Solo For Two

Paris, 1919.Behind the stage, where the applause still lingered like an aftershock after the performance.Sasha Sedrin, the principal dancer and star of today’s performance, stumbled down the corridor. Levin, watching his unsteady steps with concern, opened the door to the dressing room.The space was bleak, with only a white wall, a mirror, a makeshift sink, and a single sofa. Sasha, still panting heavily, ripped off his sweat-soaked costume and headpiece, tossing them carelessly to the floor. Then, he collapsed into the single sofa, his breath coming in ragged gasps through his nose and mouth.The price of pushing his body to the limit for the performance was thirty minutes of unsteady breathing and complete physical exhaustion, leaving him unable to lift a finger.As he lay there, eyes covered and breathing heavily, Levin spoke.“Can I help you with anything?”It was only then that Sasha, realizing there was someone else in the room, opened his eyes slightly. He tilted his head and managed to speak with difficulty.“…Water.”“Water? Just a moment. It should be outside.”“I told you to keep it here. Always, in the same place.”Sasha, still panting, spoke irritably. Levin, with an expressionless face, silently poured water into a cup. When she handed it over, Sasha snatched it and quickly drank it all.“Is there anything else I can help you with?”“No. Leave me alone.”Despite the curt dismissal, Levin did not leave immediately. She knew that Sasha could be very capricious when emotional. As expected, not a few seconds later, Sasha, still with his eyes closed, mumbled a few more requests.“I’m going to the hotel today. Not going home… If there’s spoiled food in the kitchen, throw it out. And another glass of water….”After bringing the water, Levin lingered in the dressing room a bit longer.How much time passed? Eventually, Sasha broke the silence, getting up from the sofa without a word. Only when Sasha glanced at Levin while taking off his stage costume and tights did Levin realize his task was done and he left the dressing room completely.[Damn… I feel terrible.]Removing the sweat-soaked tights carelessly made them look unsightly, like a discarded shell, which irritated Sasha as he headed to the shower. Showering with just one bar of rough soap only increased his irritation. Exhaustion always made him quick-tempered.Even after barely dressing and leaving the dressing room, his legs were unsteady. A guard, noticing Sasha, tried to support him. Initially, Sasha pushed the guard’s hand away but soon realized it was much easier to lean on him, so he silently let the guard take his weight.“The carriage is ready.”“Thank you.”“Where to?”“Vendôme Hotel.”Heading to the hotel instead of home made Sasha feel depressed. The remaining appointments were dreadful. However, he found solace in the fact that he could sleep immediately after finishing the conversation at the hotel.…Whether he could actually sleep was another matter.Today, too, he had finished a whole bottle of stimulant before the performance. Without the help of drugs, he couldn’t perform at his best. But tossing and turning with a heart that wouldn’t calm down after the performance was a torment.Instead of waiting at the entrance where the audience might see his face, Sasha went out the back door used by the staff. The carriage the guard mentioned was already there. As he pulled up the collar of his coat to hide his face and got into the carriage, he could feel the distant crowd murmuring and turning to look. Sasha quickly boarded the carriage, ignoring their shouts.Upon arriving at the hotel, a familiar middle-aged man was already waiting in the lobby. He was the butler who always attended to Sasha when he came to the hotel. More precisely, the exclusive butler for the penthouse. The seasoned middle-aged man paid the carriage fare on Sasha’s behalf. Sasha, striding ahead, headed straight to his room with the butler following closely behind.“There is a guest waiting for you.”“I know.”Sasha’s curt reply was tinged with unmasked irritation.“It’s Sir Hartley from the Patrons’ Club.”Despite Sasha’s sharp response, the butler continued dutifully, determined to fulfill his role. Sasha, suddenly feeling a rush of shame at the butler’s steadfast attitude, wanted to justify his late-night meeting with a noble from the ‘Patrons’ Club.’Standing in front of the door, Sasha searched his pockets. Thankfully, since he rarely used cash, his wallet was stuffed with banknotes. Sasha pulled out a handful and handed it to the butler.“Here, take this.”“I’ll put the carriage fare on your tab. The ‘Club’ will settle it when you check out.”