ALL NOVEL 50. Skeletons in the Closet
Approaching the giant gaseous planet was surprisingly unimpressive in a lot of ways. Over my years of space travel, I’d seen other gas giants that easily dwarfed the one I found myself staring down.
Even still, I got the feeling of standing on the shoulders of giants. History was all around me, even if it was difficult to see. The very first pioneers of human interstellar travel had used Jovian moons to stop and rest before reaching out to the stars. In fact, The very first functioning prototype of a slipspace gate, then called a Time/space fold generator, was once in orbit of this same planet. Those early explorers faced incredible danger, but had laid the groundwork for everything I and every other spacer lived every day.
Marcus made some passing mention to his daughter of “that moon just over there” that had inspired her name. Callisto, the moon, was among the largest of the natural satellites in the entire system and was indeed not far away. We couldn’t easily see it on the viewscreen, but the ship sensors certainly could see it.
Also amongst the Jovian moons was one that shared a name with the mythological figure I’d rather accidentally taken my name from. Adrasteia in ancient Greek mythos was a goddess of inescapable fate. It was an odd thing, but I had picked my name, Adresta, entirely clueless as to its origin. I’d just seen it while spending time on the galactic net and really liked the name, to the point that I ended up giving it to my online avatar and later took it as my own.
In a way, I almost disliked the concept of ‘inescapable fate’. I didn’t really much believe in fate and even still, I certainly didn’t believe that any fate I might have would be inescapable. However, from an outside view, I could almost see it. With the hand I’d been dealt, it seemed like an obvious conclusion that I would one day cast myself out amongst the stars, just as my genetic parents had, not that I at all wanted to compare myself to them.
“Contact Jovian Local Control, if you would, Geri. Don’t want to get in any trouble here.” Echo again sounded entirely in control of the situation and I had to respect her for it. I wasn’t entirely certain I could have taken the big chair with such a large crew. I’d never really been in charge of anyone and wasn’t really sure I ever wanted to be. Too much risk of screwing up. But Echo? She just took it in stride. That made some sense, of course. She’d been training most of her life for this after all. Leadership was simply too foreign a concept for me.
Soon enough, the sound of a traffic controller came over the comms asking our intentions, to which the communications specialist responded with a run down of our flight plan in this system. It was a pretty bog standard conversation as far as STC went and we were given vectors towards Ganymede, where the staryards were. My hands danced across the controls and, with Vox’s help, painted the prescribed course into my vision. From there, it was easy to keep the ship steady on our approach to the correct orbit.
The moon that we quickly neared was an impressive sight. As big as small planets, Ganymede was well populated for a natural satellite and the lights of large cities were spread all over the planetary body. We weren’t landing however, and instead matched planes with the skeletal structures of one of the several orbital ship construction yards orbiting the world below. The one we were headed to was not as large as others nearby, but the heavily shielded floating cylinder of a power plant assembly line marked this one as a departure from the norm.
Reactors being what they were, construction and testing of the potentially dangerous components was kept in heavily built and armored facilities ranging in size according to the class of reactor being made. Such protections were needed just in case one went critical at any point during manufacturing. While not a foolproof method, this generally prevented any significant collateral damage. Since what we were here for was a reactor destined for a slipspace gate, the plant that built them had to be of similar scale, thus an orbital yard was just about the only option.
Even as I began to burn retrograde in relation to the station, I heard the comms officer talking back and forth rapidly with someone on the plant’s side about where we were parking the Ratatosk. I wasted no time in adjusting the ship’s attitude to get in better position for the final maneuvers of this leg of the journey. Not wanting to risk anything with the more sensitive adjustments required for the task, I asked Casey for a hand. The enby, though I would really hesitate to compare our skill sets too directly, was very clearly the more experienced pilot when it came to large vessels and I was more than willing to accept the tutelage they offered.
With the additional hands guiding mine, the docking procedure went smoothly and it wasn’t long before status indicators were turning green to indicate positive seal on the docking bridge. A simple few gestures gave my console the command to power down and I could hear the everpresent whine of the main engines fade from their usually only just noticeable levels to being entirely imperceptible.
“Not too bad,” Casey told me with a light punch to the shoulder. “You know, for a backwater scrapper.”
“And I guess you aren’t too bad of a teacher,” I shot back, matching their energy. “For a mouthy bint that can’t even choose a gender.”
With a cackle the enby stood and placed hands on their hips. “Gender? Why would I choose? Male? Female? Nah, my gender is charm!”
“Right…” I deadpanned. “Because you have so much of that it’s somehow become negative.” I rolled my eyes, though a smile still tugged at my lips.
I relaxed and swiveled my seat around to look back at the rest of the bridge. It seemed everyone was getting up. Now that the ship was docked, most of the crew would be essentially off-duty until it was time to leave again. The cargo handlers would have plenty of work though, at least once we were cleared to start loading. As the sol system was understandably well developed, our crew, namely myself, would not be needed for loading the reactor core. That part of my job wouldn’t be required until the destination.
