Speak of The Devil

When I was younger, there were people who gave me their own photos during times when I met a lot of people. I didn’t particularly cherish them and, due to not organizing my wallet, they were still there. There were also photos given by past lovers.“…Why is this handsome guy asking you to choke him?”After Siwoo, now you’re curious too. It seemed like true feelings came out with the rise of alcohol. I was curious too. What makes me so special and outstanding? I’m just a fool who can’t capture even one Jung Yiyeon’s heart.“What about other pictures?”Whether he didn’t really want an answer to the question or not, Taehoon changed the subject. Usually, I would have shown other pictures without hesitation, but I wanted to keep Jaeoh out of the discussion, so I showed pictures from my memory.“There’s a girl I had a crush on and a girl I dated.”“You have so many. Why keep pictures of ex-girlfriends and carry them around?”“Because it’s too bothersome to throw them away.”“On a topic without any lingering feelings. Don’t people misunderstand when they see them?”“Who would I show these to? I even forgot they existed.”Taehoon must know that I don’t have any lingering feelings. I didn’t officially declare anyone my lover, and it wasn’t like I had a lot of people I dated. There were some, but there were far more people I slept with and then broke up with.“Don’t you have a picture of your first love?”…That was a question that suddenly tightened my throat. First love. So… a picture of Jung Yiyeon. It’s fortunate that I don’t have one. Suddenly, I felt an impulse to throw away all the pictures that were filling my wallet. Meaningless pictures. Why didn’t I throw them away?“Hey, Lee Nan. I’m having a ridiculous thought right now. Could it be?”“Don’t say it out loud. Shut up.”“Do you really not get along with me?”Taehoon seems really drunk. So am I. I coolly responded with a light laugh.“Get lost, you idiot. Are you a pervert who only feels affection for someone with a one-sided crush?”At my sarcastic remark, Taehoon crumpled for a moment. I chuckled at his defeated appearance. It was just laughter that came out.Yeah, this is my style. Being straightforward to the point of being rude, doing things my own way without hesitation.So, I took out my phone again.“What are you doing?”“If you’re not going to stop me from doing it, then shut up.”“What?”Ah, it was clearly a regrettable act. It would undoubtedly lead to squirming in agony and self-loathing. The trampled dignity that fell to the ground would hurt so much that I would just want to die. I had already endured such a time once.However, I couldn’t stop my fingers.If only this message were ignored. Yes, if that happened, I might be able to forget and move on. My pride would be hurt for a while, but it could pass as a slight heartache from the wounds of unrequited love.Even though I knew it was a stupid thing to do, I sent a message to the number I still hadn’t deleted. That I’m here right now.It wasn’t about drinking. Making the same mistake again after already drinking and making a mistake once was an issue of intelligence. However, because I had already consumed alcohol, I couldn’t suppress this impulse.Taehoon’s suggestion for us to sleep together was because I got caught up with alcohol. It seemed natural that sexual desire would arise when drinking. So, I got caught up too.But there was only one target for me to get caught up with.I wanted to. To touch, lick, suck. I wanted to let go of all reason and indulge in every naughty act, experiencing exhilarating pleasure. The sudden desire to see him didn’t subside.And a short while later, my phone vibrated.– Come out in 5 minutes.It was a message from Jung Yiyeon.The dark and narrow confined space was filled with hot and humid air.“Ha…”Jung Yiyeon’s low moan mingled with my breath and flowed out. Just that moan alone sent shivers down my spine.It was still the influence of the alcohol, but there was a peculiarity in the space. It felt similar to when I went under his desk, but it was undoubtedly different. It was Jung Yiyeon’s car.This time, it wasn’t even a motel. I parked the car in a secluded place, pushed the front seat forward, and was engrossed in activities on the back seat.I engulfed his genitals deeply enough to touch the inside of my throat, alternating between sucking and pulling to make his cheeks hollow. I sometimes used my hand to stroke his member, licked the shaft with my tongue, and even met my mouth with his. My heart pounded violently in response to his intense excitement.After sending the message, I didn’t have to wait long before seeing Jung Yiyeon waiting for me in front of the restaurant. As soon as I saw him, I wanted to devour his genitals. So, when he parked the car and moved to the back seat, I rushed towards him.While eagerly sucking on his rock-hard erection and fondling his testicles, he moaned like a sigh. The muscles of his thighs tightened firmly under the thin fabric. I bit down on Jung Yiyeon’s genitals, making loud sucking noises.In the midst of heavy breathing, I heard his voice that I hadn’t heard in a long time.