Speak of The Devil

However, I had no reason to get in Jung Yiyeon’s car, even if I had to walk because I had no money.“No, thanks.”My face remained expressionless, and my response was cold.“…”“There’s no need to bother since it’s over.”He needed to realize that there was no reason to continue this already messed up and broken relationship. If he didn’t understand, he should at least know that the only thing he could expect from me was sex ten times.Ignoring the stiffened Jung Yiyeon, I turned away. I took the elevator down, went outside, and hailed a taxi. Despite the concerns about my balance, I didn’t want to use public transportation with this dirty feeling and uncomfortable body. Given my terrible condition, it couldn’t be helped.While checking my phone during this time, I saw multiple messages from Jaeoh. The messages expressed worry about me, starting from asking if I had entered the house, where I was, why there was no response, and why I didn’t even read the messages. After meeting Jung Yiyeon, I had mentioned that I would go home, and not being reachable must have caused him considerable concern.What should I say to Jaeoh again?I was truly a bad person, even though I had made up my mind to be grateful and sorry to him. Now, only the burden of his emotions seemed to be highlighted, making me feel extremely awkward. I didn’t have the luxury for this now. Why should I bother about Jaeoh up to this point…“I couldn’t check because I was sleeping. I’m home safely.”Exhaling deeply, I wrote a lie. I was too exhausted.However, unwanted memories of various positions with Jung Yiyeon during the drunken state kept coming up in my mind. Even though I tried not to think about it, those persistent thoughts invaded my mind and wouldn’t leave. Kissing him, embracing him, changing positions multiple times…The memories that came to mind were all too hot, and I couldn’t lift my head even in the taxi. Despite my intention, I kept sighing heavily, feeling both my body and mind exhausted as if they had become limp.At around nine o’clock, as I spent time resting at home. Since Jaeoh was coming home early tonight, he sent a message asking to see me. My heart felt heavy at the mention of seeing his face. I hesitated on how to see Jaeoh, but even if I said I didn’t want to see him, he would come looking for me. If I couldn’t avoid this meeting, I wanted to deceive Jaeoh as if nothing happened.Wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt, I left the house. A pack of cigarettes I had bought earlier was in my pocket. Sitting on a bench in front of the apartment, I waited for Jaeoh, smoking a cigarette for some time.A familiar car caught my eye. In the old apartment complex, there was no underground parking lot. I watched silently as he found a spot between the cars parked one after another above ground.Soon, the engine turned off, and Jaeoh got out of the car. Trying to enter the apartment, he spotted me, furrowing his brow. It seemed like he was suspicious due to the cigarette butts scattered around and the faint smell of cigarette smoke in the air.He looked at me for a moment before hesitatingly sitting next to me. I offered him a cigarette, lit it for him, and lit another one for myself. Until it burned halfway, we didn’t speak.“What’s wrong with your face?”His face was telling a story of difficult times. Today, he left work early, but he had been continuously going through a hard time recently.Of course, there was more than one reason for his bad mood. He must have been worried sick, imagining all sorts of things about what might have happened with Jung Yiyeon since I hadn’t been reachable. Moreover, now that I was smoking again, his suspicion would have deepened.“… Were you together?”Instead of turning around and asking directly, Jaeoh threw a direct question at me. The feeling of dryness in my mouth due to the tobacco smoke in my stuffy mouth was unpleasant.“… Yeah. But he said let’s meet a few more times.”I didn’t know how to say what I had talked about with Jung Yiyeon. Now that the situation had come up, I couldn’t avoid it. However, I just didn’t talk about the ten times of sex.…Honestly, I didn’t have the will or the energy to lie and hide the relationship.“… Is he crazy?”The hand holding the cigarette was trembling, although he was trying to lower his voice. Despite his efforts to speak quietly, Jaeoh was on the verge of shouting.“Why is that bastard bothering you now?!”In the end, Jaeoh exploded in a hometown accent, angrily pulling out a cigarette and putting it in his mouth. Watching him light it nervously, I remained silent, feeling a mix of emotions seeing him trembling with anger.Jaeoh likes me enough to get this angry. Honestly, that feeling was touching. Even without considering the emotion called love, the fact that he cared about me reached me even more.On this side, unable to even offer a modest consideration, I muttered as if excusing myself with a slight sense of guilt, “It’s nothing. Just… trying to neatly wrap things up. Don’t worry about it, okay?”