Solo For Two

Julian rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. “I always knew you’d end up in a relationship like this. Just had a feeling. Think about it, you were never really interested in romance. I thought you were asexual! Once those guys get a hold of you, they drive you crazy… You become a completely different person.”

To Julian’s words, Karel chuckled silently. Unaware of his troubled brother’s feelings, Julian sighed.

“Yeah, I knew you’d be like this.”

He hadn’t even considered that the other person would be a man, let alone another guy.

Julian lowered his head and pondered for a while. If they were going to meet eventually, wouldn’t it be the duty of a brother to help? What if he just got tired of this nonsense… Karel might be disappointed if he found out the truth about the man. He might realize that being infatuated is nothing at all.

With those thoughts in mind, Julian resolved to help Karel.

Upon arriving in the room, Julian poured himself a drink to soothe his body, exposed to the cold for so long.

“So how are you going to find this man? Let’s hear the plan.”

“We need to find clues. Where he went, what he went to do. It would be even better if we could meet his family.”

“…He probably isn’t here.”

Karel quietly observed Julian’s words.

“He said he was going to Paris.”

Julian took a sip of his drink.

“So when we ran into him, he was going in the opposite direction. We were heading east, and he was heading west. If the Alexander Cedrin who was here and who you’re looking for, Sasha, and his statement about going to Paris are true… it lines up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked.”

Avoiding Karel’s gaze, Julian poured himself another glass of bourbon from the bottle on the table.

“If you know anything else, tell me now.”

“I don’t know anything else! We only talked for about ten minutes.”

“So what did you talk about in those ten minutes?”

“At first… he seemed pleased that I knew Russian. So, I asked for his name… Oh! He suggested traveling together.”

“He declined?”

“Yeah, from what I remember…”

Julian frowned. It was clear in his memory that Sasha had hesitated. It was puzzling why he had refused even though there seemed to be no reason to decline.

“It seemed like there was some conflict.”

“Probably because of different destinations.”

“No, he said he was going to Paris and suggested we go together. But then he declined, and um…”

“He declined?”

“After he declined…”

Seeing Karel intensely focused on his words, Julian swallowed hard. Now he vividly remembered how he had parted ways with Sasha. He had conveniently erased it from his memory, thinking he would never see him again.

“I asked him not to see me again.”

“What?”

“He said he stole your money.”

Julian studied Karel’s silent demeanor. He sensed that something was going wrong from the subtly distorted expression on Karel’s face.

“He stole? He said he did that?”

“No… I suspected, so I interrogated him… Why, Karel?”

“He didn’t steal. I gave him the money. He looked so pitiful.”

“You gave it to him?”

Julian couldn’t help but wonder if Karel was defending the guy. Knowing Karel, it was possible.

“Yeah. Told him not to beg like that wherever he goes.”

“But he didn’t deny stealing the money.”

“…I see.”

Julian flinched at Karel’s low, almost muttered words. Karel seemed hurt.

In any case, if Sasha didn’t steal the money and Karel gave it willingly… Julian realized he had unfairly accused a poor man. But what was done was done, how would he rectify the misunderstanding? Julian recalled how Sasha hadn’t denied stealing the money when questioned but had actually tried to return it to Julian.

Was it really money he had no intention of taking, or was it due to his unfamiliarity with indebtedness?

If Sasha had a decent profession and had fled alone from Russia for some reason… Julian was reminded of the chilling cold of this place. The journey must have been tough.

Furthermore, even after enduring all that, Karel had tried to return the money given to him. Stripping away the prejudice against the man, there was only a conscientious and pitiable soul left.

The unexpected turn of events left Julian feeling stifled. Especially when he remembered Sasha crying as Julian escorted him out of the inn.

“I must never mention this. If Karel finds out he made that man cry, he’ll be furious with me. Anyway, if I ever meet him again, I should apologize for mistaking him as a thief….”

In any case, this gave Julian a reason to meet Sasha again. With that in mind, Julian decided to go along with Karel’s plan.

“No need to delay any further, let’s leave immediately.”

“Immediately?”

Karel looked at Julian with surprise.

“Yeah, tomorrow. Let’s head straight to Paris.”

“Are we going to a royal ball?”

“Forget about that. Besides, I’m tired of those balls. Sure, tomorrow’s event is supposed to be a bit special, but it’ll be in a bigger venue with more people.”

“…Thank you.”

There was sincerity in Karel’s words of gratitude. Julian nodded, feeling oddly insignificant.