“No, this is for….”Unsure how to articulate “tip,” Sasha lowered his eyes. The money in his outstretched hand felt embarrassing.Lately, every time he came to this hotel, the elderly butler had gone out of his way, enduring unnecessary hardships to serve him. Accepting all the tantrums of an arrogant dancer who could be his son.But Sasha had no idea how to express his gratitude and apology. Realizing how foolish it was to try to compensate for minor mistakes with money, Sasha folded the bills, leaving an amount that seemed appropriate.“Have a good night.”Watching the formally dressed butler walk away, Sasha shoved the remaining money into his pocket carelessly. A wave of self-loathing washed over him. He couldn’t understand why he felt the need to explain himself or why he felt ashamed. The butler was simply treating him as part of his job.Pushing open the door, Sasha saw a familiar figure seated in the elegantly decorated room. It was Sir Hartley, a member of the ‘Patrons’ Club,’ whom Sasha had been meeting once a week recently.Hartley greeted Sasha with a barely concealed excitement in his voice.“Sasha, you’re here sooner than I expected.”“I came straight after the performance.”Sasha asked as he removed his coat and laid it on the sofa.“Have you been waiting long?”Hartley shook his head.“Not even an hour. The night view from here is so beautiful I didn’t feel the time pass.”Without replying, Sasha took a seat. Hartley continued to talk about the night view for another ten minutes. He boasted about the history of the old buildings in this city, which had never been occupied during the war, as if trying to impress Sasha. Nobles, it seemed, never got straight to the point. Even though this was their third meeting, they had made no progress in their conversation. Hartley seemed particularly averse to discussing ‘business’ directly.Already bored, Sasha poured himself a drink. Then he remembered the advice of his director: to put his utmost effort into networking and not to show boredom or be curt.“Especially with nobles, you have to be as pliant as a tongue in the mouth.”Recalling his duty, Sasha reluctantly offered Hartley a drink.“Please, have some.”“What an honor. I now have something to boast about at the ‘Club.'”The ‘Patrons’ Club’ Hartley referred to was a group of high society individuals who generously supported the arts and culture in Paris. It included not just French personalities but also European royalty, nobility, and American tycoons.Sasha’s current goal was to become a regular attendee of this club’s gatherings. Although he wouldn’t be made a full member, he knew he would have to flatter and accommodate their whims for a while. Sasha soon felt a wave of gloom. The director of the Ballet Russe had always stressed the importance of networking. He often criticized Sasha for being the least successful principal dancer in terms of connections.“My performances are always sold out.”“Who cares about ticket sales? If you secure a single patron, you could build an entire theater!”Then, he started to send thank-you letters in response to the gifts from the nobles who visited the dressing room every day, unable to resist the director’s pressure.Sasha now completely understood how the director’s business acumen had propelled Ballet Russe to its rapid ascent to the top in Paris, how dancers had become commodities in this process.‘Art is as much a slave to prostitution now as ever…’Sasha felt a wave of melancholy. Hartley, too, for all his current decorum, had obvious desires. In their first meeting, Sasha had assumed Hartley would naturally make physical demands. Female dancers often mingled with high society and ended up marrying nobility upon retirement. However, Hartley had always engaged in tiresome riddles instead of being direct, and Sasha’s progress with the club had stalled. Hartley still watched Sasha drink with a dull intensity.‘Two years at the shortest, four at the longest…’At 32, Sasha knew retirement was near.He knew the director didn’t cast dancers based on skill alone. If a younger, more promising dancer came along, Sasha’s retirement would be hastened. About a month ago, realizing the game, Sasha had miserably asked the director to introduce him to patrons. That’s when he met Hartley, though the director hoped Sasha would catch an even bigger fish.Staring at the golden liquid at the bottom of his glass, Sasha fell into thought.He was used to this, seducing someone. His life had depended on it.“Sir Hartley…”Sasha deliberately dragged out his words, causing Hartley to tense and ask.“Yes? What is it?”“The performance today was very exhausting… I’m quite tired.”“Really? I must be keeping you up. How inconsiderate of me… I should be going soon.”