“You said you already sorted things out. Why would you even want to be with that guy? What if he threatens you if you don’t meet him?”“…It’s not like that.”“Don’t meet him.”Interrupting my words, Jaeoh firmly stated, “Don’t meet him. Don’t do anything with that guy. Haven’t you suffered enough, barely gathering your courage? Don’t meet him.”“…I know what you’re saying. I know it’s ridiculous for me to say I’ll meet Jung Yiyeon a few more times just because he’s clinging. But I’ve already decided.”“For my sake, don’t do it!”As if unable to endure the frustration, Jaeoh stood up from the bench and shouted. It was in front of my apartment. I was worried that passersby or neighbors might see or hear us, so I was cautious.“Speak more quietly.”“Don’t meet him.”“…”It was only natural that he couldn’t understand. If I hadn’t been directly threatened by Jung Yiyeon, I would never have met him again. But even if that were the case, how could I tell Jaeoh that Jung Yiyeon had threatened me? Even if I did, what would it solve?“Then what is it? Do you still have feelings for him?”In the end, Jaeoh could only misunderstand. Considering my naturally melancholic personality that he knew so well, he must have known how much I struggled.“It’s not like that.”“Then?”“…I just decided to see him a few more times. And then it’s over completely. It’s not because I have lingering emotions or anything.”“I don’t understand.”“…”“I hate it. Ha, I should have stopped you when you said you were going to see Jung Yiyeon. Just… ha. Seriously, I hate it.”Jaeoh sat next to me again. Grabbing my arm, he clung to me. The look in his eyes as he stared at me was incredibly desperate. Perhaps it seemed more desperate than when he confessed his feelings to me.“Don’t think you’re doing this for me. If you have no feelings for Jung Yiyeon, you can do that much for me, right?”“…Jaeoh. Seo Jaeoh.”Looking at Jaeoh clinging to me, my head started to ache.I didn’t expect to become so emotional. How could I console Jaeoh?If I were in Jaeoh’s shoes, I would have hated it too. Even if I told Jaeoh about my situation and that I would meet Jung Yiyeon again, he would have probably cursed and scolded me.When I said I would go see Jung Yiyeon because of job issues, neither Jaeoh nor I expected this situation. Meeting Jung Yiyeon again was not even an option in our discussions.I thought I just had to say what I wanted with confidence and get what I desired when I decided on this. Who could have predicted that the outcome would be like this?“So you can’t do what I want, huh.”“…That’s right.”“Even though I’m saying this much…”“…”“I hate it. Well, even if you say you went to Jung Yiyeon, I should have stopped you. Just… ha. Han. I really hate it.”Jaeoh sat back down next to me. Holding my arm and clinging to me, he looked at me with an even more desperate gaze. How could I console Jaeoh, who became so emotionally involved?In fact, even I was confused. I could have sex with Jung Yiyeon, forgetting that he was my ex, while heavily intoxicated. But how could I do that nine more times in the future?Feeling occasional discomfort and awkward pain between my waist and thighs, I constantly questioned whether my only option was indeed the right one. Unfortunately, Jaeoh was not someone who influenced my decision.What mattered was myself. It had already been revealed that Jung Yiyeon could affect my job. I considered the possibility of avoiding his eyes by applying for lower positions or seeking work in a different field. However, even if I went to such lengths, the job I would obtain didn’t seem to align with my desires.And what about my brother?Jaeoh hadn’t seen the Jung Yiyeon from earlier, so he didn’t know. The Jung Yiyeon who threatened me was terrifyingly sincere. That’s why I ultimately had no choice but to accept his proposal.So, no matter how much Jaeoh disliked it, I couldn’t reverse my decision.“…I really don’t know. I…,” unable to explain my situation fully, I closed my mouth, and Jaeoh eventually crumbled in front of me.“I really… don’t understand you…”That was the last thing I heard from Jaeoh that night.Leaving those words behind, Jaeoh stood up from the bench and headed to his car. I tried to grab him from behind, but he shook me off. Seemingly not wanting to mix with me any longer, he didn’t even tell me not to follow him, just turned away and left in his car. And his car left the parking lot without any lingering regrets.In the dark night, under the orange glow of streetlights illuminating the apartment complex, I stood there watching the disappearing taillights in bewilderment.