Speak of The Devil

I discreetly glanced at Jung Yiyeon. He was gazing ahead with an expressionless face. Judging by our speed and current location, we would arrive at Jung Yiyeon’s house in about 5-10 minutes.“…Advance reservation….”“Damn it, do you really have to get involved with someone else? Is it more important than Jaeoh?”“Why are you suddenly making a fuss? You don’t know anything, shut up for now.”Despite being told to hang up, I unilaterally disconnected the call from the guy who continued to pour out curses. Then, I looked at Jung Yiyeon again. At that moment, Jung Yiyeon also glanced at me.“No.”It was a sharp response.Yeah, damn it. I came here with the desire to do it, but he probably wouldn’t let me go. What could I ask from Jung Yiyeon? The best I could do was to quickly have sex with Jung Yiyeon and rush to the drinking party.However, trying to console Jaeoh right after having an affair with Jung Yiyeon was nonsensical, even for my conscienceless self.“Why did you fight with Seo Jaeoh?” I had just brushed it off, saying it was none of his business, but he kept asking without getting tired.“I told him that I need to meet you a few more times. He got angry.”“You talked to him? You should have avoided him.”“It seems inappropriate for the instigator to talk about it.”Even if I had lied, it would have been obvious that I was caught soon. Even if we met every day, it was only for a few hours during Jaeoh’s working hours. If we met in the evening or at night, there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t find out.He comes to my house almost every day. If that wasn’t possible, he would call. It would be tiresome to fabricate lies when asked what I did or who I met. I really hated that kind of thing.“Secretary Lee… you pretended to be affectionate.”When I was his secretary, I would have been affectionate, of course. I used to show delicate care without him even knowing I was there and always spoke nicely. However, the original me, known as Inan, who he newly found out about, was undoubtedly different from before.Was he looking for the shadow of that affectionate secretary in me? Not even a chuckle came out.“It was for work.”“…Hmm.”From that moment on, I felt even more uncomfortable in his presence. Even the air we breathed together felt awkward. The silence made the atmosphere even heavier. Just as the discomfort was about to overwhelm me again, Jung Yiyeon spoke up.“Do you have no intention of returning to work?”It was a question that silence alone couldn’t handle. I never thought the day would come when I would hear such nonsense.No, there were days when I secretly hoped he would come looking for me, saying something like, “Come back to work.” On sleepless nights when I writhed in agony, I even fervently wished that he would need me for work at least. It was a desire to share Jung Yiyeon’s daily life, even if only professionally.Of course, that sentiment had long disappeared without a trace.“I’d rather live as a dependent husband.”“…With Seo Jaeoh?”“As long as it’s not Jung Yiyeon, it doesn’t matter who the other party is.”When I had decided to break off the relationship, I was straightforward in my speech. There was no reason to care whether the other person got hurt or not. I wasn’t doing it on purpose. Jung Yiyeon was already someone I didn’t care about to the point of not even showing the slightest interest.“…As expected, you’re not just good at swearing.”His voice contained a self-deprecating laugh, but it felt painful. Yes, go ahead and get hurt. Realize that I’m no longer the affectionate secretary. Get hurt and feel the pain. After that, you’ll let me go.Jung Yiyeon took a deep breath as if trying to grasp something. His body leaning against the car seat seemed a bit more upright.“You seem a bit hungry.”A faint smile appeared on his lips as he looked at me. As if the sharp conversation from earlier hadn’t happened, a gentle voice flowed from his lips.“How about grabbing something to eat?”So, I responded in a casual manner.“We’re not at a point where we can sit face to face and have a meal, are we?”I knew he was making an effort to smile, but there was not a hint of hesitation in wiping that smile off his face. There was absolutely no reason for me to cater to the bastard who, in his own way, was trying to force a sexual relationship on me.If it weren’t for the ten times we had sex, he would be someone I wouldn’t even bother looking at. Perhaps, with a little more time passing, we could have become two guys who could exchange greetings when passing by each other.However, even such a relationship was prevented by Jung Yiyeon. Why would I share a meal with someone who had threatened me, forcing sex on me after claiming that he had developed feelings for me?Nine rounds of sex were all that remained between Jung Yiyeon and me. Staring at the speechless Jung Yiyeon, I found myself caught up in some reminiscence.There was a similar incident before. The day he suggested we grab donuts or tteokbokki because he was hungry after overtime, the day he coldly ignored Min Seowon and came out with me. That