Solo For Two

Karel quickly regretted his actions and lifted Sasha’s head, which had been kissing his neck and chest, to kiss him deeply. As he opened his eyes slightly, he saw Sasha’s trembling eyelashes glistening with moisture.“Say it again.”“…?”“I thought it was a dream, just one more time…”Karel felt foolish for missing Sasha’s confession. He sat up and wrapped one arm around Sasha’s waist. Sasha, now fully in Karel’s embrace, placed his trembling fingers on Karel’s shoulder and rested his forehead against his chest. All worries dissipated, and Karel completely relaxed.“I’m glad I love you.”Sasha’s body began to melt under Karel’s long kisses and touches. As Karel licked the length of Sasha’s neck, he could feel Sasha’s body relaxing. He bit gently along the prominent bones of Sasha’s tense neck and pressed his lips where the artery pulsed.Unlike the slow, careful foreplay, the first penetration was rushed. When Karel pushed the tip in with Sasha sitting on top of him, Sasha clung to Karel’s shoulders. Though Sasha was adequately prepared, he seemed frightened and kept trying to stand on his knees.“It’s okay, relax.”“Ah… Ah…”Karel soothed him by gently stroking his back and neck. Sasha’s tension melted away, and his legs gave out. As Sasha sank down completely, Karel slid fully into him, feeling Sasha’s trembling buttocks against his sweat-slicked groin.“Ha, ha…”“Well done.”Karel praised him and kissed his sweaty forehead. Sasha, breathing heavily, kept looking down at their connection in disbelief, as if he couldn’t comprehend the size fitting inside him.“Shall we move?”Instead of answering, Sasha wrapped his arms around Karel’s neck. His eyelashes quivered with tension, remembering their previous encounters. Mistaking Sasha’s actions as a plea for warmth, Karel chuckled softly.Holding Sasha close, Karel began moving. Sasha, who knew how to relax his muscles, quickly loosened up. As Karel supported his waist and started thrusting, Sasha moaned at the unexpected sensation of being filled to the root.[No, not yet. Ah…]Karel felt a desire to swallow even Sasha’s moans. He covered Sasha’s open mouth with his own, trapping the cries in Sasha’s throat.Feeling urgent, Karel laid Sasha down. As he did, his penis slipped out halfway, and Sasha moaned, covering his eyes as it scraped against unexpected places.“Huh… Ah!”Karel gazed down at Sasha, pulling out slowly and then pushing back in deeply in one smooth motion.“Ah…”Sasha’s breath, the way his vision wavered, the strands of hair sticking to his forehead—Karel took in every reaction. He kissed Sasha’s hand, which was trembling. Inside, Sasha was tight but warm and soft. Maintaining his patience, Karel continued with slow, deliberate thrusts. When he was fully embedded, he leaned down and lay atop Sasha.“Ugh…”A low groan escaped Karel’s lips. He wrapped his strong arms around Sasha, holding him tightly. Pressed beneath Karel’s weight, Sasha could only breathe quietly. His long eyelashes tickled Karel’s neck.“This feels nice too.”“…”“But somehow…”Karel blinked slowly.As their eyes met, Sasha tensed up.Just before Karel could speak again, Sasha kissed his closing eyelids. Karel felt Sasha’s warm lips at the corner of his eyes and smiled.Soon, Karel’s breathing slowed to a steady rhythm, and the tension left his arms.Sasha remained nestled in his arms for a long time afterward.‘Is he completely asleep?’Sasha cautiously moved his body. The large, firm man pressing down on him didn’t budge. Furthermore, the sensation of having Karel inside him had eased; it seemed he had fully adapted. It took a long time for Sasha to carefully lift his hips and free himself without waking Karel.“Mmm…”Sasha hastily covered his mouth. The feeling of the thick member sliding out of his walls made him moan involuntarily. Holding his breath, Sasha remained still with Karel still partially inside him, fearing he might wake.After waiting for a while, Sasha realized Karel was deeply asleep. Relieved, he sighed. He hadn’t expected things to go as far as penetration. Looking at the empty glass on the table, Sasha noted that while he had quickly fallen asleep after drinking, the effects had taken longer to hit Karel. That meant Karel might wake up sooner than him.‘At least I succeeded in getting him to drink it…’Sweating, Sasha finally managed to extract Karel’s member completely. He had to cover his mouth again as it slowly dragged along his insides, causing another moan. The sensation of being stretched wide was strange.When Sasha finally got out of bed, he felt a peculiar emotion watching Karel, who was sleeping with an utterly content expression.Sasha couldn’t leave immediately and stood watching the sleeping Karel for a while.＊＊＊Karel felt warmth on the back of his hand. He smiled unconsciously, thinking it was Sasha’s body heat.But the warmth, like the gentle rays of the sun, felt weightless.When Karel opened his eyes, he saw that it was as bright as midday outside, and the warmth he felt was actually the sunlight streaming through the window.Blinking against the bright light, Karel sat up, confused about how he had fallen asleep and why he had slept so long. More importantly, Sasha was no longer beside him.