Moonlit Waters

My sister doesn’t seem to remember the encounter in the morning.

When I come down to the breakfast table and sit with my family to eat, I ask her how she slept.

She, in turn, simply smiles broadly, says she slept great, and returns the question.

The atmosphere at the table is good. My parents are obviously glad I’m being a little more outgoing, but they hold back still. They actively try not to overdo it; they’re giving me the time I need.

As sunshine falls through the window, warming my bare feet, I eat and talk – even laugh a little.

From time to time, my thoughts circle back to the last night, to how different this house and the world entirely had seemed. I can live like that, can’t I? In these two worlds, as two separate people?

Well, not all that separate. Both of them are me, I am both of them.

And yet still, every time I wake up after having spent the night as Selena, I feel like I’m leaving a part of myself behind. Lost in the world of dreams.

‘Because she doesn’t exist at day. She just goes ‘poof’ and disappears for as long as the sun shines.’

But there’s little to be done about that, is there? Even if I could prove all this – because I’d certainly have to prove it, no one would believe me otherwise – I’m not sure I’d want to.

Being Selena is my very own, precious little secret. I’ve come to realise that it’s not just the nights in the middle of the lake with Alex. It’s not just the stars, it’s not just our conversations. I like being Selena and everything that comes along with it. I like the personality I adopt without conscious effort, I like the way my body feels and I like the way my voice sounds. I like being able to leave Timothy and all of his problems behind.

I don’t want to lose all that.

Breakfast draws out longer than expected. By the time I arrive at the hostel – where Isabella and I have agreed to meet – I’m half an hour late.

She’s sitting on the low wall that divides the parking slots from the street, her legs dangling.

I can’t help but inwardly salute Alex. He knew even before I did.

Isabella’s incredibly pretty. She’s wearing jeans shorts and a black top, her hair tied back flawlessly in two braids that reach all the way to the small of her back.

The outfit does a great job showing off her long legs and slim figure. Her delicate collarbone is accentuated by a silver necklace. I don’t look close enough to see what the charm is.

“There you are!” she says, shielding her eyes against the sun as I draw near.

“Here I am,” I reply awkwardly, stopping before her. I have nothing with me but a water bottle. It’s made of metal and has a small handle at the top so that I can carry it more easily.

“Do you have something to drink?”

She holds up her own bottle. “Yup. Where’re we going?”

I point in the direction. “Unless you haven’t been at the lake yet?”

“I have.”

“Then it’s along here.”

Making sure I’m not walking too fast for her to keep pace, I lead the way away from the hostel and in direction of the forest paths. The air is hot and heavy around us, I’m already sweating.

“So, tell me about yourself,” she demands cheerfully.

“Uh… I don’t think there’s much to tell,” I say, feeling myself blush. But really, there isn’t much to say. What makes up my identity? Yeah…

Isabella doesn’t waver. “So start with the basics then.”

“Those being?”

“Okay, an easy one. How do you define yourself? What are your most important traits?”

My jaw drops. “That’s supposed to be easy?” Did I ever, in my entire life think about that? Nope, I don’t think so.

She nods. “Are you saying you disagree?”

“You go first, if it’s so easy,” I say, a little baffled. I need something to go by.

“Alright.” Readying herself, she looks ahead at the nearing forest. “So, I think of myself as a rather extroverted person. I like talking to people, I like listening to them. I’m interested in the stories behind a person, how somebody got to be the way they are. Us humans are incredibly complex entities.” Her brief thoughtfulness gives way to a grin. “Funnily enough, I absolutely can’t stand stupid people. I mean, not just not smart people, but those assholes that hold on to their believes despite being proven wrong. I’m a firm believer in the scientific process and I absolutely can’t fucking stand it when somebody won’t even try to enter a discourse.”

She has talked herself angry, but the emotion quickly dissipates, now that she’s done.