day, Jaeoh had called me. At that time, I had absolutely no intention of going to Jaeoh. I was deeply immersed in Jung Yiyeon, to the point where I had no thoughts of pushing and pulling. I was completely absorbed in the idea of being closely connected with Jung Yiyeon at his place.But on that day, Jung Yiyeon personally sent me to Jaeoh, saying he had no intention of giving up my private life.Instantly, various emotions stirred within me. Back then, he let me go. Now, he was insisting that I give up my private life.When I was deeply in love with him, I had generously allowed him to be with someone else if he wanted, even jokingly suggesting it. Now, he was acting juvenile, as if Jaeoh would be jealous or die if I didn’t comply.It was just absurd and unbelievable. It felt infuriating.“If you had a personality as sweet and considerate as you were, Jung Yiyeon, I would have tried harder to make you happy if we had been in a relationship.”Jung Yiyeon’s gaze turned towards me. However, I kept my gaze fixed ahead without looking at him.“If my feelings were that of a secretary, I wouldn’t have worried about why you often eat hamburgers or didn’t realize that you dislike fish dishes. I wouldn’t have bothered to clear the trash in the car, let alone rummage through receipts to figure out what menu we had.”Jung Yiyeon seemed genuinely surprised this time.Looking back, I was amazed at how much I had changed. If our relationship had not progressed physically, I might have become a stalker, moaning and groaning alone.Suddenly, a flood of emotions I felt at that time overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t help but feel tormented. The idea of pulling the blanket over my head while lying in bed must feel like this.From the moment we encountered each other at the gay bar, confirming each other’s sexual identities, to our first sexual encounter, the wake-up calls at his place, the jealousy and heartache caused by Min Seowon, the confession, the rejection leading to leaving the company, and the memories of enduring constant emotional torture and being treated as nothing more than a tool for self-gratification—all of these memories rushed explosively, suffocating me with the misery and self-loathing I had felt back then.“Even after rejecting my feelings and using me for your desires, now, when I say I’ve moved on, you’re still doing this. Doing this is really something I can’t bear.”“…”“Can you help me sort out your feelings? Pretend to enjoy sex ten more times? Ha. I’m tired of even looking at your face.”“…”“Just being in the same space as you, who now claims your feelings have changed, suffocates and irritates me.”With that, I turned my head towards the window.Jung Yiyeon didn’t offer any excuses or explanations. Even if he had words, he probably wouldn’t have said them. If he had any conscience at all, it would be appropriate for him to remain silent.Despite speaking calmly, my insides were filled with rage. Just enduring this nauseating situation was stressful. The flames of this anger would burn for a while, continuing until I sank into a state of self-destructive despair.While meeting him, I knew these emotional fluctuations would persist. I would alternately think of him with indifference, suddenly become angry, and eventually resign myself to the situation.I desperately tried to suppress the anger, hoping for the moment of resignation to come quickly. I didn’t want to expend my emotions on someone like Jung Yiyeon. I was already tired and exhausted enough.However, my words seemed to have left Jung Yiyeon deep in thought.He suddenly pulled over by the roadside. Silence settled inside the parked car.“Aren’t we going?”In the end, I was the one who spoke first, finally mustering the mental control to accept intimacy with him. I looked at Jung Yiyeon, and he looked back at me.His eyes couldn’t hide a sense of gloom. It was a face that conveyed regret or perhaps an apology. Jung Yiyeon seemed to hesitate, as if he had something he wanted to say. However, without uttering a word, he turned his head away, wiped his face with his hands, and did a quick dry wash. It was visibly troubled.“…Today.”Finally, Jung Yiyeon opened his mouth.“It doesn’t seem right today. Let’s meet next time.”Taking his hand off his face and turning towards me, he managed a faint smile.It was a perfect smile that concealed his true emotions, an indifferent smile. There was no need to read beneath that smile to understand how painful the hidden face might be. The moment he said he would let me go, I felt relieved that I didn’t have to engage in intimacy with him today.“Where did we decide to meet? I’ll give you a ride…”“No, it’s okay. I’ll find my own way.”“I’ll give you a ride. You didn’t bring your wallet, right?”In today’s world, all you needed was a phone, and you didn’t even need a wallet. Jung Yiyeon insisted on giving me a ride, even though he probably knew that.