“Ha…”After standing by the roadside for a moment, watching where the car had disappeared, I tousled my hair and turned around. Today was too long. Despite pouring soju and struggling with Jung Yiyeon, my body wasn’t in a normal state, and the mental exhaustion was overwhelming.I was completely worn out. I couldn’t touch anything immediately. It was beyond my capacity.I didn’t want to hurt Jaeoh, who didn’t want to hurt me more than usual. Of course, Jung Yiyeon was a piece of crap.Jaeoh. Still, Seo Jaeoh would contact me again. He always reached out to me first, a guy who couldn’t let go of my hand. If he contacted me again, I resolved to console and persuade him again.But that night, Jaeoh’s call never came, even as the night turned into dawn. I sent a message asking if he was okay, but Jaeoh didn’t read it. The next day, and the day after. Jaeoh didn’t respond to any of my messages, and he didn’t come to see me anymore.***Originally, I was never the type to cling to someone who had left. The only person I had ever clung to in my life was Jung Yiyeon.So, I had never tried contacting someone I rejected. I tended to coldly turn away to avoid getting entangled in more complicated relationships. The only exception was Seo Jaeoh.Now, Jaeoh was ignoring me. Even after a long time had passed, there was no sign of him reading my messages on the messenger app. He didn’t answer calls or reply to texts.As I wasn’t the type to worry about someone else because of my personality, I didn’t lose sleep over it. However, Jaeoh was like a grateful and apologetic younger brother. I felt uneasy about his well-being, and I was genuinely sorry for the discomfort.Anyway, it was a few days without anything satisfactory. I was worried about Jaeoh, and the relationship with Jung Yiyeon was bothering me.Since then, there had been no contact from Jung Yiyeon either. Of course, unlike Jaeoh, I didn’t care whether he contacted me or not. If he did, I planned to pass it off with the mindset of having sex once and being done with it. But I couldn’t stop the sudden anger and discomfort that surged through me. I just wanted to cut ties as quickly as possible.And there was one more thing bothering me – my livelihood. Jung Yiyeon would probably resolve my job issue, but when he would do it was uncertain. Also, I didn’t want to rely only on Jung Yiyeon.I was in a state of low self-confidence due to the water I drank during the four interviews. Vague anxiety about re-employment tormented me.I regretted not clearly discussing my job with Jung Yiyeon, but I still didn’t want to be the first to contact him. Since he said to do it when I wanted to, I thought he would find a way and contact me.To be honest, I didn’t even wish for Jung Yiyeon’s contact, and I was eagerly waiting for Jaeoh to cool down and reach out.One day, after several days had passed, while watching TV and finishing the day with a can of beer at 9 PM, the doorbell suddenly rang. I thought it might be Jaeoh. If it were my brother, he would have opened the door and come in immediately. So, without second thoughts due to the lingering concern, I opened the door wide.“Jaeoh?”“….”Surely, my face must have twisted in disappointment the moment I saw the person in front of me. It wasn’t Jaeoh. Standing before me was Jung Yiyeon.“…What is it? Why did you come to my house?”“You changed your phone number and didn’t inform me. There should be a way to contact you.”Ah, right. I had the ability to easily find out my changed number, considering I could ruin someone like him. So, I didn’t expect him to come to my house like this.When I sighed unconsciously at the situation not going my way, he suddenly grabbed my waist, and Jung Yiyeon kissed me on the lips. My spine tingled for a moment. I wanted to express my dislike for kisses, but memories of him passionately kissing me during drunken sex flashed before my eyes.I tried to turn away from Jung Yiyeon, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he pressed me while holding my waist. Before I knew it, we had entered the entrance. The sound of the front door closing came from behind him.“Crazy…! Let go!”This guy must be really crazy. Overwhelmed by the eerie sensation coursing through my entire body, I instinctively pushed away his face and shoulders with explosive force. Despite being slightly bigger in stature, he was pushed back by the sudden burst of my strength, and Jung Yiyeon hit his back against the entrance door with a thud. His face showed intense emotions, resembling anger, jealousy, or perhaps hurt. If I had to name it, it was jealousy or maybe wounded pride.Of course, I couldn’t find any reason to appease those emotions.“Get out. I don’t want you in my house.”“Because of Seo Jaeoh? He seemed very enthusiastic. But Seo Jaeoh didn’t come. I checked with the company before coming.”At Jung Yiyeon’s shameless reply, I was left speechless. If I had checked by calling the company, I could have eased my worries about Jaeoh. I felt like a fool for worrying and making pointless phone calls, waiting all day for his contact that never came.“Did you guys fight, at least?”“That’s none of Mr. Jung Yiyeon’s business.”With my response, Jung Yiyeon fell silent. I glared at him, then turned and entered my house. Since I was in home wear, changing into jeans and a short-sleeved t-shirt, it felt awkward to leave just like that.