‘I must have overslept…’Thinking that, Karel got up, still naked. The sight of the rumpled bed sheets and clothes scattered on the floor brought back memories of last night, which now seemed blurred between dream and reality.At first, Karel wandered aimlessly between the bathroom and the bed. Then, in a daze, he picked up his clothes, got dressed, and headed into the hallway. The mansion was eerily silent.Descending the stairs slowly at first, Karel’s pace quickened until he was practically leaping down two or three steps at a time by the time he reached the first floor. He rushed through the dining room, the drawing room, the lobby, and then out to the garden and the pool. His heart pounded with a strange sense of dread.He’s not here.Karel struggled to accept the reality. He thought he might be going crazy for assuming Sasha had escaped just because he couldn’t see him for a few minutes. Denying it, Karel quickly headed back inside the mansion.Opening the door to Julian’s room, he found Julian reading a newspaper.“Sasha is missing.”“I haven’t seen him… Weren’t you with him?”Karel strode over to Julian, who was hiding his face behind the newspaper.Julian couldn’t conceal his expressions when he lied. Karel snatched the newspaper from him, ripping it in the process, leaving Julian looking helpless.“You haven’t seen him?”“No…”Karel stared down at Julian in silence.Unable to bear the silence, Julian confessed.“It’s too late! He left at dawn. He took the first carriage out.”“Are you insane?”Karel grabbed Julian by the collar, lifting him from his seat. Julian thought of the torn newspaper and realized that he might be torn to pieces too, considering how furious Karel looked.“Julian, I said I trusted you.”“Yes! Trust me. This is for the best, for you and for him. Karel, first loves are always like this. You’ll forget about him eventually…”“Damn it!”Karel threw Julian down so forcefully that he rolled across the floor. Julian, on his hands and knees, thought about how to calm Karel down. He had anticipated Karel’s anger. Even Sasha, who had come to Julian at dawn to borrow a carriage, had worried about Karel’s reaction. That concern for Karel’s feelings, at least, hadn’t been hypocritical.“Karel, respect Sasha’s choice. He decided to leave.”Julian chose to convey this instead of Sasha’s exact words. Clumsy consolation wouldn’t help. Lingering feelings after an ended relationship were never good.“Why do you always interfere between us?”“What?”“You’ve always done that.”Karel, suppressing his anger, now turned his wrath towards Julian. Julian was momentarily speechless, feeling a mix of disbelief and frustration. He recalled all the times he had helped Karel find Sasha, translated when they couldn’t communicate, and spent money on Sasha’s treatment. Grinding his teeth, Julian thought, ‘Am I the problem here?’Karel stood in the room, looking lost and defeated. Julian, sitting on the floor, decided to remain silent, letting the chips fall where they may.“Do you know where he went?”“I don’t know.”“How do you know he went to the station?”“……”Without waiting for an answer, Karel stormed out of the room. Soon, from the window, Julian saw Karel riding away from the mansion on a horse. Julian thought Karel was being reckless, but for now, it was best to let him do what he wanted.＊＊＊Karel knew it was hopeless, yet he rode his horse frantically.Sasha had left, deceiving him into thinking he wanted to stay. Despite knowing it was a lie, Karel felt a pang of happiness during those moments, making him feel wretched now. Suppressing his rage towards Sasha, he kicked the horse’s flanks harder.By the time he reached the station, the horse was exhausted, its tongue hanging out. Karel abandoned it and searched the station.“Do you need help?”A uniformed station worker approached. Karel almost ignored him but then spoke.“I’m looking for someone. A thin man with black hair….”“You’re looking for someone? Why?”“…He’s a thief.”“A thief!”The station worker clicked his tongue. This resort station often had thieves targeting wealthy travelers. The gentleman in front of him must have been another unlucky victim. Wanting to help, he guided Karel to the platform, accessible only with a ticket.“All arrivals and departures are from this platform. If he’s already on a train, there’s nothing we can do. The last train left an hour ago. If you’ve been chasing him, he might still be here.”Karel nodded and headed inside.Julian had said Sasha left the mansion at dawn. If so, Sasha could have taken the first train before sunrise. It was already past noon now. Denying the futility of his pursuit, Karel scanned the platform.‘Why?’He questioned why Sasha had left. The answer was clear.