“Don’t worry, I’m not very political, though I probably should be? Well, anyway. I love going around town with friends, everything from clubbing to cinema. And when I’m not doing that, I like to watch sappy romance movies with my best friend, or, well, sometimes also on my own.” Her smile grows a little embarrassed. “The rest of my time I spend obsessively researching random celebrities to the point I feel like I know them better than myself.”

“Why would you do that?” I never cared much for the life of celebrities. The way I see it, far too many of them are simply hypocrites. And even if they are honest about their lives and struggles - seeing somebody with world-wide fame, loads of money and a pretty face talk about depression doesn’t make me feel very understood.

“People interest me, remember?”

Our steps grow lighter as the pleasantly cool forest air engulfs us.

“Besides that… I helped out at a homeless shelter, earlier this summer. Spent most of the time talking to the homeless, my boss kinda hated me for it. But I also wasn’t being paid so… He couldn’t exactly afford to kick me out. It was really nice, but I’m not sure I’d want to work there for the rest of my life… I’d like to study psychology and become a psychotherapist or something. But as of now my grades are too bad for that. And I’m also not rich enough to make that not matter.”

So that’s a lot of information. It’s certainly a way to introduce yourself and leave an impression behind.

“So. Your turn, now,” she says and pokes my shoulder.

I look around. “We’ve got to get off the path now.” A short glance at her bare legs tells me that walking straight through the brambles is a no-go. “Uhm… There’s a fallen tree over there. We should be able to walk on that.”

“Hey!” she laughs. “No backing out now. I told you my version, now you tell me yours!”

“I’m not trying to get out of it, okay?” Again, my face grows hot. “It’s just… not very exciting.”

“Let me be the judge of that, will ya?” Her enthusiasm is almost contagious. Almost.

We reach the long-dead piece of wood, partially overgrown with brambles. For now they won’t hinder us. “Ever heard of League of Legends?” I ask, turning my head as I balance casually along the narrow walkway.

“Yes. Don’t they have really good and epic music?”

I nod. “I’m one of the lost souls that spend most of their time playing that game. I suppose I’m halfway decent at it. But only really if I play together with Alex – which is most of the time.”

“So you play bottom lane?”

“Yes.”

“Which of you supports?”

“I do. Surprised?”

“No, not really.” With a light chuckle, she drops onto the forest floor beside me. “It’s not like I know much about the game. A friend once set me down and tried to explain it all, but I remember only scraps.”

“Well, don’t worry. I won’t try. Alex and I’ve been playing duo for… what’s it now? Six? Seven years? Not always actively, but this summer we’re playing a lot.”

“Huh.” She cocks her head thoughtfully. “Anything else? Any… ambitions? Ways you spend your evenings away from League?”

“Uh…” I can’t tell her that I like to go swimming, else she might invite me to go with her. That would be a fine disaster. “I don’t really do much else. I watch Youtube and Netflix, but with no real preference? Gaming content on Youtube, I suppose. For ambitions, well, the only plan for the future I have right now is to go to university with Alex? He wants to study oceanography and then spend the rest of his life underwater if possible. I guess I’ll just see where he’s going and then pick a course that interests me at the same university.”

She gives me another curious look and I feel my heart skip a beat.

Shouldn’t I be trying to make myself look interesting? Well, great job on that, idiot. But also, what is there out of the ordinary that I could tell her? Right, not much.

“The two of you get along quite well, huh?”

I nod. “You could say that. We’ve got a lot of history together.”

“Since when do you know each other?”

“Since kindergarten. Been friends ever since.”

“Do you have any other friends?”

Our way leads us into the narrow space in between to slopes. “No, not really.”

“So you’re introverted?”

I snort. “Certainly. Alex isn’t, though. He gets along with just about everybody. Well, it’s not like I wouldn’t get along with them. I just… like to keep to myself.”

Which, to be fair, is only half of the truth. I like to keep to myself because people I don’t know very well make me nervous. It’s draining, not being able to predict somebody’s behaviour.

