Maniac’s Mayhem: A guide to being a corporate slave

 

I finally unlock the door of my shitty apartment and head inside, but who cares? It could be a shoe box for all I care about. As long as it has a bed it should fulfil all the things that it needs to do for me for the next 10 hours. As soon as I turn the lights on, a ding sound goes through the apartment.

“What in the name of the Protectors?” I curse.

Lyssa’s popcorn finished at the right time.

I don’t know, but she somehow seems more excited than normal somehow

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say, while walking to the microwave and opening it up, and lo and behold, there is an actual bag of popped popcorn inside of it. I take it out and put a few of them in my mouth. Yep, that is real, not me going crazy like I hoped.

‘How the hell did you pull this off, then?’ I subvocalise, while sitting down and eating more popcorn. And it's definitely store-bought, not some fancy Samurai shit. So it was not teleported in.

Easy, Lyssa got the popcorn bag, put it in the microwave, and then calculated the optimal time and wattage to get the perfect popcorn.

‘You know, the part I am struggling with is not how well you cooked it. It's how you managed to get it into the microwave in the first place.’

Lyssa did not realise that not finishing school had such a big effect on you; let Lyssa explain it to you in simple terms: you open the door and then put the bag inside.

‘Lyssa, I am about to turn you into a very expensive paperweight. You don’t have hands to open the microwave door.’

Obviously, Lyssa had help.

‘So someone unknown was in my room. Great’

No, it was someone you know. Vanguard Liquid Catalyst was here.

‘Really? Well fuck, does she not have anything better to do?’

Not if you give the proper motivation.

‘What can you possibly offer that her AI won’t?’ I ask, more out of curiosity than anything else.

A date with you.

“What?!? A date, and you did not think to inform me?” I say, my brain going haywire for a second.

I am informing you now. You're expected at the Milaneo on Saturday at 1 o'clock.

‘I don’t even have something nice to wear,’ I grumble to myself.

Well, with that news rattling around in my head now, I go into my shower to clean and change into something more comfortable. Because I have been wearing these clothes for two days straight and feel disgusting. Then I go back to bed and lie down.

“Does it ever end?”

You have to be more specific than that.

“The endless to-do list of people to kill, problems to solve, and such? I just feel really tired.”

Lyssa thinks that it is mostly your own fault. You go about completing your task in a complicated way. But you’re a Vanguard now. You can take a more direct path.

“Wow, you do advice as well.” I say, in a somewhat mocking tone.

Lyssa is your designated therapist. Should we talk about your feelings next?

“Ha, sure, go for it?”

You are confused at the moment, which is understandable given your past. You never had much freedom for yourself. You were mostly following orders and trying to survive. So now, when you are free, you become erratic.

“And this is a bad thing?”

Not entirely. Being unpredictable is good when it confuses your enemies, but it becomes a problem when you confuse yourself as well.

“So what you are saying is that I have been running around for so long, that I am even confused about what I am doing. How does that even make sense? I am in perfect control of myself.”

Are you? As soon as you put on your mask, you become a different person, and then there is most of today, where you have been fumbling around chasing ghosts. If you had just relaxed for a second and thought things through properly, things would have been resolved a lot sooner.

“Okay, you might have a point there. So how do I fix it then?”

Lyssa's recommendation is to take some time off and make some friends.

“Is that why you set me up with a date?

No, Lyssa just thought that would be funny.

“Ooh fuck off, you overengineered piece of spyware.”

But fostering a better relationship between you and Vanguard Liquid Catalyst is beneficial to your future. Especially if the two of you start working together more often.

“Fuck. I guess you are right. I have kind of been using her for the benefits she provides without giving anything in return.”

You tend to be a bit of a leech.

“Well, it is not my fault that I don’t have any points.”

You could always go out and hunt some antithesis.

“Yeah, and when am I supposed to do that? My calendar is full of stuff consistently. And you keep adding new stuff to it as well.”

Lyssa will cancel your date then, to create some free time.

“Wait, stop, don’t do that!” I do some thinking, only to come to a similar conclusion. “Fuck, I will call.”

With that, I look into my augs and go to my contacts. It takes me a bit to find the Bubble number, and then it takes me a bit more to find the courage to call. What the hell am I, some schoolboy now? As soon as I call she almost immediately picks up.

“Hey, Maniac. What is up?”

“Not much, really. Finally got home and found your popcorn, thanks. By the way, it gave me a real heart attack.”

“You’re welcome. I think it was kind of a weird request, but I had nothing better to do. Is that why you called?”

“No, not really, it's about our date. I was hoping we could do something more active.”

“Well, I don’t, uhh, I am kind of inexperienced, but is that kind of stuff not saved for, like, the second or third dates?” she says, while fumbling.

“I could not tell you. But I just really need some points so we can go on a normal date at a later time, if that is okay with you.”

“Ahh, you want to kill some antithesis.” she says, having come to some kind of conclusion.

“Yeah, I thought we could drive out into the new age desert and gather some points while working on our team play.”

“That sounds fun. We can stay the night there and go to Jason's barbecue on Sunday together.”

“Jason is having a barbecue?”

“Wait, you aren’t invited?” she says, with some shock and indignation. Cute.

She is, she just has not bothered reading her emails in a while.

“Who uses email these days anyway? It's such a dated system. Wait, hold up, how did he even get it in the first place?”

You’re not the only one capable of hacking.

“Well, that is something to keep in mind, but I guess that works. What time should we leave?”

“How about we meet at 10 o’clock at the hotel?”

“Sounds good. See you then, good night.”

