ALL NOVEL Chapter 87- Doubts
Joy. Irritation. Amusement. Playfulness. Nostalgia. Confusion.
Each is a unique emotion an ordinary human experiences countless times over the course of their life.
Sometimes each on its own and sometimes all together along with a plethora of other emotions.
The incredible diversity and richness of emotions humans are capable of experiencing is astonishing.
Whether it’s because my soul is somehow flawed or interference caused by it being trapped in an unsuitable physical body, I’ve unfortunately never been able to comprehend emotions normally.
That’s not to say I’m some sort of emotionless psychopath– nay.
I can certainly feel and experience emotions, just in a different way and at a complexity much below the average human being.
Only the difference here is that my emotions are almost always a result of my selfishness if I’m being honest.
That didn’t really affect me before though.
I was just glad I finally regained my emotions.
Got them back…….? But weren’t they always there…?
If I try to remember anything related to that thought, I can only pull out a blank.
As if that specific memory was sealed or completely removed.
But I digress.
The moment I acquired that Outer title, I felt as if I'd finally become whole.
My emotions have become a lot richer than before, but that also came at a price.
A grand blessing, it certainly is.
Yet a dreadful curse, it also is.
Just like a coin, it has two opposite sides.
For whom do we live?
For what do we endure?
If the ultimate terminus of the living can only be reached by the dead, then are they to await their inevitable fate wallowing in despair or embrace it with open arms and a serene smile?
Humans are… truly complex creatures.
Back in Alleius, my body gradually materialized in our inn room.
My first order of business was swiftly hopping to the bedside and making sure my little angel remained undisturbed throughout those last few hours.
And trust me, I take my little angel’s safety veeeeery seriously.
Thankfully, seeing as the barrier I left around Neo was untouched, the inn is still intact, and the few motion triggered MA bombs I hid under the door and outside the window didn’t go off and blow up the entire city, it appears that nothing bad happened in my absence.
Bummer— cough, I mean, that’s great!
No one was hurt and the little angel’s beauty sleep wasn’t interrupted, what else could I ask for…?!
Nodding to myself, I made my way to the window with the intention of enjoying this rare lone tranquility.
As sunshine brightened the deserted streets, I began seeing a few humans waking up and starting to go about their daily morning routines.
It won’t be long before this peace and quiet is gone and replaced by the loud hustle and bustle unique to the urban gatherings.
The morning breeze gently caressed my face causing me to unconsciously close my eyes.
Although it was cold, I felt a warmth seeping into my heart.
Just like back when I lay in my mother's arms as a child and enjoyed her motherly caress.
With that thought passing through my mind, I unconsciously began humming along one of the lullabies she used to sing me back when I was toddler.
Nothing seems to matter at this moment.
As if a stress switch hidden somewhere in my brain was flicked off.
I wanted to let everything go and do whatever I want— just like the wind freely travels through the world.
I had an overwhelming urge to hum, and so I did.
I hummed. I sang. I danced.
If any of the people who knew me could see me right now, they’d doubt if I had gone insane.
All except for one.
Without any visible source, a piece of music played in my ears.
The one responsible for it goes without saying— the one and only evil goddess and my closest friend, D.
She understood my inner plea without any sort of expression of my own, and decided to add her own touch to make this scene perfect in her way.
And I didn’t let her intentions down.
I kept on dancing and singing until I couldn’t anymore.
The streets were deserted no more and the little angel I adopted was waking up.
I felt liberated.
Watching Neo’s eyes flutter open, I swiftly took out the pre prepared breakfast I specially made for her and thoughtfully delivered it to her bedside table.
After which I returned to my previous place by the window sill, created a comfy armchair using Alchemy, and threw myself back on it.
Adjusting my posture, I theatrically raised both of my hands, only for the space right above them to crack open, making way for an ornate crystal cup and bottle to fall through.
Four gems of different colors were embedded on the cup, making it quite hard to grasp, yet so satisfying to hold at the same time.
As for the bottle, it can only be described as a living masterpiece of art and craft.
It was made of crystal clear stained glass, its edges were laced with shiny silver, and golden letters wrapped around its body.
Dragon’s Blood– read the elaborate carving on the bottle, the life-like curving letters an example of calligraphy’s peak.
Yet for all of that pompousness and luxury, the blood-like liquid swimming inside was nothing but this world’s version of red wine.
Disappointing, isn’t it?
