Chapter 40
“You should leave. It seems there was a misunderstanding.”“A misunderstanding?”As soon as Karel finished speaking, Georg, with a stern expression, guided Sasha out. Sasha kept looking back as they left the room. Only when they reached the first floor did Georg speak.“…I’m sorry for wasting your time.”It was the first apology Sasha had ever heard from Georg. In that moment, Sasha realized this was related to why Karel hadn’t sent the carriage today.“What mistake did you make?”“I misunderstood my superior’s instructions. He told me to call someone from ‘Valerius,’ but…”Georg spoke awkwardly. Sasha, struck silent, stared at his rarely expressive face.A car pulled up in front of the mansion. It was a sleek black luxury four-wheeled vehicle, one Sasha had ridden in before. It was the car Karel always sent.“Damn it.”Georg muttered briefly, clearly suppressing a curse. The person stepping out of the car was someone Sasha knew well.“Gudin…?”“Sasha, come here.”Georg tried to pull Sasha aside to hide him. Sasha stumbled, momentarily dragged by him. It seemed Georg didn’t want Sasha and Gudin to meet. But, overwhelmed with sudden anger, Sasha shook off Georg’s arm and ran back towards the mansion door.“Damn it!”This time, Georg cursed aloud.In no time, Sasha was back inside the mansion.“Who was that? Is there another guest besides me?”Gudin, now right in front of Georg, asked. Georg, with a face of mixed frustration, mumbled.“Damn it… Just a moment. This will definitely be a pay cut. This is driving me crazy… Please, come inside.”“…?”“You’ll need to wait in the drawing room for a bit. Lord Scar hasn’t forgotten the appointment. Please wait just a moment.”* * *At the same time, Sasha had run up the stairs and was already opening the bedroom door.“Karel! How could you, how could you do this? I thought it was just a rumor…”Sasha couldn’t finish his sentence and began to pant with sorrow. But while Sasha poured out his complaints in his bewilderment, Karel just looked at him with a slightly dumbfounded expression.Seeing Karel’s face made Sasha even more sorrowful. He thought Gudin’s words about being arranged for sponsorship might be true. But he never imagined that after being neglected for eight weeks, it would be Gudin who was called.Am I now useless?Sasha tried hard not to cry.“Where is Georg?”Karel’s cold words made Sasha stagger towards him. He threw away his shame, took off his jacket, and knelt in front of Karel. Karel, looking perplexed, tried to help Sasha stand.“Take me. You can call me more. Karel, am I not enough for you?”Sasha began to cry out loud.Just then, the door burst open. Georg entered. His face turned pale once again upon seeing Sasha kneeling and sobbing in front of Karel.‘This is a complete mess. I’m finished.’Karel’s gaze shifted to Georg. The quiet reproach for creating this mess made Georg instinctively stand at attention, a habit from his long military service.“What’s going on?”“The guest has just arrived… Gudin is waiting in the drawing room.”Karel sighed. Now he understood why Sasha had suddenly acted out. Still, he couldn’t leave the guest waiting for long. Karel tried to pass by Sasha, who was kneeling in front of him.But at that moment, Sasha instinctively grabbed Karel’s leg. His grip conveyed more than just desperation.“Where are you going?”Sasha, his whole body flushed red, looked up at Karel. He had thrown away his pride and was begging on his knees, yet he was being treated as if he were invisible. With trembling hands, he tightened his grip on Karel’s clothes.“Sasha, don’t do anything you’ll regret.”“I’m doing this because I don’t want to regret it.”Georg gasped.‘He’s determined.’Even from a third person’s perspective, Sasha’s tear-streaked gaze seemed more challenging than pitiful. It seemed like a major incident would occur before the day ended.“Sasha, let go.”“I can’t. If you want to leave, you’ll have to kick me… knock me out and go.”“You’ve gone mad.”Karel’s expression changed. Sasha was suddenly terrified. The intense stare made it seem like Karel was genuinely angry. ‘What if he really knocks me out?’ Sasha suppressed the urge to let go of Karel’s clothes.Still, Sasha clung to a sliver of hope. Despite Karel’s rough behavior in bed, he had never once used violence against Sasha. Sasha firmly believed that Karel wouldn’t hit him. When Karel tried to take a step, Sasha clung even harder, ready to be dragged along. Even though he knew it was inappropriate and humiliating for Karel, Sasha clung to him with a desperate desire to die.Finally realizing he couldn’t shake Sasha off, Karel clenched his teeth and said,“Fine, just wait here.”“I-I can’t let go. You’re going to kick me out….”