Re: Goblin Slayer

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***

I was twisted, dizzy from a kaleidoscope of drug-induced delirium, and I woke up in a different body. I just felt the urge to take a piss, and a light breeze and a chill. And, judging by the position of my body, I was now lying on the cold ground, and my ears picked up a strange speech, probably of goblins.

- Uggmahunk!

- Dumbanakmak!

Continuing to pretend to be asleep, though the latter was difficult, I endured, endured as best I could and could not lose the need to go to the bathroom, gradually listening to the local speech in the hope of a miracle, and fuck! It worked! I began to understand their speech little by little!

- Female! My want female!

- Yours is stupid! Mine is not female!

'Fuck! Who's talking about what, but goblins talking about females! Fuck, I hope it's not my mum and dad!'

*Jink* A bell rang in my head and a notification appeared in front of my eyes.

Skill acquired - Goblin Language 1.

- Fuck...' the lips said the strange words in a quiet, I hope so, voice.

Rubbing my hands together mentally, I rejoiced. I didn't know if I could understand their speech or if it was just my imagination playing tricks on me, and what I should do if I couldn't speak the local goblin language. I could be killed as a madman, I suppose. I'm not a goblin!

Now I just have to make sure that I can definitely speak Goblin.

Slowly, trying not to piss myself and also not to attract attention, I got up and sat down on my arse and examined my body. I was about the height of a child, that is, an ordinary cunt, and, thank goodness, I was a boy, between my legs, an uncovered, standing wiener with small growths and swollen veins. Breathing a sigh of relief, even though the farm was creepily scary, I glanced at the goblins - hopefully not the parents who were arguing with each other - and prepared to run.

- A female? - I said deliberately loud, so that those goblins could hear me. Naturally, they turned their heads to me with a grimace on their fucking faces. Like they were trying to make sense of it. Ugh, they're even uglier!

- Your youngest is bashful! Your hunt is to bring meat! - said the tallest one, waving his hands menacingly to the side.

I, of course, heeded his speech and ran in the direction he showed me, and was glad at the same time. Judging by the meaningful expression of the goblins, I could speak without fear, as well as in the local human language. True... there was no human language in the status, nor was there a goblin language, which made me wonder. Am I out of my fucking mind?

Although, maybe... it's my native tongue? And that's why it doesn't count as a skill? What about the goblin language? Eh, no matter how much I ask myself, I'm not likely to get an answer. I have other problems right now, and that's...

- Oh yeah... - the golden rain framed the wall with its tight stream, I've never felt so alive and hungry at the same time. - Bliss...

Having finished my immodest deeds, I looked around and, making sure that nobody noticed my art, ran further towards the cool breeze blowing, until finally I ran out into the light and immediately squinted against the bright sun. Damn, this is nasty...

The cave wasn't that big, and I didn't see any other goblins along the way.

When my eyes got used to the bright sun, squinting, I could see the picture of an ordinary green forest: thick trees towering upwards, green bushes and the sounds of ordinary nature with the singing of rare birds, quite beautiful, it should be said, singing, I've never heard such a thing. And judging by the sun... fuck, what a nuisance, it was morning with a pristine clear sky. Anyway, I went out of the house to the street and I was shocked at what was going on.

I hadn't been outdoors in a long time and I wanted to start jumping like a girl, but I restrained myself, even though I was already jumping. I don't know if there are any predators or other dangerous creatures around, but it's better to explore this forest stealthily, squatting. Which I did, hiding in the shade of an unfamiliar tree.

Oh, and I need to find a stick or something. I looked around the ground for a weapon, but I couldn't find one, and after looking at the branches I discarded the idea - I was too weak, and those branches could be used only as a club, but I found a small stone for my hand.

Then I went to all the hard work and began to pretend to be a scout, that is, explored the forest and more and more baffled by the picture: I found a clearing with flowers. I wandered around it for a few minutes and trampled flowers until I came across a horned rabbit that calmly ate grass.

That's the pattern, you might say, of the horned rabbit...small but dangerous.

Nevertheless, despite the absurdity of the situation, I began to slowly approach with intentions to kill and devour. When the rabbit was a few metres away, it slowly raised its head and began to move its ears, and then turned towards me.

...

The rabbit did not hurry to run away and looked at me with beady scarlet eyes. I was in no hurry to attack and assessed my first opponent. We stood there looking at each other like sheep at a new gate.

*Assessment Failure

-50MP

I got that feeling again, like something was missing. But fucking failure! I don't know what the rabbit was thinking right now, but he suddenly tore at me like some kind of moose. He swiftly passed the distance that separated us and jumped, aiming his horns at my chest.

I, of course, was not confused and just stepped aside, at the same time hitting him with a stone. For good measure!

Blood spurted, and the rabbit fell to the ground and twitched a couple of times in a death spasm. I didn't hurry to get closer to it, so I threw a stone at it, finishing it off. I knew that a cornered beast could claw, and I was sure that it was a beast in front of me.

