Moonlit Waters

Later that day, Isa and I go to Alex’s place. I’d told her about all my memories of playing with Alex, she’d told me she wanted to try it too. She’d never been particularly good at any sort of gaming, but that could always be changed, right?

When Alex leads us into his room, Pearl is waiting on the sofa, a large bowl of chips in her lap.

She’s going to get her controller dirty, but Alex is used to having to clean them up afterwards. It’s part of the tradition.

Seeing Isa, her jaw drops. “Is she your new girlfriend?” she asks with a broad smile that could mean I’m gonna make this interaction as uncomfortable for you as humanly possible as well as oh, an exciting new person I am excited to meet.

I, being myself, blush deeply. Isa sees it and takes on the same expression as my sister. “No, I’m not. Not yet, anyway.”

Well, what can I say? Despite the superficial discomfort, there’s a beautiful little warmth below, that wouldn’t have been there a few days ago.

Alex comes to save the day quickly enough, diverting the girls’ attention to the question of drinks.

After that, Alex and I settle on the couch, Pearl and Isa sit on the carpet before us. The couch downstairs would offer enough space, but it is blocked by his parents watching TV.

There isn’t even a discussion about who gets to sit where, Pearl has always been the one to sit on the floor and Isa simply settles at my feet and leans against my legs.

Turns out she’d been understating it a bit, when saying she wasn’t much of a gamer. At least for the first match, she’s absolutely terrible. Even Pearl laps her almost twice in a match of only three rounds. My sister spends the next ten minutes explaining every button’s function on the controller. Isa had been simply guessing before.

The next match, we let her drive the first round for practice and only then started. Of course, we win still, but it isn’t as clear anymore. Then, when Alex and I take to simply trolling each other all game long, it grows to actually become a tight race.

The evening is fun. Time flies and before we know it, it’s midnight.

Alex realises with a start he fails miserably to conceal.

“Pearl,” he says then. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to go to bed soon?”

She looks up at him innocently. Those puppy eyes. “Can’t we do one more? I have holidays, I can sleep in tomorrow.”

For the first time this evening, I don’t suppress the yawn. “No, sorry. I should really get to bed too. It’s late and I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule.”

“What sleep schedule?” Pearl asks with a pout.

“The one I’ll be starting today.”

Isa is the first to get to her feet.

“Yeah, I should probably get going too.” She stretches with a yawn. “I hope we’ll find the opportunity for a rematch, I still haven’t gotten first.”

“Tomorrow?” Pearl asks hopefully.

Alex shakes his head and gets up as well. “I was thinking that tomorrow,” he turns to look at me, “we could be going to a party.” As if wanting to provide an excuse, he adds, “After all, Isa here has no clue how us countryfolk do it.”

Nervously, I glance at the girl standing next to me. She’s eyeing me as well. “I mean… If Timothy wants to go, I’d be glad to come along. But I wouldn’t mind playing Mario Kart again.”

Before I can think better of it, I shake my head decidedly. “No, I’d like to go to the party.”

I’m not being pressured. I want to do this.

If playing Mario Kart with a girl I got to know today can be fun, why wouldn’t a party be as well?

That makes it official. At his insistence, we leave Alex behind to tidy up the room by himself. I’m sure he’ll be quick to make his way to the lake. Against his expectations, he’ll find the rocks deserted. But there’s little to be done about that.

Pearl and I walk Isa all the way to the hostel before returning home. At the doorstep, Isa gives me a questioning look.

“How do you countryfolk say goodbye, once you’re officially not strangers anymore?”

I shrug. “How do the cityfolk do it?” She’s being considerate and I’m telling her, that I’m willing to go along with her.

“Hug?”

“Sure.”

It’s not the first time we’ve had physical contact. It doesn’t feel awkward. It’s natural in a way. She’s a nice hugger, her embrace is firm and lasts just the right amount of time for me to take in her warmth and the smell of her shampoo. For me to feel her body against mine, her breath against my neck.