“Come up.”His grip on my hair tightened. Feeling my scalp being pulled, I released my lips. I then took off my pants and underwear, climbing onto his legs.Placing Jung Yiyeon’s thighs between mine, I spread my knees wide, holding onto the car seat. It was fortunate that his face was hidden in the darkness. It was lucky that nothing was clearly visible. I didn’t dare to see what kind of expression he had on his face.“Ugh…!”It was just fortunate. Feeling the wet hand penetrating between my legs, I grabbed his shoulders. The shirt that Jung Yiyeon was wearing got crumpled in my hands.Jung Yiyeon roughly thrust into me several times. From the beginning, he only focused on widening the bottom by inserting three fingers. There was no soft caressing of the walls or stimulating the sensitive areas. He simply lubricated the inside for the penetration. A tingling and sore pain spread below.But how could I complain about pain? I was truly thankful for what he brought. Imagining him stopping by an adult store on his way home from work to buy lubricant and condoms, I burst into laughter. Fueled by the alcohol, I laughed to myself, unbeknownst to Jung Yiyeon.“Ah…!”However, the ability to laugh lasted only a moment. What touched the spot where the fingers had retreated was thicker and blunter. Holding onto his shoulders, I lifted my buttocks slightly. Soon, his genitals began to enter.“Kuk… uuggh…!”Due to not being completely relaxed, it felt like forcing the lower part to open. My pelvis felt sore and tense. I groaned in pain. It seemed like Jung Yiyeon paused for a moment. However, I continued to lower my body onto his. The grip on my waist from Jung Yiyeon’s hand tightened again.Very slowly, he lowered me onto him. The shirt was quickly soaked in sweat that covered his entire body. When he was fully inside me, the stiff pressure and oppressive sensation were almost unbearable. The excitement that briefly rose while sucking on his genitals was fading away, dissipating from my fingertips to my toes.“Ah…”At that moment, Jung Yiyeon seized my genitals. While rapidly massaging and shaking my genitals with his hand, I pressed my forehead against his neck, breathing shallowly, and trembled.With every twitch, his presence filled me completely. The rough expansion below transmitted both heat and pain. Enduring it as best I could, my body was steadily excited by the pleasure provided by Jung Yiyeon.Suddenly, his erection stiffened, and the intense sensation spread throughout my body. My body warmed up as if blossoming like a flower.I wanted to stay like this a little longer. Although I also desired greater pleasure, moving was frightening due to the pain in the back. Just embracing his body was enough.But Jung Yiyeon seemed to be unsatisfied with just that. He didn’t have the patience to wait until I got used to it.“Ugh…!”He let go of my manhood, grabbing my buttocks with both hands, forcefully thrusting them apart. With a clear gesture indicating movement, I struggled to straighten my waist with all my might.It was impossible to describe Iyeon’s madness in any other way. I hadn’t forgotten the misery of being treated like a tool for sexual desire, but I desired him again. I was doing as he wanted.Holding onto Jung Yiyeon’s shoulders with both hands, I began moving my waist back and forth. I had to avoid moving up and down too much, or it felt like my lower part might break. For now, I had to get used to this…“Ah, ah!!”However, Jung Yiyeon showed no mercy. Holding onto my buttocks, he forcefully lifted them and struck below. The intense collision against my tightly clenched inner walls caused pain to surge instantly. A scream was inevitable.I desperately embraced his neck, but Jung Yiyeon continued to thrust his body up and down. I had to damn well understand what he wanted. I knew too well that he had no interest in just holding each other to share body heat.My trembling arms gripping his shoulders, I slowly lifted myself. As my body rose, his genitals, which had been deeply embedded and causing wrinkles to tighten, were halfway pulled out. When I lowered my waist, he thrust back into me.