My Ex-Girlfriend Regrets Dumping Me

45 – Under the Name of Friends (5)

I couldn’t figure out how to answer my aunt’s question.

Does my aunt not know?

Did Hayeon not explain things to my aunt?

Or does she know that we broke up and is still asking?

Whichever it was, it was a question that I couldn’t easily answer.

“…You broke up, right? Even I know, Auntie knows too.”

“…”

It seemed like she knew everything and still asked.

The more she did, the more curious I became about my aunt’s intentions.

“And I heard that you’re reconciling and becoming friends again. Hayeon told me.”

She wasn’t completely oblivious.

Why bring up the topic of Hayeon and me here?

I couldn’t fathom a guess as to why.

“…Ah…Yes…Somehow it ended up like this.”

I couldn’t pick up the chopsticks.

As the uncomfortable feeling grew, it didn’t feel like anything could enter my mouth.

My aunt let out a small sigh and spoke to me.

“…Thank you for forgiving Hayeon. Gyunyul.”

“Yes?”

And unexpectedly, the expression of gratitude continued.

It made me slightly bewildered.

“During the time that I couldn’t reconcile with her, she went through a really tough time. But lately, her complexion seems to have improved.”

My aunt paused, seemingly recalling something.

And then she continued.

“It was the same during her illness. I don’t know if it was because she was in pain. But even when she just slept, she would always dream of you and apologize every day.”

“…”

“Even though she wiped away the tears of the child beside her, her heart was so heavy. Sigh.”

My aunt trembled and bowed her head as if it was a dreadful memory.

Just thinking about that moment, she appeared remorseful.

Through Hayeon’s words, I already knew that she had felt sorry for me for the past two years, but hearing it from someone else’s mouth felt somewhat different.

It felt more real, so to speak.

Images of Hayeon during her illness came to mind.

Hayeon in patient attire, wearing a flipped-over beanie on her thin body.

The sight of her painfully shedding tears and wandering in nightmares flashed through my mind.

–Sizzle

A moment of silence passed.

Only the sound of meat sizzling filled the space between my aunt and me.

After a while, my aunt lifted her heavy lips again.

“…You still like Hayeon, right?”

Without answering, I simply nodded.

Cautiously, my aunt tried to gauge if I was uncomfortable.

“I don’t exactly know how the two of you broke up. I’ve only heard bits and pieces.”

“…Yes.”

“…And this may be meddling, but I hope you all can make it work again.”

I barely managed to speak in response to Auntie’s words.

Perhaps Auntie herself hesitated greatly before saying this.

She was not someone who usually interfered in other people’s relationships.

But no matter what, she couldn’t grant my request.

“But we’re still friends.”

I didn’t explicitly express my refusal.

I thought Auntie would understand my intentions with just those words.

“I understand, Geonyul. But it’s just an old lady’s futile hope. Ha-yeon seemed the most secure when she was by your side.”

“…”

“And during the two years you were apart, you seemed the most restless. And Ha-yeon knew. How much pain you would feel. She knows better than anyone about the agony of losing a loved one.”

I couldn’t provide any definite response to that.

So I simply kept my lips tightly sealed.

Auntie glanced at my expression and apologized with a remorseful face.

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. It was wrong of me to bring up such matters after not seeing you for a long time.”

“…No, it’s fine. I understand your concern for Ha-yeon.”

Like a parent worrying about their child.

Auntie must have said those words because she was thinking about Ha-yeon.

I believe it was just her clumsy way of expressing it.

“…Okay. Thank you for understanding. Just a moment.”

Auntie rummaged through her bag beside her and pulled out a small diary.

Then she handed it to me.

“Since it seems to make you uneasy, I’ll give you just this and stop talking about it.”

“…What is this?”

A small diary covered in a thin layer of dust.

It showed signs of being touched by human hands.

“It’s something like a diary that Ha-yeon wrote when she was sick. I brought it from her room.”