I’m almost expecting Pearl to kill the mood with something along the lines of get a room! but she doesn’t say anything.

When Isa has finally gone through the door after hugging her as well, she simply says, “I like her.” and we walk home quietly.

Only when she has brushed her teeth and closed the door to her room behind her, do I gather my things and make my way outside.

By the time I arrive at the lake, it is one AM. The air has cooled considerably throughout the last few hours, it’s still pleasant enough, though.

I don’t put on Alex’s shirt this time. It’ll take too long to dry at the rocks and I don’t want to catch a cold. The trunks though – yeah, there’s no way I’m going without.

My stomach prickles with pleasant anticipation as I ease myself into the water. I know he’ll be there, waiting for me. I know he’s looking forward to it.

Picturing his face, imagining his voice makes me swim faster. It drives small shivers down my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Indeed, he is waiting for me. He’s sitting cross-legged, a black trash bag next to him.
“I hope you didn’t wait too long,” I say as I climb onto the rock.

I know, of course, that he didn’t. But that’s not the point. Selena isn’t Timothy. I am not Timothy. Right now, I am Selena.

“No, you’re fine. Don’t worry.”

Settling against the wall, I eye the trash bag. “Did you bring that?”

He nods proudly. “Want a towel?” he opens the bag and holds out a white fluffy towel.

I give him a confused look. “If you brought a towel, why didn’t you use it yourself?”

He shrugs. “Because I wasn’t sure whether you’d want to use it if I had used it beforehand. And now I’ve dried pretty much by myself anyway.”

Well. So that’s nice of him, but still a bit weird? I don’t think about it much, though.

“You didn’t bring that bag just so I could have a towel, did you?” I ask as I rub the fabric over my skin.

He’s aware, that I’m not wearing his shirt today. He has acknowledged it with just a flicker of his eyes downwards, but hasn’t said anything about it. And since then, his eyes have stayed firmly trained onto my face or somewhere else entirely. So, once I’m done, I don’t leave the towel around my shoulders, but put beside me.

I do feel a little exposed, but showing off my body also makes me feel beautiful. And feeling beautiful makes me feel good. It’s simple as that.

“No, of course not. I hope you’re hungry.” With a wink, he pulls a bottle and a lunch box from the bag.

He hands them to me and I hold them, as he gets out a pair of plastic cups, carefully placing them on the rock between us.

“Do you remember how I told you about the lemonade I made for my friend the other day?” he asks casually and takes the glass bottle from my hand. He opens it and fills one of the cups, handing it to me.

I nod, dumbfounded by the amount of work and thought he must’ve put into this.

“Well, I was hoping you’d like a taste for yourself.”

I take the cup and set the lunch box down on the rock.

“But how? All this together… isn’t that like kinda difficult to get all the way out here?”

He shakes his head. “It would be, had I not put in a few empty plastic bottles. That way I just had to pull the bag along.”

He falls silent and looks at me expectantly.

I know what he wants. Slowly, I raise the cup to my lips, angle it until the cool liquid spills into my mouth.

Expecting the taste doesn’t make it any less good. I don’t have to fake the small moan or the smile as I put the cup back down.

“This is… Thank you for putting in all the work. I mean, now I feel kinda bad I didn’t bring anything.”

He waves it off. “We’d have too much then anyway. So you like it?”

I nod. “That’s understating it.” Tapping my index finger against the lid of the lunch box, I ask, “What’ve you got in there?”

“Sandwiches. Did you have dinner today?”

My stomach growls in reply. I don’t think I did, actually. Unless you count half a bag of chips.

Without my needing to say another word, he takes the lid off the box.

“I didn’t either.”

The sandwiches are good. Not as amazing as the lemonade, but that’s not really possible, is it? I don’t associate five years of memories with them.

I’ve eaten two before I even consider slowing down, another one before I actually do.

“You’re a lifesaver,” I mumble, still chewing, hiding my mouth behind a hand.