“Ah, ah…”The pain was so intense that finding the pleasure usually associated with penetration was difficult. Although there were occasional sensations when his genitals penetrated deep and stimulated the inside, the pain outweighed it. The forcefully opened lower part was sore and tingling.“Ha, ugh, ugh…!”I clenched my teeth, feeling as if a scream would burst out. While enduring the pain, I diligently moved my buttocks up and down over him, squeezing his genitals that repeatedly penetrated and withdrew from inside me.Each movement caused my thighs to tremble as if they were cramping. It was challenging to endure.But as the action repeated, I gradually got used to it, and at some point, I began to feel the heat and pleasure, suppressing the pain.“Ah! Huh, uh, ah!”His hot hands gripped my pelvis. As I moved, Jung Yiyeon, who had paused for a moment, started thrusting again. Due to this, screams, like sobs, burst out of my mouth. Since I also shook my waist, the entry and exit of his genitals were more challenging than before. Jung Yiyeon relentlessly continued to thrust into my body.Beyond the pain, pleasure began to build up. Breathing in the hot and humid air inside the car became even more difficult. The sweat-soaked shirt sticking to my skin was uncomfortable. In fact, the most unbearable thing was the heat and sensitivity that had risen to the top of my head.“Haah…”Jung Yiyeon’s movements slowed for a moment. Without any further aggressive thrusting, he now slowly teased the inside with the softened pressure of my walls. Each time he teased, causing the filled genitals to press against my belly, Jung Yiyeon’s warm breath flowed out.Why was I still so satisfied with Jung Yiyeon’s breath? Why did my heart beat joyfully?I couldn’t understand the reason. However, driven by my feelings, I moved my waist a bit more. I squeezed the deeply embedded thing, rubbing my buttocks back and forth, gradually moving up and down again.“Ugh… Ueuht, ugh, huhu…”Suppressed moans escaped with each movement.“Hoo…”Jung Yiyeon exhaled deeply, emitting moans mixed with intense pleasure. Ah… How ecstatic would it be to kiss those lips? I wanted to kiss him.A kiss. The affectionate and ecstatic kisses with him were unforgettable. Despite his lips eventually causing me pain, I couldn’t forget the moments we shared sweet kisses. Even at this moment, I longed for it intensely.“Suck…”As the waist movements became faster, unable to endure any longer, I pulled him and kissed his lips. I felt my body stiffening as it touched his.Did I feel reluctance? He turned his head. However, I didn’t give up. Holding him, I followed his lips and bit his lips. I pushed my tongue between his lips, shaking my waist while pressing for the kiss.“Ha-”Jung Yiyeon let out a short breath. Simultaneously, the closed seam that avoided me opened. With his permission, he responded to my kiss.After that, consciousness became blurry. I kissed him passionately and moved my body without being aware. Unconsciously, I passionately kissed him, moving my body to my heart’s content.Jung Yiyeon’s body, embracing my waist tightly, was hot. Gradually, all his actions became as intense as before. Both the kisses and the movements penetrating inside me.Was this what I wanted? Losing myself in dizzying pleasure. Embracing Jung Yiyeon’s warm embrace like a beast, I passionately kissed him to erase painful emotions for a moment.Forgetting humiliation, regret, self-loathing, and all the rest. Captivated solely by the pleasure Jung Yiyeon provided, I moaned loudly and trembled in his warm embrace like an animal.After sex, it was no different from before.An awkward silence as uncomfortable as nausea. In that silence, Jung Yiyeon took off the condom, tied it, and threw it out of the car. Wiping his face with his pants, he left the place. He returned to the front seat and sat down.Having rummaged through the console box, he tossed a pack of wet wipes to the back seat. I roughly wiped myself with the wet wipes and picked up my crumpled clothes from the mess. However, after putting on the clothes, I didn’t have the energy to sit up, so I lay down on the car seat. His warm body temperature still lingered on the seat.Leaving only his body temperature behind, Jung Yiyeon sat in the driver’s seat without looking back at me. All I could see in front of me was the backrest of the driver’s seat covering his back.It might have been better to turn on the radio