ALL NOVEL 009 First Time Hanging from a Tree
What the devil?
Senior brother Song Tianxing’s……legal wife???
No! Why would senior brother’s missus be looking for me! You must follow basic logic when catching homewrecking mistresses! I’m a man……wait.
Jiangming looked down at the prideful ‘assets’ on her chest, that half-hidden snow ditch between two mountains, and suddenly couldn’t engage in self-deception anymore.
Alright! Saying “I’m still a manly man today like always” right now was indeed a bit far-fetched, but regardless of whatever happens — I, Jiangming, cool as ice, pure as jade, noble and aloof, straight and upright, at least my heart will always remain manly!
After gathering her thoughts, Jiangming hurriedly bound her chest with a long strip of cloth. She took out the prepared rouge makeup powder from the cabinet and smeared it all over her face, hopefully covering her overly feminine features after her transformation.
She quickly glanced in the mirror afterwards and was only about seventy-five percent satisfied with the overall effect, but it was too late to do more.
Jiangming held onto the door latch for half a second longer, sighing softly, and pushed the door open with extreme reluctance.
— Just to meet the astonished eyes of Qin Wuyi.
“Um……Bro-Brother Jiang?” Qin Wuyi hesitantly probed.
To be honest, he almost didn’t dare call out, because although the ‘Brother Jiang’ in front of him was wearing the same clothes as back at the Drunken Immortal restaurant, and those big, mischievous and restless eyes did look ninety percent like before.
But……this……
How did he suddenly become so much thinner?
No, the proper word should be ‘smaller’, as delicate as a young lady.
That’s not right either……the glutes got thicker instead of thinner, the pecs became somewhat overly developed, but with a waistline that narrow, it’s giving off an inexplicably feminine impression……
The face was smeared with rouge and powder, as if getting ready for Chinese opera, difficult to see any differences there. Having said that, what’s with this clownish look……
“Brother Jiang.” The corner of Qin Wuyi’s mouth twitched slightly, “What were you doing?”
“Cough. The sect exam is coming soon, I’m afraid I won’t pass and would eventually become a junior sister. That’s why in advance, erm, ahem, I’m practicing being one.”
Jiangming’s face was almost cooked red with embarrassment, but she knew very well Qin Wuyi had an inquisitive personality and was not easy to fool, so she had no choice but to bite the bullet and pre-empt any questions.
“Practicing makeup?” Qin Wuyi fought harder against the urge to laugh, as he looked at that messily painted face.
“Ahem, yes, and padding my chest and butt, also practicing my falsetto voice.” Jiangming quietly added, lowering her head even further as she finished.
“……You’re pretty well prepared, harumph.” Qin Wuyi struggled to control the corners of his mouth from rising, at least not to rise too obviously.
Hearing this obviously mocking remark, Jiangming was too ashamed to stay any longer. “I-I’m heading out!” She pushed past Qin Wuyi, and that ‘burly and thick’ chest brushed past him as she left, hurrying off to find this so-called ‘eldest senior brother’s first wife’.
A sweet scent wafted across his face, which Qin Wuyi felt was a faint pleasant smell, like the combined fragrance of jasmine flowers and honey. The scent lingered in the mind, like a fluttering dreaming butterfly.
“Even applying perfume……?” Qin Wuyi fell in doubt.
He thought about it for a few seconds, but realised dwelling on this was pointless. He shrugged helplessly, softly sighing:
“Haah~”
After this, Qin Wuyi moved a small stool over, took out some black melon seeds, and leisurely observed the upcoming play with relish.
At the front gate outside the courtyard.
Jiangming anxiously searched for that ‘first wife’, but suddenly her vision went dark. When she came to, she found herself tied up and hanging upside-down from a tree.
In Jiangming’s upside-down field of vision, a puffed little face emerged, with darkened brows and pitch-black eyes, her gaze rippling like clear lake water in the autumn wind, and thin scarlet lips halfway between pursed and puckered, which made one want to sample a taste.
She was indeed beautiful, when even her furious expression was full of charm.
Jiangming stared at her with fluttering eyelashes, and she stared back at Jiangming in simmering fury. The two ‘exchanged gazes’ for dozens of seconds, before this aloof and pretty senior sister looked defeated, crying out in frustration: “Sure enough, a calamitous beauty.”
“Se-senior sister……” Jiangming felt like crying as she tried to swing herself closer, “Why are you doing this? There’s nothing we martial siblings can’t say to each other. Little brother here will surely listen to you, so can you……please put little brother down first?”
“No!” The woman lashed out, and angrily gave Jiangming’s buttocks a kick.
And then a certain Jiang fellow kept screaming “Aieeeee, aieeeee” as she spun rapidly under the tree. She lost consciousness after screaming for a while, her unfocused expression looking like an overused little meat toilet.
Qin Wuyi finally laughed out loud, in the distance.