“Let’s go out.”Since I didn’t invite him in, Jung Yiyeon stood at the entrance. When I suggested going out, he opened the door and went out. I followed him.We walked through the hallway and took the elevator. In the awkward silence, I stared into empty space. I had been eating only delivered meals and had no reason to meet people, so I had been staying at home all this time. Going outside was quite rare for me. I hadn’t expected that my long-awaited outing would turn out to be such an unpleasant one.Still, maybe because it was the first time since the incident, I didn’t feel nervous or fearful about the fact that I had to have sex with Jung Yiyeon again. It was just a bit tiresome and irritating. Overall, I felt indifferent.“…That hurt a bit, what you did earlier.”“What are you talking about?”I glanced at him at his unexpected words. Jung Yiyeon’s face, as he rubbed his face and did a dry wash, looked somewhat strange. I asked what hurt, but he didn’t answer. His face seemed quite tired, and there was a hint of tiredness under his eyes.Looking at that face, the face of Jaeoh, who was angry and exhausted, came to mind. His face, too, was filled with fatigue on that day. It was even on his way back after working overtime.“Don’t be too harsh on Jaeoh.”“….”“Anyway, the goal has been achieved, hasn’t it? With nine more to go, there’s no intention of avoiding, so don’t act childish.”After pondering my words for a moment, Jung Yiyeon asked in a low voice, “Is that something Lee Nan should be concerned about?”“Of course, it bothers me. If Jaeoh is so troubled, and the work becomes burdensome to the point of affecting his health, I won’t be able to handle it.”“…When you’re troubled, it’s better to be distracted by work rather than being at a loss.”Jung Yiyeon’s response sounded somewhat gloomy. It was the voice of someone who had worked hard during a time of trouble, expressing fatigue and difficulty.Of course, I couldn’t care less. The suffering was entirely Jung Yiyeon’s. I never forced him to suffer because of me.In the silence, the elevator reached the first floor, and I got into his car. Honestly, I didn’t feel good. Memories of having sex with him in the back seat came to mind, making my stomach turn.I had liked him that much. Even with such treatment, I had liked him enough to want to suck him off and had willingly pressed my face into his crotch inside the car. I had liked him enough to cling to him during painful sex and engage in passionate kissing.However, that didn’t mean I was oblivious to the misery.My mood sank into a melancholy state. Back then, Jung Yiyeon had left me with the wound of not loving me, and now he was obsessively threatening and interfering with my life. Blocking my job was beyond ridiculous.“I’m planning to send out my resume again soon. Can I assume the interference is over?”Jung Yiyeon nodded. Confirming his answer, I blankly stared out the window. His house wasn’t far from mine. Since it was night, there was no traffic, and the car smoothly glided over the road.Suddenly, my phone vibrated. It was a call from Taehoon.Even though Jung Yiyeon was next to me, I didn’t bother looking at him and answered the call. I didn’t have the will to care about someone like Jung Yiyeon anymore.“Yeah, what is it?”-What happened between you and Jaeoh?The direct question was, as expected, about something related to Jaeoh. I let out a short sigh.“What about Jaeoh?”-He says it’s because of work, but he’s in a really bad condition. He might collapse at any moment. He claims it’s not because of you, but am I a fool? It’s definitely because of you.“So what? Am I responsible?”-…Ha. Why does Seo Jaeoh like someone like you? Hey, let me ask you one thing.“…What?”-That day we all drank together. Did you do it with Heewon in the bathroom?“What nonsense.”I instinctively held my phone away. It seemed Taehoon misunderstood that Jaeoh was hurt because of me having sex with Park Heewon. While that was true, Jaeoh’s great distress wasn’t because of Park Heewon. The culprit was the guy sitting right next to me.“That’s not what happened. Anyway… take care of him a bit.”-Oh, damn it. What’s my fault in this? Jaeoh might be suffering, but at least he’s fortunate to have me by his side when things get tough.“Buy drinks next time.”-Not next time, but today. Jaeoh said he’s leaving work soon and asked you to come to Blue Hole. Siwoo is coming too. Come and talk to Jaeoh. He needs you.Considering that they were gathering for a drink on a weekday at this late hour, it seemed like Jaeoh was in a really bad condition.Thinking about Jaeoh made me feel uneasy again. It would be better to stay away. If Jaeoh had decided not to contact me to get his thoughts in order, it was right to keep a distance.So, should I be relieved that I couldn’t accept this invitation, brought to me by Jung Yiyeon who visited me today?