Experience +5

The rabbit finally fell silent, and a transparent experience window appeared in front of my eyes.

- Ugh... that was... unexpectedly simple.....

I certainly wasn't expecting an epic brawl with a rabbit on the verge of death, but I got lucky. If he hadn't jumped at the last moment, I'd have been impaled on its horns. And I'd be bleeding to death and the rabbit would be eating me alive?

Heh, I'd rather not think about that. Okay, time to check the carcass.

As I approached the corpse, I grabbed it by the horns and began to examine it. It looked like an ordinary rabbit, only with horns to match its height, like an elk. The horns themselves were sharp, even dangerous. I was finally convinced of their sharpness when I touched my finger to the tip and nearly stabbed myself in the finger.

'Pretty sharp, you can definitely kill a goblin child with these.'

Now let's taste it. Although I'm disgusted by it, the 'omnivore' skill should help me. Bringing the corpse to my mouth, I nibbled on the soft tissue. The still fresh blood rushed into my mouth, it tasted... like tomato juice or something. Clenching my jaws tighter, I jerked my head and ripped out a decent chunk of meat, finally splattering my face with blood.

Savouring the meat in my mouth, along with the fur, I didn't experience any gagging. It tasted like regular rabbit meat. Not tasty, but not disgusting - chewy after ten minutes.

After swallowing a piece, I started slowly nibbling the rabbit! Until all that was left of it were horns and bones and some giblets. My stomach was satisfied and I was drowsy.

But I was in no hurry to go to bed. I had to wash the blood off me, because I hadn't taken care of myself during the meal, and now I looked like a bloody goblin, covered in blood. And, as you know, the smell of blood attracts predators, and something I do not want to mess with the local wolves or other predators.

After all, for them I'm one bite away.

Looking around the clearing, I grabbed my horns as a weapon, and slowly, trying not to make too much noise, ran towards the sound of the stream.

*♪ Zing! ♪

Skill gained - Stealth-1

On the way, I gained the stealth skill and stopped, looking around.

'Hmm, no one seems to be around, I hope it stays that way.'

The grass tickled my skin pleasantly and soon I reached the stream. Looking at the stream for danger, I cautiously approached it and began to wash the blood off of me. Until I was completely as grey as I was. I took a look at myself at the same time. And not to say that I was beautiful and authentic, but I wasn't an adult goblin either.

I ran back into the forest and hid in the bushes, clutching my horn in my hands. And began to listen to the sounds of nature....

* * *

An hour had passed since my hunt, I had another dead rabbit in my hands, raised the level and almost died from a local boar.

But everything went well, and I only got off with a slight fright... And the boar was pissed by me from the tree. After that I was as happy as a cat that had eaten a lot of sour cream. And how he squealed - a delight for my ears!

By the way, for one level I got five characteristic points and I didn't hurry to distribute them yet. I decided to do that later, when I was safe.

Right now I was running and stalking rabbits. Well, stalking as in stalking, wandering around the woods. Or trying my luck and randomness in the hope of stumbling across a victim.

And if it wasn't for the stealth skill, I probably would have died a long time ago. More than once or twice that skill has kept me alive. So far I've only met rabbits and wild boars, but I'm not sure if this skill will save me from a wolf, bear or other large predator.

*♪ Zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing

Stealth skill boosted.

Oh, I finally got my stealth level up. I've been running and wandering around the forest for an hour, and I've only now raised her level.

Half an hour later.

While wandering through the forest and listening to the birds singing, I heard rustling from the bushes. As usual in such a situation, my heart grew cold, and I quickly snuggled up against a tree and, trying to blend in, cautiously peered out towards the source of the noise.

*Rustling* For a few more minutes the bush was actively moving, as if rabbits were mating there, and then a horny rabbit emerged from it... but not like the others.

It wouldn't have been anything if it wasn't for its bloody mouth and abnormal height. It was definitely bigger than a normal rabbit and reached my chest with its height!

A rabbit like that could eat me... Damn, just my luck!

'Evaluation!'

*"Evaluation - Success

-50MP

Horned rabbit man-eater.

Danger level is high!

My heart raced and my hands clutched my only weapon... The enemy was unknown, and it was better not to test my luck. Why did I throw a grade on him anyway?

'Hell, thanks for that,' remembering one earlybie where the grade only showed his affiliation, I was happy with what I had. It's better than nothing.

Okay, as long as the rabbit isn't looking in my direction, I need to carefully roll... And fuck, I hope he doesn't hear me!

Slowly shuffling my feet, I began to back away as quietly as possible, and thank goodness! They didn't hear me. The rabbit wiggled its ears and left, running in the opposite direction from me.

When I was sure he wasn't around, I breathed a sigh of relief and loosened my grip.

*Zing.

Spirit +1.

'Ugh, point clenched involuntarily hard.' Glancing at the mini-map, I noticed that I had travelled far away from the cave.

Hopefully at least now I'd be lucky enough to find an experience... or another boar.