“I feel honoured to have you here with me, then.” She gives me a lopsided smirk.

“Not like I had much of a choice, huh?” No! You weren’t supposed to say that!

The remark makes her crease her brow. “Of course you had. You could’ve just said no when I asked.”

My face grows hot. How do I get out of this? “You know full well I didn’t. Saying no in that situation would’ve made me look even more stupid than I’m making myself look right now.”

“You’re not making yourself look stupid.”

“Stop lying.”

“Okay, now you are. Why are you so stubborn on this?”

I take a deep breath, try to refocus myself. “It’s…” I breathe out, then take another deep breath, breathe out again. Back to normal. “This is pretty much why I like to keep to myself. I get nervous and then I say things that I don’t even really mean… Sorry. Do you think we could maybe start that last part over?” I can barely make myself look at her, for simple fear of seeing some negative emotion on her face.

But there are none. Only an amused smile that easily reaches all the way to her eyes.

“Or we could just take note of that and move on,” she suggests. “You could tell me what you really meant to say? Don’t worry, take your time. There’s no rush.”

I focus my gaze on the ground a few steps ahead, collecting myself. After a few seconds, I say, “I don’t mind being here. I mean, there’s a part of me that certainly doesn’t want to be here – nothing personal, I just don’t know you – but the option would be to hang in my room and play League. On my own, Alex has swimming practice.”

“But that’s what we’re currently trying to change, right? I mean, that you don’t know me. If you want to, you’ve got all day to get to know me. And if you let me, I would like to use the time to get to know you as well. Sound like a deal?”

I nod. I’m honestly baffled at her sober approach to my awkwardness. It makes things… easier.

“Great-” she stops dead in her tracks and tilts her head slightly, listening.

I know what she’s heard. The sound of falling water. It’s not very loud, there won’t be a lot of water in the waterfall. It hasn’t rained in some time.

But the sound is there still.

A tiny part of me is excited to see her reaction. It is the first time I share this with anybody besides Alex, after all.

“Is that… a waterfall?” she asks with her brow furrowed in concentration. The waterfall is still roughly a hundred yards away. But we’ll be able to see it through the trees once we’ve climbed the slope ahead of us.

I shrug and try my best to maintain a poker face. “See for yourself.”

She speeds up and swiftly climbs up the slope. Soon as her head reaches past the edge, she stops.

I hurry to catch up, just in time to see her bring her hand up to conceal a gasp.

“This is…” She turns towards me and giddy excitement lights up her eyes. “… so pretty!”

She rushes forwards, stumbles, only barely catching catching herself.

“And nobody knows about this?” she asks not long after, as we slow down by the waterfall.
I shrug. “I don’t know anybody who does – aside of Alex and I, of course.”

“But how?” She crouches by the plunge pool to feel the water. “How could anybody overlook something so beautiful?”

I shrug once more. “They come here for the lake. I don’t think they go looking much.”

“What a shame. Well, probably not to you, huh?”

“No, I’m actually pretty glad there’re no tourists trashing this place.”

I’m not sure she’s listening by the time I finish my sentence. Her eyes have caught at the top of the waterfall, where Alex and I sat not too long ago. “For how long have you known of this place?” she asks as she hops onto the first boulder. The climb isn’t particularly difficult, the rock forms something almost like stairs – most of the steps are knee- or hip-height.

“Ten years maybe? Alex and I used to go around exploring pretty much everywhere we could reach on foot or bicycle.”

“And have you been coming here a lot?” She has reached the top now and settles into Alex’s seat with a satisfied sigh.

“We used to. But not much recently. We did come here the day before yesterday, though.”

I take my usual seat. But now that it’s not Alex sitting next to me, but a strange girl, it feels a little close. I shift my weight a little, but don’t move. She’d catch onto that.

“Revisiting the old places, huh?”