at least. However, the car started in silence.Neither Jung Yiyeon nor I said a word.After a while, he parked the car in front of my house. Silence. I also had nothing to say, so I opened the car door and got out. As I stepped out and closed the car door, the car quickly disappeared from my sight. I couldn’t explain with what emotions I watched the tail lights fading away.There was no need to mention the unease in my chest. It felt like I was about to vomit. Trying to swallow the rising discomfort, I blankly returned home.Only when I took the elevator did I check my phone, which was full of Seo Jaeoh’s messages. Siu, Taehun. There were names like these, but ultimately, it was no different from Jaeoh’s contact. He must have found it absurd when I suddenly got up and left. Hearing that, Jaeoh would have been worried.As I entered the house and opened my phone, intending to send a message reassuring him that I had arrived home safely and asking him not to come over, I saw a screen full of messages from Jaeho. It was a moment when I was about to send the message.However, as I descended from the elevator and turned into the corridor where my apartment was, I had no choice but to stop abruptly at the unexpected figure.“… Lee Nan.”The man leaning against the front door of my house was Seo Jaeoh.“Crazy bastard.”A curse flowed out of my mouth listlessly. Jaeoh’s face twisted strangely. Approaching me, he had a face that seemed like he was about to cry.“Crazy bastard.”This guy is annoying. An indistinct irritation flowed towards Jaeoh.Although I was in such a mess, the hot feeling welled up inside me because of the guy who came to see me in this state. It was embarrassing. My appearance was so pitiful to anyone who saw it. It was a sight I didn’t want anyone to see. It was a day when I felt so irritated.But on the other hand, it was pitiful. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. I couldn’t get my heart, but Jaeoh, who had no choice but to come to me. Me, who had no choice but to go to Jung Yiyeon.“… It’s tough.”Feeling too pitiful, I leaned my forehead on the approaching guy’s shoulder. I kept telling myself to coldly reject, but it didn’t work well. It just felt suffocating in my chest.Pathetic Lee Nan. It was beyond pathetic to be wallowing in self-pity over such a subject. In Seo Jaeoh’s embrace, I closed my eyes.Only then did regret start to rush in like a flood. I just wanted to die from the overwhelming regret and chest pain. I was being pushed to the edge like I wanted to kill myself.I hated myself like this. Why couldn’t I cut off my feelings? Why was I so lingering? Why did I contact Jung Yiyeon? Why? What did I expect in return for such treatment? Even in the midst of being treated like an object to satisfy sexual desires, why did I get so excited? Why did I kiss Jung Yiyeon, embracing him with such enthusiasm?Why. Why. Why. Why.Jaeoh silently embraced me, and I couldn’t tell if his body temperature was helpful. The throbbing pain in my chest didn’t seem to subside. Why do I still want Jung Yiyeon?Jung Yiyeon was truly an extraordinary person. I had never hated myself so much before. I had never hated myself to the point where I couldn’t suppress the urge to cry. I couldn’t stand this pitiful version of myself, who was so foolishly captivated by Jung Yiyeon’s affection. I despised myself for getting so excited even in the midst of being treated like an object for satisfying sexual desires. Why did I still want Jung Yiyeon so much?I didn’t know that self-hatred would lead to self-justification, and that everything would eventually become dull. These were the things I learned through my experiences with Jung Yiyeon.***The phone call log was filled with the names of people I had neglected for a long time.Being unemployed, I had nothing to do. I tossed and turned in bed until noon, woke up, and spent my meaningless hours contacting friends and meeting those who were available for a drink.Whether they were seniors or juniors, men or women, even people I occasionally exchanged greetings with, I called them and met them. People who had never been involved in a sexual relationship with me were relatively friendly. They welcomed my sudden contact, filling my empty time.Yet there were days when time seemed to drag on. At first, alone time didn’t bother me at all, but inexplicably, it became increasingly burdensome. However, I had no desire to work again, so I met people, drank, and repeated the unrestrained lifestyle as it came.I almost drank every day. Yet, strangely, I didn’t gain any weight, but rather seemed to be losing weight. It wasn’t because I had a blessed constitution.