Moonlit Waters

Claire hasn’t yet arrived when I enter the homeroom in the morning.

For a moment I stand in the door, a little lost, but then I see Mika wave at me. With a relieved smile, I plop down in the seat next to her. Emma’s already here, too, but she has slumped over onto the table, hiding her face behind her arms.

“Morning,” Mika says, giving me a small smile.

I halt. Her eyes are of a beautifully warm, dark brown. How did I never see before? How pretty they are, I mean.

Well, I probably never looked closely enough.

“Selena?”

Her voice pulls me from my momentary stupor.

“Something wrong?” She’s giving me a half-amused, half-concerned look.

I nod. “Yeah, no. It’s just…” Do I tell her? Is it weird if I say that? Will she think that I’m flirting with her? Because… because I used to be a guy… “Your eyes,” it slips out and I blush.

“Huh?” Now she’s just confused.

I shrug and look down. My face is hot. “They’re really pretty.” But isn’t dark brown a normal eye colour as well? But they really are pretty.

“Thank you!”

When I look up, she’s openly beaming at me.

“Yours are beautiful, too!”

My blush deepens. So giving compliments is okay, but I have to be prepared to receive some as well. Which is probably worse?

There’s a growl from underneath the sea of red hair next to Mika. “Y’all are in a far too good mood for this time.”

I eye her for a moment, but she doesn’t move. Then I glance at Mika.

“What happened to her?” I whisper then. She seemed to be quite awake around this time yesterday.

Mika grins in reply. “She stayed awake until four in the morning to watch the series I recommended her,” she whispers back.

“I can hear you!” Emma snarls. “You’re so going to hell for doing this to me. You should know better than to tell me about a cool series when it’s not the end of the week. That’s dangerous misguidance.”

“What’s the name of the series?” I ask, leaning forward to have a better line of view onto Emma.

“My Name,” comes the groaned reply and Mika adds, “It’s a Korean production, a revenge-thriller is what you call it, I think? It’s got great action and cool romance.”

“The lead actress is so fucking hot,” is Emma’s muffled comment.

“Huh?” I turn. “You like girls?”

“Yes?” She moves her arm to be able to look at me sidelong. “Shouldn’t you of all people be less surprised by queerness than, like, everybody else in this room?”

I shrug, once again blushing. I should, probably.

“Probably? Sorry. Still growing into all this.”

“Don’t worry about it, pretty.” She winks at me. “You can make up for it in the broom closet.”

I’m still trying to figure out what she meant with that when Mika hits her on the shoulder.

“Don’t make her uncomfortable, you nympho.”

I’m about to ask Mika what that means and probably get laughed at, when a voice behind me says,
“Morning giiirls!”

It’s Claire, of course, her dark-blonde locks tied back in a ponytail.

“Did I miss something?”

I move my bag out of the way so it doesn’t block her chair any longer, then realise that I’m sitting in the chair she had yesterday and move to get up.

“Oh, sorry-” I begin, but she interrupts me.

“Sit!” She demands firmly and before I know it, I’ve sat back down.

She grins and pulls out her chair, sitting down next to me.

“Thank God you’re here now, Emma was trying to seduce Selena.”

“Fake news!” Emma tries to defend herself. “I was just offering… advanced anatomy lessons.”

“Exploration through touch and taste, huh?” Claire replies with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Mika pulls a face and brings up both hands to hide it. “Ew! Gross!”

Emma, now looking much more awake, smirks at her as well. “Not our fault you’re such a virgin.”

The other girl drops her hands in outrage. “I’m not even-”

Emma waves it off nonchalantly. “Yeah you say that, but concerning you I won’t believe anything until I’ve seen it.”

My eyes bulge and snort loudly, trying to hold in laughter.

“Do you want to watch me or what? What kind of new fetish is that now?”

Emma’s smirk stays. “That, or I could just do it with you, that would do the… job.”

Claire leans in close, whispering, “I promise we’re not always like that. Only-”

“About half the freaking time!” Mika interrupts her. “Please tell me you’re not gonna be like them,” she says and gives me puppy eyes so cute I can’t help but burst into laughter.

-

I don’t know whose idea it was to place PE in first period. It just makes so little sense. It takes at least twenty minutes for everybody to wake up properly and when you’re done, you have to give the students extra time to shower and half of them don’t do it anyway, running around sweaty, smelly and tired for the rest of the day.

I agree with Emma’s theory that whoever created the timetable for our class definitely has sadistic tendencies.

The four of us are currently heading towards the gymnasium, Emma and Mika laughing about some none-sexual joke Emma must have made.

I’m not listening. I just realised something: the changing rooms. There are only two: the boys’ and the girls’. Yes, I’ve used the women’s restrooms before, but that’s something completely different. How did I not realise earlier? I could’ve just changed in one of the stalls there.

I stop. I still can. It’s for the best, right? That way I can’t make anybody uncomfortable and I won’t have to strip in front of so many eyes.

I’ve never particularly liked changing rooms. Probably because I didn’t like exposing my imperfect body. And now it just feels… weird?

“What’s wrong?” Claire asks, having stopped and turned to look at me.

“I think I-” I swallow and point back to the building behind me. “I think I’ll change in the women’s restroom.”

“Nonsense,” is the instant reply. Before I know it, she’s stepped forward and firmly taken my wrist in her hand. “You’re coming with us. You wanna be a girl? Then bloody act like one, too.”

She’s acting annoyed, but the hidden grin is visible in her eyes.

“What’s going on?” Mika asks from the side once we’ve caught up with her and Emma. They hadn’t even realised we’d stopped.

“Princess here is acting coy,” Claire announces, smugly pointing her thumb at me.

Mika gives me an apologetic shrug.

“By the way, do you like girls?” Emma asks with an innocent grin.