“It’s not necessary. I’ll go on my own.”If I wasn’t going to have sex with Jung Yiyeon, there was no reason to be in the same space with him. I unfastened the seatbelt and abruptly got out of the car. It might have been a road where taxis were scarce, but it didn’t matter. Calling a taxi was no big deal.However, before I could take a few steps, my arm was grabbed. Of course, it was Jung Yiyeon who grabbed me. His car stood on the roadside with the hazard lights on.“Get in; I’ll take you.”“I said I don’t want to. Can’t you hear?”Why was he insisting so annoyingly? I roughly shook off Jung Yiyeon’s hand that held onto my arm.Jung Yiyeon bit his lip at my harsh attitude. His expression was filled with pain and distress, but I felt no remorse in my heart. So what? If he didn’t want to feel the pain, he could just leave me alone. Who told him to like me?However, at that moment, Jung Yiyeon unexpectedly uttered surprising words.“The second time, let’s count that as one.”“…”“Give me a ride. Considering that, let’s count it as having sex.”Oh. I was a bit surprised. Honestly, there was no reason to refuse such a proposition.“Sure, then.”My response was quick and concise. For a moment, Jung Yiyeon’s face seemed dumbfounded.Ignoring his stunned expression, I headed back to his car. Belatedly, Jung Yiyeon got into the driver’s seat. I silently ridiculed him as I looked at his stiffened face. Why didn’t I think I would respond so obediently? Did I regret saying that having sex once in return for giving me a ride was now something to feel remorse about?Feeling somewhat satisfied, I entered the address of the pub that Oh Taehoon had mentioned into the navigation system. The voice echoed, saying, ‘Guiding you on the route.’ Jung Yiyeon firmly gripped the steering wheel, and soon the car started moving.The car advanced beneath the orange streetlights that illuminated the darkness. I absentmindedly stared out the window, not looking back at Jung Yiyeon until the car finally stopped in front of the pub.Even when the car came to a halt, I didn’t spare him a glance.“Well then.”I got out of the car without even giving a proper farewell. Usually, after watching him from a distance, I would go in, but today, I didn’t bother. I went up to the second floor of the pub without paying any attention to Jung Yiyeon. My steps were unusually light, even though I was on my way to comfort Jaeoh. However, my body and mind couldn’t feel so light.The members were reduced to just Taehoon, Siwoo, and Jaeoh. When Jaeoh saw me, his face stiffened. Taehoon immediately glared at Jaeoh with a fierce expression, but Taehoon pretended not to notice and awkwardly smiled at me.“You said you couldn’t come.”It was the first time Taehoon seemed a bit subdued. It was amusing to watch him sweat nervously as Jaeoh got angry, making the situation feel like a sitcom.“Sit down, sit down.”Taehoon gestured to a seat, and I sat next to Siwoo. Jaeoh didn’t even glance at me. Judging by his irritated expression, it didn’t seem like he would calm down anytime soon. It was the first time Jaeoh had been so angry with me.“Now, shall we start with the three-to-one ratio?”Taehoon’s tearful efforts to lighten the mood continued. Following the rhythm, I roughly matched the beats and downed three shots of soju consecutively. After downing a fourth shot in one go, Jaeoh’s indifference remained unchanged.Hoping to move past the situation that had arisen, considering the steadily rising intoxication, I sighed briefly.“Jaeoh.”At my call, Jaeoh flinched. Despite Taehoon’s attempts to encourage him, Siwoo intervened, and only after that did Jaeoh reluctantly stand up. Ignoring him, I got up from my seat.“Let’s talk for a moment.”“…”“Hey, go and come back.”Taehoon, who tried to prevent Jaeoh from moving, managed to get him to stand up. After Siwoo spoke, Jaeoh reluctantly rose. As I left the room first, he followed. We asked for permission and entered an empty adjacent room.Even after entering and sitting down, Jaeoh remained silent.“Are you really angry?”I didn’t know why I had to be concerned about someone else’s feelings. Since I had come to comfort Jaeoh, I asked while glancing at him. Jaeoh still avoided my gaze and responded coolly.“Did you meet Chairman Jeong just now? Is that why you’re checking on me like this?”Quite a bit of sarcasm. However, Jaeoh’s teasing was so amateurish that it didn’t bother me much. It was rather cute.“I’m not the type to feel guilty about that kind of thing. I’m confident even when fooling around, you know.”“…”“Hanging onto someone who ignores my calls is new, and trying to lift your mood by being cautious like this seems new as well, at least in my memory.”Jaeoh remained silent. However, he also knew my personality well. Among those who knew best how desperately I begged for affection from someone who liked me was none other than Jaeoh.He wouldn’t be unaware that I was making an effort to help him feel better.“It’s a bit regrettable to end things with you like this.”“…”“It’s not like I’m suggesting we date or anything, so don’t misunderstand.”“Son of a bitch.”