Maniac’s Mayhem: A guide to being a corporate slave

 

When talking about all the big corporate fuck ups that have been made over the years, one can not forget the nuking of most of Germany and surrounding countries. Because of the rising activity of the antithesis in the area, and still a high level of distrust for the newly appearing entity we now know as samurai.

The decision was made to nuke the inter-area without giving any forewarning, killing millions of people. and the plants well, it took them a bit, but after 2 years, they crawled their way out of the irradiated zone. Forcing samurai to go on regular cleanups.

-- when bad became worst, a serialisation by the Purple Truth, June 2051

***

After setting up Liam in one of the empty offices of the hotel, I mean, there are only two of them, but it’s not like we use it for anything. We set up a new account called the Purple Truth. I wanted to name it the psycho network at first, but having my name attached to it in such a way might create a bias.

I also spent some time assuring him that I would take care of his mother as soon as I was back from my desert expedition. We decided that instead of giving her a cure, we would replace her entire lungs with a cybernetic replacement to make sure that the disease wouldn’t come back in the future.

I take a bit of a look around the hotel. Every time I visit this place, it looks less like a hotel. The lobby has been turned into a kill box, with several laser and normal turrets. The canteen has been turned into a massive living room, and most of the windows have been replaced by bulletproof variants. Steel supports have been added around critical structures.

I decided to stay the night at the hotel not only to retrieve my mask but also to hang out with the girls that Bubbles and I rescued. I have kind of left them to their own devices for a while and feel bad about it. I mean, they're old enough to take care of themselves, but still.

Luckily, Jason felt less inclined to leave things as is and has been trying to find a job for them. Too bad for him that they didn’t want a normal job, and they have instead decided to train up and become a proper PMC that works directly with us. So that is great. I think having some people around with guns, that we can actually trust, is important. Then again, I trust Bubbles, and she still shot me. I really have to become bulletproof soon, don’t I?

Anyway, I do some drills with the girls as one of the militants. It’s kind of fun to wear a helmet, as my head feels weird and heavy. After some good exercise, I finally went to sleep.

I wake up nice and early, clean my sword, put on my mask, and wait in the parking lot for Bubbles to arrive. While waiting around, a big news van arrives with Magenta news signs plastered on the side. Out of it comes the aforementioned purple disaster.

She walks up to me and stands next to me. “Well, at least you are on time?” she scoffs at me.

“I know the word magenta is in your name, but that does not mean you should dress this offensively purple.” I say in response.

“And just because yours is Maniac does not mean you have to act as if you just escaped the insane asylum.” She says, a bit unconvincingly.

“Well, first of all, asylums went out of business when they stopped receiving government funding like 20 years ago. Secondly, if I was that insane, why would I not do something about you?”

“Ooh, so you do have a problem with me?”

“Me personally, no; my eyes, yes. Every time I look at you, it feels like they want to commit self-termination, just because of the blinding colours.”

“I don’t know why she would want to go on a date with you.”

“That one is simple: I am hot.” I say in a jovial tone.

“By what metric?”

“The metric of the general population, my face and hair and a lot of other parts got remodeled, just so I would be as attractive as possible to the general public.”

“I did not know you were someone so vain that you would do that to yourself.”

“I did not do it to myself. It was something that was done to me; I had no choice in the matter.”

“You love throwing your trauma around like a hammer, don’t you? There are probably a million people that had it worse than you.”

“I have not tried throwing a hammer yet. It would feel like ripping off a Norse god if I did that. As for the millions of people that have it worse than me, sure, that is probably correct, but there are also millions that have it better than me, and that is what I am upset about.”

“I hate how that somehow makes sense.”

“Yeah, I mean, I already have the blond hair. I just need the blue eyes and the red cape to make the entire god of thunder theme happen.” I say, while wondering if a winged helm would suit me.

“The fuck is wrong with you.”

“Nothing. I am perfect. It’s the rest of you that are messed up. How long do you have? I can explain it to you.”

She just sighs and walks further away from me. We wait for only a bit longer for the red fire truck to pull in as well. And for Bubbles to hop out.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

“Yeah, let’s do some weed whacking.” I say in response.

“Yep, let's get going. According to the satellites, there is a lot of movement in quarter 3.18 of the dead zone,” Magenta says.

“Wait, we are taking the glowstick with us?” I ask.

“Uhm yeah, this is not a date anymore, so I asked for some backup.” Bubbles says, but the way she says it tells me I should not have cancelled our date.