‘Because he doesn’t trust me. Because he doesn’t love me.’The platform was crowded since the last train had left a while ago. Karel’s eyes darted around. A man with black hair under a hat caught his attention, but when he turned, it wasn’t Sasha. Each time he saw someone with a similar build, his heart sank.In the distance, a train whistle sounded.White steam billowed as the enormous black engine pulled in, and the crowd surged towards the train. Karel watched the people board until the very last moment, feeling utterly alone.Those who were waiting boarded, and those who got off disappeared toward the exit. On the now almost deserted platform, Karel turned around, his feet reluctant to move.‘Is it really over like this?’Karel squeezed his eyes shut. His vision swam with flashing lights. Swallowing dryly, he looked toward the end of the platform. There, a person sat hunched over on a long bench in the corner. Blinking away the dizziness, Karel headed in that direction.At first, Karel thought he was seeing an illusion.And even when he realized the man was real, he thought, as he had many times before, that if he confirmed the man’s face, it would turn out to be someone other than Sasha.Karel stood before the man.Sensing someone, the man looked up.Karel, his voice trembling, opened his mouth.“Why…”Unable to continue, Karel slowly knelt in front of the man. On his knees, he met Sasha’s empty gaze.“Why… didn’t you leave?”Karel placed his hands on Sasha’s knees. His arms trembled uncontrollably. Trying to stop the shaking, Karel gripped Sasha’s legs tightly, struggling to hold back sobs that threatened to escape.“Why did you leave?”He asked, even though he knew the answer.“Answer me!”“……”“You asked me to trust you. I said I’d do whatever you wanted… anything….”Karel gritted his teeth, questioning the silent man.“Was I not even worth using?”Finally, Karel buried his forehead in Sasha’s knees. He struggled to breathe as he choked back the sobs that forced their way out. A mix of anger, relief, misery, and affection overwhelmed him. He hadn’t cried like this since he was a child. No, Karel realized he wasn’t even properly crying now, lost in intense emotions.Sasha reached out to touch Karel’s chin, prompting him to lift his head. Through his tear-filled vision, he saw Sasha’s face.The face of the man he loved but could never understand.The face that didn’t love him back.Karel hugged Sasha tightly around the waist.＊＊＊Karel didn’t return until sunset. Julian, who had expected Karel to come back dejectedly not long after leaving, couldn’t take his eyes off the window, feeling increasingly uneasy.‘He wouldn’t have just boarded a random train and left, right?’Surely not. Karel didn’t know where Sasha had gone. No one at the mansion knew where Sasha might be headed. Sasha himself probably didn’t know where he was going…. Julian squinted into the distance, deep in thought.After a while, one of the servants, sensing Julian’s concern, approached and spoke.“Should we send someone to the station?”“Hmm… no, I’ll go.”Julian put on his coat and mounted a horse. Instead of galloping, he let the horse walk slowly. The gentle breeze and the sunset over the resort felt peaceful. Julian realized he was distracting himself to avoid confronting a certain unease.When he arrived at the station, he recognized a familiar horse. It was the one Karel had ridden.Julian asked the station worker who was tending to the horse what had happened.“A gentleman came looking for someone earlier and went inside but hasn’t returned.”“What?”“I thought he’d just be in there for a moment, but then he was gone. Maybe he boarded a train… he didn’t look like he was short on money, though. Tsk tsk. Still, if you’re getting a horse out of the deal, that’s something, right?”Julian was horrified and shouted that it was his horse. Then he paid the fare instead.During the day, the station attendant, who had already been wronged by Karel, tried not to let Julian in either. However, when Julian said he would tie his horse outside, he was allowed in. Julian glanced scornfully at the strict station attendant as he walked inside.He then searched the dark platform from end to end several times. After a while, Julian had to accept that Karel had indeed stubbornly boarded the train and disappeared.“He’s even more hopeless than I thought. As if he knows where Sasha went.”Julian sat down heavily on a long bench to rest for a moment. He watched the black carriages puffing out white smoke as they rolled in and out, along with the ebb and flow of people. And when it was completely dark, Julian took the ownerless horse and returned to the villa.When he went to find Mrs. Rambouillet, she was quietly staying in her room. Julian conveyed his apologies to her on behalf of everyone.“I’m sorry that everyone can’t be here to see you off tomorrow.”“It’s alright.”The lady had returned to the appearance Julian knew. The image of her blushing like a young girl in front of Karel was now nowhere to be seen. Seeing her resigned demeanor, Julian thought that Karel’s absence might be prolonged. Why he felt that way was a mystery.“Madam, by any chance….”