“Yeah, even I think I’m a bit selfish. But it’s true that I’ve been worried and bothered about you.”So, I shrugged my shoulders, suggesting that it wouldn’t have come to this if not for that.Jaeoh, too, was aware that it was quite unusual for me to come to console him. Surprisingly, the atmosphere had softened. He couldn’t stay angry at me for too long because he liked me. It was awkward to carry such unrequited feelings, but I was grateful and sorry.“I just met Jung Yiyeon.”“…”“But now, I doubt he’ll contact me again. He was so pissed off.”“What did he say?”“Just my honest feelings. Can’t stand the sight of him, and seeing your face makes me lose my appetite. I even told him I didn’t want to be in the same space. After saying that much, if he’s in his right mind, do you think he’ll contact me again? It’s a matter of pride.”“Really?”“Yeah, don’t I seem refreshed? I feel great right now.”Talking about my feelings seemed petty to me, so after it all ended, I initially didn’t want to say anything. I had no intention of telling you how much I liked you, even though I could say that I disliked you.However, after saying it, it felt surprisingly refreshing. Not only did I feel a strange sense of victory seeing your regretful and self-blaming face, but also, since we had moved past the second time we had sex, my current mood was naturally good. Maybe, thanks to this, I’ve become more lenient to soothe Jaeoh’s feelings.“…We occasionally run into each other at work.”Jaeoh finally met my gaze. Although he still looked a bit rigid, his expression had loosened considerably.“He used to pass by with such a scary face. Even though, from my position, I lowered my head and greeted him, he just blatantly ignored me. It felt chilly, how cold he could be.”“Ugh… that asshole, seriously.”I let out a long sigh and gently stroked Jaeoh’s head. I felt annoyed that Jaeoh was suffering because of me.“Even without this, I’m already dying from working overtime every day… Even though I thought I’d endure a bit of my uncle’s influence, I never expected it to be this tough. While others work three shifts, why do I have to work from morning till night… My supervisor is a complete asshole, damn it.”Ah, Jung Yiyeon was truly a bastard. Who would have known he’d use his power so trivially?Jaeoh wasn’t a slave, but it seemed like he threw away the labor law as if it was nothing. With the excuse of enduring for a year, he had no qualms about rolling in the dirt. As expected, there probably wasn’t a single front-line employee working overtime without breaks like Jaeoh. Even though he had recently removed the trainee label, it hadn’t been that long.And on top of that, he got stuck with a crazy supervisor. It was probably Jung Yiyeon’s doing. He might have deliberately given the order to make things difficult. I couldn’t help but chuckle at his pettiness.“Maybe we should report it to the labor board.”“And then get dragged to Busan? Who would want that?”I laughed at Jaeoh’s glare filled with burning resentment. Nevertheless, seeing him gather himself made him look even more attractive. It was refreshing to see his face looking less burdened than before.“Jaeoh.”“…Yeah.”“I don’t really understand why you’re getting upset about me meeting Jung Yiyeon again.”“…”“But, between the two of us, who do you dislike more—me or him?”Jaeoh seemed to want to say that he disliked himself more. However, he couldn’t spit it out and just pressed his lips tightly. I laughed again as I watched him struggle. He was quite adorable.“But, I have no choice but to meet him again. It’s the best option. And because I didn’t want to deceive you, I honestly told you everything.”“…In the end, it’s like you’re saying it’s my subscription, right? Whether you meet Jung Yiyeon or have sex with Park Heewon, it’s telling me not to interfere, right?”That was exactly what I meant. Though I cherished and liked Jaeoh, I couldn’t simply let him interfere with whoever I met or didn’t meet. Just like I casually let go of having sex with Park Heewon, I hoped that meeting Jung Yiyeon again would also pass without any issues.Since I was young, my parents never interfered with my choices. Even if they did, it never broke my will. I disliked having others judge right or wrong about the choices I made after deep consideration. It was truly meddling, and I was never someone who would put up with someone meddling in my affairs.So, I was just asking them to stop at that point. I wanted to continue spending a long time with someone I cherished, so please stop there.“Sigh… I really hate that guy.”“I hate him too.”“But if that guy contacts you again, damn it, then that guy will really—”“Let’s stop talking about Jung Yiyeon now. It’s annoying and tiresome.”Was Jung Yiyeon such an important person that they kept talking about him to me and Jaeoh? I laughed, stopping Jaeoh’s words, and stood up. Jaeoh sighed deeply but got up to follow me.“Hey, have you two patched things up a bit?”As we entered the room, Taehoon asked, looking at us. I laughed inwardly at his face, which seemed to be desperately hoping that Jaeoh’s mood had improved. It was a bit burdensome. Even though no one else had been able to ease Seo Jaeoh’s feelings, I, who had just been with him for five or ten minutes, had managed to do so.