I nod. “It’s really nostalgic. He even made this lemonade his mother used to give us along on our trips.”

Her smile grows a little dreamy. “You like him a lot, don’t you?”

I nod again.

“But who could blame you. He does sound like a great friend.”

Absently, I scratch at my forearm. “You don’t know the half of it. He’s like… I don’t know. He’s always really looked out for me. Like, even when we were just playing pretend, he’d never leave me behind and always make sure I was having fun. Once, when I scraped my knee open really badly, he carried me all the way home while all I had to do was to press his shirt against the wound. Afterwards, when I’d gotten stitches and everything and wasn’t allowed to leave the house for a week, he visited me every day and brought me lemonade and his Wii so we could play Mario Kart.”

“Wow.” She looks genuinely impressed. “He must be strong.”

“He is,” I agree. “Granted, at the time he was a foot taller than me. He hit puberty way earlier than me, but I reckon he could still do it. Not like I’m particularly heavy.”

“You think you could carry me that far?” she asks with a sudden grin. Her eyes gleam with humour.

“Uuuh no?” It’s not like I consider myself weak. I’m sportive, but my build is still rather lean and I’ve never been one to lift heavy weights. Okay, fair, she doesn’t look particularly heavy. She’s a little shorter than me and seems healthily thin. She probably does some sort of sport.

“Oh c’mon. Don’t be a bore.” She jumps to her feet. “Please? I’m sure you can do it. And I promise I won’t laugh if you don’t.”

Her excitement is contagious.

“I mean,” I say with the beginnings of a smile on my face, “I could try to piggyback you to the next cool spot? It isn’t that far…”

“Alright, come then.” She beckons me excitedly.

I get up and crouch before her. She climbs onto my back and I push back up into a standing position.

It’s… alright. She’s not particularly heavy, but not light either.

What’s really got my mind occupied is the way she’s pressed against me. Her head is right next to mine, she’s leaning forward so she can press her arms against my chest and hold on without having to strangle me. Her breasts are in full contact with my shoulders, lightly pushing against my muscles.

My first few steps are a little wobbly. There’s a huge difference between just standing with her on my back and walking, but her encouraging words drive me forward.

“You’re doing great!”

It doesn’t take long and I’ve figured out the way I have to hold our weight forward a little to make walking easier.

It’s fairly easy to walk upstream a bit until the slope back down to the level of the plunge pool isn’t too steep.

Well, it might not be very steep, but it still makes me struggle more than enough. I actually have to walk sideways, careful to hold my balance so I won’t fall.

By the time the ground is level again, my legs feel weak and wobbly. But I’m grinning.

“Good job!” Isabella says, careful not to speak too loudly as her mouth is pretty much next to my ear. “Do you think you could run now?”

I can see the oak from where I’m standing. It’s maybe eighty yards? I might be able to do that.
“But you’ll have to hold on well.”

“Okay!”

Her thighs press into my sides firmly and she hooks her feet into one another.

Slowly, I lean forward until I almost fall, then I push off the ground.

Running with a lot of weight on your back turns out to be even harder than walking. No surprises there.

I put up a good fight, though. Despite rising levels of exhaustion, I make it two thirds of the way. I might even have made it all the way, but at that point I’m so tired I don’t pay proper attention to the ground below. My foot hits a root and I fall. Isabella gives a yelp and lets go of me to land beside me. I try to catch myself with my hands, but I end up landing on my side.

In spite of her promise, Isabella laughs. But I do too. I feel so light suddenly, I’m completely out of breath and I’ll probably carry away more than just one bruise. But I laugh still, and I don’t even really know why. Maybe because of the absurdity of it all. I – being the awkward, depressed person I am – piggybacking a strange, beautiful girl through the forest. And now we fell and she doesn’t seem to care at all.

“I’m glad I talked to you yesterday,” Isabella wheezes from behind me. “This is gonna be a great vacation.”