Julian knew that when his brother desired something, he often stepped back instead. Every time, Julian wished Karel would assert himself. The reason being, as a brother, he cared, but more importantly…

He didn’t want to see what would happen when Karel, who had been suppressing his desires, finally exploded. Julian’s prediction about Karel engaging in such a relationship was an extension of this concern.

In Julian’s view, Karel’s patience undoubtedly had its limits. Unless one was a saint, inwardly harboring patience under duress inevitably led to an eruption. Julian knew from many classics how such patience often led to tragedy at decisive moments.

While others might not understand, Julian genuinely worried about Karel, almost as if he were more than just a younger brother, but like family. Therefore, tragedy had no place in Karel’s life.

Whether Karel knew about Julian’s complicated feelings or not, he opened the window. The chilly breeze rushed in, slicing through the air.

He gazed into the distance, towards the direction he had come from.

***

The next morning, they had a breakfast appointment with the Duke and Duchess.

Thinking it was a good opportunity, Karel and Julian headed to a luxurious restaurant together. They planned to package their visit to St. Petersburg as a once-in-a-lifetime experience in front of the aristocratic couple. It seemed like the perfect occasion.

However, they hadn’t anticipated the shock that would follow upon hearing they were leaving immediately that day for Paris. Mademoiselle Rambouillet’s fainting was unexpected. She steadied her breath several times, trembling, almost dropping her knife before collapsing from her chair with a sharp thud on the marble floor.

As Karel and Julian, feeling the ominousness in the air, looked at the lady, she was being carried away by attendants, having lost consciousness. Naturally, Julian turned to the Duke. His face was frozen in disbelief. Karel, too, seemed perturbed by the unexpected turn of events.

“This is perfect for breeding misunderstanding,” Julian thought to himself.

He knew well that there was nothing between Mademoiselle Rambouillet and Karel.

“I hope we won’t get entangled in any strange affairs.”

Now all that remained was to finish the meal with an affected nonchalance and swiftly leave this mansion. Julian looked at Karel. Perhaps having the same thoughts, Karel’s complexion was also pale, but he managed to maintain composure outwardly.

“I apologize for the surprise. As you can see, my wife has just fainted, so I won’t be able to see you off. I also have prior engagements, so please excuse us for leaving at this time.”

It was almost like a formal farewell. Julian leaned on the Duke’s generosity and managed to smile faintly.

Even as they left the mansion, thin snowflakes fell.

It was as they were boarding the last carriage.

“Karel!”

Mademoiselle Rambouillet came running, her thin dress fluttering. She hadn’t even put on a coat, dressed only in indoor attire.

Julian momentarily glanced at Karel, who, with widened eyes, seemed just as surprised, indicating he hadn’t anticipated this situation either. Before either of them could respond, Mademoiselle Rambouillet ran up to them, practically throwing herself into Karel’s arms. Karel awkwardly embraced her.

“My dear?”

“Karel….”

Julian was speechless at the scene unfolding before his eyes. It was as if Mademoiselle Rambouillet had found in Karel the protagonist of a romantic novel, echoing Julian’s earlier musings about “romance novels.”

“Take me away.”

“….”

‘What’s happening!’

While Julian was inwardly shocked, Karel calmly took Mademoiselle Rambouillet’s shoulders and gently removed her from his embrace.

“My dear, please don’t do this.”

“Then just tell me where you’re going, please.”

“I cannot do that, my dear.”

Karel bent down and whispered into her ear, then…

“Please go inside before embarrassing yourself in front of others.”

Almost in a whisper, he said it, then turned away calmly.

To a bystander, it seemed like a scene whispered into a stranger’s ear. The footmen lined up behind the lady, their eyes red with tears, suggesting what kind of imaginings were going on. Against the backdrop of the beautiful winter villa with snowflakes swirling, the two departing figures, a man and a woman, looked like a painting come to life. Nevertheless, Julian quickly snapped out of it and followed Karel, swiftly climbing into the carriage.

As soon as the door closed, Julian urged the coachman to hurry. Peeking through the curtain, he saw Mademoiselle Rambouillet gazing at the departing carriage with a bewildered expression for quite some time.

Soon they turned onto the main road, and the villa disappeared completely from view.

Only then did Julian finally relax and slump into his seat.

“You… are really something. What did you do to make the lady fall for you like that?”

“….”

Julian silently observed Karel, who seemed to be feeling a rare twinge of regret.

“It wasn’t intentional?”

“Of course not. Well, maybe just a little…”

“What!”