“Why are you giving this to me…?”

“It’s not an imposition. If you want to see it, read it and discard it. I just wanted to show you how sincere Ha-yeon was toward you, that’s all.”

I glanced at the diary that Auntie handed me and briefly opened it.

I don’t know what the content is, but I was sure it was Hayeon’s handwriting. I had seen it for a long time, so there was no way I could confuse it. Is it right for me to receive this? A slight sense of guilt came over me, as if I were peeking into Hayeon’s private life. But on the other hand, there were also curious parts. There was nothing else that could deeply delve into Hayeon’s innermost thoughts like this. “What? Why do you both look so serious? Did you fight while I was gone?” “Ha, Hayeon. You’re a little late.” When did she come back? Aunt and I were surprised and stiffened our waists. I quickly put the diary I received from my aunt in my pocket. At least I didn’t want to be caught here by her. “Yeah. I waited a bit because there were a lot of people in the bathroom. But why are you so surprised? What did you guys talk about?” Hayeon asked, opening her eyes thinly, feeling uneasy about our reaction. My aunt answered with a calm expression. “Nope. We didn’t talk about anything. Right, Gyonyul?” “Ah…yes.” When I answered sympathetically, Hayeon had a strange face. “You didn’t hide anything from me and talked about weird things, did you?” When Hayeon asked like that, my aunt answered tremblingly. “No. Nothing like that. Eat some meat. It’ll get cold and taste bad. And she pushed the grilled ribs in front of Hayeon. I felt uncomfortable, so I just fiddled with the diary in my pocket until the meal ended. * “Then go in~!” “Yulah, thanks for hanging out with me today!” Aunt drove me up to the front of my house. They opened the window and said goodbye to me, and I responded in kind. “Yes. Goodbye. Aunt. And you too.” After waving to them appropriately, the car departed.

I watched the fading sight of the car and headed home.

I took the elevator, opened the door lock, and entered the dark entrance.

Perhaps it was late, but the house was quiet.

I received a message from my mom earlier saying she went out for a moment to see a friend.

Anyway, I was alone at home.

I kicked off my shoes and immediately started taking a shower.

As my uncomfortable body refreshed, I noticed my clothes thrown in a corner of the room for the shower.

My pant pocket was bulging and sticking out.

“Oh, I had the diary I received earlier.”

I almost forgot about it as time passed.

I laid my tired body on the bed and took out the diary from my pocket.

“…Should I read it or not?”

I closed my eyes and contemplated for a while.

Rather than skipping without looking, I strongly felt the desire to read it.

There were several reasons for that.

I was curious about what she wrote in the diary.

How were the two years of Hayeon that I didn’t know about?

What did she think and endure each day while fighting against cancer and receiving a terminal diagnosis?

But more than anything else, if there was a bigger reason.

I was curious whether Hayeon also had a hard time, just like me.

It’s not like I didn’t trust what she told me.

She must have struggled enough and even regretted leaving me.

But knowing something through words and actually examining it were somewhat different.

Perhaps it was also a sense of compensation.

If Hayeon hadn’t been as struggling as I was, I thought I would feel betrayed.

The days when I drowned myself in alcohol, living like a invalid, came to mind.

I wondered if she had the same miserable feelings as I did. Or was it all just a facade?

“…I wanted to see it from the moment I brought it.”

The moment I put it in my pocket without returning it to her.

I didn’t even know if my heart had already made a decision.

I honestly opened her diary for myself.

[Since there aren’t many days left until I die anyway. I don’t really know why I’m writing this either. As death approaches, do I feel the need to leave traces of my existence in this world? Somehow, I felt the urge to write a diary. Who will you be when you read this after I die? I hope it’s not Yul. That would mean you found out that I died.]

The diary entries starting from the first page were unusual.

The round and gentle handwriting written by Ha-yeon was tightly squeezed.

As if possessed, I turned the pages of her diary.