“Good night”

With that I disconnect the call and do a quick look through my email. Lo and behold, there is actually an invite in it. It’s at his house and I don’t have to bring anything, just my good behaviour. Well, I am not really sure if I have that anymore, but I will try my best. I sent him a message back saying that I would be there.

“Wait a minute, with the second and third date, did she mean…?”

Were you not supposed to be smart?

“Hey fuck off, I am tired, okay?” I say, while crawling under my blankets so I can get some much-needed rest.

BING BONG IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP!

“Lyssa, for fuck sake,” I say when I get suddenly woken up by the screaming in my ear. I try to orient myself, but I am not awake enough to figure out completely where I am yet.

“Why the fuck are you doing this?” I shout out loudly.

It’s time to wake up. You have a meeting with Liam Müller soon.

“Who the fuck is that?” I asked, still trying to wake my tired ass up.

The hacker you told me to set up a meeting with. They want to meet you in the cafeteria of Diakonie-Klinikum.

“The hospital. Why would we meet there?”

Data shows that his mother is hospitalised there for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

“Ooh, well, that is something. So I guess I have to get ready and go there right now.”

That would be beneficial. He looks really jumpy.

“Fuck, let's hurry then.”

With that I throw off my pyjamas and jump into a suit. My wardrobe could really use some updates. It's either a suit or a complex dress. I grab some nutrient slurry out of my tiny fridge and run out of my room. I run through several corridors and sky bridges, until I reach the hospital. I really need a fucking car or something else that can transport me, because this is fucking ridiculous. I am too much of a techie to be in any good condition.

I try to sort myself out before I go into the hospital, but it is safe to say that I am a sweaty mess right now. I vaguely remember that at some point, I swore to myself that I would exercise more. Well, it is safe to say what happened to that vow; in the trash like my vow to watch less.. uhh… spicy videos.

Anyway, after walking past the reception, I made my way straight into the cafeteria. Why the hell do they have fast-food joints inside hospitals? That somehow feels counterproductive to what a hospital should stand for. Ooh, wait, no, I stand corrected. There is a gun vending machine in the corner that is probably the worst offender here. Well, at least you get free health insurance for a month if you buy a gun here.

Fuck, what was I doing here again? Ooh right, find the hacker. Where are you? There he is, he is sitting in a corner with a blue hoodie on. His frame is thin, like the kind of thin that makes you wonder when the last time he ate was. I slowly walk up to him, and once he sees me, relief seems to wash over him. That is strange, for sure. I do a quick check around all the cameras, but no dead zones for a while and no backup security to arrest me. It's so weird. I sit across from him at the table.

“Evelin, I am glad you could make it.” he says when I sit down.

“Well, there goes any suspicions I had if the info was real or not.” I say with a sigh. “How did you get it in in the first place?”

“Your email address.” he says, in a small voice. “I saw in Sparkling Magenta Explosions stream that Deatnite was having an event for Samurai. And knowing him and that he was kind of old school, I hacked into most of the email providers and checked for any mentions of a party. That is how I found you.”

‘Lyssa, please be so kind as to nuke my email for me?’

Do you prefer fission or thermonuclear?

‘Whatever you desire, I don’t care. Just make sure nobody can track me like that.’

“So, I guess you were expecting me to show up then instead of a corp. That is interesting.” I say, still contemplating the person in front of me.

“Yeah, well, everyone knows Samurai tech is better than whatever we could produce, so I was about 90% sure that you would show up.”

“And what if I didn’t?”

“Well, I gave the one that messaged me a fake description of myself, so I would just walk away, I guess; you are a lot different than I expected.”

“What, were you expecting me to walk in here with my sword drawn?” I say jokingly.

“Yeah, kind of. I was not expecting to survive this encounter.” He says in a grave tone.

“If you did not think you would survive, what were you expecting to get out of this?”

“I, well… Uhh... I want you to save my mother,” he said. “She has always worked hard to make sure that I had everything I needed, so I wanted to return the favour.”

“I guess I can do that, but what do I get in return?” I say, while checking out all his mother's credentials and previous jobs.

“I don’t spread the information online?” he says, in a way that makes it sound like a question instead.

“Okay, I bite. What if I just kill you now? You can’t spread it if you're dead.”

“If I don’t give the password before a certain time, the information will leak automatically.”

“And how can you be sure I won’t shut that down as well?”

“I can’t, but I am willing to take the bet.”

“Ha, I like you. Let me make you a different offer,” I say, getting jittery in my excitement. “You come to work for me, and I cure your mom as part of the family healthcare plan.”

“Wait, what? Just like that, you want me to work for you?” he says in his confusion.

“Yep, have you forgotten who you're dealing with? I am the insane Samurai, and I am in need of talented hackers, so recruiting the people that hack me seems like a good pool to pull talented people from. So what is your price?”

“2 million credits, no 3 million credits a month,” he says, looking nervous.

I raise my eyebrow. “Is that all?”

“I don’t know. Should I be asking for more?” he asks.

“You are asking the wrong person. I have not been paid a single credit in my life. But I did just have an idea. How about this: on top of your 3 million credits a month, I provide room and board, and I will allocate 50 points to you every month that you can spend however you wish. Is that acceptable?”

“Why would you give me so much?”

“Well, because if I want you to stay working for me, I need to give you something that other employers can’t.”

“That makes sense. So what will my job be, anyway?”

“Well, at the moment, I don’t have a project for you, so I would just like you to hack into some corporations and find as much dirt as you can. And make some articles about it.”

“Where should I post those articles? I don’t think any news site will take them.”

“Ooh, there are some websites that post novels that I have been keeping my eye on.”