“I was just curious about Sasha.”

“Just by asking, you got that reaction?”

“…It didn’t yield any results.”

Julian couldn’t help but shut his mouth involuntarily.

“What did I tell you? I said if you put your mind to it, you’d be even more impressive than me! I regret my past youth wasted on fruitless pursuits of women. If I could have won a lady’s heart as easily as you…”

“Damn it!”

Karel’s interruption silenced Julian abruptly. Karel seemed excessively agitated. Julian realized it was time to keep his mouth shut.

“Fine. Anyway, considering I also had a hand in this mess, I won’t say anything about it…”

It was Julian himself who had dragged Karel, who had been sulking in the train compartment the whole time, into the arms of Mademoiselle Rambouillet. Julian found himself at a loss for words to say to Karel.

“It was all too chaotic.”

Julian reflected on what he had experienced: discovering Karel’s sexual preferences, searching for traces of Sasha, and encountering Madame Rambouillet’s romantic thoughts… It was a brief visit, but he thought it was an unforgettable journey. With a bitter feeling, Julian instructed the coachman to hasten.

Recalling the last look on the Grand Duke’s composed face, Julian couldn’t help but think that crossing the Russian border anytime soon would be difficult.

He gazed at the receding city of St. Petersburg with a melancholy feeling.

***

During the journey to Paris, the two focused on Sasha’s whereabouts. Julian felt like a detective, enjoying the immersion in the “search for Sasha,” but Karel was restless.

Or perhaps it was anxiety rather than restlessness. It was hard to distinguish. He couldn’t believe he was impulsively chasing after a stranger, and he was uncertain if they would actually find him.

The anxiety grew as Karel began to doubt if going to Paris was a futile endeavor, as Sasha might have already left for Paris immediately after they parted ways. If that were the case, they would be at least ten days behind.

“Did he go straight to Paris?”

Julian, who had been dozing off, opened his eyes faintly. The view outside the train window was still endless farmland.

“He probably did… since he had enough money.”

Julian, tired of the desolate landscape, replied dryly with a yawn.

After a while, Karel spoke again.

“I mean, what would be his reason for going to Paris?”

“Hmm… Well…”

Julian hesitated, rolling his eyes. In truth, Julian had some understanding when Sasha mentioned going to Paris.

“Because he’s a man.”

What else could an incomprehensible foreigner do in that harsh city? Unlike Vienna, Paris was not a city known for its tolerance toward outsiders. Julian thought rationally. Moreover, he still considered the possibility that Sasha might be turning tricks in some alley, although he didn’t mention it to Karel.

Because, whether Sasha wanted it or not, settling in that city was almost the only option.

Paris was as opulent and extravagant as it was stark in its juxtaposition of wealth and poverty. Amidst the streets teeming with famous socialites, theaters, and luxury hotels, occasionally one could encounter drug addicts and prostitutes plying their trade, begging for sympathy from the gentlemen passing by. Furthermore, on the streets beyond the grand cathedrals, renowned prostitutes would entertain the gentlemen with low-priced shows throughout the night. It was truly a city of two faces.

People are weak to temptation. No matter how determined Sasha was to earn money through legitimate means, it was uncertain whether the city would assist him.

“Given Sasha’s looks, he could easily earn money comfortably, so even if he succumbs to temptation…” Julian thought, but he realized that saying his thoughts aloud would surely be taken sensitively by Karel. Sighing, Julian considered other possibilities due to Karel’s complete dismissal of the assumption that Sasha might be a man.

“If we assume that the man is the same as ‘Alexander Sedrin,’ who was once part of the Russian Imperial Ballet, then he might have gone to the Opera Garnier.”

“The Opera Garnier?” Karel showed interest at Julian’s remark.

“You might not have known since you’re not interested, but recently, Garnier has almost monopolized the ballet. It’s a ballet troupe composed entirely of Russian dancers and it’s extremely popular. If Sasha is a dancer, wouldn’t he first try to find a job there?”

Although Karel remained silent for the moment, he seemed to agree. In fact, what Karel wanted was not certain information but rather something to ease his immediate anxiety.

And Julian’s speculation seemed reasonable. During their journey to Paris, the two of them gathered rumors to confirm their speculations. As Julian had mentioned, the Ballets Russes that emerged the year before in Paris had gained explosive popularity, with newspapers reporting sold-out performances and schedules for the next shows.