I shake my head immediately. “I mean, I don’t think I do.”

“See?” Mika grins, giving Emma a light shove. “If anything, we’d have to lock her out of the changing rooms, not you.”

I feel a warmth rise in my chest. In spite of the discomfort and worry about what’s to come, I know they’re with me. She wants me to be one of them, it seems.

So I let her pull me along, through the doors of the gymnasium and into the changing room. Not many are there yet, five apart from us. None of them look up. One turns to face away from me as she takes off her shirt, but I don’t mind that. She’s not telling me to get lost, just…

Still, I focus my gaze on the tiled floor beneath my feet, making sure not to look anywhere that might be misunderstood.

I’m glad I put on the sports bra this morning and not a normal one, the minor discomfort of a little more pressure on my chest in exchange for the major discomfort of having to strip completely, is definitely worth it.

I change quickly and without looking to either side. The others don’t talk too much either. Soon enough, I’m tying the laces of my new shoes, we’re outside for training today.

“Alright, girl,” Claire says as we step out into the cool morning.

Okay, I have to admit, exercising at this time of the day and being a little smelly is still better than dying of a heat stroke in a few hours.

“Ready to kick some ass?”

We have athletics today. Jumping, running, throwing. How do you kick ass in those?

I nod anyway and grin. “Absolutely.”

-

The night is beautiful and bright, an almost full moon plunges the world around me in its silvery twilight, the air smells of dry bark and fern and fresh leaves. In the distance, an owl hoots.

I feel light, I feel right, I feel happily tired after a day of boring classes and fun with my friends. A new experience to me, but still so ordinary, in a way. No worry about hiding my identity from Alex, no avoiding the mirror in the restrooms, no breaks spent on my own. This is how it ought to be, isn’t it?

With a hum, I take out my phone and open the contacts list. I don’t have to scroll far to find Isa, I don’t have a lot of numbers saved.

I don’t have to wait long before she picks up.

“Hey giiirl,” her voice sounds through the speaker and makes my stomach warm. Somebody else already called me that today. “How was your second day of school? I hope you’re doing good?”

It’s not the first time we’ve talked since she left. She knows about Reyna and my feeble attempt at grocery shopping, about how Alex and I are officially together now and how his parents reacted to my having changed. She even has pictures of literally everything in my wardrobe now. She insisted on it.

But we didn’t talk yesterday, so there’s a lot to tell now.

“Yeah, I’m doing good. How are you?” I ask nevertheless, even though I know that she really doesn’t care much to talk about herself.

“School started for me too.” She sighs. “I’m glad to be back with my friends at home, but I miss you, Lena.”

I don’t know when I started smiling, but I am now.

“I miss you too.”

“I’ll so come and visit you as soon as possible. No getting rid of me.” Pause. “So, no longer diversion. How’re things going for you?”

The smile turns into a grin. “Good. I made friends.”

“You did?! I’m so proud of you! How are they? What’re their names?”

“Claire, Emma, and Mika. They’re really nice. They just accepted me into their group like it was nothing. Honestly, I always thought they were just pretty girls and kinda dismissed them, but they’re so fun to be around.” Well, I also never really paid enough attention to realise, did I?

“Never judge a book by its cover,” Isa laughs from the other end of the line.

“I suppose so. I’m sure it’d be a great idea to invest the time to get to know everybody, you know. I mean, I can now kinda see your approach to getting to know people, but at the same time it’s so far out of my comfort zone.”

I can almost hear her nod. “Yeah, don’t worry. Everybody’s interesting in their own way and you shouldn’t forget that, but that doesn’t mean there’s an obligation for you to appreciate every identity you come across. You wouldn’t expect that from anybody else either, would you?”

I laugh. “No, certainly not.”

A short pause ensues and I lean back against the tree I’m sitting at.

“So, how’s everybody at school reacting to your backstory?”

She knows this was a major point of worry for me before school started.

“Nobody really seems to care… I mean, the boys that made fun of me at the store also tried at school, but they left me alone when Alex was with me and when they really went for it, that’s when I got to know Claire. She tutors one of them and threatened telling his parents and now they’ve completely backed off.”

She giggles. “Seems like a person I’d like.”

“I’m telling you. She’s totally like you, far as I can tell. Kind and extroverted and funny and freakishly pretty to boot.”

“Oh stop it, you!” she laughs. “You’re making me blush. And anyway, you’re much prettier than me.”

I doubt she’ll ever get me to believe that, but I know she means it by the way the laughter leaves her voice. What I want to reply is something true to my thoughts, something that gives voice to my insecurity. But I know she knows about that and anyway, I’m supposed to learn to accept compliments gracefully, so I just say, “Thanks.”

Isa reacts accordingly, whooping and dropping her phone to applaud.

“So,” I say eventually, when both of us have stopped giggling, “do you know yet when you’re coming over again? I’d love to introduce you to my new friends.”

“I really don’t know. It’ll probably be on pretty short notice, if I make it? I’ve got a friend’s birthday coming up next Saturday and I also really can’t afford falling behind in my classes.”

I nod. “Alright. There’s always a spot in my bed or on the carpet for you. Just tell me a few hours before you arrive so I can tidy up a little,” I add grinning. Now that I have so many clothes it’s so easy to leave them lying around.

She acts offended. “Don’t you dare give me the carpet! You know full well what Pearl said about that.”

“Yeah… I guess I don’t have a choice, then.”

“Um, one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“Do you think, if your new friends asked you to go out with them, would you say yes?”

“You mean on a date?”

“No, you dork. Clubbing or to the café or something, you know, something other than meeting at school.”

“I don’t see why I wouldn’t say yes, then.”

“I’m glad. You know, I was a bit afraid when I left that you’d just kind of drown in the crowds at school and return to old habits…”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”