But that’s what I discovered after conducting a quick Sage analysis, so there’s no doubt about it.
This is probably one of the best this world has, by the way.
It was stole— cough, borrowed from one of those chubby merchants that accompanied Ellois.
Now I have an unlimited supply of them.
Alchemy is crazy.
I'm practically the richest woman in the world with this skill.
Chuckling, I elegantly popped open the fragrant sandalwood cork and poured myself half a cup of wine.
Alcohol…. This is my first time trying it out.
I’ve heard about and seen many severe cases of alcohol addiction, along with many negative examples telling of its consequences, but I personally don’t care.
Can I even get drunk in the first place?
Let’s not mention my Poison Resistance skill for now– just my incredibly powerful soul should remove any chance of that happening.
My childish body makes that thought highly doubtful, honestly.
And any damage done to my body can be repaired using Healing Magic, can it not?
But it’s not like I will be disabling my resistance skills to indulge in it, especially with Neo peacefully munching away her food a few steps away from me.
Sometimes I see her as a fragile porcelain doll.
One that could break at the slightest touch of my dragon disguised as a loli body.
So I’d rather be extra careful around her.
Better safe than sorry, if you know what I mean.
Taking a tiny sip from my cup, I close my eyes to savor the new taste.
As the fruity liquid poured down my throat, I felt as if the world around me has become brighter, its colors increasing in vibrancy.
It could just be a trick my mind's playing on me, but I loved it nonetheless.
"I could get used to this." I leisurely commented, taking another sip.
Why am I suddenly drinking anyways, you ask? Well, it’s not that complicated, really.
Despite my mostly unchanging expression, my inner self experienced a violent roller coaster of emotions when talking to Sachi.
Rather, my emotions have been out of control ever since I acquired that accursed title.
This is embarrassing to think about, but I’ve also been experiencing an existential crisis since then.
So I needed to let it all out somehow, you know what I mean?
Living for me desires is great and all, but exactly is it that I desire?
Becoming stronger feels more like an obsession of mine rather than a real desire at this point.
It feels as if I’ve been striving for it either with the goal of escaping the boredom of life or just overcoming a strong danger to said life.
Why did I want to become a goddess in the first place? I seem to have forgotten the answer to that somewhere during my adventures.
What happens after I achieve that goal? That is also unknown.
Out of nowhere, I discovered a huge emptiness residing in my heart.
A huge emptiness that’s threatening to devour me and leave nothing but an unconscious doll of destruction in my place.
But remembering what I did just a few minutes ago, I felt as if that emptiness was gradually getting filled up.
Just like the wind, I wanna travel around the whole world.
Not just this world– I wanna travel around as much of the infinite worlds out there as I can.
I wanna remain unaffected by all of this world's troubles.
Become strong enough to ignore those that force themselves on me.
Taking D, the trio, and Neo along with me on this unending journey would make it all the better.
Just like back on Earth.
Seems like I already had a cool goal to work for, huh?
I just needed to calm down and sort through my thoughts for a bit before figuring it out.
On that note, something’s been bugging me for a while now.
Propping up a wind barrier around me, I called out to the only person that’s capable of resolving my doubts.
“Hey, D. What’s the time flow difference between here and Earth?”
On cue, the black smartphone appeared out of thin air and dropped onto my lap.
“There isn’t one.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief.
That’s… both great and not so great at the same time.
Since there is no time difference, that means only ten months have passed on Earth.
Thankfully, I don’t have to go through the horrific experience of returning only to find a dusty, abandoned house and my parents’ graves.
But that also means that my parents have probably spent the last ten months worrying about my whereabouts or sorrowfully mourning my early death.
“Can I ask you to slow down the time flow on Earth then, please?” I pleaded, both of my arms clenched anxiously.
I’m supposed to ascend to godhood in less than ten years if I wanna safely avoid the demi-god puppet siege D spoke of, so I should presumable be able to return before that.
But even if I successfully get through this ordeal, I might just get caught up in some other unwanted circumstances.
And who knows how long the delay would be then.
For all I know, a thousand years could've passed before I could finally make my way back to Earth.
Then the lack of time difference between the two planets becomes an issue.
Truth be told, I would like to ask D to completely stop the time on her side, but I’m ashamed to ask such a huge favor.
I don’t know how time conjuring works and what its price is.
I don't even know if time conjuring is a thing in the first place.
All I know is that messing with time is definitely one of the greatest abilities in existence.
