear maneuvers and throwing first, to improve your aim. And learn proper shielding techniques to make better use of your shields. As well as learning advances in spatial calculus and positioning for the use of teleportation. Before you try to learn more useless information. Also, your brain is still human, so there is a limited amount of space for learning.

‘Isn’t there a way to expand my brain?’

There are, but there are better things to spend your points on at the moment.

‘Right, skeleton first' I subvocalise, while nodding to myself.

It would bring the biggest benefit for the least amount of points.

“Maniac, are you even listening?” Magenta shouts at me.

“Well, now I am. What is up?” I say.

“We were discussing our next course of action. We want to move in a somewhat big circle around this area to make sure no other nasty things are still hiding here, and then we can set up camp.” Bubbles says, while putting new canisters in her bubble backpack

“Wait, camping?” I say in surprise.

“Yeah, it's not like they have a hotel in these parts. Is that a problem?” Magenta says in a derisive tone.

“Not really, just never done it before, so it's kind of exciting. I am not that much of a rich snob.” trying to dispel whatever image she has of me.

“Well, happy that we can bring you at least some new experiences.” She says with a smile.

“You were worried about that. My experience? Why?” I say, a bit confused.

“It’s less worry and more confusion. You're not a standard samurai.” She says, while appraising me

“Not a standard? I kill plants and buy more weapons with the points. I even have a nickname. How am I not standard?” I ask, even more confused.

“It's your actions; you completely enjoy killing. You could probably do it forever without any mental fatigue setting in. but even with such a predisposition, you chose to mostly fight with words instead of your fist. You also have the full power of a protector AI behind you, but choose to write your own programs. And do that on a level that is simply several years ahead of its time. So tell me, Maniac, who are you?”

“Who am I? Simple, I am the result of our current age. My name is Evelin Vance. I am a sex slave and professional hacker. I have had zero freedom since I was a kid when some corporations decided to zero my parents because I managed to hack into their secure server. So I am angry, no, I am enraged, but I have learned that if you do something improper, it will only blow back in your face, so I am careful.”

“Well, sounds like you had it tough as well. Can’t say that I envy you.”

“As for my skills, I used to work on dismantling samurai tech for a while, since it is a job nobody wants to do because things tend to explode. I found a mostly functioning drone and a decipherer in a pile. It took me about a year to even comprehend what kind of code it was all running on, but I got there in the end. So I am skilled because I made bootleg protector gear.” I explain with a smile. That was a fun time, it was before they found out I was good with code and forced me into counterintelligence.

“That is actually impressive, but where does the mask fit into the story?”

“Well, it was just something to hide my identity. But you know, there is something to being faceless. No one can track Maniac down to me, so she is the person who shows up unexpected and just fights. Not bound by any rules or chains, just pure freedom. And that is liberating.”

“So you plan to wear that mask forever, then? Isn’t that hard, hiding your identity?”

“I don’t plan to keep it up forever, just until I have dealt with New Hope. After that, who cares? I can make it a competition, even a hundred points to whoever can uncover my identity.”

“Why would you do something like that?” Magenta asks, a bit confused.

“To save kids like me who have nothing, just their tech skills. One hundred points is a lot and can set you up, but I am willing to give more to such a person if they want to work for me. Keep them out of the hands of the corporations that would just use and abuse their skills. It’s why I hired Liam.”

Magenta looks at me with big eyes, which is a bit weird given their rainbow colour. “Well, if you need a platform to host it on, I can lend you mine.” she offers.

“Gosh, can you two stop being depressing? We have aliens to kill.” Bubbles says, trying to lift the mood.

“I think you mean aliens to bubble.” I say with a smirk.

“I will never say that, I swear.” she says with a pound of her fist in palm.

We make it back safely to our lines without being tripped up by any string. I can still hear the Thing in the distance churning away at the plants. We rapidly ascend, which is fun. And the thing was not kidding with its description. We are back up in a few seconds, and Bubbles shrill screams are great indicators of its speed.

We continue our march forward, but except for some more of the single-digit models, we don’t encounter anything that is specifically dangerous. That is until I am suddenly sent flying backwards. I manage to catch myself in the air. Trying to catch my breath, but it is not coming in properly. I try to speak, but without any air, it is an impossible task.

‘Lyssa, heal! However expensive, I don’t care.’ I manage to type out on my augs before everything turns black.