Moreover, while it might be difficult to find an ordinary man, it was easier to track the whereabouts of a Russian male dancer with an impressive appearance. In fact, just before arriving in Paris, the two of them succeeded in finding traces of a man resembling Sasha in Cologne.

While Julian was genuinely pleased with his achievement, Karel, on the contrary, became increasingly anxious. He was even afraid of meeting Sasha again.

“Why on earth?” Karel wondered. Even though he wished Sasha was right in front of him, he also wanted to postpone the moment of their reunion as much as possible.

Feeling like a hopeless fool with no answers, Karel’s words gradually dwindled.

And without paying attention to Karel’s troubled circumstances, the train arrived at Paris station in the blink of an eye.

Under the high ceilings, the station was bathed in radiant light, and amidst the grand clock tower, well-dressed gentlemen and women with glossy hair gathered and passed by. As they traveled through the Prussian territories and approached Paris, people’s stature became smaller, and their hair darker. Karel, who had particularly good physical condition even in his homeland, looked down at the crowd, most of whom were a head shorter than himself.

Caught up in scrutinizing the passing men with black hair, Julian addressed Karel.

“What do you think? Should we continue looking for Sasha here? Or should we head straight to the Opera Garnier?”

Karel shook his head.

“Both options are impractical.”

Having missed sleep during the past few days of travel, Karel looked extremely tired. Julian’s face turned pale upon hearing Karel’s words.

“Yeah, I was worried you’d be running around all the alleys of Paris looking for Sasha. Let’s take a break for now. Relax, enjoy some good food, and maybe even have some fun sightseeing.”

Julian glanced at Karel, who seemed to have one eye on worrying about his sleep and meals being neglected, and the other on wanting to enjoy the trip rather than focusing solely on Sasha. Seeing that, Karel let out a brief laugh.

“Alright. Let’s take a break for now.”

Relieved by Karel’s smile, Julian hailed a passing carriage.

“To the Hotel Vendôme!”

***

The place Julian headed to was a luxurious hotel located in the 1st arrondissement of Paris. As soon as the carriage was parked in front of the elegant and sophisticated hotel built by the famous architect who constructed the Élysée Palace, porters approached to carry their luggage.

Following Julian’s choice of a place that was completely contrary to Karel’s proletarian taste, Karel silently followed, appreciating his consideration. It was a convenient and bustling area for transportation, and a place where they could easily scatter gossip.

Upon arrival, Karel discreetly slipped some money to the hotel’s porters and the newspaper delivery boys on the street.

“We’re looking for someone. A man with black hair, Russian. He was wearing a white shirt and worn wool pants… Oh, never mind that last part. Clothes can always be replaced.”

“What does his face look like?”

“Hmm…”

As Karel recalled Sasha’s face, he furrowed his brow. The angular features, the fearful eyes, and the moist brown eyes that shone even in the darkness came to mind. But the boy who heard Karel’s description, which included the phrase “very handsome and well-groomed,” looked puzzled.

“Sir, that’s all well and good… but could you provide a bit more detail? We understand that the person you’re describing is exceptionally good-looking. However, half the people walking through that door right now have black hair.”

“Oh…”

“If there were major burns on the face or if they were missing a finger, it would make it easier to identify.”

Listening to the boy’s words, Karel was left speechless. As soon as fatigue allowed, he began to run on his own the next day. He had no intention of waiting for news from others who might ask questions.

While Julian frolicked in salons during the day and taverns at night, Karel frequented the Opera Garnier day after day. Although Karel had little interest in Parisian culture, within a few days of staying in Paris, he easily learned the current status of the Ballets Russes. Popular dancers received almost as much attention and treatment as royalty, so initially Karel believed Sasha would naturally head there.

However, none of the members of the ballet, not even the Russian stagehands employed at the theater, knew of “Sasha.” There were no stories of a man resembling him auditioning either.

Now, all Karel could do was leave a message at the Hotel Vendôme, asking to be contacted if a man named “Alexandre Cedrine” appeared.

So their stay in Paris had passed ten days without noticing it. During that time, Karel fell into despair. For ten days, he had been unable to find any trace of “Sasha” anywhere.

It was the first time he had doubted whether he would ever see that man again. The thought that their first meeting at the border might be their last tormented Karel’s heart. Alone in his room, his imagination ran wild, suggesting that “Sasha” was a figment of his imagination, and perhaps such a person did not actually exist.

Seeming to sense Karel’s depression, Julian one day stumbled into Karel’s room, drunk.

“Why don’t we go search the bars?”

“…What are you talking about?”