“I’m going to geld you!!!” The unruly senior sister pulled out a dagger, gesturing at Jiangming’s crotch, her tone vicious and threatening.
Jiangming instantly awoke and was as frightened as seeing the dead clawing back out of hell. She struggled and twisted, frantically begging for mercy: “Don’t! I was wrong! Sister! I was so wrong! Please spare my……um……my……” She stumbled and thought, wait, I don’t have any right now?
Whew, that’s okay then~
“Then I’ll send you to Fengyue1Leisure Pavilion to be a public use human cauldron, serving hundreds of fat ugly bastards a day!” Seeing Jiangming regaining her composure, the senior sister added with a sneer.
“Waah——!!!!!” Jiangming completely panicked and begun struggling again, causing the rope to sway back and forth, like the pink chandelier flowers blowing in the new year wind.
The overclocked little brain rapidly spun into action……
“Wait!” Inspiration came to Jiangming in a flash and she yelled out loud, fearing senior sister would begin the ad-hoc operation before hearing her out: “Good senior sister, good sister! Don’t! We are buddies! We are fighting on the same side!”
“Ah?” The rowdy senior sister crossed her arms and glared coldly.
“Senior sister, please think about it. If you hurt me, you will make senior brother Song unhappy. Senior brother Song would also lose a potential new mistress, and I would be involved in all this for absolutely no reason. This would be a triple loss, the three of us all lose, right?” Jiangming smiled flatteringly, aiming to please.
“So?”
“But we actually have another way out! It would prevent that ungrateful scumbag from starting a harem! And it won’t affect senior sister or your relationship whatsoever, so you lovebirds can stay together forever! This is a double victory! The two of you win twice!”
The barbarian woman gave another kick, without any force in it this time, so Jiangming only spun twice. Once she finished spinning, Jiangming saw that the senior sister had softened slightly, and faintly muttered: “Insolence. No insulting my dear husband.”
“……” Jiangming wanted to spit on this love-deluded maniac.
“What’s your plan, let’s hear it.” The thuggish senior sister uncrossed her arms and changed to a more relaxed posture. She beckoned with her hand and leaned her ear closer.
Jiangming took a deep breath and advised with utmost seriousness: “Senior sister, please help me pass the sect exam. Once I passed the exam, I will remain a man. No matter how much of a pervert eldest senior brother is, he won’t lay a hand on another man. This……is good for both of us martial siblings, don’t you think so?”
The unruly senior sister paused momentarily in obvious surprise.
A sceptical look then appeared on her face: “You sure are ambitious.” She hesitated again before she spoke, “But I heard that you are so dreadfully untalented that you can be compared to an invalid……”
“Seven days! Give me seven days! I can cultivate to the first level in Qi Refinement! This humble one already has a cunning plan!” Jiangming quickly interrupted, like Zhuge Liang from Three Kingdoms giving out a military order.
Declared in such a confident tone, the rowdy senior sister was clearly put on the back foot, and she began to have thoughts.
Jiangming’s method was indeed better for all involved, but the possibility of success……
Seeing how the ‘talking therapy’ was mostly successful, Jiangming quickly added fuel to the fire. She ran her practiced circulating exercises, spiritual power flooded out from her body, and a bitingly cold wind blew around her.
“Already drawing qi into the body?” The wild senior sister gasped in shock, and her gaze towards Jiangming became a bit more unnerved and vigilant.
She tilted her head and thought some more. Suddenly she smiled, but her tone was cold beyond compare, “Good, I’ll give you seven days. If you can’t cultivate to the first level of Qi Refinement within seven days, I’ll cut off your tool and feed it to my little Blackie.”
“And also……if this is some sort of delaying tactic to trick me, and you don’t manage to pass the sect exam in the end……”
The barbarian woman glanced at Jiangming’s lower abdomen meaningfully, and said with a smile:
“I guarantee you’ll beg for death’s sweet release.”
“Senior sister, please be at ease. Even if it’s just for my lifelong happiness, I have to pass the sect exam.” Jiangming turned her head away as she spoke, hiding her extremely ugly expression.
“You really don’t have any feelings towards eldest senior brother?” The unruly senior sister suddenly asked abruptly.
Jiangming went quiet, then smiled bitterly, “Senior sister, I’m a man. How can a man have feelings for another man? If I do have feelings for anyone, it would be for……ahem.”
She wanted to say, “It would be for you.” but then she realised that senior sister must have also been a man once, so she quickly shut up and coughed to cover up her embarrassment.
“Huh……”
For some reason, the wild woman rolled her eyes with disdain at Jiangming’s words. Not bothering to explain, she threw down a token and flew away on her sword.
About half an incense stick later2half an hour, Brother Qin finally wandered out, and slowly helped Jiangming untie herself from the ropes.
“Brother Jiang, looks like you’re going to be in trouble.”
He laughed as he untied her.