– Do you want me to come pick you up?I scrolled up and down the message window with Jung Yiyeon, but there was no end to messages of that nature. Drinking, texting, waiting for a reply.There was no doubt that Jung Yiyeon was a bastard. He had never refused even once. He always came to pick me up at the designated location and we had sex.“Ah…! Ah, ah, ugh!”Holding onto the white sheet, I moaned in dizzying pleasure. The room spun due to the effects of alcohol. Consequently, I couldn’t focus my mind even more in the heat filling me.Jung Yiyeon’s movements, plunging into me as I lay down, were getting faster. It felt like my insides were convulsing every time his organ penetrated deep, shaking with pleasure. Despite the trembling, everything below constricted with his movements. Flashes constantly erupted before my eyes. Within the blinking, red and blue sparks bloomed.“Ah…! Aah…”The moment Jung Yiyeon forcefully thrust his organ deep inside me, I helplessly moaned and ejaculated. My body trembled uncontrollably. The intense pleasure of climax relentlessly shook my entire body. I wanted to scream, open my mouth wide, but not even a whimper came out.“Hu…”Jung Yiyeon finished a few times inside me, teasing his organ in my insides.“Ugh…”When his organ was pulled out, the mucous membrane clinging to it made my body shudder again. It felt like everything below was completely open. Even if I tried, it seemed like it wouldn’t close.Feeling drained, I collapsed onto the bed. From behind, I felt Jung Yiyeon disposing of the condom. Nevertheless, I couldn’t control my body and just lay there limp, gasping for breath.It was already countless times, this act of sex.After repeating it many times, I got used to the place where Jung Yiyeon brought me. Of course, it wasn’t his home. It was more like a residence that seemed to be his possession. A stark space where no traces of human life could be felt.After sex, Jung Yiyeon would just wipe away the dirty fluids from his lower body without taking a shower, put on his clothes, and leave. The same today. I heard the sound of him dressing, and then the sound of the door closing. How should I express the feeling of being left alone in this moment?“Ha…”I finally moved my limp limbs and got up from the bed. I sat down on the bed hesitantly for a moment.When we arrived at the underground parking lot of the residence, he said one word, “Get off.”Another word when entering this room, “Shower and come out.”It was an order that couldn’t be considered a conversation. It was also the only voice I could hear from Jung Yiyeon.This is damn pathetic.I laughed at myself sarcastically and went into the bathroom. After showering, I put on my clothes and left the residence. Perhaps it was thanks to repeating this act every 2-3 days. This kind of meeting for sex had reached a point where it felt cool.But my emotions never became cool.I’d rather grab Jung Yiyeon and scream. But when I saw his face, I couldn’t say anything. I desperately needed the warmth he provided. Sometimes, after sex, I had the impulse to grab him as he left, but I couldn’t even catch him. I just turned away because my actions were embarrassing. And then, after a few days, I would contact him again.What the hell was confessing my emotions and quitting the job at the company for? I, who used to meet people perfectly fine during the day, only felt a fleeting sense of coolness about these encounters for sex.But my emotions never cooled down.Jung Yiyeon would respond to me even when I wished he would ignore my messages and not reply. Even knowing how foolish my actions were, I couldn’t stop. The emotion called lingering couldn’t be eradicated on my own.I hate it. I hate Jung Yiyeon, and I hate this shitty situation. Among them, what I hated the most was still myself. So, I couldn’t stand being alone.What’s even more ridiculous is that amid all this, my sexual desire only boiled for Jung Yiyeon. Despite encountering people who tempted me among recent acquaintances, my body and mind didn’t respond at all. Even after politely declining, I heard stories of them changing their minds. It seemed like their favor towards me increased, but my mood hit rock bottom.Even looking at men didn’t elicit any response. It wasn’t just towards Jaeoh, who orbited around me like a satellite, but I had no interest in any other man. Even though I knew meeting other people would help me forget Jung Yiyeon, I didn’t even want to make an effort to meet anyone.