“I won’t kick you out, so just wait here.”Sasha, sensing that Karel was genuinely angry, chose to let go instead of resisting further. Karel walked out of the room without hesitation. The slam of the door seemed to echo Karel’s anger.Now, only Sasha and Georg were left in the room. Sensing that Georg might drag him out at any moment, Sasha leaned against the study desk, as if ready to cling to it if forced.In the awkward silence, Sasha started to cry quietly again.Georg, unable to hide his bafflement, looked at Sasha.“Don’t you have any shame?”“Of course I do… I feel like I want to die right now.”Sasha spoke with his head hanging low. The shock of witnessing another beneficiary and realizing that Karel had summoned him due to Georg’s mistake after eight weeks was too much. Sasha’s heart felt shattered, and he had no energy left to preserve his pride.The fear that Karel would never call for him again if he left now drove Sasha to do something he had never done in his life—make a fool of himself.“Is it fun to mock me?”Georg looked up at Sasha’s eerie voice. Sasha, leaning against the desk, was glaring at him with tear-streaked eyes that seemed to blaze.“What?”Georg, witnessing Sasha’s anger for the first time, asked in a daze. Sasha gritted his teeth and spoke.“I know you wanted to laugh at how happy I was to come running when Karel called… It’s clear you wanted to humiliate me like this….”Then, as if the rage had been a lie, Sasha started to sob again. Realizing that Sasha’s erratic emotions stemmed from his mistake, Georg felt a rare pang of embarrassment. Instead of explaining that it was indeed a mistake, Georg kept silent, knowing the truth wouldn’t help.Karel returned sooner than expected.Georg, aware of his guilt, tensed up at Karel’s entrance. Karel seemed even angrier than when Sasha had clung to his leg, making that incident look like child’s play.‘We’re in trouble now.’Georg clenched his jaw tightly. With Karel this furious, something serious was bound to happen. Georg just hoped there wouldn’t be bloodshed.“Sasha.”“Yes?”“Lie down over there.”Sasha, bewildered, asked again.“Lie down on the bed.”In a daze, Sasha crawled onto the bed.Did Karel send Gudin away? Did my pleading make him choose me?If so, it was a victory. Sasha thought he had done well to beg as he lay flat on the bed, staring at Georg. But Georg didn’t seem to be leaving; he just stood at attention by the door.Karel, with his back to Sasha, poured himself a drink and commanded Georg.“Cover his eyes.”“What?”“Cover Sasha’s eyes. Tie his wrists.”Georg, momentarily startled, quickly composed himself and approached Sasha. Sasha looked up at Georg, not comprehending Karel’s order, but Georg’s face was now expressionless.Georg knew his superior’s ways well. It was better to obey without question than to make Karel repeat himself. Karel was not one to rescind orders.“Hey, Georg.”When Sasha tried to sit up, Georg gently but firmly pushed him back down. As Sasha struggled, Georg whispered while gripping his wrists.“Don’t resist. You’ll get hurt.”Then he swiftly tied Sasha’s wrists. Sasha, stunned, looked over at Karel, who was still facing away, drinking as if he had no interest in what was happening on the bed.Desperately, Sasha called out.“Karel?”Georg, having firmly tied Sasha’s hands behind his back, now took off Sasha’s tie. The wide silk tie quickly covered Sasha’s eyes. Trapped in darkness, Sasha momentarily forgot to struggle, too shocked to resist.“Bring the guest upstairs.”Karel’s words made Georg’s face harden. But instead of arguing, he left the room to carry out the order.Georg’s restraining hands were gone. Left alone, Sasha, with his cheek against the sheet, thought. Bring the guest upstairs? Call him?“Karel?”Sasha cautiously called out. There was no reply, only the sound of Karel pouring another drink.“Would you like a drink too?”“What?”“It might be better if you’re drunk.”Then, as soon as Karel finished speaking, the door opened again. Sasha initially thought it was Georg.“Oh, no… What in the world. Our Chief is in such a terrible state.”However, the moment Sasha heard the voice, he felt like his breath would stop. The person clicking their tongue and approaching the bed was neither Karel nor Georg, but a third party. Sasha turned around with difficulty, startled.It was Gudin.The silk tie couldn’t completely block out the light. He could vaguely see the silhouette of a tall man looking down at him. Even in his imperfect understanding of the situation, Sasha knew that Karel intended to harm him.“In what manner will the test be conducted?”Gudin asked as he removed his jacket.“Will it be the three of us together? Or just me? I will cater to Lord Scar’s preferences.”At those words, his vision darkened. Sasha panted lightly and raised his upper body. He was too tense, his hands trembling, making his body uncooperative. But before he could even crawl to the edge of the bed, Gudin’s cold hand grabbed his ankle and pulled.