After a bit of a stare-down, I jump into Bubbles' truck, while Glowstick takes her van. As we fly off to the north, I fiddle around with the radio for a bit, only to realise that the collection of techno and metal is not from a radio station, but instead is Bubbles playlist.

“Well, that was unexpected. Nice music,” I say,

“You think so?” she asks with a little giggle in her voice

“Well, I am the last person to ask about music. I just listen to whatever, but I am willing to learn if you want to teach me.” I say, trying to get back in her good graces.

“If this is your way of apologising, I say it needs some work.”

“Aah, I am sorry we can’t go out today; it’s not because I don’t want to. I am just in a very stressful situation, and I would like to have everything sorted with that; please, I will make it up to you, I promise.”

“We will see about that then, won’t we.” she says, while cranking up the volume and speeding up. So I guess that conversation is over for now.

We drive away from the metal jungle that we call home. And slowly make way for… nature I guess. I mean, there is still some kind of green, but it is mostly tarmac with some spots of green in between. This being the side of the city with the wasteland, there are little to no cars in this area, so we can at least make good time. We come past a few abandoned corpo towns and burgs that have been evacuated after the bombs dropped. And then we hit the walled forest or forest wall, a line of specialised trees planted by some samurai to stop the desertification of the rest of Germany. Fuck, I can’t remember their names, but I am sure it was one of the weird ones.

Once we have crossed the tree line, we are in the desert, or more accurately, wasteland. Unlike other deserts, there are not long stretches of yellow sand. No, it is all a grey muck that is held together on pure spite. It is both highly irradiated and toxic, with only a few people stupid or crazy enough to actually inhabit it. We go down on a flat plateau and get out. The fire truck deploys all the side turrets while the big satellite dish on the news van unfolds into some kind of big fuck off sound gun.

“So what is the plan?” I say, once I am done being a tourist. What, I have never been here before.

“We usually set up a secure fallback point.” Glowstick says, while gesturing at the cars. “From there, we can head out and kill Xenos while having a safe return point.”

“I see, so I should go back to admiring the sights while you guys set up then.” I say.

“You do that. Make sure not to fall into a nuclear crater.”

I just nod and start to look around the area, trying to check if I can find anything that moves. Turns out sand blown by the winds moves. Yeah, I know this might not be shocking to anyone, but I have never seen it in this high quantity before. It is soon after this revelation I see a black cloud hurtling towards us. I know this one. Those are model 1s, the flying pigeon-like assholes that haunt the skies in most incursions. These are also one of the few things that I am unequipped to handle. Sure, I can throw my sword and two spears, but that won’t kill them all and would leave me without any weapons.

Luckily, I am not alone, and Bubbles comes and stands next to me, releasing a mist of bubbles no larger than my fingernails. They rapidly ascend towards the cloud of murder pollen. Next thing that happens is a bit vague to me since it is so far away. I am sorry my augs came with a light-up function, not a zoom function. And if you have ever laid under a desk or another cramped space trying to fix some cables, you know why I made that choice. Well, the only thing you need to know is that. All the little flower petals are falling to the ground now with significantly more holes in them. Then she turns to me.

“That is how it is done.” she says, with what I think is supposed to be a smug smile, but her cute round face just makes her look really happy instead.

“I'll keep that in mind for when a model 13 sends you flying again.” I say, parroting the smile, only to realise that I have my mask on.

“Well, I just need you to save me then, right?” she says, while winking at me. Okay, fuck, someone being this cute and provocative at the same time is unfair.

“Are you two done flirting, or should I go ahead on my own?” Glowstick says.

“We are done”, I say, “but if you want to go ahead on your own, I am not stopping you.”

“You can be a real bitch, you know that?” Glowstick responded.

“I do. I think you put it in my job description when you put out the videos of the insane samurai,” I say.

“Ooh, and how are you so sure that was me?”

“Because nine plus ten is not twenty-one.“ I say in a mocking tone, “The only people that have the footage were Bubbles and her manager, that being you. So unless you have a major vulnerability in your file transfer systems, it can only be you.”

“Sam was right. You do hold a grudge really well.” Bubbles says.

“It’s not really a grudge. It's more that she was acting in bad faith, and I have no reason to be nice in that case.”

“What if I tell you she is my best friend and that I want you to be nice to her, please.”

“That is just mean, but if that is what you want, sure.” I walk up to Glowstick and reach out my hand “Peace.”

“You're not going to shock me if I take your hand, right?” She says, looking at my hand with suspicion.

I quickly shift to my left hand. “I would hope not. But that is a good idea for next time.”

“Ugh, the last thing I wanted is to give you ideas.” She says, with a deep sigh.