My girlfriend ended up having to go aboard the station with her father to complete the necessary paperwork to transfer the cargo to our control. Meanwhile, the rest of the bridge crew filtered out until only First Mate Orzhov and myself were left behind. I really didn’t have anything to do and wasn’t familiar enough with any of the crew to feel comfortable trying to mingle, so I’d just stayed, taking the chance to simply gaze out the viewscreen.
After several minutes of silence, I sensed a bit of movement behind me and turned to see that Mikaela had stood and leaned over the navigation console- not using it at all, just standing there. “Credit for your thoughts, Miss Matson?”
I gave her a small smile. “Oh, just thinking. I don’t really have much place on this ship,” I said ruefully. “Besides, it's a decent view from up here.”
“It is,” she responded. “Though, you very much do have a place here. Just because you are a recent addition doesn’t mean you are any less welcome here than any other person working on this ship.”
“I get that,” I answered. “Everyone has made me feel very welcome, in fact. But it’s not just the crew.” Fears that I had done my best to bury, to ignore were bubbling up in my mind and poisoning my heart. Even Vox hadn’t heard me talking about it, though she might have known anyway. She was smart like that. But Vox’s nature as an AI, sentient or not, really made it difficult to communicate such distinctly human experiences. I felt I could trust the first officer, though, so for once I allowed them to actually come out, the melancholy creeping in. My therapist had told me it was a good idea to get the thoughts out of my head after all, something about vocally processing my feelings.
“Do you ever get the feeling that you don’t deserve what you have in life, Missus Orzhov?”
The other woman’s face ran a gamut of emotions before settling on concern. Without breaking her gaze, Mikaela swiped the chair Casey had been using and sat backwards on it, resting her chin on the back. A hand motioned at me to continue. Slightly confused at the lack of an answer, I did.
“Like I’ve admitted before, I came from nothing; a father that didn’t even stick around for me to be born and a mother that decided to opt out of being a mother before I could even speak full sentences. I fought for everything I had and then lost it all. Yet… despite everything, I’m still here. Do you even realize how impossible it should have been for me to survive a criticality event?
“I probably shouldn’t have, but I got a look at the incident report. I saw the projected debris field. I saw what was left of… well, me. Some people believe in Karma, or fate, but I never have… It just doesn’t make sense.” My eyes closed and my face scrunched into a grimace. “And now I’m alive and well, with a literally whole new body, having had my life changed by the event that should have removed me from the sad story of the month into just about everything I could have dreamed of. I earned everything in my life, but I don’t feel like I earned this.”
“So what if you didn’t?” Came her pointed reply. I immediately started a retort, but the dark skinned woman held a hand up. “There is nothing wrong with accepting a hand up, Adresta. But even so, I don’t think you did.”
My retort caught in my throat at that. “What do you mean? I wouldn’t be here if not for you and your family, in more ways than one.”
“When did Marcus offer you the job, Adresta?”
I knew for a fact that the woman knew that already, but it was apparent that she had a point in the question. “I mean, yeah, it was before the sabotage, but-” She cut me off again.
“And why did he offer you the job?” This time she didn’t even allow me the opportunity to degrade myself further. “The job was offered because we needed someone reliable with a good range of ability. We needed someone able to handle potentially difficult assignments, someone that fit with the values we hold as a company and a family.”
She leveled a look at me that silenced all thoughts in my mind; not a withering glare nor a soul-searching stare, but a look of respect and care.
“Adresta, you are an incredible young woman with a talent for tinkering that few can match along with what would seem to be an equally impressive hand at the helm. You have a tragic past, that’s for sure. But despite all of that, you never became bitter. You never let it dictate who or what you are now. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have a strength of character that defies expectations, especially considering your background.”
Her gaze became more piercing and her brows raised, almost daring me to deny what she was saying. Really, I didn’t want to. I wanted to just believe her, accept everything she said, but instead what came out of my mouth was that same little corner of my mind that had supplied all of these dark thoughts in the first place.
“As much as I hold my head high and make it look like I’ve got it all together, I don’t. You say I’m strong, but I took the easy way out at every turn the last few months. I let you all pay for my ship to be finished, I let that Torgal guy pay for my new body, heck, I even let Echo give me a place to stay! None of this is my doing anymore!” I threw my hands out, metaphorically gesturing to everything my life had become. “I swore to myself that I would NEVER let myself be a charity case again. But here I am, the result of nothing but and I don’t even have the ship to show for it.”
Tears were starting to sting at my sculpted cheeks and the beautiful nails I was so happy to have were digging into hands that had never seen a hard day’s work using muscles that were stronger than should be possible without a lifetime of training, muscles I hadn’t at all earned.