“Yes?”“Never mind.”Did you know Karel would leave?Instead of asking that, Julian quietly closed the door and returned to his room.Sleeping alone was always solitary, but thinking that two people were absent from the villa made it feel even lonelier. Still, Julian thought Karel would come to his senses and return in a day or two at most.The next day, Rambouillet returned to her parents’ home. And a week later, she left for Petersburg. By then, there was still no news from Karel. Ten days after Karel disappeared like a ghost, Julian sent a letter of thanks to Rambouillet. Despite Karel’s disappearance, she had helped complete the business matter without any setbacks.Two weeks later, Julian resumed his travels alone. As previously planned, he headed to Marrakech by ship. Under the scorching equatorial sun, Julian occasionally thought of Karel and Sasha. He felt that Karel might have found Sasha again after all.“He was the worst travel companion.”No matter how much they were sworn brothers, traveling with Karel was a headache. He constantly changed plans on a whim, dragged people along, and always refused to do fun things together. With his companion gone, the trip actually started to feel more like a proper journey.However, thinking about losing Karel forever gave him chills. Julian waited with a cold heart for a letter from Karel.A month later, for some reason, the journey felt dull, and Julian returned to Vienna.When he arrived at the Ludwig estate, Julian was able to receive a letter from Karel addressed to him. The content was simple and clear. Karel had found Sasha and decided to live together with her.“So it ended up like that.”Julian finally felt relieved. The long journey was over.＊ ＊ ＊“Julian!”A man waved from a distance. His thick blond hair had lightened in the sun. His skin was deeply tanned. He seemed to be living a leisurely life, swimming every day. Julian smiled and waved back.It was the first time in nearly a year that Julian saw Karel. Feeling a surge of joy, he hugged him. The well-dried clothes smelled of sunshine instead of the usual cologne.“Where’s Sasha?”“At home. Is your luggage heavy? Let me carry it. Why did you bring so much?”“It’s all for you. The people at the estate packed all these things when I said I was going to meet you.”When Karel smiled softly, slight wrinkles formed at the corners of his eyes. He seemed to be living a happy life. Julian thought Karel looked content. He had always dreamed of building a house in the countryside and living quietly. Meeting his beloved and building such a life together, he must be happier than ever now.Although it was fortunate that he was living as he wanted, Julian still felt it was a pity about Karel’s life and potential.A month ago, Karel had moved to a house near Vienna. Though it was far from the Ludwig estate, it was much better than not knowing his whereabouts at all. Over the past year, perhaps to avoid being tracked, Karel hadn’t included his address in the letters he sent to Julian. Nonetheless, it seemed that Karel, too, was concerned about his aging father and the hometown where he had grown up.As they entered the yard of the old wooden house that had been renovated here and there, a dog ran up to greet them excitedly. A large chicken also flapped around noisily. When Julian recoiled in fright, Karel laughed heartily.“Sasha, Julian is here,” Karel called as he stepped into the dimly lit house. Inside, shielded by thick blinds and curtains, the lively atmosphere outside seemed like a lie, replaced by a calm, almost cold stillness. Julian looked around, sensing the absence of any human presence, when a voice emerged from a corner.“Julian, it’s been a while.”Sasha was sitting quietly in a shaded part of the room, her face pale and white, almost reflecting the light, which startled Julian.“Sasha, it really has been a while. You look even thinner.”“I haven’t been moving around much….” Sasha replied with a faint smile, and the brief shadow of melancholy quickly faded from her face. Julian pretended not to notice that shadow and busied himself with opening the curtains, attributing everything to the dark atmosphere of the house.“This house has such good natural light. You shouldn’t live in darkness like this.”Sasha laughed at Julian’s remark. Karel, watching with satisfaction, then headed to the kitchen, saying he would prepare a meal. Seeing Karel putting on an apron and boiling water, an all-too-familiar sight, Julian sighed briefly.That night, they gave the largest bedroom to Julian. Karel said he would sleep on the sofa in the living room, and Sasha would sleep on the small bed in the guest room. Since they had moved in not long ago, the rooms lacked the feel of lived-in spaces. After tossing and turning uncomfortably, Julian finally went to the kitchen, using thirst as an excuse.The moonlight was so bright that he could clearly see the outlines of objects without turning on the light. In the moonlight, Julian noticed a figure who had arrived before him. It was Sasha.