Refusing My God’s Advances

I slumped further, the weight of worlds—literal and metaphorical—resting on my shoulders. "Great, so I'm back to being Mr. Fix-It for the universe, with a side gig in divine diplomacy and avoiding godly groupies. And here I was thinking my biggest problem was figuring out how to tell my team of ladies that I accidentally adopted a few outcast deities."

Eldros chuckled again. "Ah, but life would be so dull without these challenges. Besides, think of the adventures, the stories you'll have to tell! Not everyone gets to say they've navigated the complexities of celestial politics, wooed goddesses, and still managed to keep their mortal love life intact."

"Yeah, because that's exactly what I need. More stories to tell at parties I never have because I'm too busy preventing divine wars and soothing bruised egos," I shot back. "I like dull things! Give me some rolling in the grass, playing on my printers, or even staying in bed to play on my phone all day while binge-watching anime! Make it as boring as you want, but if my girls and friends are with me, then that's all the adventure I need. Who needs divine wars when you've got a season finale cliffhanger on 'My Heroic Love Life is Actually a Cosmic Soap Opera'?"

Gachica and Eldros shared a knowing glance, their expressions a mix of amusement and pride. "Well, if anyone can make peace sound appealing to gods and mortals alike, it's you, Leon," Gachica said, her voice filled with warmth. It was strange, but it felt so genuine that I had no problem relaxing from just the sound of her voice. It was almost like I had always known her voice, and I could only now understand that.

Eldros nodded in agreement. "Indeed. And think of it this way: with your unique background, you're essentially the universe's best hope for a more unified future. Who else but you could negotiate peace treaties with a golem army at your back and a legion of lovestruck deities vying for your attention?"

I glared at my father. "Listen here, old man. I don't like your tone. Just how many other wives do you have?" I growled, but that made Eldros burst out laughing.

"That is a question you should be asking your mother!" Eldros laughed, and I turned to look at Gachica, who was looking proud for some reason. I started to feel uneasy about hearing my fathers laugh, and the knowing look my mother was giving me.

Something told me that I should just let sleeping dogs lie and get the fuck out of here. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear that my bad habits with women stemmed from my mother and not my father. Unfortunately, my mother was more than excited to tell me about her... harem of what I guess we will call step-fathers...

As Gachica prepared to regale me with tales of her celestial harem, I held up a hand, my expression a mixture of horror and intrigue. "Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me this whole... penchant for collecting hearts is a family trait? And here I thought my charm was a unique skill."

Gachica's laughter filled the air, a sound that somehow made the cosmos itself seem lighter. "Oh, my dear Leon, you have no idea. Your father here may have his moments, but when it comes to weaving the threads of affection, I'm the master craftswoman. You could say it's in your divine DNA."

Eldros, still chuckling from my earlier outrage, added, "Don't be too alarmed. While your mother has her... admirers, it's all part of the divine dance. And you, my son, seem to have inherited the best—and perhaps most troublesome—traits from us both."

I sank deeper into the bench, my head in my hands. "Great, just great. So, not only do I have to deal with divine groupies and potential godly alliances through marriage, but I also have to navigate this with the knowledge that it's a family tradition? I'm doomed."

Gachica patted my back, her touch reassuring. "Not doomed, dear. Let's just say... uniquely equipped for the challenges ahead. Besides, you've always had a way of turning even the most convoluted situations to your advantage."

"Yeah, by running headfirst into them and hoping for the best," I muttered, but a small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. "Alright, fine. If I'm going to do this, I might as well own it. But I'm setting some ground rules. First, no marriages or alliances can be arranged without my consent. And second, if I say I'm not interested, I mean it. No divine guilt trips."

Eldros raised an eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Divine guilt trips? Us? Perish the thought. But agreed, your terms are fair. This is your journey, Leon, and we're here to support you, not steer you down a path you don't wish to take."

Gachica nodded, her expression solemn yet filled with a mother's love. "We've waited eons to be reunited with you, Leon. The last thing we want is to overwhelm you with our world's complexities. But know this, you're not alone in this. Not anymore."

I stood up, stretching my legs, and let out a long sigh. "Thanks, I guess, for everything. It's a lot to take in, but knowing I have you two in my corner... it helps," I said, then stretched my arms above my head. "This has all been fun, but I think it is time to collect my girls and head back home. Today has been a very long day."

“Just remember that you can talk to us whenever you want,” Eldros explained and then offered me a hand. “You can visit me in Hamazon any time you want. Just come to the bench outside Greg’s shop, and I will be there.”

“Oh?” I asked with a smirk. “Do you have anything better to do than sit on a bench all day?”

This made Eldros laugh. “I can do my job from any location, but I will know when you want to speak with me. Call it paternal intuition or something like that, but I see all, so I will notice you.”