“Glad you like it.”

The lunch box is still half full, but I’m not that hungry anymore and I don’t want to seem greedy. So I stop and sit back.

“You said you didn’t come here that early, did you? Can’t have taken you all evening to prepare this.”

I know he enjoyed the evening with me. But what is his opinion of Isa? What does he think of my beginning friendship with her?

Only one way to find out.

“No, it didn’t.” He smiles. “Actually, my friend and his sister came over. And he brought along a girl.” He claps his hands excitedly, like a child on Christmas morning.

I raise an eyebrow. “He did?”

Alex drops the act and nods. “To be fair, I kinda sat them up? But they seem to be getting along well. I met her yesterday when we were at the hostel.”

“And do you like her?”

He shrugs. “I guess so? But more importantly, Timothy likes her. I mean, he’s been getting better so quickly, having a relationship would really help him stay well, I hope.” He pauses. When finally he goes on, his words are slow and thoughtful.

“Do you think the comet has… magical properties?” Another pause. “Like, all across the globe there are reportings of supernatural occurrences, but do you think it could actually be true? Do you think the comet is… helping my friend get better?”

My face grows hot, but I don’t think he can see it in the dark. He has no clue how close he is to the truth.

“You know,” he chuckles, “maybe you’re an illusion sent by the comet to accompany me in these times of change.” Suddenly, his voice grows very serious. It’s like all of a sudden all other sounds are muted. His voice is the only sound to fill the silence with a sudden crispness, reverberating within the empty space. “I’m just scared, somehow, that you’re not even real.”

I laugh. “Don’t worry, I’m very much-” And then I fall silent.

Am I real?

Isn’t this nothing more than an illusion sent to accompany me in these times of change, as I find my way back into the world of the living? However real being Selena may feel, it dawns on me that it can’t be permanent.

“And what if I wasn’t? What if I wasn’t real, but wanted to be?” I meant to say it with a cheesy grin, but my voice comes out sober and my features stay serious. I’m not thinking about what I’m saying, not the way I’d usually think and try to predict the reaction of my counterpart. I’m just doing what feels… right.

And that’s the reason why, when Alex furrows his brow and opens his mouth to reply, I lean in and silence him with a kiss.

It is a swift and tender motion. My lips only briefly brush against his, I feel his breath catch and already I’m retreating. But not far. I stop maybe a foot away, cautiously aware of every twitch in his expression.

He doesn’t flinch away, he doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. He looks baffled, simply put.

So, when he opens his mouth the next time, I lean in again. He sees it coming and this time he kisses me back.

I feel the warmth of his breath against my face, his lips against mine. It is perfect in a simple, pristine way.

When I pull away just a bit to catch my breath, my lips smile a big, dumb smile and I don’t even try to suppress it. Once more, there’s a pleasant tingling sensation in my stomach region.

Alex. He’s so… perfect.

And that’s the moment when finally, I do think about it. It’s the moment when everything goes sideways and the perfectness is ripped away violently, like an aircraft’s wings, leaving the cabin to plummet down into the night. Destruction awaiting.

Alex leans in to kiss me again, but this time, I flinch.

I feel nauseous. How dare I? I’m leading him on, I’m deceiving my best friend! What does it matter, that I actually feel this way? In a week’s time, the comet will leave. Selena will vanish and leave only Alex and Timothy behind. If I continue like this, it’ll break his heart, won’t it? I can’t do that to him, not after everything he’s done for me.

“What-” he seems confused, scared even. “Something wrong?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s…” I look around nervously. “Thanks for the food, I’ve… got to go now.”

The smile I manage is pathetic and unconvincing.

“Hey, what’s-” he moves to grab me by the wrist but thinks better of it, stopping halfway through the motion. “What’s wrong? Please! Talk to me!” he’s desperate, but I don’t stop.

With a single fluid motion, I slide off the rock and into the water. It is cold as ice.

“I’m sorry.”