“Not sleeping?”Startled by the voice from behind, Sasha quickly responded, “I couldn’t sleep.”“Still having trouble sleeping? You ate so little at dinner… Is it because I’m here?”“No, I’m glad you’re here.”Sasha fidgeted with the glass in front of her as she spoke. Julian reached out and took the cup from Sasha’s hand.“I’ll have some water too.”But before bringing the cup to his lips, Julian noticed something strange. He looked inside suspiciously before Sasha spoke up.“That’s alcohol.”“Really? Where’s the water?”“I’ll get it for you.”Sasha found a glass bottle of water and poured some for Julian. After drinking a glass, Julian asked him, “Do you drink often?”“When I can’t sleep.”After a moment of silence, Sasha spoke again, his voice lacking confidence. “Julian, could you get me some sleeping pills?”“Sleeping pills? Oh…”Julian remembered what Sasha was seeking and shook his head. “That’s… As I mentioned before, it’s not good if you get used to them. Did I tell you they contain addictive substances?”“Yes…”Sasha nodded. He refilled his glass with alcohol and walked away slowly. His much thinner body than a year ago caught Julian’s eye.Before visiting this house, Julian had resolved to let them handle their own affairs. Intervening could lead to misunderstandings or unwanted outcomes. However…“Sasha, why did you wait for Karel that day?”At those words, Sasha turned around in the darkness, his eyes faintly reflecting the moonlight.“Waited? For Karel?”“You told me you were taking the first train.” “Ah…,” Sasha muttered, lowering his head for a moment as if recalling that time.“That’s hard for me to explain.”Julian realized that his lingering uneasy feeling wasn’t just a misconception. Karel was the only one who seemed happy in this house, and even that happiness was likely feigned for Julian’s benefit. He wondered what kind of life they led on a daily basis.“Sasha, may I ask you one thing?”“Go ahead.”“If you’ve chosen Karel, be loyal to him. Don’t abandon him unless he abandons you first.”Sasha stared at Julian without any expression. Julian felt a chill and called out to him again.“Sasha?”After a moment of silence, Sasha spoke with difficulty.“That’s a hard promise to keep…. I have nothing but myself… If I’m abandoned, I have nothing left. All I have is the freedom to use myself as I wish….”Sasha’s words were slow and not considerate of the listener. His mumbling was almost like talking to himself. Julian stood up, feeling that Sasha was too drunk.“Julian, I will keep that promise.”“Stop drinking now.”Despite Julian’s plea, Sasha finished the remaining alcohol and returned to his room. Alone, Julian buried his head in his hands. He wanted to confide in Karel, but he decided to keep silent until Karel brought it up himself.‘This could just be me meddling… I should stay quiet before things get worse.’And with that resolve, Julian returned to the estate amidst warm farewells.After that, Julian continued to visit the couple occasionally and invited them to the estate during festivals. Contrary to the unsettling memories of his first visit, Karel and Sasha showed signs of mutual care and lived well together for several years. Julian was relieved that he hadn’t interfered based on assumptions. He dismissed Sasha’s erratic behavior as an artist’s temperament and attributed what he saw to Sasha being momentarily sensitive due to alcohol.Living with Sasha, Karel expressed for the first time a desire to have children. Julian was genuinely surprised, as Karel had never mentioned wanting children before meeting Sasha. However, Karel now sincerely wished to have a child like Sasha, and regretted that they couldn’t. Sasha seemed to accept this to some extent. Over time, they appeared to form a perfect pair through their mutual presence.Julian was relieved. After all, perfect love doesn’t exist in the world. They seemed happy enough. Julian genuinely believed that.Three more years passed. In that time, Julian completed his doctoral studies and became a professor.While Julian was busy at a university in London, contact with Karel became infrequent. Then one day, he received an unexpected and shocking news: Karel had been involved in a criminal case and was imprisoned.The timing was bad. Tensions were high across Europe, and prisoners were often conscripted into the military. Faced with his sworn brother’s misfortune, Julian dropped everything to find Karel. However, the bail money he had prepared was useless against the charges. Julian, filled with dismay, visited Karel in prison.Karel did not deny his guilt. He simply muttered with a haggard face, “I want to see Sasha.”After the fruitless visit, Julian returned to the university and hired a lawyer to help clear Karel’s name and investigate the incident. However, before he could delve deeply, Julian paled upon reading the first line of the summarized documents. The name of the person who reported Karel was shockingly unexpected.The one who had sent Karel to prison was none other than his lover, Sasha Sedrin.