Because unlike other types of abilities where you only affect a few targets or only yourself, time-related abilities may even affect entire universes along with everything inside them.
“Hmmmm......” D hummed thoughtfully. “Sure, I can do that. Watching you and that little spider is much more interesting than playing games anyways.” She added distractedly.
By ‘little spider’, I assume she means Kumoko?
I wonder how far she has gone in her journey anyways?
I’m gonna pass through the Elroe Labyrinth in the near future, so I might as well check on her.
“Really! Awesome!” I exclaimed giddily. “Thanks. That means a lot to me, for real.” I added after calming down.
“Gotcha. Anything else?”
She seems to be busy.
I was just about to deny her when I heard a distinct sound coming from her side.
‘Gamer Over!’
…..Is she perhaps playing video games right as we speak?
Ah. That would explain why she’s distracted.
I thought she had something important going on, but it seems I have some incorrect illusions about this lazy otaku goddess.
Tch. Wasted my good intentions.
“Are you thinking something rude right now?” D’s voice suddenly came through the speakers.
It carried a hint of danger that sent chills down my spine and through every single one of bones.
“Nope. Why would you think that?” I instantly replied with feigned calm, but my rigid voice and stiff body might've given me away.
I just hope her game distracts her from peek at me through whatever method she usually uses.
“Oh? It should’ve been my imagination then. My own malice does sometimes affect me.” She chuckled indifferently.
But I have a creeping suspicion she only decided to drop the subject on a whim.
Well, I'm safe, so you won’t catch me complaining!
“Is the rot attribute related to time? The way it’s described makes it seem as if it rapidly ages the target till they die and turn into dust.” I curiously inquired, shrugging the chills away.
“Time?” She scoffed. “Of course not. This universe doesn’t have any abilities related to time– it’s not strong enough to endure them.”
….Huh?!
Since this universe doesn’t have time conjuring, then how are you gonna slow down time on Earth?!
If you're gonna expose your own lies, at least wait until I’m off the line!
“A similar effect can be achieved through molecular manipulation though. Just slow down the movement of the molecules while preserving their temperature counts as deceleration and vice versa.” She explained nonchalantly.
….Why are you saying in a way that makes it seem as if I'm stupid?
Isn’t temperature the average kinetic energy generated by the movement of molecules in the first place?
How the fuck is it possible to slow them down -effectively reducing said energy- while preserving the temperature at the same time?
And you’re also gonna apply that to an entire planet?!
That’s totally unscientific, y’know!
She’s not going for human experimentation to test out a theory of hers right from the get go, is she?
I fucking hope not.
I’m sorry, mom and dad, I may have caused you to get caught up in something real dangerous by mistake.
“Then how does rot work then? Speeding up the molecules?” I asked with a resigned sigh.
Even if I request further detail, she probably won’t be giving me any.
What she said is definitely missing a ton of complicated details that I believe my little fish brain can’t comprehend yet.
“Nah, that’d be too troublesome. Rot is essentially just a fantasy name for cellular disintegration. It scatters the target’s cells everywhere, achieving the ‘turn into dust’ effect we all know and love.”
But doesn’t that mean it can only be used on organic objects?
Cells are inherently larger than molecules, after all.
“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not supposed to work on inorganic objects. You subconsciously fused Alchemy with it, upgrading it to molecular disintegration, creating a whole new attribute.”
As if reading my mind, D’s answer came before I could voice my doubts.
“A few brand new disintegration-attribute skills were added to the system using that as a reference. They were directly integrated into your Outer skills though, so you didn’t find out about it.” She added.
Objection!!
You just took my creation and added it to the W system without asking for any form of authorization from myself or granting me any monetary compensation!
That’s copyright infringement at its finest, isn’t it?!
“Overruled.” She chuckled.
Stop reading my mind, goddammit!
That’s an extra privacy breach charge for you!
Evil gods nowadays have no respect for your human rights, I tell ya.
Unreal, man.
Anyways, it appears I'm a magic prodigy, huh?
Creating a whole new attribute without help from anyone- including Sage.
Now that's what I call genius.
As expected of me, hehehe~!
I would've loved a title reward for that though.
But it's fine by me.
I'm too strong and my skillset is too diverse that I'd rather focus on increasing my proficiency over getting more abilities, to be honest.
I sure as heck am gonna get myself a progenitor title somewhere down the line though, just you wait for it!