“Gudin!”Sasha screamed shortly and fell back down, pleading as Gudin began unbuttoning his shirt.“Please, don’t do this.”“The Chief seems a bit frightened.”At that moment, another set of footsteps was heard.Relaxed footsteps, followed by the sound of a chair being pulled… the sound stopped next to the bed. Even with his eyes covered, Sasha knew that Karel had sat in that chair.“I’m not really interested.”“What a windfall. Who would refuse such an opportunity to have this kind of fun and get sponsored?”Gudin chuckled above him. His cold hand slid inside Sasha’s shirt, roughly caressing his chest and painfully pinching his nipple. Terrified of what was to come, Sasha desperately called out Karel’s name.“Karel? Where are you? Please, don’t do this, Karel.”“Sasha, I’ll do it well. Stop calling out other men’s names and call mine.”Sasha struggled to escape from the excited Gudin, but being bound and pinned under the tall man, he couldn’t break free.Sasha turned his head toward where Karel was sitting. Karel sat still in the backlight. The silk tie covering Sasha’s eyes soon became soaked with tears.Even minor resistance was useless; Gudin undid Sasha’s belt and easily pulled down his pants. Sasha, lying face down, had to endure the sensation of his clothes being removed. The cold air soon brushed over his bare lower body.Gudin gathered Sasha’s buttocks and even slapped them a few times. White buttocks quickly turned red with handprints. Overwhelmed by shame, Sasha cried out loud, unable to endure the thought of being violated by another man in front of the one he loved. He wanted to reach out to Karel. In his imagination, he surely did, but his bound arms wouldn’t move.Gudin’s cold hands traveled from Sasha’s buttocks to his waist, back, and neck, roughly kneading his bare skin. There was no affection in his touch, only lust. Furthermore, being a mere twenty-one-year-old, Gudin had no understanding of consideration. Sasha was sure to get hurt. His chin trembled with fear.The blatant groping reminded Sasha of the time he had been assaulted by the Duke in his teenage years. The trauma Karel had worked so hard to heal was easily triggered again. Sasha gagged involuntarily.“Ah… your skin is so smooth. I’ve never been attracted to men before because their bodies are so firm…”“Stop! Don’t touch me. Ugh…”Gudin, having turned Sasha over, grabbed his cheek. Pinning Sasha with his weight, he leaned down. As Sasha reflexively curled up, Gudin’s tongue licked the tear-stained cheek before moving to his lips.Sasha cried and struggled. This was rape.“Ugh…!”Suddenly, intense pain shot through Gudin, who jerked back, clutching his lips.“What are you doing!”Gudin shouted in anger, his arousal turning him ferocious, as he swung his hand at Sasha’s head. With a thud, Sasha felt momentarily dazed. The blow to his head made him groggy, and he groaned as Gudin pulled his hair.“Dammit… biting your tongue?”Hot liquid dripped onto Sasha’s face from above. He realized belatedly that it was Gudin’s blood.“Let go! You bastard…”Sasha, trembling and bracing for more blows, soon realized the weight pinning him down had lifted. Gudin’s curses also stopped. Gudin had already been dragged out by Georg. But unaware of this, Sasha remained tense, expecting another assault.The suddenly empty bedroom was eerily quiet. Still in shock, Sasha lay there, listening to his own breathing.“Karel?”Sasha called out to Karel, but there was no response.However, Sasha believed Karel was still sitting in that chair, watching over him.“Karel.”With his head tilted, the silk tie had shifted slightly, allowing Sasha to see a bit of the room. He saw his lower body and the disheveled bedspread. Rubbing his head against the sheets, he thought he might be able to get the tie off completely.As Sasha struggled to free himself by rubbing his head against the bed sheet, he sensed someone climbing onto the bed.Naturally, his head turned towards the sinking mattress. Karel, who lifted Sasha’s head and gently untied the tie.As his vision cleared, light flooded in. Sasha looked up at Karel, who was backlit.“Karel…”Sasha’s face filled with relief. When their eyes met, all the resentment and anger vanished, leaving only a sense of reliance in Sasha’s gaze, which was genuine at that moment.Karel, witnessing the change right before his eyes, couldn’t help but gently stroke Sasha’s cheek lovingly.The place where Gudin had hit was swollen in a pale pink color, but fortunately, it seemed that Gudin’s impulsive swing had only grazed him. The texture of Karel’s leather gloves brushed against Sasha’s face. He also tidied up Sasha’s disheveled hair.Sasha, like a young animal trusting its owner, felt comfortable and rubbed his face against Karel’s hand. He hugged Karel’s sturdy waist and leaned on his strong thigh. Sasha indulged in the happiness of being in Karel’s embrace. His shirt faintly smelled of figs and musk, and through the thin fabric, Sasha felt the warmth of Karel’s body.