“No, I don’t want to shorten our time together. I just might fall asleep unexpectedly. May I wash up first?”Though he had already taken a quick shower at the theater, Sasha asked intentionally. Hartley, looking flustered, nodded, and Sasha headed to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar on purpose.When he came out in a robe, Hartley tried to appear calm, meeting Sasha’s gaze nonchalantly. Noticing Hartley’s pronounced Adam’s apple bobbing, Sasha chose to sit on the bed instead of the sofa. Hartley, stammering, said Sasha could sleep if he was tired, then launched into a ramble about the benefits and effects of sleep on humans.Sasha watched the nobleman silently before collapsing onto the bed.The ceiling came into view.The stimulant he had taken before the performance ensured he wouldn’t sleep anyway. Sasha closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep while keenly sensing Hartley’s movements. After a while, Hartley called Sasha’s name repeatedly. Receiving no response, Hartley got up and approached.Hartley stood beside Sasha’s head. Even through his closed eyes, Sasha could sense the shadow.And all Hartley did was…‘Coward.’He lifted Sasha’s robe and then froze. When Sasha, tired of waiting, slowly opened his eyes, Hartley was staring intently at Sasha’s bare chest and slim abdomen revealed under the lifted robe.Their eyes met. Hartley, realizing he had been caught in his vulgar act, looked visibly shocked.“Sasha, I, I…”“Sir Hartley.”Sasha grasped Hartley’s wrist as he withdrew his hand from the robe. Surprised by Sasha’s unexpected strength, Hartley started to sweat profusely.“I… I made a mistake.”“What do you mean?”Sasha asked in confusion. He couldn’t understand why Hartley would pretend it was a mistake when he clearly wanted this. Moreover, why he would act as if he owed Sasha something was baffling.Instinctively, Sasha knew this was the moment to speak.“May I ask you for a favor, Sir?”And at times like these, the other party usually granted any request.“If it’s not too much trouble, I would like to visit the Patron’s Club.”“That’s…”Sasha looked at Hartley as he awkwardly fidgeted with his sleeve. After hesitating, Hartley tentatively reached into the robe that had been open earlier. Instead of rejecting, Sasha closed his eyes as if unaware. Hartley’s trembling fingers, initially exploring Sasha’s chest, soon reached his nipples. Feeling the intrusive touch, Sasha turned his head and bit back a curse, fearing he might say something disrespectful otherwise.Nobles readily revealed their filthy desires. Since Sasha didn’t resist, Hartley’s hands began to roam over his bare skin indiscriminately. Hartley even pressed his lips against Sasha’s straight neck, beginning to pant heavily. He emitted a sour smell of sweat.‘Filthy bastard.’Disgusted by the man’s aroused state, Sasha pushed him away. But once a nobleman’s desires were unleashed, they rarely stopped. Sasha attempted to restrain Hartley’s wrist as before, but somehow Hartley managed to slip a finger into his mouth. Sasha shivered involuntarily.Finally, Sasha rose to his feet. The robe slipped off and fell to the floor, but Hartley, regretful, still clung to Sasha’s exposed back. He tasted Sasha’s back with a damp tongue. Clenching his fist, Sasha asked.“Are you promising?”Sasha’s voice, already low from his earlier frustration, was now barely audible. Hartley, oblivious, pressed his lips against Sasha’s nape.“Ugh… Uck… Hmm, well, I promise.”As Hartley’s breath brushed against his nape and his damp tongue grazed his skin, Sasha recoiled, making Hartley think his advances were successful.“When should I know the date?”“Ugh, the next gathering… um, in about ten days.”“Thank you.”Sasha pushed him away and turned around. It was a signal to stop, but Hartley suddenly pressed his moist lips against Sasha’s face. It was a clumsy and brutish kiss, as if he were pushing his teeth into Sasha’s inner lips. Feeling repulsed, Sasha refused to open his mouth.Even after that, Hartley continued to paw Sasha’s body as he pleased, moaning until dawn before finally leaving the hotel room.“Filthy bastard….”Even after he left, Sasha lay on the bed for a while, enveloped in overwhelming helplessness.After some time, Sasha finally got up and went to the bathroom to wash. Despite multiple washes, the sensation of the hands that had touched his chest and the moist, hot breath that poured onto his neck remained. The sensation of creepy goosebumps wrapping around his body persisted.Sasha eventually reached for the glass again.Beyond the glass, he remembered the face of a man who would nag him, pleading for him to stop drinking. Sasha muttered to himself, recalling old memories subconsciously. Whenever he ignored the nagging, the man would sigh and stop arguing, unable to say anything more.Though exhausted, Sasha’s mind remained clear.Not wanting to lie on the bed where he had struggled with Hartley, Sasha folded his body on the daybed near the window. The city’s nocturnal skyline spread beneath his eyes.A wave of inexplicable melancholy washed over him.