My Younger Sister Was My First Love

50. My Little Sister Cried

– Tingling Tingling –

I opened the front door and returned home.

In one hand, I was carrying a pineapple pizza box according to my little sister’s order.

“Oh, you’re back?”

Since it was afternoon study time, Jihui got up from the sofa to greet me.

“Yeah.”

“Is the tablet fixed?”

“Yes, it’s fixed.”

“What was the problem?”

“I don’t know, but it worked as soon as the cable was plugged in.”

I handed over the tablet and went back to my room to change my clothes, but I couldn’t bring myself to open the door.

If I opened this door, I would have to face Jihui again.

I wasn’t mentally prepared.

I hadn’t even sorted out my thoughts.

I didn’t know if giving myself more time would solve this, but right now, I felt like I was crossing a fragile bridge, on the verge of collapse.

“Oppa!”

Jihui’s voice echoed from the other side of the door.

“Pizza time! Come quickly!”

Jihui was still the same as usual.

The only thing that had changed was my world, now that I knew Jihui’s secret.

“I’ll be right there.”

I closed my eyes tightly and made a promise to myself not to reveal my emotions, then took a step forward.

“Wow! Pineapple pizza!”

My concerns about Jihui were still concerns, and pineapple pizza was still unwelcome.

“Enjoy your meal.”

“You too, Oppa!”

Jihui seemed to be enjoying the cheese, stretching it out and putting it in her mouth.

I couldn’t even bear to look, but I took a bite anyway, and immediately started removing the pineapple afterwards.

This combination was indeed trash.

“Do you dislike pineapple?”

“No.”

“But why take it out?”

“I don’t like pineapple pizza.”

“Then should I start disliking pineapple too? Siblings are supposed to resemble each other, after all.”

The tone was playful, just like usual, but my body was trembling.

All these words and actions ultimately…

Again, the contents of the manga I had seen on the tablet came to mind.

“Why are you like that?”

“Ah, sorry.”

I couldn’t help but tremble, and Jihee looked at me with a concerned expression.

“Does it hurt somewhere?”

“…I feel a bit chilly, I think?”

“Really? Suddenly?”

“Yes. I might be coming down with something, so I’ll eat separately.”

With a creaking sound, the chair was pushed back.

I jumped up and started moving the pizza to my plate like a crazy person.

“Let’s discuss the things you don’t know when I’m feeling better.”

“Are you really that sick? You were fine until morning.”

“It’s flu season. We can’t let it spread to the students taking exams.”

I didn’t even listen to Jihee’s response properly, and I fled back to my room with the plate.

As soon as I entered, I ripped out a page from the practice book stuck on the wall.

The large, bold writing in magic marker was a warning sign.

[NO ENTRY]

I stuck the paper in the middle of the door and lay down on the bed.

I had no appetite.

I didn’t think about food at all.

It was because the ‘key’ I had coincidentally discovered was too shocking.

The doubts surrounding Jihee started to unravel one by one as I inserted the key.

Why Jihee had ignored my confession in middle school.

Why Jihee had gotten too close to me after we reunited as family.

Why Jihee had shown wariness whenever I mentioned my girlfriend.

Even the reason Jihee had acted so boldly on that democratic day.

It was all because I had become Jihee’s ‘oppa’.

It was clear that Jihee was fixated on the existence of ‘oppa’ itself, not human Lee Joon-ho.

Even the words Jihee had said, saying they liked me, were all because they wanted to be tied to ‘oppa’.

That’s why we had to stop here.

We had to stop.

If we continued to follow Jihee’s lead, we might end up with a real-life manga-like ending.

The feelings I had developed towards Jihee were never suitable for a ‘younger sibling’.

Jealousy and possessiveness.

The dark, ugly parts of love, so-called, had taken root in me.

Yeah.

Jihee doesn’t actually like me, does she?

She just likes the fact that I’m her “oppa”.

If some other guy became her stepbrother, Jihee would probably approach him in a similar way.

But thinking about it makes me incredibly sad.

It makes me feel like I should just give up.

[What do I have to do to make you like me, oppa?]

In reality, nothing about me has changed, but I’m here because my mom remarried.

It’s frustrating and futile.

And the reason for this frustration is that my younger sibling, who became my brother, doesn’t genuinely like me.

My self-loathing, which has been building up, has also reached its peak.

In reality, I was happy that Jihee liked me.

What a stupid thing to do.

Maybe when I told Jihee that I was hurt, it wasn’t a lie.

I’m hurt.

My heart hurts too much.

It’s more painful than a cold.

It’s more painful than when I failed my first college entrance exam.

The feeling of betrayal and fear towards Jihee.

My self-loathing, which is swayed by these confusing emotions.

I’ve come to a conclusion.

……We need to clearly distance ourselves from each other.

* * *

[Son, are you still in a lot of pain?]

Sorry, Mom.

I’ve been pretending to have a cold for days.

[Ugh……. This cold isn’t going away.]

[Are you taking your medicine regularly?]

[Yes, I’ve been going to the hospital like you told me to.]

[Ugh……. Take care of your body. I’m not there to take care of you.]

[You’ll get better soon.]

[Jihee has been calling you every day, worried that you’re sick.]