“Karel…”Sasha curled up and pressed himself closer to Karel. He seemed to have quickly forgotten the humiliating situation and the person responsible for it. Karel looked down at Sasha’s always-hard-to-understand face for a long time.“How much…,” Karel’s voice was slightly choked, “should I trust you?”At Karel’s question, Sasha opened his previously closed eyes.“I don’t know where the acting ends and where the sincerity begins.”“I’ve never acted.”“He said he knows your body,” referring to Gudin. Sasha vehemently shook his head in denial.“I told you, I haven’t met anyone since I came to Paris. Now, and in the future…”“Why?”Sasha was momentarily speechless at Karel’s question.“Because I’ve been waiting for you.”“Why are you telling me this?”Karel was still doubting Sasha’s sincerity.Feeling all his confessions doubted, Sasha was suddenly overwhelmed with sorrow. Yet Karel was still scrutinizing his face, as if Sasha’s every expression was unfamiliar to him. He seemed to think Sasha was trying to pull some trick.Instead of being hurt by Karel’s coldness, Sasha tried to understand the suspicions he harbored.He saw an image from long ago. The villa in Côte d’Azur. Karel had trusted him, leaving the door open instead of locking him in a room. What did I do back then? Sasha had opened up to Karel, making him euphoric, then drugged him with sleeping pills and escaped the villa while Karel slept.The next memory was of his life shortly after fleeing to Paris. Sasha had often thought of Karel even after sending only a single letter and fleeing to Paris. However, the faint guilt of leaving his lover behind made it difficult to contact him. As time passed, it became increasingly hard to reach out again. Sasha had just waited for Karel to come to him, thinking it was too shameful to say he wanted to meet again.Then Sasha recalled a scene he had unconsciously dreamed of.The scene where Karel, in his military uniform, came to see him at the theater. In Sasha’s imagination, Karel said his performance on stage was truly beautiful, handed him a big bouquet, kissed him deeply, and asked him to live together again in that sincere and gentle voice.Sasha had firmly believed that Karel would come to him first. As long as he was certain he was still loved, he could welcome Karel with joy. But how selfish this was… Karel was always the one to reach out first, and Sasha had become completely accustomed to it.Regret filled Sasha’s eyes with tears.‘If I had known how painful it would be to lose Karel’s love…’Karel traced the delicate contours of Sasha’s face, along his cheek and jawline, wiping away the tears gathered at the corner of his eyes. Feeling loved as before, Sasha smiled unconsciously and closed his eyes. At that moment, Karel’s expression hardened as if he saw something terrifying, but Sasha didn’t notice.Sasha just wished this moment could last forever.“Take off your gloves.”“……”“I want to feel your warmth.”Sasha said, pulling at Karel’s fingertips. With a little force, the gloves came off easily. Sasha kissed his white hand and the red scar. Pulling him close, he made Karel stroke his cheek again, and Karel obediently caressed his face.“Karel, I love you.”“Yeah.”“I’m sincere.”Karel’s eyes softened at his words. His face seemed to carry a smile or a sad expression. Mesmerized by seeing this different expression after a long time, Sasha couldn’t help but stare at Karel for a while.Karel murmured quietly, “Yes, you might be sincere right now.”Karel, turning away from the clinging Sasha as if he couldn’t bear to be apart even for a moment, found the sleeping pills on the nightstand. He gave them to Sasha with some water.“Don’t leave, Karel.”“Okay.”“Let’s fall asleep together tonight…”Exhausted from the day’s emotional turmoil, Sasha felt overwhelming fatigue as soon as he took the pills. He struggled to keep his eyes open to look at Karel but couldn’t resist the weight of his eyelids.Even as he fell asleep, Sasha thought he was holding Karel’s hand tightly, so he wouldn’t leave. But in reality, his grip was weak, barely resting his hand on Karel’s. Karel did not shake off the weakly held hand until Sasha was completely asleep.When Karel opened the door and stepped out, Georg was waiting outside.“Gudin has left.”Karel closed the door carefully, making sure not to make any noise. It was a considerate action, aware of the person sleeping inside. Watching Karel’s behavior, Georg’s businesslike expression betrayed no emotion, but he was internally hiding a complicated mix of feelings.Georg, following Karel downstairs, asked.“What do you plan to do about Gudin?”“He’s much more immature than I thought… I don’t know.”“Should I inform Mikhail?”