‘How did I end up here? I just wanted a better life.’As Ballet Russe’s principal dancer, Sasha Sedrin, had countless rumors attached to him. From rumors of becoming bruised to rumors of drug use on stage, and even rumors of indulging in nobles’ beds and luxuries…And some of these rumors were undoubtedly true.Sasha Sedrin, Levin’s employer and last night’s absent landlord, returned home around eleven in the morning. It was when Levin had just finished hanging the laundry.“Will you have lunch at home?”Sasha, nodding in response to Levin’s words instead of greeting her, passed her by. His face, with dark circles under his eyes and a complexion that seemed extremely tired, as if he had been wandering the streets all night, looked exhausted. However, contrary to his desolate appearance, there was a fresh scent lingering in the air where he had been, as if he had just bathed. Levin, unaware that Sasha had compulsively bathed last night, simply found it curious.“You’re not eating? That’s fortunate. I threw away all the remaining food yesterday as it was starting to spoil. You should bring something if you want to eat at home.”Levin waited for his response. Sasha might insist on having lunch after all. However, Sasha lay on the sofa for a long time without saying a word. Whether he was listening or not, he stared blankly into space. Sasha often seemed absent-minded like that. Consequently, Levin turned away from him and resumed tidying up the house.It had been a little over a year since Levin had worked as a housekeeper and occasional errand-runner for Sasha. Initially, Levin thought of Sasha as just an ordinary, taciturn young man with a noticeable appearance. At first, she didn’t even know who Sasha was or what he did.That’s why Levin assumed Sasha hired her. At that point, Sasha was already tired of the various mundane things that came with fame, so he said he didn’t want a housekeeper who would pry into his private life or steal his belongings. So, it was natural for him to hire someone who had no curiosity about his private life and wouldn’t cause any gossip. In Levin’s opinion, if those were the criteria, there was no one more suitable for the job than herself.And yet, Levin still didn’t understand. Why people were so obsessed with Sasha Sedrin’s private life. Because aside from his name, Sasha’s life was truly uninteresting and uneventful. Furthermore, from what she observed, Sasha didn’t even have a private life. His life consisted solely of work, apart from practice and performances, he spent most of his time at home doing nothing.So, not long after meeting him, Levin came to think of Sasha as a stubborn eccentric.‘With looks like that, he doesn’t even date.’Whether in terms of romantic relationships or otherwise, within a year, Levin realized that Sasha Sedrin’s social life was pitiful. He didn’t even have family or friends visiting him. Considering the numerous fans buzzing around him, it was truly strange. While high society gatherings and invitations flocked to this house daily, his employer would sit idly by the window, watching people pass by instead of socializing with anyone.Despite earning enough money, living in this cramped mansion was still eccentric. But Sasha thought this house was too big for him to live alone. He repeatedly said that all he needed was a single bed.‘I’m scared to live alone in a big house.’‘It’s because you’re alone. How about living somewhere with a garden and raising animals?’Sasha didn’t answer, and Levin stopped trying to persuade him.And much later, Sasha brought up a strange topic again.‘Levin, did I tell you why I hired you?’‘Did you hire me because you didn’t know me?’Sasha shook his head and said.‘Because my deceased brother had the same name as you.’Having worked by his side for over a year, Levin now pitied Sasha.His only hobby was drinking, but due to warnings from a doctor about his high alcohol dependence, he didn’t drink at home. Instead, there were always sleeping pills by his bedside.His life was a mess. Although Levin had seen him collapse after performances and retreat into an opium den, she had never seen him eat properly. It was obvious he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s performance.Levin asked again.“Will you have lunch? Shall I bring something?”“Hmm… Yes.”Satisfied with Sasha’s answer, Levin took money from his wallet. If she had learned anything from working, it was that she had to ask Sasha the same question multiple times. His whims changed frequently.This time was no different. In reality, he might have been hungry since entering the house, but he had simply refused out of laziness. It was only after some time that he realized he was hungry. Levin wondered if Sasha wasn’t good at recognizing his own needs, not just sleep or appetite, but also emotions like joy or loneliness…“Oh, right. Sasha, a letter came for you. It’s from Julian Kye, who has been writing letters frequently lately. It seems important, so I put it on the side table.”Seeing Sasha getting up to check the letter, Levin slipped out of the room.