Mikaela though? She was the picture of calm. “A charity case? Hmmm… How do you figure that? I see two smart business moves and a young woman that wanted to be closer to her girlfriend.”
My head shook. She must be blind to not see the truth right in front of her, I thought.
The voice of reason stopped my thoughts again. “My husband and I discussed the contract you were offered pretty thoroughly with Rachael before you got it. Marcus even brought in Mr Doohan, the maintenance director for the Erickson fleet. Everyone agreed that you were a potentially valuable acquisition, especially if we could bring your ship into the fold. With some modifications, the Oxide would have been capable of a multitude of roles, from priority light transport to a rescue vessel in case any other of our ships had issues; and all of that on top of the potential benefits you and it brought to the pending gate construction contract.”
Hurtful as it was to use, her words did give me my out. With a heavy sigh and slumped shoulders I spoke again. “Yeah, all of that was great, but I don’t exactly have the Oxide anymore, do I?”
Mikaela winced. “True enough, but by then, your contract was already signed. Regardless of the fact that we wouldn’t ever abandon someone we call a friend, we weren’t about to void that contract because of the actions taken by your former boss.”
“Any other company would have left me out with the trash, and don’t pretend otherwise,” I shot back, pain in voice.
“I’m hurt that you would think of us like that.”
I blinked. The words to refute her stuck in my mouth.
“We are a family first, Adresta, and a company second. Profit isn’t our objective and never was. No, we can’t help everyone, but we can help those within arm’s reach. You were there, we were already involved, and what happened wasn’t your fault. Others might have, but we weren’t about to ignore someone in need. As for the rest?” She let her shoulders relax, just as the intensity in her eyes did. “I think you made the right choice. You may feel that you didn’t earn what you have now, but I feel like you got what you deserved. Others have wronged you, none more than the piece of shit Kruger. Mister Torgal didn’t have to attend to the matter personally, but he had to do something, or the media would have destroyed his company. Reporters may not really give a damn about normal people, but they couldn’t ignore a scoop like that. Helping you was the easiest way to avert that. You know that.”
Despite everything, I nodded. I did know that. “Thank you, Miss Orzhov. I can’t say I feel better, but I suppose that nothing comes quickly when you want it to.”
The mother chuckled. “True enough. And hey, I don’t believe in karma either, but I’d still like to believe that good people can still win in this galaxy. Maybe this isn’t what you expected, but make of it what you can.”
I forced myself to actually think on her words. As long as I was thinking about them, I wasn’t ruminating on the significantly darker thoughts that threatened my mind. “I… I’m sorry for getting so down about all of this. I just…” I paused, trying to make my brain translate my ruminations into something a bit more understandable. “I don't want to compromise my beliefs, my values.” My eyes searched for something unseen, slowly scanning the room but were unable to find the answers I needed and so simply fell.
“I’m happy now, happier than I may have ever been, even!” This wasn’t the depression I’d worn like an oversized and well-worn coat anymore, I realized. “Everything has changed though, and I am not entirely certain how to handle it.”
Mikaela leaned back, her face, though filled with concern a moment before, relaxed. “Well, that I can understand a bit better.” My head tilted, silently asking the question ‘why?’. Mikaela was quick to continue. “I’ll ask that you not spread this too much, but before I joined Marcus, I was a freelancer out in the fringe.”
Eyes widening, I looked at my girlfriend’s second mother in a new light. Sure, she was a tough woman, even looking at her toned frame anyone could tell. But her personality felt far too even for that kind of life.
Evidently, she could see my thoughts written on my face. “This was twenty years ago, you must understand. I was born on a larger moon called Hathon, well beyond the reach of Union policing. My hometown was a rough place, still is last I heard. I grew up learning how to handle myself not only on the plantation my parents were attached to but also on the streets. I learned how to shoot a pistol at twelve. By the time I got to eighteen, I was done with the place. I joined up with a ship called…”
I watched as several expressions danced on the mother’s face, what looked to be nostalgia and anger being prominent among them. “Perhaps that is a story better left for another day, apologies.” A pause while she recollected herself. “Regardless, I ended up in a lot of very bad situations and was forced to make a lot of decisions that I regret now. When I finally met Marcus and got away from all of that, I went through a similar crisis of faith. After all I had done, I didn’t think I deserved the life I suddenly had.”
Regret was painted thickly on Mikaela's face. It didn’t take much reading between the lines to see that the woman had some bodies in her closet, quite possibly in a far more literal sense than I cared to think about.
“How did you stop feeling that way?” I asked quietly.
In that moment, both of us felt the weight of our pasts on our shoulders, trying to drag us back into the dark depths that we had once escaped. “In some ways, Adresta, I never did.” Brown eyes met amethyst. “You’ll never be rid of the past, unfortunate as that is. But if you keep making the choice to continue forward, I’ve found that at some point, that past just becomes another piece of the picture rather than the entire puzzle. Just don’t squander the second chances you are given.”