“Wait for now.”Wasn’t he supposed to cut ties with Gudin today? Georg hid his curiosity.Two weeks ago, Mikhail made a new proposal to Karel. He seemed to think that the ballet dancers could cater to the tastes of the notorious “Ska.”“It’s a problem if the dancers work too hard. After all, art is a matter of taste, and you can’t satisfy everyone. Thinking you can succeed on skill alone is arrogant. It’s better to persuade those who desire money or want to integrate into high society and use them.”Saying this, Mikhail presented the young dancers. He seemed to think that younger dancers, more money-hungry, or with more amiable personalities than Sasha, would be advantageous in strengthening ties with Ska. Mikhail intended to please Ska as much as possible and maintain the relationship for as long as possible.Georg felt uncomfortable with the proposal, which was essentially treating the dancers as commodities. However, since Karel didn’t show any reaction, neither did Georg.At that time, Karel asked Mikhail only one thing.“Does Sasha Sedrin fall into that category?”“What do you mean?”“Those who desire money or want to integrate into high society.”Georg was certain then.From the beginning, Karel’s goal was Sasha Sedrin. If Sasha were not a dancer, Karel wouldn’t have invested money into the dance world in the first place.However, Mikhail didn’t seem to fully understand Karel’s intentions. If he truly wanted Ska’s continued support, he shouldn’t have acted that way. He shouldn’t have presented others to Ska while pushing Sasha aside.Anyway, Georg felt disillusioned with the reality of the ballet company, which had infiltrated high society in Paris and Europe like a spider’s web. Moreover, he didn’t think that Sasha Sedrin, standing at the top of it, was entirely clean. Judging by Mikhail’s commercial strategy, it was evident how he had utilized Sasha up until now.Karel also seemed to think the same, not actively gathering rumors about Sasha. It seemed he didn’t want to know the truth.“I’ll wait as you said, but…”When Georg, rarely, talked back, Karel stopped walking. He continued nervously.“What happened today was too much.”“You feel guilty about Sasha because of your mistake.”Karel casually replied, taking out wine from the cellar. Despite the emotional conflict with his ex-lover, he seemed hardly disturbed.“That’s not all.”Georg hesitated whether to add more. But if his superior hadn’t shown such emotions…I wouldn’t have been confused about who to call.Blaming Karel for his mistake gave him a bit of courage. If Karel had been consistently indifferent, Georg wouldn’t have assumed he was naturally seeking Sasha Sedrin.“He must be shocked by today’s events. What will you do if it becomes irreversible?”“That might be better.”“Pardon?”Georg questioned Karel’s cryptic remark. Karel poured wine and handed it to Georg. Karel’s face looked more fatigued than usual, partly due to overwork and government surveillance, but also undoubtedly affected by Sasha’s situation.Only then did Georg realize Karel had been drinking much more than usual today.“It might be better to hate.”Georg swallowed dryly.“That lingers longer in memory than moments of love.”Georg stared at the deep color of the wine. He didn’t feel like drinking but couldn’t refuse the offered glass. Sighing lightly, Georg downed the wine as if it were water and placed the empty glass on the table.“There are no more external schedules for today, so please wrap up early. I’ll organize what you need to see tomorrow morning and bring it to you.”“Alright.”“Should I bring Sasha Sedrin as well?”“No, leave him.”“…Understood.”Georg then left the house. The birch branches in the garden seemed to reach the bedroom window on the second floor where Sasha Sedrin slept.His steps felt heavy as he left the two behind, but he soon shook off his thoughts.* * *In his sleep, Sasha wriggled into someone’s embrace. He felt a familiar warmth and scent.He ran his fingers through damp hair that smelled faintly of fresh soap, buried his nose in the neck where he could feel the pulse, and pressed against the firm chest. Closing every gap between their bodies, he drifted back into unconsciousness.Karel, gently holding his drowsy former lover, comforted him softly.Sasha, with a quiet breath, fell back into deep sleep. His beautiful face in the moonlight’s shadows looked as unchanged and peaceful as if the years apart never existed. Karel touched Sasha’s lips while holding him.‘The lips that deceive and betray me.’Even looking at him with eyes full of love, and clinging with that pitiful voice, all of it was unbearable agony for Karel. It was better to have him asleep and silent like this.Karel thought this was the aftereffect of longing for a silent lover in a locket for too long.The two lovers, honest only in their sleep, enjoyed a very brief peace.