As soon as I heard Jihee’s name come out of my mom’s mouth, I clenched my lips tightly.

[Really?]

[Yes. Jihee said she’ll buy you food every day. She’s really kind, isn’t she?]

[Yes. Thank you.]

[When you get better, I’ll give you some money to buy something delicious from Jihee. Mom will send you some allowance.]

[Okay. Mom, rest now. My throat hurts a bit.]

[Ah, poor thing. You’re still not feeling well. Take your medicine well and call me again, okay?]

After hanging up the phone, I gazed blankly at the container of soup that Jihee had brought me.

On the lavender-colored lid, a sky-blue memo was stuck.

[You’re really hurting, oppaㅠㅠ I’ll be alone for how longㅠㅠ]

I gently touched the memo, tracing the cute handwriting with my fingers, as if stroking Jihee’s hair.

……We can’t keep going on like this forever.

Using a cold as an excuse was also getting old.

Faking a cough was hard, and lying about taking medicine was filling me with guilt.

Moreover, Jihee was bringing me medicine every day, and this pressure was unbearable.

I couldn’t go to the hospital, so I had to attend school classes regularly.

I was keeping my distance from Jihee at home, strictly self-isolating.

So…… tomorrow is…….

From tomorrow on…… again…….

It wasn’t perfect, but my mind was slowly clearing up.

Just as I had expected, creating physical distance was an effective method.

Not seeing her face made the longing less intense.

My daily thoughts of Jihee were also decreasing gradually.

If we continued to create distance like this, I thought we could reach a comfortable reality as siblings…….

-Knock knock knock

I heard the knocking sound from outside the door and pretended to be sick, adjusting my neck once.

“Why?”

A cracked voice slipped out.

“Oppa.”

“Yes.”

“Did you take your medicine today?”

“Yes.”

“When did you take it?”

“Just after lunch.”

This was our usual exchange.

“So, can you show me the medicine packet?”

“What?”

This was where things took a turn.

“You don’t have to come into contact with me directly, just leave the packet outside the door.”

……What do I do?

I couldn’t easily agree to my sister’s sudden request to leave the packet outside.

There was no way I had the packet, since I hadn’t bought it.

“Just a minute?”

I was trying to think of a way to get out of this predicament.

Suddenly, the door opened with a creak.

It was Jihee’s face, which I hadn’t seen in three days.

Jihee was wearing a black tank top and short shorts.

Her appearance alone made my heart flutter uncontrollably.

However, this tremble was not an emotional response born from romantic feelings.

This was just a sudden shock.

“Jihee, I’m not done yet.”

I tried to warn her not to come in, but Jihee shut her mouth tightly and approached me.

“I’m not done, so I’m not going in…”

“…a medicine packet.”

“What?”

“Where’s the medicine packet?”

“Ah, I’m sure I took it, but why can’t I see the trash…”

As I tried to come up with a weak excuse, Jihee pushed my shoulder hard, throwing me onto the bed.

“Jihee, stop it! Why are you doing this?”

“…You’re lying.”

“What?”

“Why are you lying to me, oppa?”

Jihee’s nose flared as she glared at me.

“I’m not… I really looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find it.”

“You! Right now! Why are you lying to me?!”

This was the first time Jihee had yelled at me like this.

Her anger was palpable, and her breathing quickened.

“Jihee…”

“…I searched your room when you went to school, oppa.”

“What?”

“I searched every inch of your room, from the trash can to under the bed, to see if the medicine packet was there.”

Jihee’s deep brown eyes stared intensely into mine.

I couldn’t escape.

My instincts told me so.

“…Did it hurt?”

“Sorry.”

“Why did you pretend to be hurt?”

“It’s just…”.

If I said I wanted to escape from you, what would you say?

“Do you know how worried I was about you, Junho?”

My eyes widened at the way she called me.

Junho. Junho. Junho.

Had Jihee ever called me by my name before?

Jihee, who had climbed onto the bed, sat on top of my thighs.

“Do you like playing tricks on me? Do you think it’s fun to joke around like this?”

“Sorry.”

“No, why did you do that? What did you want to achieve? Did you not want to study because it was annoying?”

I couldn’t meet her gaze, consumed by guilt, and could only stare at the rumpled bedspread.

“Just…… no matter how I think about it, I think we need to keep some distance…….”

I couldn’t bring myself to say, “You know I’m actually addicted to Ince#stuous content and don’t really like you, right?”

“Why……?”

Jihee’s hand, which was grasping my collar, tightened its grip even more.

“Why do we need to keep our distance?”

Her tone was distinctly different from the one that was full of anger just a moment ago.

I could feel a faint tremble.

The sound of her taking quick breaths echoed in my ears.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The sensation of water droplets falling onto my thigh made me look at Jihee again.

“Do you dislike me?”

She was crying.

Jihee’s tears flowed down her cheeks like pearls, dropping onto my thigh once more.

I was taken aback, and in my haste, I quickly wrapped my arms around her.

“Jihee.”

“…… I didn’t do anything wrong.”

I could feel Jihee’s body trembling violently.

“I’ve always done my best to follow your orders, oppa.”

“I’ve even bought you coffee and water, doing everything I could for you.”

Jihee pushed me away with both hands.

“Was I still that disgusting to you?”